I love my wikipedia. I learn a lot I didn’t know and I refine my thinking by finding fault too. (The problem is knowing what is worth learning and what needs unlearning!)
Consider the wikipedia definition of evil:
Evil is generally defined as any activity which takes advantage of another person for one’s own benefit….(In contrast, good is helping others, even sometimes self-sacrificially; see saint, sainthood.)
There’s something dodgy about the form of this definition and also something very familiar about its implications. For one thing, it fits with the the lable ‘anti-social’ which refers to behaviour which has ill effects, but good intentions – “well, in his culture that behaviour is normal”. Whatever happened to ill intent, though? (For another thing, what’s the counterpart to sainthood?)
According to this view all employers are evil because they necessarily pay their employees less than they earn (‘necessarily’ because otherwise there would be no profit).
The definition attempts to define evil by contrasting it with good. So far so, um, good. But then it weighs them up wrongly, and we are left with a picture of evil that is indistinguishable from graspingness and greed. According to this view evil might have ill effects on the other, but that is not the intention; its primary intention is to gain advantage.
This is a fine example of how thinking about evil can go askew. (And, I suspect, thinking about good too.)
By re-balancing the wording of the above definition another meaning of evil becomes clear.
If good is helping another (possibly involving self-sacrifice) then it follows that evil is harming another (possibly involving self-benefit).
This is all the difference in the world. Now we can see the true intention of evil – it is to do harm. Evil is only secondarily about want, appetite, greed, jealousy; it’s true nature is malevolence, envy, cruelty, viciousness. Indeed, for evil the getting of things is happily foregone if what is primary can be achieved: power over another.
What say you?
I like your posts blowshope.
I think I need a skippy.
They WILL be destroyed. Mine was. I didn’t think it would ever happen, but it did. He lost it all due to his evil ways…it all finally caught up to him. So everyone out there who thinks that the spath will just keep getting away with everything…they don’t! They DO eventually get caught and have to pay the consequences. I can just hear mine trying to explain his way out of what he did at work, but this time, it didn’t work. He FINALLY could NOT use his accent and charm to get what he wanted or needed. He was toast!
Tea Light,
I appreciate your words, I think on the days where I just feel my world crashing, I will stop expecting much out of myself. My work requires to put on a happy face and everyday, I do it and even though I sometimes feel like I can’t…I have to. It drains me. My children are beginning to show me how they have changed as well and alot of it seems like my fault, and connected to the changes in me that this relationship brought about. I cannot even imagine taking an action with my life to hurt another person, the mere thought of it is foreign and repugnant to me. I know none of this is a game…but I do feel like his intent was to destroy, like it was a game to him. The cravenness of that still leaves me speechless. I do beleive in evil today. I fear it today.
Back from the Edge,
I like your post, hope someday I will feel that way too. Especially the idea of being “more aware and self preserving.”
Blowshope,
Thanks for the part about how “light and love eradicate darkness. ” I needed to her that.
I am still looking for a counselor that gets it…that I feel safe with, safe to be open. Being open before this was never a problem for me,( i was so open that I let “IT” in, afterall) now I fear what others intent is with me….or do not feel better after sessions, but worse.
Blue
If you’d like to include a visual with that definition, I have a photo of my husband I’d like to submit 🙂
Blue,
for the past two weeks, I have meet with a woman who is strictly a domestic violence counselor in my county. this service is free!!!
Truthfully, she has been a godsend when I needed it most- doesn’t it seem like this happens when we need it, that something or someone comes through for us???
Last week when I saw her I was nearly in panic attack mode, this week less anxiety, next week should be better yet.
A few steps forward and a few steps back, we are all on this path taking it at our own pace. That is the key- keep your own pace, this is not a race.
The last thing that she said to me today was that I should take a paper, fold it in half lenght wise. On the left side, list all of the challenges you have had. On the right side ( and continuing on the back if possible) list all of your successes.
She said that it is hardest to do the right side because we focus on the immense challenges that we have to face daily. by focusing on our successes, we channel our energy into the positive things we do each day building our self love and esteem.
Blue, as a teacher ( I believe you are an educator like me) we give so much of ourselves to our students. That leaves little for ourselves on a good day.
As we used to say in kindergarten, what fills your bucket? Do you want someone around you who is a bucket filler or a bucket dipper?
We all know that evil = bucket dippers!
Annie,
Dr Steve can be found at a website called The Top Two Inches.
Dupey,
You will find your puppy,and SPOIL him too!It’s so much fun!When I was having to take care of spath,I swore I didn’t want any animals to care for!I ADORE my chihuahua!She’s a BIG part of my therapy!
Blue,
You’ve got to give TO YOURSELF when you’re not working.That’s a strange notion to people like us;we’re used to giving and giving and giving.All it takes is betrayal and we’re “done for”!We had already exhausted ourselves and now we’re suddenly supposed to put the pieces back together~without tools.Atleast that’s the way it feels.FIRST,we have to learn how to take care of OURSELVES.Then,we can learn what tools we need to “put Humpty Dumpty back together again”!
As for EVIL,just think of the words that are usually associated with the quality;CUNNING,DECEITFUL,DEVIL,DISASTROUS,DESTRUCTION,HARM,INJURY and REBELLION.There may be others,but this is atleast a good start.
Thx Blossom and Discovering,
Yes, I need to start giving to myself again. So many habits of self care I had pre-spath….I must put back in place. It is so true that I am a giver by nature and what I chose to do for a living equates with that. Funny, I teach people to take care of their physical health and well-being ( something that was easy for me when my own was solid and vibrant.)
I like the idea of listing challenges/successes on 1/2 sheet of paper. Maybe that will put into perspective the good I have in my life, and the positive light that I once viewed myself in. I am way too focused on the messes right now…surely that is giving me a negative focus, not good!
Peace to you both,
Blue
Blossom, I am glad to hear that your dog has been a part of your therapy. I am getting a dog tomorrow. My last dog died last year and since leaving my spath, I have been thinking of getting another one. I’m nervous but excited and hoping she will bring some joy to my life, that has been reduced to sadness and misery. Been almost 6 weeks NC, other then a quick text from his daughter 2 weeks ago. I blew her off as politely as I could.
mich0101,
I’m so excited for you!You’ll have to tell us about your new dog!Whatever you do,don’t make my mistake!Knowing that veggies are good for our animal friends,I gave my puppy carrots that had been cooked in a dish with GARLIC.Since this is my first puppy,I didn’t know that garlic is considered toxic for dogs and cats.I don’t think she got that much,but she got enough to have asthma attacks for a few days.I didn’t have any money to take her to the vet.I just kept using a dropper and getting as much water down her as possible!
Thanks Blossom! My kids and I are excited. It is symbolizing me moving forward with my life. Our dog died a year ago and I kept telling the kids that we couldn’t get another one until I was remarried or living with another adult. After spath breakup, I realized that might never happen and I needed to live for now. This is a little bit of an older dog since I didn’t know if I could handle puppy stage by myself but my last one was older to when I got him and he was a great dog. Thanks for the advice, I would never have known that about garlic either and I used to just throw all leftovers in the dog bowl. Glad your pup is ok!