Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Steve said:
“…In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.”
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For all of you that were betrayed by finding out you were only one of a multitude and have gotten thrown in the garbage for someone more younger, who has more money, or is easier to push around than obviously WE ARE, or we wouldn’t be here….
Remember this because it’s true. The new OW {s} are only wreaking so much more than we did. With each subsequent relationship, the last one plays a huge part in the dominance and control theory. Sure it’s based on jealousy – such trite and such blindsided the spath is: just because they are somewhere else doesn’t mean it’s any different. Chances are probably that it’s worse.
Remember that while we languish over what has happened to our lives, THEY are the ones living pointless, dry, insignificant lives, no matter where they are, or with whom, or how much money they have or don’t have.
This isn’t about them…this is about “US”.
This is about our setting limits as to the amount of disrespect we will tolerate. It’s setting down those standards and not giving them up for NOBODY. Sure, there are a lot of ‘loves’ in our lives ~ but there is only ONE “US”. Right?
I refuse to let my x spath suck my life from me. He can’t have what’s left of it now. What’s left of it is MINE and ONLY MINE. I have done ‘my time’ and ‘paid my dues’ and I am still doing it. No….spath cannot have what’s left. I refuse. Not after the display of inconsideration called: TRYING TO KILL ME!
They are sick ~ we want to feel sorry for them but they don’t care. YOUR ‘sorry’ for them = ability to use you some more or upset your psyche or suck you dry of blood. No. It stops now.
I have come a long ways, through a lot of mud the past 3 months and 9 days – I am not turning back for any reason now. “IT” can just LIVE WITH all the choices it made. My justification is that I am no longer there…..
Dupity Doo Duh
Always remember that where ever they are, the show still goes on. And that where ever they are, is an even bigger and uglier lie than what we were in…..
So true…
This one is for Oxy and Skylar, thank you. Today I received the idiot’s court papers ..well the courts updated Form E back in 2010 this is your financial statement, so of course I received an out of date version. In addition he claims he has divorced yet again except his bank statements show otherwise. The spath claims he has a clean break order ..so he will of course have no problem whatsoever supplying me and the courts with his decree nisi, decree absolute and sealed clean break court order. He is of course not even separated!
The idiot goes on, he requires £6000 yes £6000 for food a year for himself, £14,915 a year for a car, in fact he is so hard up he requires £99/month for a sky package! It does not stop there, he has arthritis in his fingers and therefore may not be able to operate a keyboard. He appears to have 3 ears and needs 3 mobile phones at over £250/month, and not withstanding all of this, he needs to save up a deposit of £30k for a house, although he spent £200k in 12 months on sh*t, no child maintenance of course.
I have of course requested copies of his decree nisi, absolute and sealed copy of clean break..which I have as much chance of getting as being crowned queen of england/scotland/ireland/moon!
I get to meet the idiot on the 4th November ..gosh I cant bloody wait, ..not !!
Hang in there all you lovely people ..and to top it all ..he has applied to vary child maintenance again ..which he isn’t paying anyway ..bailiffs will be back in 2 weeks ..
In my return letter I have suggested he get legal advice and mental health assistance!!
There does come a point, when you realise what a complete utter tosser!! Taking my daughter to uni tomorrow to start her physics degree, got my sons grades all ‘brillopads’ as he texted me ..or fandabydosy ..he is a young man of few words.
Today I also received an embossed invitation from the Duke of Edinburgh (his equerry) to pitch up at St James palace on the 8th Nov to see my daughter receive her gold duke of Edinburgh award, my daughter was hoping for old Harry ..should be fun anyway.
So as my son says brillopads to this sh*t!!
Forgot to say, if you don’t know what brillopads are, they are pink scratchy caustic soda laden things you scrub dirt with, stink to high heaven ..but do a brill job! x
Duped;
I used to be perlexed and upset that my x-spath’s FB profile remains to be one taken the day we met. Well, he may have moved on but I now view this as a sign of his disfuntion, given that it is a photo of hion Fifth Avenue, sticking his tongue out.
Very telling about this near 40 year old supposedly man…
moveingon:
Yep, we have brillopads here in the States, too…at least we did 40 years ago when I was growing up! Haven’t seen them in a long time.
i use them still to this day: brillo pads…
they DO ‘do’ a fab job! hehehehe
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUISE:::::MANY MORE:::::LOVE AND BEST WISHES:::::EAT CAKE:::::DRINK CHAMPAGNE:::::SMILE:::::
Love ~ Dupey
xxoo
Duped,
Congrats on your milestone achievement. It does get better and better. Though it seems to take forever, each day is an improvement overall.
Movingon,
Your posts always inspire me. Thanks for the update. I like knowing that there is a spath out there, fighting tooth and nail to keep his delusions alive. 🙂
Thank you skylar for your support. Yes, it does seem to take forever but ‘reality’ ain’t so bad once you get the hang of it. After five years of being held captive, coming out is difficult to do. I am learning how to navigate quite nicely after being blown off my feet with a full out bazooka! 🙂
Hope you are well.
You are in my prayers and thoughts.
Stay safe and be good to yourself.
Dupey