Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Kim ~
Thanks so much for the prayer. Such a perfect prayer to pray for my grandson.
Quite true, just spent 18 months going through court to get child maintenance ..after countless hearings the judgement has arrived, he owes £45k, we are going back to have a chat about my costs and the icing ..my son’s maintenance has been increased!! Now to get the cash …and I have educated myself in enforcement.
Normal SP behaviour, lying thieving, narcisstic, selfish beyond belief and quite stupid at times. He kept giving me the evidence to show he was lying, and when caught out SPs don’t like it.
Also I have learnt SPs hate surprises, so I first froze his bank account and then sent in the bailiffs to current wife’s house ..she off the internet friends reunited dot com!!. Current wife assaults bailiffs, police called by bailiffs and then 3 hours later they extract £5k from mother in law ..no sign of SP.
Now claims to being separated (couldn’t remember when in court) living in a tiny rented room ..my heart bleeds and before that his car. Before anyone feels sorry for this SP, he claims to have spent 60k on said wedding (lasted a year according to the SP) due to her family being dysfunctional they also demanded 22.5k at his wedding (victim) and to cheer himself up he spent £45k on a car and not a penny in child maintenance.
I was litigant in person and when cross examining him, the SP with the piggy eyes, yellow teeth, badly dyed hair treble chin and huffing and puffing his 52 in chest (he is of course an Adonis in his mind), I thought what did I ever see in you. Still being path liar it didn’t take long, and he is quite thick really but so ‘superior’ he actually thinks because he says something it is therefore true. Unfortunately for him, no one believed a word that came out of his twisted mouth, his mother is the same.
My children straight A* students one off to read physics at university the other hopes to read classics. I could literally see the jealousy poring out of its orifices. Best thing he ever did was stay away and marry some thing on the internet, she has been convicted of harassment, no sign of the SP on that day. She is clearly easily manipulated and worse in one of her many emails she described him as ‘the most honest, honorable (sic) and principled man she had ever met’, she needs to get out more!!! She went on to tell my children their father never wanted to see or hear from them again and good luck!!
He has managed to get her to remortgage a property, 3 months after the wedding ..perhaps she won’t feel the same about him in a few years time!! Caught her having my house valued ..he of course told her he owned it ..par for the course.
Still he owes the HMRC quite a bit as well judging my his fraudulent tax return, I’m sure they will be catching up with him very soon.
So I whole heartedly agree, SPs sometimes are just deluded and so full of their self importance they fail to read the neon signs saying ‘WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU’.
Justice can be served but it is draining time consuming and I consider myself a strong person ..this has however been one hell of a journey. He looked really miserable and so he should!!
One last thing ..sensing he had lost and always wanting the last word his closing statement …Judge, what is the appeal process?’. The Judge had not even given her judgement!!! So the Judge after pausing for a moment (in disbelief) told him and glared at him. He was the applicant as well. A waste of everyone’s time.
The judgement now reads ‘I have no hesitation whatsoever in dismissing his application to vary child maintenance’. Apart from being disrespectful (he told the Judge at one point she didn’t know what she was doing), he had even claimed a previous judge had lied and also stated that this particular Judge had no jurisdiction. He is all the other things, violent abusive , no empathy and blames everyone else, financially a mess …
My children know he is a SP, and have no respect for him, he is just a source of embarrassment to us all. Will he be back, who knows but he knows that I know is a SP and I don’t believe a word he says ..it makes dealing with him so easy!
moveingon,
Your posts are very uplifting!
It’s so nice to see that someone out there is believed about the spath. And you got more maintenance! EXCELLENT!
Now it’s time to collect.
Please, never let your guard down, they don’t like to lose and they don’t understand consequences so they will behave audaciously to avoid making payments FOR ANYTHING.
My exspath wanted a helicopter but he didn’t want to pay for it, so he convinced a guy to sign it over and agreed to make payments. Instead of payments, he arranged an accident for the poor man. Free helicopter for spath. Do not do anything that is not being documented so that he cannot try to fly under the radar.
God bless you.
moving on,
Absolutely one hundred percent AWESOME on your part!! I think EB would LOVE your story! You’re an inspiration for believing and embracing the absolute BS and acting on it!
GOOD for you! Sounds like your kids are going to be just fine too.
This is great stuff, Moving on!
LL
Milo,
I think I would send it to them…it is NOT unprofessional or unethical for YOU to talk to her therapist…he just can’t talk to YOU. You can also write him a letter, enclose any court documents etc that you’d like to. He will, of course, tell her that YOU sent them if he knows it was you (or suspects, or she can figure out) so that is stirring the hornet’s nest if you do..but you could send the book and a copy of the DV report…then deny, deny, deny! BTW, I don’t think dis-information to a psychopath is counted as a “lie” –it is SELF DEFENSE! LOL (((hugs))))
skylar and lessons learned many thanks
This is my first time on here just wish I had found this site sooner. I know he has no intention of paying and uses the court system and abuses the children to ”win’; this time it has backfired on him. He now knows that for £50 I can send the bailiffs in, and they add £000’s in collection fees. Of the £5k taken from mother in law I got £2.6k. So cost him even more money …idiot.
We are back to court on the 30th March and the judgement says that he has to have a reasonable offer of payments. Well we all know SPs are not ‘reasonable’; so he will waddle in with some ridiculous story and then the Judge will make the order.
Once he has left court he will rewrite the ending and pretend it is all going away ..which it isn’t. He rang the bailiffs many times abusing them calling them fraudsters, they just laughed at him ..as most people do now. I would love to send the bailiffs in again ..I have frozen £5,816 in his bank account which I have asked to be handed over to me.
Also unfortunately for the SP the judge has documented all his lies, separated living in his tiny room, his ridiculous spending or as she puts it ‘totally unjustifiable expense’. Being a SP current wife hasn’t got a clue …and he channels all his mail through mail boxes or post office boxes as in the UK so she doesn’t get to see the mail. I circumvent these by simply not putting his name on the envelope ..it drives him nuts and he keeps telling me at every hearing it is annoying him ..so I think to myself well done ..and its upsetting current wife ..tick in box again ..
He has done some truly awful things especially to my son ..now I have him taped its not him pulling my strings anymore; I’m doing the string pulling and exposing his lies.
I am 3 years divorced separated 5 married 13 and everything he has ever told me I now realise was a lie. Now I use his lies back at him, so a copy of the judgement will find its way to the current wife and she can have a read all about her ‘separation’ which of course is rubbish and all the rest of his drivel.
I was not the applicant he was so taking me to court so he was rather stupid as he will now pay my costs as well …and the Judge also documented:
‘He said the children are not a priority! They are nevertheless the court’s priority’. Sat there and said he couldn’t careless about them …that really got the Judge on his side ..not ..
During the hearings and trial he kept trying to tell me about his wonderful life ..I got fed up of hearing me say ‘I am not interested, I am only interested in the money’. When do SPs stop thinking they are the centre of the universe???
This may make you smile, claims to Judge knows nothing about current wife’s income, next breath that is what she lives on, Judge back at him but you just stated you know nothing about her income ..dohh!. He has so many different addresses the judge told him to sit down and document where he has been living with dates ..5 minutes pass ..’he can’t remember’, can’t remember when he separated. The sheer scale of lying and ability to sit there without looking even vaguely embarrassed is breath taking.
The Judge is going to consider a stay of execution, so if as predicted he turns up with a silly offer re: the arrears, (fingers crossed) she’ll go for his jugular!
movingon.
I think you sound GREAT! Really strong! I think you’re really REALLY fortunate to have a judge who BELIEVES you…as well as all of those around you who are supporting all of this and KNOW who he is. The guy sounds like a complete IDIOT and more of a Charlie Sheen type, he doesn’t HIDE that he’s an idiot, even if he believes he’s special.
Easy spath to back spath. NICE!
Good for you, Movingon! It’s nice to hear that someone here actually gets the opportunity to backspath A SPATH!!
LL
hi skylar
Forgot to say, thanks for the warning he knows that if he so much as contacts me or comes near me or my children I will call the police. I have security cameras etc ..I live away from him ..but I don’t underestimate him at all ..I just now understand better how his twisted mind operates. Accident ..sounds like murder ..poor man and his family.
My defences are all in place, he will never abuse my children or me again.
Moveingon ~
Good for you girl. Please send some of your local judges this way, sounds like you had one who “got it”. In our court, the judge would have stepped down from the bench, given the S/P a tissue and a hug !!!!! In the end, you would owe HIM money.
Stay safe and watch your back.