I love my wikipedia. I learn a lot I didn’t know and I refine my thinking by finding fault too. (The problem is knowing what is worth learning and what needs unlearning!)
Consider the wikipedia definition of evil:
Evil is generally defined as any activity which takes advantage of another person for one’s own benefit….(In contrast, good is helping others, even sometimes self-sacrificially; see saint, sainthood.)
There’s something dodgy about the form of this definition and also something very familiar about its implications. For one thing, it fits with the the lable ‘anti-social’ which refers to behaviour which has ill effects, but good intentions – “well, in his culture that behaviour is normal”. Whatever happened to ill intent, though? (For another thing, what’s the counterpart to sainthood?)
According to this view all employers are evil because they necessarily pay their employees less than they earn (‘necessarily’ because otherwise there would be no profit).
The definition attempts to define evil by contrasting it with good. So far so, um, good. But then it weighs them up wrongly, and we are left with a picture of evil that is indistinguishable from graspingness and greed. According to this view evil might have ill effects on the other, but that is not the intention; its primary intention is to gain advantage.
This is a fine example of how thinking about evil can go askew. (And, I suspect, thinking about good too.)
By re-balancing the wording of the above definition another meaning of evil becomes clear.
If good is helping another (possibly involving self-sacrifice) then it follows that evil is harming another (possibly involving self-benefit).
This is all the difference in the world. Now we can see the true intention of evil – it is to do harm. Evil is only secondarily about want, appetite, greed, jealousy; it’s true nature is malevolence, envy, cruelty, viciousness. Indeed, for evil the getting of things is happily foregone if what is primary can be achieved: power over another.
What say you?
I heard a line in a movie once. “Inherently, I am told there is good in all, experience tells me otherwise.” I was at such a vulnerable time in my life I accepted unacceptable behavior as acceptable. I couldn’t say which end was up not such a great place to be in when you are starting a relationship.
Trish and Iradessa, both of you have wonderful pooints.
Iradessa—that is a GREAT line, and sooooo true. “Inherently, I am told there is good in all, experience tells me otherwise” we should LISTEN TO THAT.
I was so helpless that I would listen to anything. I would try anything to end this pain and get my life back. And it is getting better everyday. Thank GOD. I remember walking around the house saying ok he is no good, you need to have NO CONTACT and I could get with that but I was like brain dead I didn’t know what to do and my son had HeMan on tv and I heard him say “we need to go where we can be of the most use” so I went to help out a friend and the moment passes. I was on my way to set forth to heal and I didn’t even know it. (I am still healing and I am still changing)
I don’t believe that an evil thought “in relatiation” is necessarily evil. Just as “self defense” is not considered evil. I think in many cases having eveil thoughts “in retaliation” to an evil deed, or even ratliating, is not evil . . it is self defense.
TrishNJ
I liked what you said don’t tell them what you are up too. I never tell my xhusband or my x boyfriend anything aobut my life. My xhusband does not know where I work, what I do when I am not with the kids. I deliberatly say nothing. I do not need to gloat and say that I am going sailing or anything. My friend says with him anything you say can and will be held against you. Say nothing. And since I am recovering and that requires honesty I have to tell you it was hard, I wanted to gloat and that is an avenue back into my life and I gave him the map with my big mouth. I didn’t think I could control anything and I would be the perpetual victim. I do have the power to control my mouth. Tell them nothing. Reaffirm the fulfilling relationships. Even if they are just here it is a start.
Iredessa,
Yesp, KEEP YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUT! If I had done that, I would have been a LOT better off. In my frustration and anger at my P-son, I gave him the INFORMATION HE NEEDED to send in his Trojan Horse P to “invade” my family. If he had not known what he did about my business, he would never have succeeded.
Giving the Ps “information” about ANYTHING to do with you is like the “Allies dropping ammunition to the Germans” in WWII, it will ALWAYS fly back to hit you in the butt when you least expect it. INFORMATION and KNOWLEDGE=POWER. If we give them information we give them POWER.
ANY information about our thoughts, our plans, our movements can be turned against us in ways we can’t even fathom. They will seek information from our kids, from our neighbors, from our friends who don’t realize what they are telling them is “ammunition” against us. They will snoop into our documents if they can, etc. It is really “amazing” what they can do with just things that can be had as “public information” too. We need to guard our idenity information so that they cannot use that as well. SS#, etc. Even our mail. I have a PO box so no one can get my mail but me. I shread documents that might go into the trash that someone could nab and get information, or burn it. (I know some people can’t burn things where they live) I’m not “paranoid,” I’m CAUTIOUS, because I know that they WILL do this kind of thing, they DID this kind of thing.
I consulted with a private investigator to get information on them, and believe me it is POWER, and also consulted on how I could “essentially” legally disappear so they could not trace me with the information they DO have. Since I am retired and don’t have to worry about working, it would be easier for me than for most people and, I don’t have a kid in tow either.
In this day of “idenity theft” by cons that don’t even know you, and the havoc they can play with your credit and your life, it isn’t a bad idea to be cautious anyway, but especially if you have a P in your life that will STALK you…but in any case, it is a good idea to be cautious with information of any kind.
OxDrover,
So very true. Information is power, power they use against us and it’s sad we have to look over our shoulders and watch our backs. You are so very wise. You are like the wizard of oz. (That was said in a good context)
Thank you. My mouth is slammed shut there, however, I am not silenced there are safe places for me to talk and feel safe. This is one of them. I never would have dreamed this nightmare I care about myself too much this is someone else’s devastation now……all I can do is pray and help the person who wants my help.
Rperk, thank you for that compliment, but any “wisdom” I have is hard bought. LOL I’m afraid I am the poster child for “too soon old, too late smart!” ha ha
Yes, Iradessa, WHERE and to WHOM you shoot off your mouth is very important. I’m afraid I was VERY promiscuous with my mouth in very inappropriate places and to inappropriate people.
I poured my heart out in letters to my P-Son—the MOST INAPPROPRIATE PERSON, trying to get him to SEE how he was hurting us and hurting himself–and he turned that against me 110%–of all the people I shouldn’t have been trying to make see how he was hurting me, HECK, HE WAS TRYING TO HURT ME, and all I did was show him the bullet wounds and give him medical reports on where to shoot next! ha ha His aim kept getting better and I couldn’t figure out why! DUH! NOW I know, though. MY BIG MOUTH.
Forewarned is forearmed, so when we let them know what we plan to do next, they are TWO jumps ahead of us instead of just one. If we keep our own counsel and keep our mouths shut, keep our cards “close to our chests” and don’t play by THEIR rules, but by our rules, keeping in mind that we don’t OWE THEM SQUAT, then we hve a much better chance of coming out of it less injured.
Unfortunately, with the “crazymaking” that happens, sometimes we are not on our best form. I know I sure wasn’t. I’m just glad I got out alive.
OxDrover
“Forewarned is forearmed, so when we let them know what we plan to do next, they are TWO jumps ahead of us instead of just one. If we keep our own counsel and keep our mouths shut, keep our cards “close to our chests” and don’t play by THEIR rules, but by our rules, keeping in mind that we don’t OWE THEM SQUAT, then we hve a much better chance of coming out of it less injured.”
So frikking true. Wow…I needed to read this today. Thank You!! I’m one of those types who wishes to express my sincerest apologies, wrongdoing to whomever I think I hurt. First and foremost for me, as it helps me spiritually. But..(and here’s the big BUT), when you try this with a person who is personality disordered, it totally backfires. For me it ALWAYS did. I got me loads and loads, and bucketsfuls of pseudo-moral superiority, and sickening self-righteousness!! What!!? Never once with the screwed up men in my life did I ever receive a sincere apology for verbal abuse, inappropriate behavior, just flat out cruelty, hatefullness. What a waste of time it is wishing, hoping that underneath the exterior a true heart beats.
Like you said, focus your caring, loving, nurturing nature on those who truly deserve and appreciate it. And, that’s what I do!! 🙂