Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Ana
Oxy,
Sorry to hear you felt sad today. I understand why. But you were able to pull yourself up and out…your an emotionally strong woman. I look forward to your post’s because they are so helpful and funny!
Today is that “friend” of mines bday as well. BUT, it’s also my younger sister’s birthday and I choose to focus on that one!
Take care
Ox Drover
Thanks Ana, no matter how “strong” we are we are still human, and sometimes things hit us out of the blue, or trigger us and we just have to take control of the situation and take back our control over ourselves and our own feelings and lives.
My stress events or sad emotions, mad emotions,, whatever they are don’t last nearly as long or go as deep or hot as they used to do. I’m not hyper vigilant any more, I’m not as “jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs” as Burl Ives the singer used to say….he was funny! I think the longer we live in peace the better we are able to cope.
hens
Ox You are only a human with compassion and a real heart. If you didnt feel some grief or sorrow occasionally you would be just another bitter, jaded person. Sorry your down = so count to 10 and SMILE fer me…hugz.
Hugz to Ana for making it through a ruff day….
Ox Drover
Thanks Hens, nah, I’m doing my best to NOT be a bitter old biddy! And believe me, sometimes that’s hard row to hoe. I try to count my blessings—and I’ve got plenty to count, you and I both have our little piece of heaven in the country where lots of folks would give a leg and an arm to have, and I know that. No matter how hard we worked to get where we are, there are plenty of people who have worked just as hard and have less. I got to reading on CNN the other day about there being 30 million SLAVES still in the world, and some of them are here in the US believe it or not, not just kids ripped off for sex slaves but economic slaves (mostly illegal aliens but slaves none the less) so yea, we are FORTUNATE and blessed. (((hugsz back)))))
Ana
Oxy & Hens,
Thanks for your replies. I receive so much useful information here at LF. I’m still learning and reading every day. Oh, Oxy I told my husband what you said about CPR doing no good for people of 65. I asked him what do I do if that happens to you and you come out of it not knowing who/where you are etc. His reply: re-teach me how to say “OM” and push me off a cliff!
Hens, thanks for the hugz and one back attcha.
Ox Drover
Dear Ana,
I laughed at what your husband said! That’s why I’m getting the tattoo this year. If you are choking and that is it, and it hasn’t gone on too long they might be able to save you, but in a heart attack or stroke etc. it isn’t going to do anything good for you, like a USEFUL LIFE return! and I’m like you husband I don’t want to be a vegetable. So, I’ll just let the good Lord decide when my time is come.
Well, it is time to go read a while before I go to sleep! Nite you guys! (((hugs))
lesson learned
Winter,
I really like your idea. I think I’ve already posted about this topic, but I think Ox is right and I can’t underscore that enough having been apart of a site that was FILLED with flamers and the moderators were apart of all the drama..I …
I think…….and this is JUST my opinion and nothing more…that moderation by someone who can SPOT spaths, flamers, sales, etc, and who has been doing this awhile, is a REEEEEEEEEEALLY good idea.
I did some moderating on a yahoo Narc site. WHAT A NIGHTMARE that was!! Good site, but the moderator of the site was flat tired of running it but saw the importance of keeping it going. I didn’t last but two months and i WAS DONE! IT IS a lot of work!!!! Truthfully, I had no business moderating ANYTHING at that time, and there was TONS of drama via the posters, but I can tell you that it was WORK WORK WORK!!!!
So in this way, I can appreciate what Donna does. I don’t know if she runs the site by herself, but even with more than one running it, it’s STILL very hard work and it CAN be triggering and emotionally draining unless you are strong enough to endure it. It took all I had at times NOT to speak my peace with some flamers that decided to rip the place a new asshole, believe me!
I don’t know that the healing process is ever “complete” per se, but it can be too soon.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well with it.
LL
jeannie812
Wow! to the author!
I always thought the users/abusers to be smart and no they are not, it is because they put all their time and energy into the fraud.
Anyone can get good at something if they practice at it.
I sold a painting on ebay once. I painted it. The painting actually looked ok. I put it on ebay for $4.99 and it SOLD! I felt like such a fraud cause I can’t even draw stick people.
I gotta wonder if this is how sociopaths operate. I am not a artist yet spending all my energy and time was enough to bluff a painting. I was happy with the small gain, even though it added up to less than 25 cents per hour! I was mostly gloating that I could sell something that I don’t have — artistic talent.
I think this story gets funnier. The winning bidder emailed stated she needed painting shipped ASAP. She was flying to a art gallery in New York, and then off to France for another art exhibit. I laughed so hard I about spilled a gut.
new winter
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new winter
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