Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
LL, I read your email and looked at the pictures of you and your family! You look so pretty and youthful, your family looks lovely and I fell in love with the cute little wiener:). No wonder you rave so much about him:) I also replied to you by email.
Claudia,
Thank you very much! I’m proud of my family and my wiener! He’s pretty special to us. 🙂
I read your profile and it’s so interesting. I’d like to read more about your experiences. You’re also very youthful and very pretty, and you have a kind face!
LL
LL, Thank you so much. You seem very kind too. I’m so glad we met here:).
New Winter, I tried to post a new article on the psychopathy website and got an ERROR sign:( One of the first glitches I guess… Hope you can fix it!
I wouldn’t mind getting some feedback on the last few threads I posted..like did anyone else see “Shutter Island” (film) last night, & if so, what were their thoughts about it?
Also would like to get feedback from Constantine, on what I divulged above, re if/when the SPATH has or hasn’t had “something wrong” in his childhood past..
Seems like the same people (with few exceptions) post up here. Hope LF doesn’t become a “clique” ..with only those in a small group getting feedback to each other’s Q’s & A’s .. we ALL need confirmation/validation, after what we’ve ALL been through.
LL, you are so sweet! Yes, I am fine! Thank you so much for asking. You have a very caring heart! I don’t know if I would say that you (in particular) should see this film, as of yet. I think that you are aware of the strides I have made in my recovery, LL. You and I had almost identical details, even the intricate ones, within our stories, especially the ways in which we were mind F’d by the the P’s. I would strongly suggest, as your good friend, that you wait to view this move. I care about you very much, and I wish for you to continue on your path to recovery. You have changed so much, from the time you (we) began to heal, and share here on LF.
I do not regret seeing the film. It was incredibly validating and insightful, looking from the outside, in, at the dynamics between Predator and victim, and especially the dialogue of the P. However, I did have an emotional up-heaval. The awareness I had of all of the underlying details, the way in which the P in the film had been manipulating, and I swear LL, almost every word, expression on his face and his body movements were identical to my P. One of the things that I was surprised about after viewing the film, is the fact that as bad as the P in the film was, my P had been much worse in terms of the duping, trickery, pathological lying and twisting of mind. My P put much more into these aspects.
Once you have gotten to a place where you feel much strength and little vulnerability, I would reccommend that you see it, especially for the retrospection and validation aspects, if nothing else. It did show me that although I have come so far in my recovery, the issue still lumes and lies deep within my core. The inital realization she had of his bad behavior, and the way in which he talked (manipulated) her into accepting it, caused such an incredible surge of emotions for me that I wept intensly for several minutes. I questioned whether or not I should turn it off, but quickly realized that the feelings I was experiencing were profoundly different than the ones that had taken control of me, previously and had been destroying me for a time. I am glad that I continued, however, a month ago, I am certaian that I would have had a set back in terms of my own pain and anger that I had been intrenched, in.
Love you much,
E
If anyone up here is like me, I have also met SPATHS in the workforce. Their typical spathing is enacted with GROUP THINK (like arriving at a concensus of opinion before all have contributed, without letting others air what each has experienced) and the DELPHI Technique. Group Think is something I hope to avoid in my future/true friendship circles. I sense that many of you feel likewise.
(((( Eden ))))) love you too.
I’m glad you’re progressing on your healing journey and that you could watch the movie. I’m going to heed your words of caution too, as I know I’m still feeling fragile.
I just got the wind kicked out of me. A “friend” of mine told me today that my spath has not been on his dating site in weeks. That he might be faithful to his new gf. I kindly let her know that I didn’t wish to hear anymore about my spath AGAIN and that I needed to terminate the conversation. This person is no “Friend” to me.
This is devastating, it feels to me. So I’m going to go do some homework I need to finish before the term is over in a few days and work on my appeal letter. This really hurt me.
I didn’t want/need to hear that.
LL
I have not seen the movie, “An Education” yet. I’ll have to check it out. For those of you who don’t know what Group Think or the Delphi Technique is, I’m not sure what book to recommend, & I have not read Snakes In Suits, yet, but possibly the author of same touches on those topics. It’s all part of the “SPATH” philosophy & not letting people who’ve been offended, at work, have their say. I guess that is why I’m happy to be in the professional artistic world now, where it seems less Group Think prevails, where it is rampant in the corrupt corporations.
LL, BE PATIENT !!!!! I GAURANTEE YOU, THAT YOUR SPATH IS GOING TO BE UNFAITHFUL TO HER !!!!!! MINE IS NOW BEING UNFAITHFUL (AMONGST OTHER THINGS TO HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND). WITH THE P/S/N’s, THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS WE DO NOT HAVE TO DOUBT !!! THEY DO NOT CHANGE !!!!!!! I REPEAT….. THEY DO NOT CHANGE !!! EVER !!!
You can bank on this, LL! Continue to focus on yourself as you have been so diligent about!!! Keep that FOCUS on YOURSELF. You will eventually no longer care whether the P is being faithful to her or not, and no matter what, he will screw her over just as he did to you! I do NOT by any means wish this on her! I just know that this is a garaunteed part of their package, LL !!!!!!!! 100 % GARAUNTEED!!!!!
E
Zim, I saw shutter island a while ago. It was very well done and a fascinating psychological study. They left just enough of a question in your mind at the end that you don’t really know what the truth was. FYI, I have read many of your posts and if I don’t comment, it’s because I don’t feel like I can add much to what has been said. Also, I get overloaded when I try to “get to know” too many people at once on here. I hope you don’t think I’m being cliquish – I just have the energy to get to know a few people at a time. I get people’s stories and names mixed up a lot if I try to respond to too many.
MiLo,
The cheapest tickets on the net for Costa Rica can be found on Kayak.com. From Denver I find RT tickets for $450 or less. If you want to do a tour of the country, I highly recommend a Caravan Tour. For about $1100, you get an all inclusive 10-day trip to many different parts of the country. I met two women on the plane who were doing it, and they would have been fun to hang out with on that trip. I almost opted for this instead of just 2 weeks of travel on my own, which can get lonely if you’re by yourself.
LL,
I’m so sorry you got triggered. Any contact with a sociopath, even by proxy, is like getting stabbed in the gut. Like Eden says, he is a spath. He will spath his new gf too. It’s what they do. Would you really want to be with him anyway? This is the reason why I don’t try to find out what’s up with my spath. I don’t want anything to do with anyone he is in contact with. I actually dropped off the reptile site and cut contact with my internet friends for a while when it all came down, because some of them were in contact with him. I have since cut those people from my life.
And yes, my self-esteem issues are deep, and I know I am not a happy person deep down, though I can feel happy at times and certain fake it most of the time. I had lunch with one of the girls I went out with last night. We study Spanish together on Sundays. We were talking about how sometimes you put out a negative vibe and people stay away from you. I asked her if she thought I was putting out this vibe last night. She said no but that I seemed “sheltered” or “guarded”. I have thought about this and I don’t want to be guarded any more. I need to have at least one person in my life I can open up with completely. That will have to be a therapist. I know people I am around usually feel as though they can trust me but they don’t completely know me. I didn’t realize I was so guarded, but I truly am. It’s not from the spath. I’ve always been like this. Perhaps it saved me from being more devastated by him that I never totally opened up completely with him. When I met Raymond in CR, I totally opened up to him. I cannot tell you how transformative this was for me – but also how painful it was when it ended.