By | January 29, 2012 23 Comments

Evidence that negative interactions lead to inflammation

New research documents the link between negative social interactions and the production of proteins that trigger inflammation in the body.

Read Social friction tied to inflammation, on

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Scientific research

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Ox Drover

This is just one more piece of evidence that stress (called here “Social friction”) leads to some pretty bad things in our bodies and minds.

From the time that Holmes and Rhae did their stress scale and other researchers started to put mice in cages and “stress” them (many times with random electric shocks) and then expose them to diseases, and the “stressed” mice got sick and died, and the ones who lived happily munching their pellets did not get sick, and had health immune systems….we have known that stress, physical, emotional, mental, and social is harmful to the human being.

One of the worst things about the stress I think of dealing with the psychopathic gaslighting and chaos is the weakening of everything about ourselves. Our thinking becomes clouded, fuzzy and unclear. 2+2 begins to equal random numbers when we balance our check book, when we read we are not able to retain what we have read. When we start to make plans, we have difficulty recalling dates and events, we become forgetful and go off to work without our lunch box,, or the report we worked on at home last night. We stutter and stammer trying to find simple words, llike “tree”–we can “see” the object in our mind’s eye, but we just can’t find the WORD.

All these things, including the bad colds, and flu and body aches we get add to the stress we feel and it has a positive feed back loop, with the more stress, the worse it becomes, and the more stress we feel,, and the less we are able to function. The sicker our body gets, the less well our mind functions until in some cases, we just lay down and die.

Dr. Viktor Frankl’s book that I have quoted here talks about the ULTIMATE stress of the Nazi prison camp to the ULTIMATE psychopathic experience…and how some inmates literally gave up and died, not just of starvation, but just of the desire to die…some fought and became like their jailers, and some few, like him, kept their wits.

The ultimate stress for me was a life event, when I lost my husband in a flaming aircraft crash, and my son D was burned as well, but that was when my psychopathic son took his opportunity to use my weakness and vulnerability to strike….it was when I reached out in my pain searching for someone to comfort me and found a psychopathic boy friend who added to my stress….and had 4 life threatening infections…and then came the summer of chaos when I had to flee for my life. My health took a nose dive, partly from the fact that during those years of chaos and pain, I had abused it, and been a life long smoker and abused it….

The past few years I’ve done my best to limit the stress in my life. I’ve cut out the stressful people…but even doing that has also caused some stress and anxiety as I learned how to set boundaries for people in my life. There have been some SIGNIFICANT people that I have cut out of my life including my other biological son and my egg donor, and friends who have been “friends” for decades….loved like family….but who were in the end seen to be toxic.

Of course life goes on too….even when we are trying to get our lives too a level playing field and calm and peaceful. Things happen like an accident that injures an Achilles tendon and puts me on crutches which I sincerely hate…but that’s stressful in itself, because I allow it to be more than it has to be….because I don’t like being dependent on someone else to do
FOR me what I want to do for myself… I realize there is a need in me to control my own emotions and feelings to meet reality.

Inflammation effects all parts of our bodies and our minds, shortening our lives and decreasing the ability of our bodies to fight infection and to function, of our hearts to pump blood effectively and our brains to think well.

I’ve sort of preached here about peace and calm, and decreasing stress….of taking care of ourselves…..of not allowing people or things to stress us. I will go on preaching that to LoveFraud, but mostly of preaching that and attempting to practice it for myself. God bless us all. PEACE. LOVE. JOY. HAPPINESS.


Oxy and All,

First Oxy let me say no matter how many times I hear what you have endured and risen above I am just amazed by your resilience (and wisdom). I am not trying to flatter, but give you huge kudos. Your spirit and perseverance has inspired and motivated me for the 4+ years I have been hanging around here at LF.


I go by Slimone (Slim One) because all the stress I experienced killed my appetite. I weighed 98lbs. Lost 12lbs in six weeks. I am 5’3”. I looked scary.

I felt half dead.

Now, with some time and alot of work to make different choices I understand that I may be a product of my past, but I am not a prisoner of it.

xo, Slim

New Beginning

Oxy and SlimOne, you are both an inspiration!

Ox Drover

Dear Slim One, thank you very much, I hope that I can comfort others the way that others have comforted me here on LF…I’m not sure I would be alive wihtout LF and I know I would have NO sanity at all without Donna, Liane, Aloha and LoveFraud. In the summer of Chaos, 2007, I sat at my computer and wept the entire summer because I was not alone….there were others out there just like me. People hurting but who were over coming it, coming out of the FOG, figuring out what was going on….realizing what red flags were, and finding ways to learn to SET BOUNDARIES.

It seemed like each week there was another hurdle to pass, but as each one was over come, we get stronger and stronger. Learn more and KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, and we take back our power.

Keep on trucking and learning and growing, and remember it is a JOURNEY not a destination. (((hugs))) and God bless.


Oxy, my 2007 was last month when after years of praying, writing, walking, crying, depression, and heart surgery I was thankfully guided to this website. I had been trying to get over the anger, resentment, and utter confusion of what happened. This person was pure evil, but I kept trying to change him and help him only to be destroyed. I suffered for a long time with that because I didn’t know the truth of what he really was, so I couldn’t heal. God and my guardian angel (my beloved grandmother) helped me to start the real recovery from what the ex spath turned me into because I was literally told in a vision to look up the word “sociopath”. I was FLOORED, shocked, and SO relieved that finally after searching for answers for so long that I now had a real starting point for healing. That one word lead me to lovefraud and here is where I can feel human again, little by little.
I do actually feel healthier since being on this website, not just emotionally but physically, too….er, despite my holiday weight gain.
Thank you Oxy, because reading your posts early on is what TRULY kick-started my healing. You are very wise and strong. Discovering what you have gone through in your comments I have been able to piece together a life that I don’t think I could have endured. What you went through is an inspiration to people like me that any problem can be overcome by knowledge, acceptance, change, and faith.

Ox Drover

Thank you Woundlicker…we CAN over come any situation. One of the things that helped me the most was reading Dr. Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s search for meaning” He wrote this after spending 4 years in a Nazi concentration camp and losing everything in his world except his life (wife, manuscript he had written but not yet published, home, friends, family….Everything) and yet, he found meaning in being in the concentration camp even after all that. It inspired me that no matter what I have lost it is not as bad as it could have been, and in this world there are worse things than what I’ve had to endure so I need to FIND MEANING in what has happened.

I’m no stronger than any other person here at lovefraud…we all have more strength than we realize, but we need to be shown some times that we have this strength. It is amazing just HOW STRONG we really are.

I’m glad you are here at LoveFraud Woundllicker, and glad that you are on the healing road….just keep one foot in front of another and you will succeed. I can promise that, even if sometimes you stumble. (((hugs))) and my prayers for you.


I firmly believe that inflammation is linked to all sorts of disorders and diseases that may otherwise seem disconnected. There is a reason “inflammation” is in the news — a lot of new research has been done about this. To be sure, we have all been through the wringer with regard to stress. I think a lot of the physical damage can be reversed, but it also depends how long it’s been going on, and maybe also how old we are. While it may be very difficult to avoid stress entirely if we have spaths in our lives (whether in a relationship, being stalked by them, having to raise kids with them, in court battles with them, being financially devastated by them, physical scars from abuse, etc.) — I do think there are some very real things we can all do, to help ourselves heal and recover.

It is a gift to ourselves to undertake this healing. I believe it is what we are supposed to do, or why we are here. Some of the healing takes place in our mind.

But I believe there are also some practical things we can deliberately and consciously do, to re-build our damaged bodies. The approaches are personal and individual. For me, I have found some of these things to help: spend time out in nature, soaking up vitamin D (and taking a vitamin D supplement); making music; practicing EFT, studying nutrition and feeding myself only “real food” (no processed food) which I make myself; lifting weights to build strength and flexibility; go to bed early every night, no matter what, in a very dark room, and get my 8.5 hours of sleep. I absolutely insist on my sleep!

So… while it is about stress, it’s not ALL about stress, as though we might think, “well, of COURSE I’m stressed!!! Sigh. Not that I can do much about that…” because I think there are other things we can do, and doing nice things to take care of ourselves helps our stress, helps our inflammation, helps our healing. Be compassionate towards YOU.


This is a great blog topic. Your responses are like soaking in an oasis 🙂

Ox Drover

20 years!!!! Great post, and absolutely true!!!! Taking care of ourselves is vital to recovery…physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It is important that we recognize that decreasing our stress, doing healthy things for ourselves and that includes eating right, sleeping right, exercising and so on. ALL important to our well being! Good job!


I second 20years comments.

I can certainly second that negative interactions lead to inflammation, as I suffered with Shingles as a result of my x-spath’s hot and cold treatment of me.


Ox Dover, your frailty makes you even more kickass. Whenever I read your comments, you’re always wearing mucky farm boots.

Woundlicker, whenever I read your name, I say it in my head like Paul Simon sings “Bone-digger, Bone-digger” on his song “You Can Call Me Al.” Woundlicker, Woundlicker.

Totally agree with the article and all comments. I lost a ton of weight – called it the heartbreak & vertigo diet. But first was the staph infection, the first one I’ve ever had in life. I got it one month after we started dating. It took a month to heal and then it came back a month after. It was excrutiating and I cld barely walk. I still have no idea how I got it. I forgot about that one I saw the word “inflammation” and until Behind Blue Eyes mentioned shingles above. Shingles! Awful, so sorry – I remember David Letterman complaining about them!

When we broke up, my spath actually had the gall to tell me that HE thought HE had heart problems b/c of what I put him through. Like you have a heart, I thought.

I ordered Dr. Viktor Frankl’s book on Amazon this morning and I can’t wait to get it. I read once that concentration camp survivors often experience traumatic flashbacks when waiting in lines at the supermarket or elsewhere, because of how they used to have to stand in line for hours and hours in the camps.

I’ve been wanting to ask this for a very long time: has anyone read any Clarissa Pinkola Estes? She wrote “Women Who Run With the Wolves” and she has a lot of spoken audio that is amazing. Clarissa Pinkola Estes work is only second to the Bible, to me. I fall asleep to her audio – she is extraordinarily healing. Anyway, anyone??

Ox Drover


I laughed when I read your posts about my “frailty”—not sure where you got that, I did injure myself but I’m not really “frail” even though I am 65, I’m built like a “brick out house” as we say here or like a fire plug and while I can not pick up a couch and throw it into a truck any more I can still swing a hammer and a meat cleaver! LOL I do have a pair of really kick arse boots actually, they are elephant skin cowboy boots with inset letters in the back of the shafts that say “Mama” and “tried” one word on each shaft, made by my prisoner son Patrick in the craft shop of the prison. LOL But they aren’t for wearing in the muck. LOL

I’ll check out the book(s)


ok, “frailty” was an imperfect and presumptuous word choice – is that word insulting? – but it was related to your succumbing to health issues (four life-threatening infections!) despite having what appears to be an iron rod for a spine. Just poo-poo and ignore it.

Oh my gosh, your “Mama tried” boots. Sometimes your life reads like a Cormac McCarthy book.


I am little confused, I need help.

When we met exspath told me not to talk to any of his sis inlaws or any other women basically who knew his departed first wife, basically tried to keep me in wonderland and kept me confused.

When something disaster happened and nothing made sense to me, I finally called his sis inlaw and asked her, that I truly can’t make sense of what is happening here, this was the time when we were still together, then she took a deep breath and gave me whole run around about the abuse he caused his first wife and how she died due to cancer with no will to live anymore, because this is the only way she could have escaped him. She ran to shelter many times but always came back to him. It all made sense to me, because his same actions were repeating with me, but I was too strong and he knew if he laid a finger on my I will call cop.

When exspath left in such a rush, I was devasted, and based on people’s advice, I talked, talked or talked with friends. I was feeling so much pain, didn’t know why that happened, tried to make sense of nothing in hand. I am sure I must have shared the story I found from his sis inlaw, we women are emotinal, and feel even for dead.

It was more than 2 years ago, nothing new has happened since then.

Suddenly out of blue his sis inlaw called me yesterday, and told me she is upset, because ex spath has refused to come to their house for dinner for super ball, and she was told by her husband that six weeks ago exspath told him, that I have talked about us to friends and one of that friends basically went to him during christmas holidays and told him what I said and help his sis inlaw provided me, so now he is mad at his sis inlaw and will not come to their house. Anyway it is not my problem anymore.

Weird thing is exspath knew she gave me some negative information, which he was hiding from me throughout time and even when he was leaving he told me he wished I would have told him what sis inlaw said to me, I said it didn’t matter, because I have not left you.

In short he always knew she told me things, and she meets me pretty regularly, so now him finding from friend, it has become a big event.

I got pretty distrubed by this, who did this, and why would anybody would go and say something after 2 years, what was the intention, he is out of my life. I felt old anxiety yesterday and at the same time, thank god I don’t need to deal with this anymore….

But it sure had some effect on me….


My heart,
Maybe the effect it had on you, is confusion. Why would your exP’s family WANT to have him in their home? He is evil.

It sounds very similar to my own family and I was also confused.

I have an spath-uncle who also “killed his wife with cancer”. Everyone knows this (except his new wife) but they continue to accept him as part of the family.

My spath-sister and her spath husband has tried to send my spath brother to jail. They are not sorry and would do it again, but still we all continued to accept them as part of the family. I did too.

It was not until I had my close up experience with EVIL and finally understood what it looks like that I said NO MORE CONTACT WITH THOSE EVIL PERSONS. The reason that people do evil is because the can get away with it. There are no sanctions, they don’t get rejected by their families. So I understand now that accepting an evil person into your home is enabling.

And it makes me wonder why your sister in law, who understands his act of “murder by cancer” still wants him in her home? I don’t know if she can be a good person and not feel revulsion at his presence in her home. It doesn’t seem possible.

What I finally realized was that my family members were also not good people. My parents had programmed their kids to not feel revulsion in the face of evil, so we accepted evil people in our lives.


That is a great way of putting it, Skylar.

I have battled (!!!) for the past year, with my clueless (not evil), enabling family to PLEASE stop talking to my spath-ex-husband (father of their grandkids). My folks wanted to “be nice” and they just believe in being nice. Spath has not dropped his mask in front of them — ever.

I have never given up trying to assert my strong Self to my family, hoping they would actually see ME and not the spath’s projecting lies about me. I have told them the awful truth, over and over, as it has unfolded.

The dissonance has gotten to them a few times over the years, and I think the events of this past year finally got through to them.

I am glad I did not give up on my family. But it has been very hard. I could not really turn to them for support because they didn’t believe me. My dad kept “reaching out to” my spath/ex-husband, you know, keep on extending that olive branch. and the spath would be sweet as pie to him. It made me so angry and hurt.

My dad kept telling me that I needed to meet my spath “halfway.” I knew better. But what I hated more than anything was that my dad was being sucked in by him. My dad offered (meddling/poor boundaries) to be a mediator or go-between, since my spath so wanted to mend fences but I clearly did not…

wouldn’t it be better for the children if their dad and I could get along better? etc.

And in doing so… he had to wrestle with the dissonance of whether or not I was the crazy one (and spath was normal, but I was just vindictive ex-wife or something).

I have dealt with this BS for so long. And.. gotten stronger in the process. I never wanted to give up on my parents.

What it took was some of their illusions shattering. That is a sad thing to see; I went through it myself… it is very painful. To know that evil exists. And now what — now that we know this… now what?

To know that they cannot “protect” me. In fact, to witness, to wake up finally to the fact that *I* have NOT been crazy, and *I* have been the one to take matters into my own hands and protect myself and the children, in the face of all these disbelievers, these well-meaning, see-no-evil disbelievers who unwittingly tried to undo all of the carefully thought out, self-protective things I was doing.

To know that you can’t just keep offering “olive branches” or assuming the other person has good intentions when QUITE CLEARLY THEY DO NOT. To be able to trust your own judgment, finally, about people. No, they are NOT all people of good will.

And no, your daughter is NOT the crazy one.

Things are better now, thank God. I have my parents back. Though I am often feeling like the adult these days…


So when it all boils down, I have to take time off in college and really gain some independence. I’m scared and feel like a failure because I can’t finish college right now. Yesterday my counselor and I tried talking to my dad. But he, of course, had an outrageous request in order for him to come through. I just said forget it. We tried my grandma and she didn’t mind unless my mom agreed to it. Well she says my dad has to because its his responsibility. So I have to move out by Friday afternoon. I’m staying at a few professors house which means I have to get a job quickly. Which always means I have to find a place quickly since no one in my family can take me without my dads permission. Hunh? Yeah well no matter how long it takes I’m still gonna open my own fashion boutique one day.

Ox Drover

My heart, it is a DRAMA RAMA….big deal….he found out that you knew about his abuse of his first wife. So now he’s mad at his SIL and won’t come to her house and this is YOUR problem HOW? If he is such a monster what does she care ifd he comes to her house or not?

Sounds like she’s got as much DRAMA as he has–you don’t need her either.

Ox Drover


I realize that for young people to have a dream is a wonderful thing…but actually you don’t have to have a college degree to open a fashion botique, Or you can study on line….right now you are going to get tghe BEST education you can get and that is learning how to support yourself, find an apartment, pay your own way with a job, and manage your money.

You can keep your dad out of your life now and don’t have to have anything to do with him or anyone else who has been hateful to you. Good luck.


Yes OX he is full of drama, always been, and from a family of spaths, I think she was worried that it will screw up her marriage, if her husband finds out that she is talking.

But my bottom line is now, why do we women want to hide abuse on a woman from husbands, when we are trying to help her, and if we are so right why do we worry about our own marriage, if we do there is something seriously worng in the marriage itself.

Anyway I am feeling fine today, these little ripples, specailly you are out of touch one topic for years, kind of brings bad memories. Only one thing came to my mind, thank god, I am not in middle of this……

Ox Drover

Yea, My heart, it is all a “drama rama” and people who engage in it are not living an authentic life. It is a shame, but it is very common. IN the meantime, culling this kind of person out of your life will make YOUR life better! It is called “setting boundaries.”


what about an online store?
if you have designs for clothes that you created, or if you have purchased clothes that you can sell, start your own store.

Get an store. That type of experience would be great to get under your belt and much cheaper to start than a brick and mortar store.

If you get one together, post a link here so we can see.


Skylar- What a great idea! I definitely will post one.
OxDrover- I guess I get kinda scared when they say if business fails and you have no college degree let alone a master’s degree then you will be unemployed. Its almost like people will look down on you for not obtaining the highest degree. I mean you are right. I don’t need a degree to open up my own online and actual store.
Thank you both by the way!

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