Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
zim…finally a possitive message 🙂
And the idea is not so crazy, maybe one day Donna will organize some LF meeting.
(((((((((((((( Ox )))))))))))))))))))))
Aaaawwww…………….my heart is with you today! I understand what you’re talkin about!
I realize our situations are different with regards to criminality and incarcerated children, but I feel your pain. The birthdays, holidays were very very difficult and painful. Here’s an extra blessing for you that the rest of your day is filled with the spirit of the Lord and that He holds you tight and close, that His light shines extra bright for you today, that HIS grace is abundant, always.
Love, LL
Dear LL,
Thank you for the hug and the blessing. I let myself feel sad for a llittle while then got my arse up and went for a walk outside on a beautiful day! Son D called me at lunch time to check on me and He’ll be home tomorrow and be ASTOUNDED at how clean the house is and all I’ve accomplished. I’ve still got a lot to do but am making great progress. All our talk about “being prepared” made me go out and check up on the RV and see what needed doing out there if anything and bringing in a few of the food staples there that need “rotating” out—Since I used the RV for a “guest room” too, I found that my last guest out there had left it a mess when they slept there—naughty, naughty….no more invites for you! And they’ll wonder why they don’t get invited back…..uhhhhhhh tooooo bad. I just don’t like people with pith pore manners. Either them’s mothers didn’t teach them very well or they didn’t learn very well, or they just don’t give a rip, but there’s consequences in this world….and no more invites to my house is their consequence.
Zimzoomit, I read your post about Andre Previn. I didn’t know he was a narcissist, though I don’t know much about him at all. I worked with his daughter in Boulder many years ago at an office. She was a totally hilarious person and very well liked in the office. (I think her name was Claudia but I don’t really remember.) I remember once she came in (we had all women working that day) in a bad mood. Someone asked her why she was in a bad mood. She said, “Do you wanna know why women come into work in a bad mood? It’s because their boyfriends are lousy in bed!” I just about keeled over laughing. She was funny like that!
So Claudia, you mistook hens for a sociopath? ha ha ha ha that just cracks me up. If hens is a sociopath, I’ll eat my snakes for dinner. (They’re rather large, so it might take a few dinners :)).
Oxy, in retrospect, were there any signs, perhaps in that woman’s writing, that she was not a good person? (The one you took in). I can certainly understand why people would be cautious about online friends. I met my spath on the reptile site as a friend. In spite of that really REALLY bad stroke of luck, I continue to be trusting of my online friends. Even after my huge mistake, I once again trust my own judgment. I don’t see any frequent posters here who appear to be spathological. (Like the word I just made up?)
I appreciate whoever pointed to the source, “The Psychopath”s Relationship Cycle: Idealize, Devalue and Discard” .. I can really identify with it, especially the part
“If you are artistic and cultured, he undermines your merit. He makes you feel like everything you create is worthless and cannot possibly interest others” .. I’m still trying to gain back the full musical confidence levels I had before living with my ex. I succeeded, somewhat, after he left, I found FOUR other great guitarists who have performed with me in small parks, clubs, concerts & other venues, but was set back in trying to book gigs when my father died. My father was the ROCK in my life. I used to do some in-home concerts with my ex & my trio, too. Those were fun/rewarding. I’d be happy, at this point, to just be able to book a few vineyard gigs in my state (I did one a year ago. It boosted me out of my depression. Then my father died. And no, I don’t want to play anything huge, like the Lilith Festival (still a little shy of very large audiences, though I have performed for a few park concerts.) Oh, and since Claudia was brave enough to let others up here know about her book, The Seducer. I thought I would post the link to my EPK. No one (NEITHER CAN MY EX!) contact me or harass me by e-mail on that site, but I can let others know what I do, at least. I have a CD I released in 2008, HELD IN TIME, a compilation of 19 songs, the first 15 being jazz standards that I interpreted, the bottom four recorded earlier, when I was a solo artist. It can’t be bought in regular music/book stores, and my S.O. helped me produce it. On those jazz standards, my ex was either on bass or guitar, on most of the songs, but I DID NOT GIVE HIM CREDIT as far as mentioning his full name on my CD. I just mentioned his first initial, plus his last name is as common as “Smith” (no, it’s not “Smith”) If you listen to the audio samples on my EPK, though, & select the Michael Franks tune, “When I Give My Love To You,” you can hear him on a call-response duo with me, & you can almost hear him sucking the soul out of me. How creepy now, when I look back on it all, how at one time I thought our voices blended like Ian & Sylvia. It was important for me to capture those tracks for a CD, though, just to prove that I accomplished something that he left, IMOP, half-finished/undone (he more or less referred to that work as “our album” .. good thing I got ALL the masters, so he couldn’t keep THAT part of my soul! Ha ha) Anyway, here is my EPK link: http://www.sonicbids.com/epk/epk.aspx?epk_id=203775
(((Oxy))) I just read it was your P son’s birthday. I’m sorry you are sad. I hope you can use this day instead to celebrate all the people you have truly helped here and who care about you!
If I ever had the chance to visit you on your farm, I would consider it a privilege to wash dishes, clean bathrooms, or do whatever work needed to be done. Stupid lazy sociopaths!
Ox,
i send you a hug too. And my cat, too. She’s predator but less harmful than a psychopath. 🙂
If this site doesn’t list the full link, here it is in phoenetics:
www dot sonicbids dot com forward slash epk forward slash epk dot aspx questionmark epk underscore id=203775
Ox,
LOL! Glad you checked on your supplies! lol! While cleaning out my kitchen, I’ll be doing the same!
BTW, the landslide that is the biggest threat right now, sits out in the parking lot where my car sits at the moment. If the landslide happens, my car WON”T be going anywhere and it WILL cover the road. We sit in a canyon, between a complex above us (where the greatest threat is right now) and one below us, that is also a threat but not an immediate one. I don’t have stuff in my car,for that very reason lol! I wouldn’t be able to get it OUT.
We will be WALKING out of here. The barriers won’t do shiat if the upper complex comes down with the slide. Looking up at it is rather daunting for sure.
So glad you were able to get your house done and feel so accomplished. I always feel better when my house is clean and the chores are done, but a thorough spring cleaning does WONDERS for the soul.
Right now, I’m wasting time, having a hard time gettin my ass in gear.
Just wanted to comment on something else. I don’t get the no manners thing. I just don’t get it. My parents have a fifth wheel trailer and all of us kids have slept out there while spending weekends, etc down there. We ALWAYS clean it up when we’re done. If I stay inside the house, I ALWAYS make the bed, pick up my clothes, put them in a drawer, etc, and I NEVER leave my teeth in the bathroom while soaking lol! YUCK, who wants to see THAT!
I Hope the rest of the day brings you peace.
LL
Oxy,
I read that you had a hard time today and that it is your sons 40th birthday.
Sometimes shedding a few tears is just what we need to relase that emotion. I am sorry that today is a difficult day for you but I can certainly relate.
It wasn’t that long ago for me that everyday was one of “those” day. I shed more tears than I thought a person was capable.
It is good that you were able to enjoy the sunshine and walk the farm. A good walk is worth so much more than just the exercise. It can lift the spirit.
I find it amazing how the human spirit can endure so much. And heal. And out of nowhere feel that intense pain all over again.
Sometimes I wished that I had journaled those teenage years and everything that was going on.
Skylar mentioned something in a post above that took me back to a day that I was able to get into my sons “head” a bit. I was always trying to understand his perspective.
And then there was the day he told me about “ordinary” boaring people. And the shocking thing to me was that he wasn’t refering to his teachers, or parents or adults, but his PEERS.
Two of whom I thought he might have looked up to, or had some respect for as they were older than he was and had accomplished things that I thought at his age he might have aspired to be in “their” shoes. They were both past the age of 18, had a car, had that “freedom” from their parents, had all of those things that most 16 year old boys would look up to.
His perspective that day of how he was surrounded by those that were “ordinary” and would go on to lead ordinary and boaring lives was rather chilling. Especially since he described ordinary lives to mean what many of us would use to define the American dream.