Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Constantine,
Also, thanks to Donna, I found the link to books written by Diana Russell, & found these words on one link:
“ 1993 [ ] Initiated an organization called Women United Against Incest support incest survivors who decided to participate in legal proceedings against their perpetrators. [ ] A Supreme Court case involving Jenni Cory, 22, a deaf incest victim, whose attorney charged her older step-brother, Dr. Dieter Schmidt, 27, for having sexually abused her multiple times when she was 11 years old was the impetus for starting Women United Against Incest”
..I think, after reading this, gee, if Schmidt was charged with sexually abusing HIS relative, why wasn’t the gay male cousin of my ex charged similarly? Possibly because it was all “hush-hushed” among family members .. an incident those family members seemingly wanted to “keep under wraps” what occurred . Very possibly, his two older sisters knew what happened. Also very possibly that is why they seemed to “glad-hand” him, in his adult life (one, the oldest of his five sisters, he said gave him hundreds of dollars to pay off the lawyer, toward divorcing his SECOND wife; another, the sister just under, in age, to the other one, had him sign a contract, which I SAW WITH MY OWN EYES, that stated if he went bankrupt on a 17K loan from her, he would still owe her the $, that he would not be able to write her off from his debt to her. He did go bankrupt, while living with me.) Seemed to me that family was RIFE with enablers. Oh, but of course, the gay cousin was “only” age 15, when this supposedly occurred. Yet, we also know that minors can be charged with ADULT CRIMES!
~ Zim
Star, thank you for all of the kind words, you are so sweet!
Ox & Claudia, I definitely agree with this. I added some specific mods so that 1) Users can mutually ban someone 2) Moderators can instantly ban someone and 3) You have the option to make a “foes” list! Here, you can add any user to it, and they will be ignored on the entire site 🙂 If it does grow bigger, I will be sure to find even more security measures.
Claudia,
Thanks for posting those great articles, you’re quite an expert in the field and we’re really lucky to have someone like you posting!
Also, just wanted to let you all know, I got a new job & full scholarship! This is a really happy Sunday, especially after a successful kick-off for the new website 🙂 Sort of like the ultimate revenge for that pscyho. He thought he tore me down to complete nothingness, and now look at me. Back, and stronger than ever! I can’t thank LF enough for building me back up and making me realize what an awful human being I was dealing with.
Stargazer, I believe LL when she said, after looking at your picture, that you’re gorgeous! I don’t have experience with going out dancing at clubs, but I watch Jersey Shore (maybe I deserve a skillet on the head just for that:). On this show I noticed that the “players” don’t go for women because they’re beautiful but because they seem to be DTF (down to f”). That’s what men interested in picking up women at clubs and bars seem to care about. So maybe you didn’t send the signals that you were interested in that, which is a compliment to you! I really don’t think it has anything to do with your beauty, be it internal or external. (((((Hugs))))
Thanks Hens and Claudia for your responses.
I’m really not putting out any different vibe than what I put out in Costa Rica. But the response is totally different. Amazing. Anyway, I won’t go back to that bar, at least until I’m feeling better. And then maybe I will go on a weeknight to see if it’s any different. And I will go by myself or with people who are my age. The reason I like that place is that they have live bands and dancing. I love to dance. And it’s such good exercise. At least that part was fun last night. Not that I just want to pick up some dude in a bar, but I certainly wouldn’t mind a LITTLE attention. When I was younger, I could wear all these sexy clothes and I always felt very sexy. I can’t dress like that any more, so it’s all about the visual I guess. Men are very visual, and if I can’t stimulate them on that level, there’s not chance of having anything deeper.
When I was in massage school at 38, I used to take my anatomy books to loud, noisy bars and just sit and study. Guys would come up and ask me to dance. I’d go dance and then come back and study. The noise of the bar was good background noise to keep me from falling asleep (have you ever read an anatomy book? BORING!) So maybe I’ll go and sit with a book and read. That way if I get no attention whatsoever and meet no one, at least I will get something done. I have a few books to read and I always have homework for my Spanish class. These seems like a better way to do it. I know if I sit at home night after night, I will never meet anyone.
New Winter, I’m so happy for you! You are so talented and have so much potential. I predict you will continue to flourish, in everything you do, in school, work and personal relationships. I’m not glad that you got burned by a psychopath like the rest of us, but I’m thrilled that you joined us in this quest to spread information about psychopathy to the general public. It’s great to have someone like you on our side:)
By the way, you can add me as a “Moderator” too on your new psychopathy website, if you wish. I want to do what I can to help you launch it successfully.
I am just so RELIEVED never to have married him, as now, it all seems like that family situ was much like the movie, “Children of The Corn”.., and it seemed like his mother (who, BTW, had the same first name as me, those we spelled our names differently, ..hmmm..maybe he was TRANSFERRING his aggression toward his own mother, onto me??), who seemed like a mother to me, for years..sort of like Aunt Bea from the Andy Griffith show.., suddenly turned into more like the mama in “The Manchurian Candidate” ..
Awesome, thanks Claudia! Made the change, so now you have full access to edit/delete posts, and also add to the “Announcements” section. Plus your name is in pretty green letters now 😛 I really appreciate all of your help getting this going!
Star – i can relate
Stargazer, I just read your post above too, please don’t think like that! Your age has nothing to do with your ability to have fun and meet guys. You’re clearly so young at heart, and that’s all that matters 🙂 You’ve got a lot of energy, and you went out with your friends for a fun night out. Don’t fault yourself for that!
Plus, you mentioned that the type of guys you’d meet at a bar or club probably aren’t the type you want in the long run. So don’t worry about it, because you’ll find a guy who’s responsible and smart elsewhere. I know what you mean though, sometimes it just feels nice to go out and get a few looks or something!
New Winter, you’re so welcome! I’m glad to be aboard your new website. I admire your drive, enthusiasm, good heart and… computer skills. I have the first three, but I was sorely missing the computer skills. They’re becoming necessary in this day and age. So, hopefully, we’ll accomplish a lot more by joining forces in the fight against psychopathy than we would separately:).