I love my wikipedia. I learn a lot I didn’t know and I refine my thinking by finding fault too. (The problem is knowing what is worth learning and what needs unlearning!)
Consider the wikipedia definition of evil:
Evil is generally defined as any activity which takes advantage of another person for one’s own benefit….(In contrast, good is helping others, even sometimes self-sacrificially; see saint, sainthood.)
There’s something dodgy about the form of this definition and also something very familiar about its implications. For one thing, it fits with the the lable ‘anti-social’ which refers to behaviour which has ill effects, but good intentions – “well, in his culture that behaviour is normal”. Whatever happened to ill intent, though? (For another thing, what’s the counterpart to sainthood?)
According to this view all employers are evil because they necessarily pay their employees less than they earn (‘necessarily’ because otherwise there would be no profit).
The definition attempts to define evil by contrasting it with good. So far so, um, good. But then it weighs them up wrongly, and we are left with a picture of evil that is indistinguishable from graspingness and greed. According to this view evil might have ill effects on the other, but that is not the intention; its primary intention is to gain advantage.
This is a fine example of how thinking about evil can go askew. (And, I suspect, thinking about good too.)
By re-balancing the wording of the above definition another meaning of evil becomes clear.
If good is helping another (possibly involving self-sacrifice) then it follows that evil is harming another (possibly involving self-benefit).
This is all the difference in the world. Now we can see the true intention of evil – it is to do harm. Evil is only secondarily about want, appetite, greed, jealousy; it’s true nature is malevolence, envy, cruelty, viciousness. Indeed, for evil the getting of things is happily foregone if what is primary can be achieved: power over another.
What say you?
Thank you Tea Light and Donna: it feels good to finally be free from all the manipulation. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! 🙂
No where else on the planet could ANYONE understand but here, with you guys. YOU understand what a wonderful achievement it is for me to finally be free from that horrid creature.
Thank you to all of you who have helped me along the way.
Always ~ Dupey xo
Hello everyone: I am writing this to you today because it is my birthday and I really didn’t have a clue I would be here today to see it. I am absolutely STUNNED, matter of fact!
I was thinking, over my coffee, this morning, and I tried to think of something I needed to say and this is what I have come up with…
Perhaps some of you can relate…
When “IT” first came into my world, I was being a kind Samaritan to
someone who I thought worthy of the kindness. Our friendship was perfect. “IT” was away in a foreign land, in the middle of 3 back to backs in the service (verified) – almost a million miles away and we were friends for a great many years, mostly through online communications.
When “IT” came home, things entirely changed – this once ‘worthy’ person, (or so I thought) became instantly ugly. Of course, I do understand and recognize the ‘transition period’ for all service members – my entire family was military and I have helped ‘soothe’ a great many ‘battle wounds’, as it were – always with understanding but always with the utmost respect. Right?
THEN the person that I THOUGHT I knew, wasn’t really that person at all. I made that person what I thought that person to be and that person was not that person at all. Am I making any sense? It wasn’t wrong of me ‘expecting’ that person to be more than that person was…that person was wrong manipulating that good Samaritan; that caring person, for all the traffic could bear.
Slowly, as time went on, the lies and manipulations kept unfolding, whether I wanted them to or not. And, I had a choice: either I ACCEPT what I was seeing, and delude myself into something that really was not the case, or I expose “IT” for the liar, etc., it really was. For the liar and ugly person it IS.
When I started saying ‘no’ to things – especially his seductively sweet and charming demeanor and refusing to allow “IT” to take over and completely control my mind and life, that is when things started to get ugly. When the death threats began and the attempts started. It was THEN, at that moment, I realized that this person was not playing with a ‘full deck’ as it were. It was at that exact moment, THAT DECISION, THAT MOMENT, where I chose and decided that I was NOT going to take anymore of the mind controlling manipulation, that I drew my line.
I had the huge privilege of searching out and speaking with one of the top criminal psychologists in our country and I asked all the questions I had that were just eating away at my mind…HE completely understood me and was intrigued that “I”, with my intelligence and education, could actually ‘fall for’ something like this without ever being aware, all those years – so, if you are beating yourself up over the fact that you just didn’t see it coming: STOP IT. They can fool the best of us. Right?
This criminal psychologist told me that if I just end the relationship, go completely no contact, it will bore with the stalking and it will eventually find someone else to stalk. That simple. I hung onto the relationship for a long time thinking that at least “I” had a handle on this very dangerous person, but that wasn’t working well at all because this ‘person’ (and I use the word extremely loosely) knew I was ‘on to “IT” and that’s when things started getting ugly. Once I showed “I” was stronger than what “IT” thought, suddenly there was a great disdain for me, because NO BODY stands up to “IT” – least of all a woman. Right? Women are only intended to have sex, cook and bare children. They are to keep quiet and do as they are told. (Wow: was I fooled).
So, I took the advice of the criminal psychologist and I put an immediate end to the hanging on out of fear of what “IT” may do and started clinging to MYSELF and to HEALING MYSELF – making MYSELF stronger.
No matter what you do, there just ARE some people in this life that there IS NO HELP FOR because they don’t want it for themselves. They have to want it for themselves or helping someone just never works out well to begin with….
Don’t get trapped into an ugly situation because of your fears, I guess is what I am saying to you. I hung on for so many years thinking about the ‘what if’s’ that I wasn’t recognizing that the only real solution was in letting go – completely. THAT WORKED. Sure, it has taken just about 3 years, steadily working on that ‘letting go’…stalking was so bad, I can’t explain it adequately enough –
However, once “IT” realized I MEANT every word I was saying and that “IT” could NOT manipulate me anymore, “IT” started looking elsewhere, for new victims. And, that is very very very good because, I am no slouch when it comes to my temper and my ability to take care of myself in a ‘physical situation’ – I am not a vengeful person but I am a survivalist – “IT” needs to stay away from me now FOREVER – and I think I have made my point quite clear because NONE of “ITS” stalking endeavors – attempts to ‘make contact’ with me – NONE OF IT HAS GOTTEN A RESPONSE FROM ME and sure enough, just like the criminal psychologist said: “IT” moved on, FINALLY – it took lots of persistence on my behalf, but once I got with the program….oh yes, it was the ONLY SOLUTION to end the ugliness. THAT or me quietly lie down and give up my life. THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS.
So, today is my birthday and I am amazed I am still here breathing, not just because of “IT” but my heart attack, surgeries, etc. and the only reason I AM HERE is by divine grace. Happy Birthday to me ~ happy birthday to me ~ I am finally free ~~~~~~~
Thinking of you all and wishing you could be here with me to have a couple drinks –
Dupey
Have WONDERFUL birthday Dupey !!! You are a true survivor. Many happy returns.
Dupey: “IT” is done because you got “IT” done! Congratulations on saving yourself and happy birthday.
Wish we could have a “spath” survival convention in a great city like….Vegas, Miami,New York etc. but, since we can’t have a Happy Birthday, Dupey!
As a pastor I end up in all sorts of weird situations. The other day when I was at church taking out garbage a teen boy offered to help. He and I knew each other from a couple of other brief conversations. After the garbage duty was completed we stood and talked. Then as he reached his hand under his t-shirt he asked: “what would you think if i showed you this?” and he pulled out a b.b. gun. My immediate response back to him was: “If I had been carrying a gun you would be dead now.” We then proceeded to talks some more and I remember telling him that no one was completely good or completely bad. It was just easier to see the good in some people than others. (And I pray for this boy that he does not turn into a violent man).
As I seek to heal and continue to deal with my ex’s childish games I continue to search for his good traits, so that i do not soley focus on his bad ones. He is handsome, very intelligent, has a sharp wit and thinks fast on his feet. Those were the things that attracted me to him long ago. And I am also aware that he used those traits to his advantage to abuse me and others too. Life is never easy and we all have good and bad in us. It is all too often impossible to separate the good from the bad.
Dupey – Happy Birthday! Your story is a testament to your strength.
Many Many happier returns Dupey!! Wishing you health and fulfillment!
Hi-
Firstly – happy b-day Dupey.
Second-on this topic I have a few thoughts etc….
I am a ‘Bhuddist’ (not the best kind) and this spiritual vision speaks to me more than any other.
For Bhuddists a very important moment is to go to certain holy sites which are filled with pure energy and bring you closer to ‘God/The Universe’, for example the Bhodhi tree under which Bhudda is said to have been born.
I met the latest and worst Spath who has posed the greatest physical, financial and emotional danger to me that I have ever experienced……..on the day that I returned from a pilgrimmage of sorts to Nepal and whereI had prayed from the depths of my soul to heal and be free of pain and negativity. I prayed under the Bhodi tree where Bhudda is said to have been born and felt a ‘karmic peace’ in my heart and a kind of spiritual bliss and happiness during this whole day (and through the 6 week trip). I knew in my heart and soul that I was open to a new and important lesson and was desperately hoping for a spiritual transformation. I think I had expected that this would have a ‘warm, fuzzy and cuddly’ quality. I could not have been more mistaken. LOL.
I rarely pray – maybe once every few years in fact that I feel the need to explore my spirituality. I felt surely I would be ‘rewarded’ in some way for having finally gotten around to paying attention to my spiritual being again. This may have been a sign that I am a little ‘spoiled’ sometimes, I have a childish quality (entertaining, funny, witty – but childish all the same).
I’m basically saying that I feel my prayers were answered in a way I completely didn’t expect – but I’m beginning to trust there was a connection and a reason for the timing of all these events which is leading me to where I need to be.
Delta1- blessings to everyone on LF.
Interesting adventure to go on. Thank you for sharing that Delta1.