I love my wikipedia. I learn a lot I didn’t know and I refine my thinking by finding fault too. (The problem is knowing what is worth learning and what needs unlearning!)
Consider the wikipedia definition of evil:
Evil is generally defined as any activity which takes advantage of another person for one’s own benefit….(In contrast, good is helping others, even sometimes self-sacrificially; see saint, sainthood.)
There’s something dodgy about the form of this definition and also something very familiar about its implications. For one thing, it fits with the the lable ‘anti-social’ which refers to behaviour which has ill effects, but good intentions – “well, in his culture that behaviour is normal”. Whatever happened to ill intent, though? (For another thing, what’s the counterpart to sainthood?)
According to this view all employers are evil because they necessarily pay their employees less than they earn (‘necessarily’ because otherwise there would be no profit).
The definition attempts to define evil by contrasting it with good. So far so, um, good. But then it weighs them up wrongly, and we are left with a picture of evil that is indistinguishable from graspingness and greed. According to this view evil might have ill effects on the other, but that is not the intention; its primary intention is to gain advantage.
This is a fine example of how thinking about evil can go askew. (And, I suspect, thinking about good too.)
By re-balancing the wording of the above definition another meaning of evil becomes clear.
If good is helping another (possibly involving self-sacrifice) then it follows that evil is harming another (possibly involving self-benefit).
This is all the difference in the world. Now we can see the true intention of evil – it is to do harm. Evil is only secondarily about want, appetite, greed, jealousy; it’s true nature is malevolence, envy, cruelty, viciousness. Indeed, for evil the getting of things is happily foregone if what is primary can be achieved: power over another.
What say you?
Thanks Tea Light
He’s been contacting me begging me to meet him tonight after my running club and if I’m honest a little bit of me wants to go, but reading these posts is keeping me strong. Your post is exactly what I need to hear and it stops me from being drawn back in.
I know that there is nothing he can say that will help me in any way, it’s all lies and manipulation and he’s lonely now his partner has kicked him out and he’s not yet worked his magic on his new house-mate.
I have written your post out and put it on my bathroom mirror. I love this site – it has saved me from being dragged down….
Jayo, I have a folder on my desk top full of cut and pasted pep talks and advice from other members! It’s a huge source of strength for me to come here and a great comfort to know I’m not going through this alone. Neither are you, we’re here for you. Stay strong. Stay safe . Stay away! Enjoy your run and keep us posted. ,x
jayo: my stalker does the same thing: runs out of options and then contacts me. That equals stalking and it took me a long long time to accept it and realize it. When the ‘relationship’ got to the point of abusive and “IT” threatening my life and attempting to take it from me, with IMMENSE GLEE, I might add, is when I cut the almost 14 years of ‘friendship’ completely off. I realized that I think MORE of myself than to ‘settle’ for something so shallow and vile.
NOBODY controls my mind except for me and God. Period.
Their persistent returning, over and over, that is stalking.
And, it’s difficult to see it for what it really is because we almost “WANT” their attentions. But, they are not ‘normal’ attentions….they are full of agendas for one reason or another.
Trust me, I am telling you the truth.
So, I learned that unless I wanted the pain and suffering to continue, I needed to END IT. I am almost at a year NC from my stand point, however, my stalker, has tried to contact me, just within the past couple of weeks. And it has always been that way.
I am NEVER returning to that nightmare I had been sucked into.
NEVER. Stay strong and don’t give in to that ‘silver tongue’..
don’t give in to your heart because your emotions will be used
against you and you will end up being hurt by your own emotions.
THAT is their ‘touche’ but not here…I refuse to give that. I,
instead, “WIN” by turning my head and walking the other way.
There is NOTHING left to say and NOTHING left to hear.
Period.
I wish you strength to continue this journey towards yourself.
Dupey
THanks for the posts.
Been for my run, not gone to meet him. THat’s progress because only two days ago I was tempted to meet up with him. But I can’t think of one good reason to see him – I know he can offer me NOTHING -as you say it’s not normal attention. It’s just his agenda to get control back. Hopefully when he realises I’ve truly gone, he will get busy with his next victim.
It’s only been just over two weeks since I found out the extent of his deceit, and I’m doing well, but I can’t stop thinking about it all. Even though I felt all along something wasn’t right, I never suspected how much was wrong!! I only heard the term sociopath a week ago – I think I’m in shock about the fact I was taken in by him. I just want to get on with my life and feel ‘normal’ again. Keep posting and giving hope and support to ‘newbie’ victims like me
Jayo,
I just wanted to commend you for doing so well,when you truly are a newbie!It’s no wonder you’re still in shock,the situation and gaining insight of what it really is about is so fresh yet!But the shock will start wearing off soon,as will the dizzying fog & confusion.Running is a great way to build up the endorphins and keep your mind focused.
Well,my story for today…I’ve been working for monthes trying to get my SSI check increased.After talking to people,sending documents and leaving msgs,the matter was finally taken care of today,thank goodness!I’ve been living below poverty level!One thing I did find out “accidentally” by talking to my daughter later,spath will only be receiving enough from SSI to pay for his phone since he’s in a nursing home.Soooo,can’t forsee him getting out and finding an apt as he’d planned.
jayo: like blossom4th said: it is amazing you are doing so great at this point. I don’t think the ‘shock’ has quite set in yet…The best thing you can do for yourself is not examine it; don’t try to ‘over think’ it…that is where you will get lost in the ‘webs’ of deceit and the depths of it. You say you are a ‘runner’…like blossom4th said, THAT IS WONDERFUL! Keep being active and just shove this all aside and don’t give it a second thought nor look. If you allow those thoughts, they will eventually overtake you and pull you down to the depths of hell…the same places I have been. When all I had to do was IGNORE IT, right in the beginning, and I might not have had to come through everything I have.
Just run, jayo…run as fast as you can and don’t look back.
I should have not ever given this “THING” as much importance as I did…IT DESERVES NOTHING. Don’t be too understanding of the devil, Dear jayo…
Dupey
Blossom! Great news! So happy for you things will be a little easier for you financially treat yourself to a beautiful bunch of flowers or a keepsake! Love to you
My hope and conviction on knowing evil:
“It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succor of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.”
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
From Lord of the Rings.
Yesterday I began reading the book, People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck, MD. It is an older book but still very relevant today. I have often wondered why I was “cursed” to find out that evil exists when I was happy to bellieve all people are basically good and some are merely misguided.
Our joy, goodness, power, faith, kindness and empathy set us all up for it. And I now believe that it is our purpose to uprooot evil and expose it “in the fields that we know”. Together we can do it. It is an unwelcome task, we are disbelieved, condemned, distained and vilified by those who do not want to know. We are made fools of by the evil itself and question our own sanity. But the evil cannot hold us down.
Knowing evil gives us power over it.
betsybugs, you said:
“Our joy, goodness, power, faith, kindness and empathy set us all up for it. And I now believe that it is our purpose to uprooot evil and expose it “in the fields that we know”. Together we can do it. It is an unwelcome task, we are disbelieved, condemned, distained and vilified by those who do not want to know. We are made fools of by the evil itself and question our own sanity. But the evil cannot hold us down.
Knowing evil gives us power over it.”
*******************************************
I completely and absolutely agree with you.
Once you experience that kind of evil, it does keep you
aware that it does exist and you can’t combat evil if you
don’t recognize it when you see it.
There is a difference between ‘bad men’ and ‘evil men’.
There IS a difference. I have seen both and I absolutely
believe it exists now.
Like you, I had always believed that EVERY ONE had a streak
of ‘goodness’ in them. I have learned through this experience,
that just isn’t so.
Yes, we have been mocked by the devil himself.
“IT” made us question our own sanity.
But: knowing evil DOES give us power over “IT”.
Prayers & wishes, betsybugs…
Dupey
i didnt expect to see this article tonight but just stopped by and began reading……….why is it the very mention of the word evil……..overwhelms me….i cant hold back the tears for what was done to me…………..i always believed people were good…..honest….kind……loving…….caring………empathic..compassionate..i guess i feel i am….i grew up i guess knowing the difference between right and wrong………once when i was a small child i remember robbing a choclate bar from the shop and my mother called the shop owner to come to our house and i remember hiding under the bed in tears….a little girl afraid…i was made apologise…and i knew i had done wrong……..my inner compass guides me in life to know the difference between right and wrong….to feel empathy and compassion for others and to have a conscience about how i treat others and what i do…….
i have done many wrong things in my life that i am ashamed of but i own them………i own my bad decisions and choices and i seek reparation and forgiveness for the mistakes i make and i carry the guilt……….i hope that makes me see im somewhat of a good person…its all i would ever want to be….i would never intentionally seek to hurt or destroy another human being………..
If good is helping another (possibly involving self-sacrifice) then it follows that evil is harming another (possibly involving self-benefit
i sit here in tears now because this subject is so raw…….evil……
i never knew evil…….i believed it exsisted but it never touched my life……..
untill it did……and i knew the sick…vile feeling of walking around feeling ill all the time and living with anxiety and fear because i was afraid to live because i fell apart ….because my life was touched by evil……how could this happen? why ? i couldnt understand the depth of deceit…..the lies….the manipulation….it was sick…..horrible…….vile…..and it had gotten inside me……this had been done to me……..and i had no control over it….evil had touched my life……i always believed people were good so why did this happen to me ?
i still feel sick every time i think about what she did……its too much even to bare some times…but i have learned to ask the question now……….not why did it happen to me but what can i learn from it ? what am i to learn..?
we are good people…all of us…..our lives may have been touched by evil but it doesnt define us….we will stand strong against it..we will over come what has happened to us and walk this journey hand in hand empowering one another and being guided by those in our lives who give us hope and light….
today i was doing my grocery shopping and walking around the store a song came on in the shop and i got drawn back into a sad place,i thought about my ex…..my eyes filled with tears..i felt sad…….but it was not cause i want her back in my life…..it was because of what she did to me…..all the lies and deceit too painful to live with….but does she even understand what she did,no she doesnt…..she would say there is no point of me apologising to you because it will mean nothing…..and you know she was right because it would mean nothing…..and i wouldnt even believe her…..
my relationship is over almost 3 years…..it is a long and painful road….does it get easier …yes…..
i want to say to you jayo…….it is very early days for you…..be gentle on yourself……….i dont think you are even in shock yet …right now i think you are sick from everything that has happened…and numb……take it one day at a time…..and yes like everyone here says no contact is the best but you and only you can put that into effect when you have faced things…you are strong and you get through this……
i knew no contact was the only option but it has been difficult for me……..it was only after my relationship ended that i found out the truth…that it was all a lie……to have the reality pulled out from under you and be dealing with the loss of a relationship and the grief well it was all to much for me….i had a breakdown and in hell i found myself….
i struggled with no contact cause i missed her…the loss to great…and as i found out the deceit and lies and the truth i am ashamed to say i even went back and asked her would she take me back…..but she abused me with name calling and told me she could never be with me again……
even after this she would send me abusive letters telling me i should have hung myself that i was a judas…..
told me she would always have control over me and she would always be in my head……..that she would always have power over me….
told me i must feel like a right fool now after everything she did to me…..and that i would never know everything she did to me…!
it left me with so many questions i kept going back for answers …looking for closure………but the more i saw her…the more i knew i couldnt believe a word she would say as she is a pathogical liar…..and i was only destroying myself……all she does is take ….and all i was was a money tree…its very sad…..my heart is broke by it……
the last day i saw her was 3 weeks ago…i was foolish i know but i offered her money so as she would tell me something i needed to know…..i guess i was setting myself up …i guess i needed to see that she would take the money…..and she did…..she said she wouldnt tell me what i needed to know unless i gave her the money….so i gave it…and she said she would do what ever she had to do to survive……..! so i thought to myself what was i then in the relationship….why did you have to manipulate me and lie to me for years…i thought you loved me……or were you just surviving then too!!!
anyway she didnt tell me anything new….and i dont believe a word she says anyway and all we did was argue and i am ashamed to say i lost it…..i got so angry i went to hit her but i didnt …i knew then i couldnt do this anymore…..i cant do this to myself……..i cant see her anymore and think its normal….cause what she did to me was wrong and evil and she tries to justify it……later that day she text me to say ….how sad it is to see what has happened to me….and that she thinks my councellor isnt helping me…….and that no one will ever want me now after everything that has happened to me…….!
i even thought to myself she is right…..how would anyone ever want to be with me now….im so full of anger and hurt….but you know what its ok…..its ok to be hurt….its ok to be angry……its ok to still miss her……cause im normal…….but i also know one other thing and its this…..its was not ok what she did to me……to make me believe so many many things and play games with my emotions and feelings….it was not ok to make me believe things that were my reality and then for me to find out those things were not real……its ok for me to hate…..its normal……i have come to accept that this is part of my healing process.
on monday i received an email from her…..it was another sob story looking for money…..wanted me to help her….pay for a bill……she hit all the emotional buttons……you wouldnt want to see me like this……on the poverty line……i have no money and im not managing………and if you can help me text me dont write me a letter……
for the first time in 3 years i didnt reply……..for the first time in 3 years i said no…i said to myself im tired of this…she thinks she can keep looking for money off me and ill keep giving it……yes my heart is broke…..but i cant do it anymore…i cant.and i thought i was doing so well not responding but it got me very down again thinking about her…..i want her out of my head…..why would i ever want contact again with her?
because i still love her…..but i just hate what she did to me……..thats why.
………………………………….
If good is helping another (possibly involving self-sacrifice) then it follows that evil is harming another (possibly involving self-benefit
my ex harmed me ………and abused me emotionally and psycholically and that is my closure…..i dont need it anymore from her…..thats why i cant have any contact with her….
i send you all light and blessings and peace on your healing journey.
x
lifting the veil, the things you are saying sound all too familiar with me. The female sociopath that I know lied, deceived, seduced, and manipulated, and she was my boss. She made me feel so special and I fell in love with her. She also was very well aware of the fact that I was married. She made me believe that she was in love with me too and that she wanted a relationship with me. I was almost ready to just up and sell my house and leave my wife to be with her. Now that I know that she was a complete fake, I am appalled at what I nearly did. My wife is a great woman and has always been there for me. This lady was A. not single B. not really a lesbian like she said she was C. the mistress of the CEO D. a pathological liar, and the list goes on and on. I was so extremely angry when I realized that I was just the latest of her victims. She told me about other victims and I thought the things she told me seemed odd, weird, and sometimes just plain mean. She would laugh at other people’s pain. It was creepy, but not a big enough red flag to keep me from falling into her trap. It took awhile, but she is mostly out of my head now. The only things I think about are that I want to warn the world about her and her evil ways so that no one else gets hurt by her and sometimes I would really like to punch her in the face. 🙂