Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
emwitch68 –
Are you in Australia or somewhere else? I ask because if you are here with me, I can help you out with (a) restraining order stuff and (b) approved educators in public schools stuff (I have worked in the public school system for around 18 years)
Meanwhile, stay safe. x
Bullheart,
You wrote, “my dude is a man’s man. but i know (he told me) he used to have gay sex for drugs. it was only when i read his diary (this at the end of our first 2-yr round) that i read he had told one of his sugar daddies he “loved” him to get more out of him. its only now i realize, his “love” for me was no different”
I often wonder if my ex didn’t sell his body for drugs, too, or trade drugs to with other men for THEIR sex. His first wife told me he was still selling drugs while living with her (this was after he was supposed to have been “rehabbed” at that juvie institution, so I guess his time their didn’t “cure” him.)
I find your story eerily parallel to my own, including that part about reading his diary. I found only a few pages of his journaling, but one line stood out, “I can never love just one woman. I feel like a fraud” Ha ha. That’s because he wanted MAN SEX behind the scenes.
I, too, felt that he was another one of those guys who will say, and keep saying “I love you” to anyone, just to get the most out of him or her. A total vortex..succubus soul sucker.
My other “theory” as to why he watched so much porn was that he couldn’t “get it up” so he had to watch others “getting it up”, even if not in the context of true intimacy between a man & woman, truly in love. But then, I don’t think he could ever understand the concept of sensual/true intimacy. He even admitted that his 2nd wife said he could not be affectionate with her, if the concept of sex for sex’s sake wasn’t on his mind, which is also probably why I only saw those seemingly painful “winces” .. his facial expressions, while “in congress” with me, as opposed to true JOY and SMILES..instead of the windows of our souls, our EYES, SMILING at each other.. a thing I think he can never do, given he can only MIMIC emotions & cannot FEEL them.
just like parrot’s – polly wanna cracker? and we give em one – go figure
I went to court today (UK) for the handing down of the judgment, The dumb spath told the judge she was wrong, the judge then asked if he had his cheque book with him dumb spath said ‘yes’, he was then directed by the judge to write me a cheque for CM arrears. He sat a fat badly dyed haired old sad nobody and then threw it at me ..do I care ..for 10k!!
Then the fun started he owes 32k in school fees arrears which the judgment had already stated he should pay. The spath went into over drive, he stated I am a tax evader, a child abuser (he has not seen his children in 5 years), blah blah blahl.
He then claimed he had a deal with the schools and I was sooo terrible the headmasters had told the bursars never to talk to me. Firstly it is a 50% split, I have no arrears and unfortunately for the spath I had emails from both bursars as of yesterday wishing me luck!!
The spath claimed he had done a deal with the schools, lie after lie after lie. Until the judge read him back an email ( he of course was saving puppy dogs from drowning), ‘That is not what the bursar emailed you at 8:52am yesterday, he rejected your offer’.The spaths response ‘I have no access to the internet’.
The spath realising he has been caught then claims ‘it is fabricated’.
Judge’s order ‘you will provide evidence that the schools have entered in an agreement with you to pay the arrears by the 13th April at 4pm or the bailiffs will go back to your residence’.
Lie after lie after lie ..judge got the spath ..what is the tosser going to do next ..if he does not comply bailiffs into a shit hole of the ‘current’ wife who he claims he is separated from.
I am now going to make an application to jail it. BTW my daughter is off to read physics at uni and my son has been awarded a chemistry scholarship and they never even get a birthday card!! Karama will win in the end.
I emailed the schools to tell them he now needs evidence and that according to a spath I am not allowed to talk to them. They are awaiting the spaths next move, spath a spath, they want their money, rock hard place.
Justice at last!!
Dear moveingon ~ TOWANDA! As I’ve learned they say around here. It is so good to hear that a spath is getting just desserts for a change!
Dear MOVING ON!!!!! YEA!!!!!! HOOOOORAY!!!!! TOWANDA!!!!! GOOD ONE FOR OUR SIDE!!!!!!! HIP HIP HOOOOOORAY!!!!!! THE GOOD GUYS WIN.
Congratulations on your smart children and I am so happy for them that their sperm donor doesn’t give a rat’s behind about them and stays away from them. They are fortunate indeedy!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!
MovingOn: This is fantastic! It’s so rare when you actually see justice served with a spath and in a timely manner, too! My spath got backspathed, too. It took about a year, but he also got what he deserved. I think we are the exceptions, though. But I love hearing these stories! We should have a thread just about spaths that were brought to justice.
Thank you all. Unfortunately the spath made clear he is going to ‘appeal’ good old judge to spath ‘I am not precious about my judgment but if you wish to appeal that is your right, however I have made very clear to you that you yourself have given me evidence on which I have made my judgment’ …i.e. get a life spath.
My concern the wedding ring off ..he looked gray/fat/ugly/strange blue hair ..I of course have emailed the schools as he now needs evidence. They emailed back, they will be interested in his next move, however, they of course are not expecting him to contact them. Head in sand ..
Given he is a fully functioning dumb spath, he will not pay and even indicated he has no intention of paying. Judge ‘Mrs xxxx will enforce’; spath ‘this is harrassment’; judge ‘no its is called enforcement’; spath ‘you are wrong’!!!! Judge just smiles at the dumbo ‘no I am a judge and this is my judgment in a court’. Spath ‘you are wrong, and a ‘woman’, I was expecting ‘it’ to be handing a cheque to me .. Judge fixes the stare ..what a plonker.
Then spath ..having been totally derailed ‘I want to see the letter and ‘fabricated’ evidence ‘it’ i.e. me has given you’ judge ‘if Mrs xxx has not given it you (I got to court early so he could not see me hand over evidence to the usher) then she does not need to. Spath ‘what about my human rights blah, blah, blah’.
The spath stormed out …I thanked the judge and told her we will almost certainly be back, she laughed and said ‘I have no doubt’!!!
The spath is in a right hole, dug by itself and it will keep on digging, no respect for anyone!!
I did give the judge a copy of the letter from my son’s school congratulating him on his scholarship, I don’t want a jealous old spath seeing that!! Judge got him and his lies and tied him up in knots.
The cheque for CM, when I cash it he can unfreeze his bank account if he sends a copy of his bank statement to court (in case he cancelled the cheque) ..I am going to make him sweat and may cash it this wek, or next or the week after ..
I still cannot believe how thick he is to acknowledge he had his cheque book with him!! I sat there smiling at the judge, who was grinning back while spath wrote me a cheque ..what a total prat.
Thanks everyone, however, I think this saga will run and run. When he turned up at court he went to a room by himself, he clearly got lonely and came out, and then sat in the waiting area, behind a pillar. Then kept peeking out looking at me, in the end I gave the spath a wave ..I of course felt like giving it the finger!
His nightmare my ex solicitor (I was LIP), talked to me, as we have discussed my next move is to get him jailed ..not that I think it will make a jot of difference. What I did realise is, never communicate (NC absolutely), never tell the spath anything, because if I had given him a copy of the evidence he will have concocted another story!!
Love to everyone …justice ..well sort of ..why do spaths dye their hair ..navy blue under the lights ..lol!!
Ding dong, next round …criminal proceedings ..again!!
xxxx
warms my heart to read your above post movingon. 🙂
i have some good news too: the spath is being sued by another dupe, and some fraud charges had been dismissed by the trial
court. The appeals court reversed the trial court’s dismissal of the fraud. hehehe…
Hi one/joy-step-at-a-time
Brilliant …I think its part of the narc profile as well as a spath ..they are right, everyone else is ‘wrong’, including courts and judges, etc etc. It sits there and tires to justify by blaming me why it has not paid CM ..no shame, absolutely no conscience. My children’s schools knows he has paid not a penny even in basic CM and spent some 200k on rubbish!! Its this no conscience bit I struggle with and the total lack of any shame even when caught in a court lying and the god given they are ‘right’.
I will never understand how they function, however when you see the light, it really is quite simple to work out their next move, whatever they say they will do the opposite and everything they do is for only for them always.
I do hope you are okay ..the little successes help, but the sheer dross we all have to deal with is never ending. Everywhere a spath resides/goes, is full of misery, unhappiness and chaos and always someone else’s fault!
Take care x