I love my wikipedia. I learn a lot I didn’t know and I refine my thinking by finding fault too. (The problem is knowing what is worth learning and what needs unlearning!)
Consider the wikipedia definition of evil:
Evil is generally defined as any activity which takes advantage of another person for one’s own benefit….(In contrast, good is helping others, even sometimes self-sacrificially; see saint, sainthood.)
There’s something dodgy about the form of this definition and also something very familiar about its implications. For one thing, it fits with the the lable ‘anti-social’ which refers to behaviour which has ill effects, but good intentions – “well, in his culture that behaviour is normal”. Whatever happened to ill intent, though? (For another thing, what’s the counterpart to sainthood?)
According to this view all employers are evil because they necessarily pay their employees less than they earn (‘necessarily’ because otherwise there would be no profit).
The definition attempts to define evil by contrasting it with good. So far so, um, good. But then it weighs them up wrongly, and we are left with a picture of evil that is indistinguishable from graspingness and greed. According to this view evil might have ill effects on the other, but that is not the intention; its primary intention is to gain advantage.
This is a fine example of how thinking about evil can go askew. (And, I suspect, thinking about good too.)
By re-balancing the wording of the above definition another meaning of evil becomes clear.
If good is helping another (possibly involving self-sacrifice) then it follows that evil is harming another (possibly involving self-benefit).
This is all the difference in the world. Now we can see the true intention of evil – it is to do harm. Evil is only secondarily about want, appetite, greed, jealousy; it’s true nature is malevolence, envy, cruelty, viciousness. Indeed, for evil the getting of things is happily foregone if what is primary can be achieved: power over another.
What say you?
lifting the veil,
I always had a fear of being selfish.And being part of a large family(nine children),I really didn’t have a choice,lol! 🙂 Spath saw that and zeroed in like a hornet!He was so selfish;that was one of the reasons I lost respect for him!
There is a difference between selfishness and treating oneself good.There is also a difference between being haughty and loving oneself.
Glad to hear you realize that toxic people just make you sicker.That’s why we have to go No Contact and maintain it-so that we can be healthy people!
Dr. Steve said, in this article:
By re-balancing the wording of the above definition another meaning of evil becomes clear.
“If good is helping another (possibly involving self-sacrifice) then it follows that evil is harming another (possibly involving self-benefit).
This is all the difference in the world. Now we can see the true intention of evil ”“ it is to do harm. Evil is only secondarily about want, appetite, greed, jealousy; it’s true nature is malevolence, envy, cruelty, viciousness. Indeed, for evil the getting of things is happily foregone if what is primary can be achieved: power over another.”
I have never heard a more precise statement regarding want v. evil. It is a choice. Some people like to argue that these poor souls are helpless against their actions and not (surely) in their right minds …. that they, somehow, ‘deserve’ our compassion because we are to feel compassion for our fellow man who is ill.
Only “THIS KIND” of ‘illness’ is malignant and poisonous and noxious to your well being. THERE “IS” a difference between selfishness and wanting for ones self in a narcissistic way and someone fully intending to create you harm. Absolutely.
This has taken me a very long time to get it through my thick head the difference…what I have experienced is more than just an ill person…I am sorry but what I saw was a clone of evil itself. Once it’s tail and wings unfurled and I saw the fire spewing from it’s nostrils and laughing with vile breath in my face telling me it wished I were dead. It don’t get much harsher than that. Only thing is: I LAY DOWN FOR NOBODY TO TAKE MY LIFE. I think “IT” kind of forgot that somewhere in the midst of all this. He got too confused and trapped up in his own game…the daylight was starting to shine on his face and he was starting to melt like the wicked witch of the west. Only it’s too late now.
Absolutely.
There is NO AMOUNT of explanation that shall suffice.
There will be NO FORGIVENESS because in order for me to forgive that, THAT would mean “I” CONDONE those actions and I will burn in hell before I condone any human being so rotten and cruel to another.
There is no excuse. None.
They seem to not get what they deserve, but trust me…
in the end Dear, Sweet, Karma…she never forgets even if
sometimes we do….
Dupey
Having AntiSocial Personality Disorder, the catch-all label for Psychopaths, Sociopaths, Borderlines, Narcisists, etc. is not an illness. It’s a disorder. More specifically, it’s a failure to develop age-appropriate moral reasoning.
The basic character flaw for ASPDs is lack of empathy, the ability to feel for another. Without empathy, one cannot comprehend or develop conscience. Conscience is what prevents people with appropriate moral reasoning from hurting others.
While one can feel sorry for someone with depression, or someone with OCD, feeling sorry for a person whose lack of moral reasoning maims and harms others is useless. The best thing you can do is simply get out of their way. They count on the empathy of others in order to prey on them. They are good at spotting the empathetic souls who don’t suspect that vicious people actually exist and continuously forgive them.
It is rare that a person with ASPD will seek help. They see themselves as right and superior. The rest of us are those “bumbling marks who actually care and forgive”.
It is sad that folks with ASPD will never truly feel love for another person. They are incapable of anything beyond shallow emotions toward another, mostly based on what they can get from them.
My ex is one, and unfortunately, my son is one. Some of my son’s parting words to me were, now that I’m independent, what do I need you for?” He expressed exactly the mindset of a psychopath.
He’s a grown man, he is happy, he is mean, and he is happy that he is mean. I reserve empathy for people in pain. He’s not one.
Joyce
EXACTLY,WELL SAID,Dupey!
I began to feel like I was looking into the eyes of the Devil,when I finally figured out that spath was just trying to hurt me,as he had hurt our daughters,family and friends.No amount of compassion and empathy was gonna “fix the problem”! All that was doing was wearing me down further,bringing the possibility of my death ever closer!
Never ever advise or try to warn the next target. You will end up alienating yourself, damaging your self esteem further, being considered the total nutcase. Just don’t! we are all on our own journeys. For some reason this evil came into our lives. Leave well alone- focus on your own recovery. You will be hated and outcast for approaching the uninitiated and do nothing for your own healing.
Mincheff Joyce
thank you so much for writing such a brilliant piece…i have written the things you said down so i can look at them again and again and see the truth..!!!!
everyone here on lovefraud has one big thing in common…we feel deeply….we love greatly and we certainly hurt emensely.
love to you all.
Mincheff Joyce,
I enjoyed your post,as it served to remind me why I must take such a determined stance against spath husband.I don’t like being in this predicament,but unlike sociopaths,I do have moral reasoning!I feel the same way you do;I reserve empathy for those truly in pain. (not for those putting a facade on!)
Joyce: Thank you sooooo much for validating my mind set these days.
I am sorry your family has been afflicted. So sorry. I am sure we
all have a spath or two in our family tree.
Your post was absolutely DEAD ON and I thank you for the support and the validation you have given me this day. (((Joyce)))…..
Dupey
Joyce
I really enjoyed your post. I kind of cringe when people refer to sociopaths as sick. Sick would imply that they could possibly be fixed or get better. They can’t be fixed. They are hard wired to be what they are. Every now and then I get a bit of a grip on that but, not for very long. They just think and feel the way they do because of the way their mind works and has been working forever. They seem almost reptilian. Like they evolved in a different way.
My personal opinion of the definition of evil is anything that relates to the satanic nature of the devil. I realize some of you may not be a Christian or even religious, so please don’t think I’m implying my religious beliefs on anyone who reads this. However, I’m sure most everyone has either read or heard of the description of the devil and can relate to the nature of this beast when reflecting on their experience with a sociopath.
So I guess the point of my post is to say that anytime we meet someone who comes close to resembling the nature of said beast should be clearly avoided if possible. And by all means, do not try to save or help this person; only help if you have all the facts supporting their claim to be “wounded”, and even then, set boundaries as to how much help you are willing to give.
Just my opinion…
Learus
http://learus.wordpress.com/category/the-sociopath-a-social-terrorist/
Learus,
I agree with your description!I’ve even described looking into spath’s eyes as “looking into the eyes of the Devil”!You do what you’d do if confronted by a snake or wild beast~~~walk away very carefully;then when you’re out of range,RUN FAST!Don’t drop the critters off at the petting zoo for pete’s sake!