Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Star, you wrote this, above”
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Stargazer says:
If you want to backspath someone, here are some useful tips:
1. Always have the camera ready! You never know when you will catch them in the act.
2. Always save voice messages. You never know when they will come in handy.
3. If they post on internet forums, save their pictures and posts. They can always delete them later and say they never happened.
4. Make sure the spath meets your friends. You never know when you’ll need them as witnesses.”
Sky, again, I would come up with a different word for your gay friend besides “friend”. “Friends” keep their dicks in their pants around partners of other friends. I had a “friend” like that too. Ugh.
Yeah, I seriously think our split came just before the mask came off. The inconsistencies, saying he was coming over and then not showing up (but posting on the reptile forum that day for me to see)……this was the beginning of the end. I didn’t stick around for the full unmasked version. Sounds like it wouldn’t have been fun.
Skylar
My spath husband loves money but his main focus is getting power by controlling people. WHen he can manipulate people into sabotaging their own best interests (abuse themselves), then he is in heaven. He has proven that they are “less than” him. I’d swear such power gives him an Orgasm. He collects trophies of his “wins”, mostly photos which APPEAR to tell one story but as the one who knows the real story, I know how to read the photos and it sickens me.
Athena
The #1 tool against spaths is the evidence trail. Even your own journals of dates times witnesses, even if Not corroberated by hard evidence, can show a pattern where if you can get hard evidence to prove ONE event, it can be extrapolated onto other events.
I personally don’t believe in backspathing. It’s like poking a wounded animal. I will back spath my husband if the opportunity presents itself, but to look for ways is too much energy and vindictiveness. Takes me to a dark side and I do not want to be “LIKE THEM”. Also eats up my time and I only have so many days to enjoy my life, I’d rather be ENJOYING GOOD enriching memories, not living in reminder of evil. My perspective of course.
Skylar.
I agree with Stargazer about your gay “friend”.
I have gay friends and am happy to be their wingman when we go places. They can put on their gaydar and scout for other potentials, and I get to enjoy great company and not feel rejected if they decide to take off with someone. They also know I am watching out for them and will follow up and make sure they came home safe.
I think your “friend” used you as his wingman. He just didn’t tell you. That’s a USER, having his cake and eating it too.
Soory I seem to have dominated the conversation. It’s a subject close to me, esp now that hopefully I have gathered all my evidence to I can get divorced. Am waiting signatures to prove my evidence gathering efforts are successful.
Katy, like Athena said, my spath really did it to himself by committing fraud and adultery while in the army. I was just the agent that helped it along. 🙂 For me it was not so much about revenge as justice. Our tax dollars pay his very handsome salary and all the perks and benefits for his wife and kid. The army believes his wife was in on it, too, BTW. Apparently, she had once divorced him for pathological lying but then married him again. If his little fake head injury scheme had worked out, he would have defrauded American taxpayers out of millions over his lifetime and that of his family. I feel like I did the right thing in this instance.
Katy great observation, can you tell me more about some of these photographs that he collects?
Katy,
I completely relate to the aloneness. As it turned out, he did me a favor because he uncovered the truth about my frienemies and fam-enemies. As you found out too, they weren’t the kind of “people” you really want in your life. The unfortunate thing is that there are very, very, few people who ARE worthy of us. I’ve encountered only a couple of them. It’s hard to live life with clear vision. The world looks depressing when you realize that there is so much warped and perverted in this world.
Star,
yeah, I don’t usually call him a “friend” anymore. The word frienemy is perfect. It’s interesting that the young people of today coined that word. Many of them are aware of the two-faced nature of some people. They also coined a word, “hater”. The way that word is used, would refer to a spath because it usually refers to someone who is always envious.
I don’t know how these young people can flourish in a world like that, but yet they are (some of them) somehow managing it. Maybe it is those kids that have the key and who can lead us.
Sorry Katy, I don’t have the answers, I’m looking for someone to show me the way too.
Katydid I do believe like you in not bothering to backspath, it’s better to just move on to something more interesting.