Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Congrats, Duped! 🙂
Hmm, just realized it’s been 5 months too for myself.
dear movingon, what a fantastic account of turning the tables on your spath. Rough justice for him. It made me smile but also realise how lucky I am not to have children with my life sucking ex spath. He has a son whom he doesnt see …. the child refuses. smart kid. God knows how his mother has coped in the last ten years dealing with the spath and his vile atempts at control masked by his proclamations of love for “my son”. Vile, shallow, unfeeling, vacuous piece of sh**. Ps My ex is still declaring his l*v* for me. NC NC NC!!! How great it is to feel empowered by the accounts written here. Thanku
Stargazer, yes, I would love to see a thread dedicated to how SPATHS got theirs! I’d love to see it, and add my own story.
Yes, I’d love to see it too. I’m just biding my time till she gets hers. 🙂
Well, athena, if you want to see my “backspath”, the story is all over this site. Just read my post on the first page of this thread (I think it’s the fifth post). I’m quite pleased with my efforts if I must say so myself. 🙂
I’m going there now.
I love stories about backspathing.
I nailed mine, too.
Maybe not enough, as I desire to do more.
Isn’t it stupid? But then, I find myself occasionally wanting him back. It is SO HARD to keep my thinking straight. I need to remind myself that I want what I THOUGHT HE WAS, not who he ACTUALLY IS. Holy cow. I’m so smart and yet so dumb.
Athena
Ack, there are 14 pages of comments here, going back to march, I went to page 1, can’t find you there!
Athena, see the post below. It just occurred to me I could cut and paste it from before, to save you the trouble of looking for it.
Here is my cut and pasted post from page 2 of this thread. Enjoy!
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Oh, when I saw the title of this thread, I couldn’t wait to post on it because my exspath was so dumb, he actually hung himself with his stupid mistakes. He was trying to convince me he had just gotten divorced. Then he posted a picture of himself taken that day with his wedding ring on. (Can you say STUPID?). So that was the giveaway that he was lying about his divorce. I would have never known.
Second mistake: I told him if he continued to post on the reptile forum where I met him, I would turn him into the army for adultery. He continued to post like I didn’t exist. REALLY bad idea. I kept my word and turned him in.
Third (and most stupid) mistake: He faked physical symptoms of an *alleged* head injury with the army folks to get out on a medical discharge. But he didn’t fake the symptoms with me. So when I turned him in for adultery, they started asking me questions about his physical problems. Bingo! They got him on fraud, too.
Fourth mistake: He told the army that he and I never had a romantic relationship, that we were just friends, and that he was so impaired, he didn’t even have feeling from the waist down (!). Imagine the army’s surprise when I turned in the tape of all his voice mails telling me how sexy I was and how much he was in love with me and “thanks for last night”. heh heh
Fifth mistake: He told the army he had never gone to a reptile show in my town. Imagine their surprise when they saw pictures of him (that I took) at the show holding snakes. One of them he was standing up holding a 75-pound burmese python. It was a miracle! He could walk again! ha ha dumbass.
Sixth mistake: He told the army he couldn’t drive due to his injuries. I don’t even know how he explained to them how he made the hour-and-a-half trip to my house. ha ha ha
Seventh mistake: He told them he couldn’t walk without a cane and had no feeling from the waist down. But he had the gall to help remodel my friend’s house and even stomp old carpeting down in the dumpster. Not surprisingly, my friend had a copy of the check he wrote to the sociopath for the work he did, which he provided to the army.
I should write a “NOT TO” guide for sociopaths. How to avoid stupid mistakes and pitfalls that will send you to jail. ha ha
I don’t know if he went to prison or not, but the army takes fraud and adultery very seriously. They charged him with both and he was “appropriately” punished, whatever that means.
And I don’t know if I ever told the “snakehook” to the crotch story here. It’s a funny one. I still laugh when I think about it. After the spath and I split, he drove up to Denver to stalk me at a second reptile show. He knew I’d be there. Never mind that he lied to the army. He told them he couldn’t walk, couldn’t drive, and never went to any of the reptile shows. He was trying to get out on a fake medical discharge. There he was, all 6’2″ of him carrying his young daughter on his shoulders.
I was there with a male friend whom I brought for moral support, just in case the spath showed up, which of course, he did. It was very creepy the way he stalked me. He would stand right next to me at every booth, like literally a foot away. I just ignored him completely and talked with my friend. The spath followed me from booth to booth. Here’s where it gets funny………
I had bought a snake hook there. It’s about 15″ long. As I was carrying it around, I kept accidentally hitting people in the crotch with it (oops!). So I gave it to my friend to carry because he is taller than me. So…..we were at this one booth. I was discussing some custom snake enclosures with the vendor. Unbeknownst to me, the spath had come right up behind me and was smelling my hair (!). My friend jabbed him in the crotch with my snake hook. LOL When the spath didn’t move, my friend jabbed him again and accidentally caught his zipper with the hook. With that, the spath backed up with his arms up in the air and promptly exited the show. It was the last time I ever saw him. I had no idea that happened. My friend told me over lunch. I was laughing so hard I spit out my drink. “Player gets hooked.” Great story.
But the best part came later when, because he was stalking me so closely, he inadvertantly appeared in the background of one of my photos from the show. I think in the picture he was holding his daughter. I couldn’t wait to send that photo to his army commander as evidence of his lying and fraud. That put the nail in his coffin.