Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Star,
you don’t LOOK fifty (whatever the hell that’s suppose to look like), I would have FOR SURE guessed you to be in your early forties.
I WISH you had a different perception of how you look. I wonder if this might be a bit deeper for you? Because you already have the outside and you definitely have the INSIDE. Looks are superficial star, it’s what’s inside that really matters. Spaths can be great looking, but once you get to know them, how “Great” looking are they really? But WE are more because we have both, you see?
Please don’t give up on yourself. Or how you look. You really are very pretty. I could say that to you a million times, but unless you really believe it, it doesn’t matter what I say…
LL
I watched the film, “Shutter Island” last night. Wow. Another film that seems to be about Dissociative Identity Disorder..how someone can establish a WHOLE OTHER IDENTITY to avoid his own guilt over killing someone (spiritually or actually) The ending had a real twist to it, because you think the guy enters the mental institution as an FBI officer, to “get answers” about a supposed killer that killed his wife, when it was actually HIM. You got the idea how he PROJECTED identities on those around him, .. projected aspects of HIMSELF or OTHERS, onto others, including his therapist (who at first, you think is his FBI partner) .. and one comes away, after seeing that film, with how BELIEVABLE they are, at first thinking he’s really a HEALTHY guy with much going for himself that no one would suspect has serious mental problems (what SPATHS all want us to think.) He even PROJECTS facets of HIS OWN SICK personality onto the (fictitious) female mental patient, who he & his (fictitious) FBI partner were supposedly called on to investigate, because she supposedly “went missing” from the institution, but what he really did was PROJECT his wife’s personality (she killed his three children) onto this fictitious/other female mental patient (who never existed.)
Claudia, I sent an email to you with a proper introduction. 🙂
Winter, I hope this site goes well for you, but I think it’s so critical, that while you’re enthusiastic (that’s great!) particularly since it’s a new site, EXPECT that you will have massive amounts of flamers and trolls. I registered to your site, but I think I’ll wait and see how things pan out for you first before I would post anything. I feel relatively safe here, but I know the freer the forum, the potential for it being risky is incredibly high. COMPETENT and INTELLIGENT moderation, those who are HEALTHY is really going to be your best bet. It is a VERY exhausting job (the way you have it set up) and keeping others safe is going to be a FULL TIME job! TRUST ME on that one! Balance is so important. While I love your enthusiasm and your overall cheerfulness, I keep in mind that you’ve not been out of your relationshit for too long, so it’s very easy to believe that you’re over it and can handle such a forum without being triggered or eliciting a lot of drama. I don’t say this because I want to discourage you, but because I care and have done it before. If you do it before you’re really healed, it can be detrimental to you. I, however, am NOT you and for your future well being and those of others who come to your site, I hope you are well prepared to deal with the drama that is inevitable.
Having said that, I think reaching more on the internet is a GREAT idea. But I’m also mindful that addressing this issue in our own communities and in our own backyards in the way of a support group set up situation, would also be beneficial. That could be built on Donna’s Ten Signs You’re Dating a Sociopath. There are people in our communities who don’t have a clue about this. Many abused women who are still suffering. This is my goal and my dream for the future. While this site has literally been a God send, I see the need for it in my own community as well, face to face support. There just aren’t enough therapists, support groups or anything else in dealing with a P/S/N. The more the merrier.
I hope this works for you, Winter. But keep those things in mind.
I also tend to agree with Claudia’s suggestion that no picture at all might be a bit much until you can get your site rockin and rollin. Or perhaps just exchanging photos as we do here or perhaps a favorite illustration that you like that is not a picture of you.
Blessings!
Question here ~ how much is a ticket to Costa Rica? I need to go there NOW!!!
Hello New Winter,
I wanted to comment on your post, dated: Saturday, March 12th @....... 11:00 AM…
I don’t know your entire story as of yet, so I do not know how long you have been out of the relationship with the Psychopath. I was in my relaltionship for 9.5 months. I have been out for five months, and I have been completely “No Contact” (except for two occassions where I randomly ran into him) for 4 months. I started to have days such as the one you have described, above (March 12th), approximately two and a half months into my recovery. They were the first indication that I had been making progress and days such as these brought much relief with them, allowing me to believe that I had been nearing the “light” at the end of an extremely dark tunnel. I am so happy for you. Days such as these will come more and more frequently with time. You shall see.
Peace and Love to you,
Eden
Hello MILo,
I am sure Stargazer will have an answer for you. I believe she has been to Costa Rica at least once, and if I remember correctly, she plans to go again, very soon.
Peace,
Eden
Eden!!
Good to see you! I hope you’re doing well!!
Hi Eden – I just saw Stargazer’s post on here (up a few) this morning and decided Costa Rica was definitely the right place for an “over the hill” gal like myself. lol
Thanks
PS ` I’m thinking of forming a “tour group” if anyone else is interested.
Here is my question, and the reason for logging on, presently…I am wondering if anyone here has seen the movie, “An Education”. I would also like to know if you would share your thoughts/perceptions of the film. I saw it last night, as I had not had a chance to see it when it had come out, originally. I was not aware of the story line, before hand. It had a profound impact on me, and I am curious as to the impact/effect it had on others here, on LF.
Many thanks!
Eden
Eden,
I’ve not seen the movie. Are you okay?
LL