Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Darwinsmom,
It’s funny… I’ve been using that term “word salad” in conversations, now. It’s EXACTLY what it is…
I don’t associate “word salad” with my ex-socio though. He did not speak a lot… and when he did he was very directed. He joked a lot when he was drinking with friends, but otherwise, he kept his cards held close to his chest.
The argument twisting – definitely! He was very good at that.
I have hated my ex spath so much that I have exhausted my hate. I am now into extreme complacency, disdain and rejection. It’s been a while getting here but wow: they sure have a way of getting you there quickly; don’t they? Hmm?
Argument twisting: more smoke clouds…
All of it: smoke clouds.
Their entire existence was built upon smoke clouds and they are living and dying that way: in smoke clouds. But, you know, that is THEIR CHOICE. All we can do is exclude ourselves from the drama of it all and move forward with our own lives. THAT is the best justification of all. IGNORING them and the havoc they have reeked upon our lives.
Happy Monday you guys ~
Dupey
I agree with what Dupey just said…
I’m glad it’s all over with, now. I am complacent about it, too. It doesn’t hurt like it did before…
Before the pain was tremendous and non-stop. Now, the pain is easily chased away with the truth: the sociopath was not who I thought he was, could never be, was only a facade.
I fell in love with the facade. Not the sociopath and all his lies and chaos.
Hello there.. I have some surprising news! So I went to the Bursar’s office and she said that all my dad had to do was sign u p for a PLUS loan in order for me to register next year’s classes. I was like okay, well that’s easy. So she asked me if she could call him and see what’s taking him so long to do. So I tell her not to tell him I was in the room. So she calls him and he’s saying I have to call him in order for him to sign it. So I call him and he’s like I’m busy so you need to call me later. I said okay. But I’m not calling him ever! In fact, the lady is saying that if I can get a co-signer for a private loan for the next semesters. I have been looking at ways to decrease the loan amount. Becoming a Resident Assistant, that covers housing. Also, my federal work study which I can never seem to get hired for some reason. Right now, I have a job at the school bookstore. I just need all the support and prayers. This is the hardest thing I have ever done but it is about time. I mean I know its hard but I don’t give up easily. If it takes longer for me to graduate, at least I finished school. I just need all the advice and I know you guys have been through this.
Dear Hurtnomore,
The thing is that he is going to come up with first ONE EXCUSE, then ANOTHER about signing for the loan. He is going to make it as difficult as possible for you to go to school.
Do you know the REASON he is “required” to provide money for you? Does it have to do with your parent’s divorce decree?
Since you have CALLED him and HAVE A WITNESS that you called him, you might e mail your mother with an e mail that something along this line,
Dear Mom:
I am having a terrible time getting dad to sign the PLUS loan so I can get enrolled in school for next term.
He said I must call him, and I DID call him on _____ (put in the date) and _________(time) from the school bursar’s office, but he wouldn’t talk to me then, said he didn’t have time.
I am not sure why he is doing this to me, but it is causing me difficulty in getting registered and to sign up for the classes I need for my degree.
I am working a job at the school book store to try to help pay for my college and expenses, and plan to get a job as a resident assistant next year for help with the costs of my housing. I am maintaining a ____ grade point in my classes.
I am not sure why dad is acting this way, but I would appreciate it if you could assist me in getting him to cooperate.
Hurtnomore, she may either not know, not be able to influence him or she may be “in on” the “bring hurtnomore to her knees so she will toe the family line” plot. I’m not sure.
I suggest that you start looking around for a way to either find a real job outside the college and a place to live that you can afford and save up some money in case you must drop out of school for a semester to work….or find a cheaper college, but just as I would advise a wife who was about to leave her husband’s home because he abused her, you need to have an ESCAPE PLAN, and that means have some money saved up, and plan ahead in case you are not able to enroll in school, where you will go and how you will live. Keep us posted. (((hugs))) Oxy
my spathy ex loved to talk about his superior intelligence. What a joke he was as thick as fuck. Clever tho, like a venomous snake in the grass. Just wanted you lovely people to no Im enjoying the NC and feeling a rush of power every time he msgs me ….and I iGNORE it. Mmm mm the power. And all the threats that he was guna turn up at my house or wait for me after work hav so far been empty promises. Lies lies ….from hello to goodbye. What an ace quote love it!
Dear Strongawoman,
NC is definitely the only way to wound them, but be careful if he is making THREATS against you sometimes they do carry them out, so BE SAFE above all, and if he is threatening you, make sure to document these threats and to notify the authorities on this, and above all BE SAFE! God bless.
Dumb Earth Quakes, just had another one – 4.7 and I live in oklahoma – what’s with that?
Hens,
I think it’s from the drilling for natural gas.
I’m not totally up on this but isn’t there some kind of drilling where they break up the ground to get the pockets of gas to release. Is it a coincidence that places that never used to have earth quakes are now experiencing them since the price of fuel has skyrocketed and drilling is going where no man has gone before?