Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Sky,
Would you believe that in the process of all of this I actually became friends with his platoon sergeant? She was a very cool lady who had been played by a sociopath herself a long time ago. So she knew what he was and she was very sympathetic to me. She even invited me to a very excluse army dinner celebration with her family while the investigation was going on, even though she wasn’t supposed to.
I have chosen not to call her or stay in touch with her because I don’t want to know what happened to him. In the event that the army just gave him a slap on the wrist, I don’t want to know about that. All I know is that he is off the reptile site and out of my life. I hope he’s in prison, but I really have no idea.
LOL, Star,
I love your checklist.
Perhaps Steve can write another article called:
“Sitting with the EXTRA stupid sociopath – how to keep from laughing.”
🙂
Sky, LMAO! I don’t think there is any hope for extra stupid psychopaths. If they are evil AND stupid, they’re really screwed! ha ha
P.S. How did your trade show go? I know you had some anxiety about it.
LOL Star, that’s why things don’t bode well for my spath lil sis… My God, it’s like her head is completely empty. Everyone makes fun of her “dumb blonde imitation” only it’s not an imitation. 25 plus years ago she had a head injury and that’s when she got stupid. It’s like she doesn’t “get” anything that is more than surface, 2-dimensional, linear type reasoning. Certain jokes (especially dumb blonde ones) are beyond her. When I found out she was a spath, it dawned on me, that she wasn’t actually stupid. She had not lost her “intelligence”. What she had lost was her ability to HIDE her true nature. In other words, she became a spath revealed. Most spaths are aware that they are different and they are stealthy enough to hide it by mirroring others. She can still do this, but she doesn’t do it WITH INTENT. In her narcissistic mind, she can see nothing wrong with being shallow and two-dimensional. Not sure I’m making sense here. I guess what I’m saying is tht she lost her ability to read people. Which makes for a very unsuccessful spath.
Edit,
I still haven’t gone, I’ll be in LA at the end of the month. Anyone want to meet up? I think I’m going to have a week of just lounging around town after the trade show.
You mean some spaths really do have head injuries, and they don’t all fake them?
Star,
I loved your spathy list, way funny. They tell stupid lies when it would be easier to tell the truth. Stooopid.
I liked the tape message you kept when he said “Thanks for last night” and he was supposed to be paralyzed from the waist down. heh heh I got a belly laugh from that one.
You have ’em pegged! I used to think mine was so smart, he just was reading everyone and playing on those emotions. Not really smart because he’s getting his bad self into trouble. It’s going to catch up with him.
Yeah, when the army commander told me that the spath said he had no feeling below the waist, I keeled over laughing. When I signed the sworn statement saying we had sex, I stated that not only was he able to perform sexually, but he was quite good at it. ha ha ha He had bragged to me beforehand how he was good in bed, and that’s why his “ex” wife had married him. I couldn’t wait to put that on the sworn statement too. heh heh I think the army was ready to lynch him by the time I got done with him. They had wasted so much of their time and (taxpayers’) money on his lies, doing tests to try to figure out what part of his brain his head injury was in.
Star,
that would be the frontal lobe. Their lies always contain a kernal of truth. ROTFLOL!
Star I wish you would find out what they did to him, I am SOOOOO curious!!! LOL Not knowing “the restttttttt of the story…” (forgive me Paul Harvey!) is killing me!!!!! LOL
hey guys, i had a rough day yesterday, the estate crap etc. im sitting again numb and in the fetal position only this time it’s not the s. it’s my brother, the bully my dad left his estate to and the bully lawyer who drew up the will. I thought once i got through the no contact with the s i had in m y life for 7 or 8 years it would be smooth sailing. Im so so tired, i thought my brother was going to side with me as he acted so and i forgot how quick he changes and now im left feeling threatened , paralyzed again. My cousin whom im close to called him and let him have it and she said it made her take two nerve pills as sh e can tell he has no feelings at all, he nor the bully he put on to manipulate by proxy. She then told me that my brother said they were going to get a restraining order against me from going to my own dad’s funeral, and im so sick. They all are blaming me for taking a recorder out before he passed, like i was doing something sinister and it was only because they wouldn’t let me talk to him alone an d now i know it’s true. When i went out to see my dad my gf was in kitchen listening to my stepmother and nurses aides saying don’t let her near her dad she’s on drugs as i had lost so much weight due to stress over it all. My brother was trying to get my dad and lawyers to get this bully to have me sign a waiver (leaving my share of what my grandmother left me) as it was her farm. I literally had to call my banker( she’s known me since childhood and worked for my mom and dad) and talk to her today i nneeded someone who knows how toxic this bunch and this town i come from is. She just kept saying Shelly, they are bullies ( which i do know) but i keep thinking i’ve done something wrong as they blame me for everything. At this point i really just want to be left alone but im the sole Executrix and i know i’ve worked so hard twice on this estate, through so much bullcrap i could write a volume of books. I even called my ex husband who is remarried etc. just because i need someone to know what is happening, my cousin called him as well and she told him that i trust him. He said as quickly as possible give the bully and my alcoholic brother the 1/3 each and don’t talk to either . Why do i keep having these people in my life , i feel like im constantly guilty of something and i’ve tried to be more than fair but they only see things their way. so so tired guys, i really thought my biggest problem was the s and my drinking to find more of them is just so disheartening. I never asked my mom or dad for a thing and tried to help my mom by moving my husband back when she died 6 months aft from alcoholism. My brother wanted no part of the intervenion i had planned. The estate im dealing with was my Grandmothers and none of them had the time of day for her either, i looked after he r and they resent that a woman is in charge and i think they hate women so im a target . This feeling of being drained is so familiar for so long and i went to see the lawyer yest and i find all the male lawyers are bullies as well or at best they don’t like when i challenge them over anything. I’m not sure if im causing this or how to get out of it, i’ve been doing this executors job for almost 2 years now and i’ve come so far but they are threatening more . Why don’t they have help for people struggling in the courts etc. and with lawyers with this ? love kh