Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Dear Movingon,
GOOD FOR YOU GF!!!! TOWANDA!! You go!!!! You’re my kinda woman!
Thanks Milo
The SP as part of his application actually wanted me to pay back child maintenance …on what grounds no one could work out ..even himself!!!
Also turned up with a photocopy of a cheque to me ..Judge what is this? SP evidence I have paid me some child support …Judge says well when did you pay it into the account …SP – yesterday! Judge’s face said it all ..you total to**er.
I hope Milo you get some help with your daughter and can ‘engage’ her therapist ..I have been there when no one believes you and the SP is manipulating everyone around you. It is so horrible, thanks again.
Steve, I love this article and couldn’t agree more. It’s easy to dupe people if you have zero scruples and lie well. That doesn’t mean you’re particularly intelligent. I also think the fact that psychopaths are so emotionally shallow reduces their overall intelligence. They don’t read people’s reactions very well, particularly regarding any disapproval of their behavior. The only thing they read with uncanny accuracy is people’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
Claudia,
they don’t even have to lie WELL.
REALLY, instead what they do is make up a lie so UN-mother-fuckingly-believable that only a crazy, maniac would tell such a lie. Then, they behave perfectly sane.
So everyone believes it’s the truth because, WHO WOULD LIE LIKE THAT???????
ONLY A SPATH WOULD!
AAAAARRRRGHHHH!
I think I’m going through an anger stage. I feel the need to express myself with vulgarities! please excuse me.
Oh, when I saw the title of this thread, I couldn’t wait to post on it because my exspath was so dumb, he actually hung himself with his stupid mistakes. He was trying to convince me he had just gotten divorced. Then he posted a picture of himself taken that day with his wedding ring on. (Can you say STUPID?). So that was the giveaway that he was lying about his divorce. I would have never known.
Second mistake: I told him if he continued to post on the reptile forum where I met him, I would turn him into the army for adultery. He continued to post like I didn’t exist. REALLY bad idea. I kept my word and turned him in.
Third (and most stupid) mistake: He faked physical symptoms of an *alleged* head injury with the army folks to get out on a medical discharge. But he didn’t fake the symptoms with me. So when I turned him in for adultery, they started asking me questions about his physical problems. Bingo! They got him on fraud, too.
Fourth mistake: He told the army that he and I never had a romantic relationship, that we were just friends, and that he was so impaired, he didn’t even have feeling from the waist down (!). Imagine the army’s surprise when I turned in the tape of all his voice mails telling me how sexy I was and how much he was in love with me and “thanks for last night”. heh heh
Fifth mistake: He told the army he had never gone to a reptile show in my town. Imagine their surprise when they saw pictures of him (that I took) at the show holding snakes. One of them he was standing up holding a 75-pound burmese python. It was a miracle! He could walk again! ha ha dumbass.
Sixth mistake: He told the army he couldn’t drive due to his injuries. I don’t even know how he explained to them how he made the hour-and-a-half trip to my house. ha ha ha
Seventh mistake: He told them he couldn’t walk without a cane and had no feeling from the waist down. But he had the gall to help remodel my friend’s house and even stomp old carpeting down in the dumpster. Not surprisingly, my friend had a copy of the check he wrote to the sociopath for the work he did, which he provided to the army.
I should write a “NOT TO” guide for sociopaths. How to avoid stupid mistakes and pitfalls that will send you to jail. ha ha
I don’t know if he went to prison or not, but the army takes fraud and adultery very seriously. They charged him with both and he was “appropriately” punished, whatever that means.
HAHAAHA!
Star, your story never fails to make me laugh!!
What a fuckingidiot.
But they always slither away unscathed, so lets hope.
Brilliant account stargazer!!
Your ex SP is clearly not the brightest star in the sky. Why do SPs think they are so superior, cleverer and no one is ever going to check what they are saying is ‘TRUE’? Admittedly before you realise you are dealing with a SP you accept what they are telling you, but even when they know you are on to them (I documented in my court papers that the SP is a pathological liar), they just stay right on course …
sky – you just keep on expressing darlin’ – better out than in.
star – i think we should have a dumbest spath contest. you could enter yours in a couple of categories: dumb and dumber.
Skylar, I agree. They don’t lie well. Mine told me such implausible stories! But I believed him because I trusted him and was falling in love. And also because he lied so calmly, and so unscrupulously, looking you straight in the eyes, without any signs of guilt or discomfort that “normal” liars have. To allude to Oxy’s new post, I ruminated a lot over each lie after realizing he was a psychopath. It was one flagrant lie in particular that opened my eyes (when he began no longer being on his best behavior with me). At that moment, my mind flipped a switch from blind trust to skepticism and I saw quite clearly thousands of other lies as well.
Ha ha, my sociopath would never have gotten caught if not for his own stupidity. He would have walked away with a lifetime pension from the army for himself and his wife and young child. He had kept up the charade with the army for at least a year and possible two! Why he would give it all up for a few stupid mistakes is beyond me! The most important thing he should learn is that NORMAL PEOPLE DON’T LIE. When I told him I would turn him if he didn’t get out of my life, he should have listened. I guess he figured I was lying because he himself is a pathological liar. All he had to do was go away, and his crimes would have gone unpunished. But he had to win. And this was his own undoing.
So in the Sociopath’s Guide to Not Getting Caught, here are a few pointers (in case there are any S’s on this site):
1. Normal people don’t lie! Just because you do, doesn’t mean everybody else does.
2. If you are committing fraud, for God sakes, don’t allow anyone to take pictures of you in the act!
3. If you are faking a divorce, do NOT under any cirumstances post pictures of yourself with your wedding ring on.
4. When caught, do NOT try to deny that it is a wedding ring (yes he did that!). Normal people know that gold bands worn on the ring finger are not just for decorative purposes.
5. When trying to deny a romantic relationship ever happened, do NOT leave romantic voice messages for your love interest. These can be taped and used as evidence.
6. When faking a severe physical disability (why do sociopaths always fake a limp?), do NOT take a check for performing hard physical labor. Those checks can be entered into evidence.
7. When trying to deny you were ever at an event, do NOT let yourself be PHOTOGRAPHED at the event! And if you do this for two consecutive events, you are just a loser con artist wannabe and don’t even deserve to be called a sociopath.
8. It’s better to walk away with the money than to give it up for the sake of winning. (I think mine refused leaving the reptile site because he wanted to win).
9. If you cannot follow the simple rules above, consult with other more intelligent sociopaths on how the game is played. In fact, you may consider an apprenticeship.
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Seriously, even if he had been a stand-up guy and true to his word, I think the stupidity would have gotten to me. I don’t think I can be with anyone that stupid. ha ha