Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Star,
lets not call him “special” because that’s what he wants to believe.
I’ve considered what makes him so evil. He has definitely accepted and embraced his demonic side. To the point where everything else he does is in service to being evil.
The impression I get is that he has this huge narcissistic injury, beyond anything I’ve ever encountered. He believes he is superior to all human beings but reality proves that he can’t even spell. The fact that he ran away at age 12 and went to live with a prostitute, indicates that he was probably repeatedly used and abused in the most demeaning ways imaginable. Again this doesn’t match his perception of his superiority. Then, he uses the pity ploy to get people to do his bidding. Although he created the situation, he must absolutely despise being pitied by these lowly creatures whom he holds in contempt. Another n-injury.
So every aspect of his life is spent proving that he is better than everyone else. All his talents and will power are focused on that sisyphean task of proving that he is superior. I call it sisyphean because the methods he uses: lies, deceit, sucking people’s cocks, brown nosing etc… are cowardly methods. These are methods used by powerless people to survive. Each time he uses these cowardly methods to dominate or crush his opponents, he re-affirms to his own mind that he is powerless and that he should be fearful. So like Sisyphus, the boulder of that perception comes rolling back down the hill and it enrages him all over again. His own behavior works against him.
And because he has such a strong will, he implements his next con with even more fervor and more diabolical deceit. So the paranoia and narcissistic injury grows in proportion to that.
That’s my take on it from my observations. He’s doomed to self destruct.
My spath was proud of his feedback on ebay – his ebay feedback was 100% positive.
Isn’t that crazy.
Well, guys, my “date” has not showed up. My latin lover. I’m a little disappointed but also kind of relieved. He would have been begging for sex and I would have been saying no. My energy has shifted this week and I am much less interested in what he has to offer to me right now. The biggest waste is how nice my house looks and smells. I have candles burning, a fire in the fireplace, and some cinnamon bread baking, and incense burning. I have spent the whole weekend cleaning and organizing. It’s such a shame no one is here to enjoy it. Oh well – I think the universe has listened and given me exactly what I need, which is to move on. 🙂 I have borrowed Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s “Una Vida” in Spanish from the library. I estimate it will take me several months to make it through this book. May as well start tonight!
Skylar
My spath husband, although very intelligent, is cruder than yours yet they share the same goal. To prove that his is the smartest chip in the bag. My husbands skills at sucking up are the best I’ve ever seen and since I have at one time worked for the government, my observation goes a long way.
Like your spath, my husband has ultimate contempt for those who swallow his line of carp. Not that he hates me less, but he does use me as the standard to measure other women. I did some things that showed integrity and he’s not found that elsewhere. So I guess this is to say, as much contempt he heaped on me, he knows what I deserved vs what was done to me and MY scorn of him grates on his nerves. He wants my submission and knows he does not have it.
That makes him dangerous b/c above all, he is “the winner!”. I do NOT underestimate his drive for superiority. By telling him he won, that he drove me off, that I am destroyed, he knows I am not. He knows those are mocking words, the same kind of mocking he used on me. That’s how he KNOWS I am NOT destroyed as he wanted.
BUT my saving grace? All his minions believe I am destroyed and in order for him to get what he wants from them and of them to do FOR him, he has to pretend that they are right. (Kinda a bit of rope to hang himself with.) B/c if his minions knew he had LOST, andwas NOT the WINNER he claims to be, He’d lose control over them. They only suck up to someone superior to them. If he can’t prove superiority, they’d desert him. They are what keeps him in check.
My lesson: Just b/c someone is stupid doesn’t make them any less dangerous. I have chosen the hill I would die on and ONLY I Know that hill, and that frees me b/c I don’t fully engage in any other battle. I let him “win” everything that does not matter to me. Sometimes I want to call him Screwtape. He does not get that every battle with me only validates my contempt of him. It does not push me to submit, it strengthens my opinion of his worthlessness.
Star!!!! BOINK!!! What do you mean “NO ONE IS THERE TO ENJOY IT?” YOU ARE THERE!
That’s the thing is that we have to dress for ourselves, and clean for ourselves and organize for ourselves and LIVE FOR OURSELVES. If someone else is there to SHARE our happiness (or our clean, or our dress, or our organization) fine, but if not, that’s okay too! WE CAN ENJOY IT! So you adjust your attitude missy before I am made to get the BIG SKILLET OUT! LOL (((hugs)))) 🙂
Star – Sorry you got stood up. I have done that, spent the day cleaning the house, yard and having myself and everything just perfect for a date and then no show – the next day I get the “oh I am sorry but yada yada yada” I say ‘oh well, thanx for the clean house, ASSHOLE~!
callmeathena – you said: ‘Yet he was proud of his feedback on ebay ”“ his ebay feedback was 100% positive. Isn’t that crazy. ‘
sounds like he is very proud of his mask, not his integrity.
Hens, I think it’s a blessing. I’m not sure why I invited him over anyway. I was ambivalent about the whole thing. But now there is no doubt as to his character. I’m already over it. I was planning to take my Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel (which is in Spanish) and go sit in a bookstore and read. Instead I ended up in a fascinating discussion about meditation and spiritual things on my reptile forum of all places. I feel the evening wasn’t a waste. BTW, I didn’t clean my house for him. I just did that anyway because I wanted to.
Oxy, no need to boink me. 🙂 I set my place up for entertaining. I enjoy sharing it with people. That’s all I meant – not that I don’t enjoy these things myself. It’s a shame no one else was here to see it. When I get my place all cozied up like this, it’s really a work of art.
LOL the biggest shame is that I made a loaf of homebaked cinnamon bread. It tastes and smells delicious. And I’m on a STRICT gluten free diet, so I can’t really have any. I’m laughing at the irony. I will probably eat the whole thing before tomorrow is over.