New research documents the link between negative social interactions and the production of proteins that trigger inflammation in the body.
Read Social friction tied to inflammation, on ScienceNews.org.
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
Ox Dover, your frailty makes you even more kickass. Whenever I read your comments, you’re always wearing mucky farm boots.
Woundlicker, whenever I read your name, I say it in my head like Paul Simon sings “Bone-digger, Bone-digger” on his song “You Can Call Me Al.” Woundlicker, Woundlicker.
Totally agree with the article and all comments. I lost a ton of weight – called it the heartbreak & vertigo diet. But first was the staph infection, the first one I’ve ever had in life. I got it one month after we started dating. It took a month to heal and then it came back a month after. It was excrutiating and I cld barely walk. I still have no idea how I got it. I forgot about that one I saw the word “inflammation” and until Behind Blue Eyes mentioned shingles above. Shingles! Awful, so sorry – I remember David Letterman complaining about them!
When we broke up, my spath actually had the gall to tell me that HE thought HE had heart problems b/c of what I put him through. Like you have a heart, I thought.
I ordered Dr. Viktor Frankl’s book on Amazon this morning and I can’t wait to get it. I read once that concentration camp survivors often experience traumatic flashbacks when waiting in lines at the supermarket or elsewhere, because of how they used to have to stand in line for hours and hours in the camps.
I’ve been wanting to ask this for a very long time: has anyone read any Clarissa Pinkola Estes? She wrote “Women Who Run With the Wolves” and she has a lot of spoken audio that is amazing. Clarissa Pinkola Estes work is only second to the Bible, to me. I fall asleep to her audio – she is extraordinarily healing. Anyway, anyone??
Parallelogram
I laughed when I read your posts about my “frailty”—not sure where you got that, I did injure myself but I’m not really “frail” even though I am 65, I’m built like a “brick out house” as we say here or like a fire plug and while I can not pick up a couch and throw it into a truck any more I can still swing a hammer and a meat cleaver! LOL I do have a pair of really kick arse boots actually, they are elephant skin cowboy boots with inset letters in the back of the shafts that say “Mama” and “tried” one word on each shaft, made by my prisoner son Patrick in the craft shop of the prison. LOL But they aren’t for wearing in the muck. LOL
I’ll check out the book(s)
ok, “frailty” was an imperfect and presumptuous word choice – is that word insulting? – but it was related to your succumbing to health issues (four life-threatening infections!) despite having what appears to be an iron rod for a spine. Just poo-poo and ignore it.
Oh my gosh, your “Mama tried” boots. Sometimes your life reads like a Cormac McCarthy book.
I am little confused, I need help.
When we met exspath told me not to talk to any of his sis inlaws or any other women basically who knew his departed first wife, basically tried to keep me in wonderland and kept me confused.
When something disaster happened and nothing made sense to me, I finally called his sis inlaw and asked her, that I truly can’t make sense of what is happening here, this was the time when we were still together, then she took a deep breath and gave me whole run around about the abuse he caused his first wife and how she died due to cancer with no will to live anymore, because this is the only way she could have escaped him. She ran to shelter many times but always came back to him. It all made sense to me, because his same actions were repeating with me, but I was too strong and he knew if he laid a finger on my I will call cop.
When exspath left in such a rush, I was devasted, and based on people’s advice, I talked, talked or talked with friends. I was feeling so much pain, didn’t know why that happened, tried to make sense of nothing in hand. I am sure I must have shared the story I found from his sis inlaw, we women are emotinal, and feel even for dead.
It was more than 2 years ago, nothing new has happened since then.
Suddenly out of blue his sis inlaw called me yesterday, and told me she is upset, because ex spath has refused to come to their house for dinner for super ball, and she was told by her husband that six weeks ago exspath told him, that I have talked about us to friends and one of that friends basically went to him during christmas holidays and told him what I said and help his sis inlaw provided me, so now he is mad at his sis inlaw and will not come to their house. Anyway it is not my problem anymore.
Weird thing is exspath knew she gave me some negative information, which he was hiding from me throughout time and even when he was leaving he told me he wished I would have told him what sis inlaw said to me, I said it didn’t matter, because I have not left you.
In short he always knew she told me things, and she meets me pretty regularly, so now him finding from friend, it has become a big event.
I got pretty distrubed by this, who did this, and why would anybody would go and say something after 2 years, what was the intention, he is out of my life. I felt old anxiety yesterday and at the same time, thank god I don’t need to deal with this anymore….
But it sure had some effect on me….
My heart,
Maybe the effect it had on you, is confusion. Why would your exP’s family WANT to have him in their home? He is evil.
It sounds very similar to my own family and I was also confused.
I have an spath-uncle who also “killed his wife with cancer”. Everyone knows this (except his new wife) but they continue to accept him as part of the family.
My spath-sister and her spath husband has tried to send my spath brother to jail. They are not sorry and would do it again, but still we all continued to accept them as part of the family. I did too.
It was not until I had my close up experience with EVIL and finally understood what it looks like that I said NO MORE CONTACT WITH THOSE EVIL PERSONS. The reason that people do evil is because the can get away with it. There are no sanctions, they don’t get rejected by their families. So I understand now that accepting an evil person into your home is enabling.
And it makes me wonder why your sister in law, who understands his act of “murder by cancer” still wants him in her home? I don’t know if she can be a good person and not feel revulsion at his presence in her home. It doesn’t seem possible.
What I finally realized was that my family members were also not good people. My parents had programmed their kids to not feel revulsion in the face of evil, so we accepted evil people in our lives.
That is a great way of putting it, Skylar.
I have battled (!!!) for the past year, with my clueless (not evil), enabling family to PLEASE stop talking to my spath-ex-husband (father of their grandkids). My folks wanted to “be nice” and they just believe in being nice. Spath has not dropped his mask in front of them — ever.
I have never given up trying to assert my strong Self to my family, hoping they would actually see ME and not the spath’s projecting lies about me. I have told them the awful truth, over and over, as it has unfolded.
The dissonance has gotten to them a few times over the years, and I think the events of this past year finally got through to them.
I am glad I did not give up on my family. But it has been very hard. I could not really turn to them for support because they didn’t believe me. My dad kept “reaching out to” my spath/ex-husband, you know, keep on extending that olive branch. and the spath would be sweet as pie to him. It made me so angry and hurt.
My dad kept telling me that I needed to meet my spath “halfway.” I knew better. But what I hated more than anything was that my dad was being sucked in by him. My dad offered (meddling/poor boundaries) to be a mediator or go-between, since my spath so wanted to mend fences but I clearly did not…
wouldn’t it be better for the children if their dad and I could get along better? etc.
And in doing so… he had to wrestle with the dissonance of whether or not I was the crazy one (and spath was normal, but I was just vindictive ex-wife or something).
I have dealt with this BS for so long. And.. gotten stronger in the process. I never wanted to give up on my parents.
What it took was some of their illusions shattering. That is a sad thing to see; I went through it myself… it is very painful. To know that evil exists. And now what — now that we know this… now what?
To know that they cannot “protect” me. In fact, to witness, to wake up finally to the fact that *I* have NOT been crazy, and *I* have been the one to take matters into my own hands and protect myself and the children, in the face of all these disbelievers, these well-meaning, see-no-evil disbelievers who unwittingly tried to undo all of the carefully thought out, self-protective things I was doing.
To know that you can’t just keep offering “olive branches” or assuming the other person has good intentions when QUITE CLEARLY THEY DO NOT. To be able to trust your own judgment, finally, about people. No, they are NOT all people of good will.
And no, your daughter is NOT the crazy one.
Things are better now, thank God. I have my parents back. Though I am often feeling like the adult these days…
So when it all boils down, I have to take time off in college and really gain some independence. I’m scared and feel like a failure because I can’t finish college right now. Yesterday my counselor and I tried talking to my dad. But he, of course, had an outrageous request in order for him to come through. I just said forget it. We tried my grandma and she didn’t mind unless my mom agreed to it. Well she says my dad has to because its his responsibility. So I have to move out by Friday afternoon. I’m staying at a few professors house which means I have to get a job quickly. Which always means I have to find a place quickly since no one in my family can take me without my dads permission. Hunh? Yeah well no matter how long it takes I’m still gonna open my own fashion boutique one day.
My heart, it is a DRAMA RAMA….big deal….he found out that you knew about his abuse of his first wife. So now he’s mad at his SIL and won’t come to her house and this is YOUR problem HOW? If he is such a monster what does she care ifd he comes to her house or not?
Sounds like she’s got as much DRAMA as he has–you don’t need her either.
Hurtnomore,
I realize that for young people to have a dream is a wonderful thing…but actually you don’t have to have a college degree to open a fashion botique, Or you can study on line….right now you are going to get tghe BEST education you can get and that is learning how to support yourself, find an apartment, pay your own way with a job, and manage your money.
You can keep your dad out of your life now and don’t have to have anything to do with him or anyone else who has been hateful to you. Good luck.
Yes OX he is full of drama, always been, and from a family of spaths, I think she was worried that it will screw up her marriage, if her husband finds out that she is talking.
But my bottom line is now, why do we women want to hide abuse on a woman from husbands, when we are trying to help her, and if we are so right why do we worry about our own marriage, if we do there is something seriously worng in the marriage itself.
Anyway I am feeling fine today, these little ripples, specailly you are out of touch one topic for years, kind of brings bad memories. Only one thing came to my mind, thank god, I am not in middle of this……