I love my wikipedia. I learn a lot I didn’t know and I refine my thinking by finding fault too. (The problem is knowing what is worth learning and what needs unlearning!)
Consider the wikipedia definition of evil:
Evil is generally defined as any activity which takes advantage of another person for one’s own benefit….(In contrast, good is helping others, even sometimes self-sacrificially; see saint, sainthood.)
There’s something dodgy about the form of this definition and also something very familiar about its implications. For one thing, it fits with the the lable ‘anti-social’ which refers to behaviour which has ill effects, but good intentions – “well, in his culture that behaviour is normal”. Whatever happened to ill intent, though? (For another thing, what’s the counterpart to sainthood?)
According to this view all employers are evil because they necessarily pay their employees less than they earn (‘necessarily’ because otherwise there would be no profit).
The definition attempts to define evil by contrasting it with good. So far so, um, good. But then it weighs them up wrongly, and we are left with a picture of evil that is indistinguishable from graspingness and greed. According to this view evil might have ill effects on the other, but that is not the intention; its primary intention is to gain advantage.
This is a fine example of how thinking about evil can go askew. (And, I suspect, thinking about good too.)
By re-balancing the wording of the above definition another meaning of evil becomes clear.
If good is helping another (possibly involving self-sacrifice) then it follows that evil is harming another (possibly involving self-benefit).
This is all the difference in the world. Now we can see the true intention of evil – it is to do harm. Evil is only secondarily about want, appetite, greed, jealousy; it’s true nature is malevolence, envy, cruelty, viciousness. Indeed, for evil the getting of things is happily foregone if what is primary can be achieved: power over another.
What say you?
blossom4th
mich0101,
I’m so glad that you decided not to wait to get a dog!Your children will also benefit from this form of therapy.As much as our lives have been shattered,can you imagine how children still young enough to live at home are feeling?Their lives have been disrupted too.
Spath would never allow our daughters to have a puppy when they were growing up.We took in some stray cats,and the girls and I fell in love with them.Spath decided to take them for a ride.One found his way home.What joy the girls and I felt!I don’t remember what happened to that cat.But the only pets the girls had for the longest were hampsters,that never lived for long.So when I got this puppy,my girls were really happy for me,that I wouldn’t be alone and that the puppy would be a form of therapy.I LOVE watching my 1 yr old granddaughter playing with her!
Back_from_the_edge
Malignant narcissism ~ a new term (relatively speaking) to the psychological world….
One I was not truly aware of until this moment…
Strikingly familiar to me…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_narcissism
And, this is where my journey has lead me to.
There is no other explanation and trust me, I have tried to
find them all…it’s very sad; more than very sad – there is
no degree to define how sad it is.
Sadder, still, are the countless, unsuspecting VICTIMS of these
horrid people. I have heard, all through my counseling, that “I”
should have compassion and caring and understanding for the sick.
This isn’t about that. It isn’t a sickness like heart disease or
cancer – it’s a disease that was made not only by certain circum-
stances and/or situations, but also one of complete CHOICE. It is
difficult for me to have any compassion for someone who is so set
on purposely harming people. I to have had a horrible childhood
and the CHOICE as to whether I would be a PRODUCTIVE & KIND part
of our society OR I could have easily gone the other way as well,
but I didn’t. I CHOSE a different route, unlike them; hm?
I have been constant NC for almost a year now but the stalking
finally stopped no less than a couple of weeks ago. There is
NOTHING left to say. There is NO apology; NO explanation, NOT
ONE SINGLE WORD that “IT” has to say to me that is ever going to
change the FACT that “IT” is a malignant narcissist. NOTHING is
ever going to change that fact. Because “IT” chose to feed the
bad wolf instead of the good one. That simple.
There is nothing I can do for “IT”.
How do you ever allow a person around you, again,
that has threatened and attempted to kill and/or murder you
so many times, in so many different ways? FOR NO REASON!!!?
It’s the end of the road.
It’s difficult moving on from a piece of your heart.
I was so controlled and brain washed, it was unbelievable.
I was so addicted, it has taken me the better part of 3 years
just to stop blubbering like an idiot, much less make any kind
of ‘sense’ from it all. Too many ugly things happened in that
span of almost 14 years…things I don’t even want to remember.
As, for instance…”IT” sitting there, talking to me, on the phone, strangling a minions a cat, with “IT’s” bare hands, and him telling me that he was thinking of ME the whole time….did I hear it? Oh yes, the terrorizing was over the top but I am not one easily intimidated. Never have been and never will be.
One time I was contacted and invited to join him online for a
web cam chat and he was having sex with another woman. Thought
it was funny. It was a stalking moment of disbelief….
I finally have the sickness off me….
It has changed who I am FOREVER and I mourn MORE for the loss
of that self…that person I WAS before, more than I do the loss
of “IT”. THAT is what I am mourning…that is what I HAVE BEEEN
mourning since I grabbed a hold of the fact of who “IT” was…
For anyone that is struggling through that ‘letting go’ process;
thinking and rethinking: should I end it? Should I go? Don’t even
question leaving if you are dealing with someone like this. Just
go and go as quickly as you can. If you need assistance, there are
people who will help you at crisis shelters and/or anti abuse agencies…
think more of yourself than settling for such an ugly
and torturous existence. Break free from that hold…
I finally have gotten rid of my sickness and I see who the sick
one really was. They don’t like it when you finally figure them
out…they hate that more than anything and will LIE with that
slick, silver tongue, to get a chance to get close enough to you
THE NEXT TIME to maybe take your life from you and I can see how
easily that could have happened if I had not told my heart to shut
up and sit down and if I had not slammed that door shut. I would
have been walking right into the spiders web. Sooner or later.
And, I sit here and I think to myself: Are there victims of murder
out there, that “IT” has done? “IT” already cannot control itself.
How do I know? I don’t. But, I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a
trail.
Someone who threatens to blow up police departments and shoot judges is not a very ‘stable’ person, to put it lightly.
It is shocking to me, still, that I allowed someone or some-thing, like this, so close to me.
The only real intent “IT” had was to suck my soul out through my nostrils and watch and love and enjoy every moment. All of it was evil. Every last moment. All a facade – I was entertainment to “IT”, like a cat playing with a mouse…BEFORE THE CAT EATS IT.
A late Happy Easter to you all.
I thank God every morning when I wake up.
And I am not just saying that anymore……
It is absolutely MEANT.
Love to you all ~ Dupey
bluemosaic
GM to All,
All my fellow souls coming out of the spiritual-emotional coma’s that landed us here at LF. The coma that led us to love a soul with evil intent.
I spent time in the woods yesterday, talking to and crying to the trees. I love trees, they don’t mind anything I do or have to say to them. They seem to “get it”, my pain and discombobulation does not cause them to uproot and run for higher ground. Therapy in the outdoors…very helpful.
An April fools joke for all,
“How many spath’s does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer,..
As many as it takes until the soul sitting in darkness realizes she does not have to sit amongst the shards of glass from crushed bulbs; instead, she can go outdoors and stand in pure light.”
Mmmm, not even sure it makes sense. No matter, it makes sense to me. I think I will listen to the inner me…today. I will hear no evil, see no evil…take no evil into my heart, my soul,my body, nor my life.
Something that made me laugh about the spath I knew. In weeks following my leaving him, he came to visit me …wearing 6-7 prayer bead bracelets and necklaces. Comical on a man of his age and profession. I think he thought that these prayer beads were going to confuse GOD and prevent the lightening bolt, with his name on it, from striking him!!! LOL It will not be my call, whether Karma comes for him. I do not even care today…if it comes. I am just glad that I am no longer his pawn. He does not control me anymore…I am no where near healed, but atleast I am not sitting in a dark room with a monster, crawling around on shards of glass he enticed me to wander into.
Peace n light to all,
Blue…some day, I will be bright blue : )
dorothy2
You are bright blue Blue.
Jayo
I just want to say a big THANK YOU for this site. If I hadn’t found it, I think I’d have been drawn back into his ‘web of magic’ and be dragged further down.
I’ve had a lucky escape after just a year. He’d romanced me, taken me on weekend breaks, proposed to me. But I always felt there was something not quite right, felt anxious, but thought it was excitement.
It all came tumbling down when his lies became too obvious. I found out he’d been living with his ‘partner’ and their child for the whole time. He told me they’d split and she lived in another country. I had no reason not to believe him at the beginning. He’d also slept with at least two other women.
He contacted me as an old college friend on facebook (yes that old method) and caught me at a time when I was very vulnerable after a divorce where my ex was using the children against me.
I’ve only discovered that everything he told me was a lie in the last two weeks and this website has been a Godsend.
Thank you for setting it up and for all the people who post on here
I’m hoping that I can learn that I need to love myself and put trust and belief in myself and not fall for the easy route of getting someone else to fill the void with shallow promises, romance and declarations of ‘my specialness’.
Tea Light
Jayo, ahh, welcome to the club…mine lied for 6 months about his marital status and then lied some more and has been stalking me for 5 long months. Hang in there, once it becomes clear you have been dealing with a disordered personality then you are on your way out of the wood and stepping into the light..all the way back to Kansas! x
blossom4th
Blue,
If you don’t mind,perhaps I could make an adjustment to your joke about spaths and lightbulbs.”How many spaths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” NONE.A SPATH CANNOT STAND LIGHT.Our friends screw in the lightbulb that shows up the mask/s that spath is wearing!
Jayo,
Welcome!You will learn to love yourself as you heal.At first,you will crave for knowledge of this personality disorder that would cause a person to destroy others’ lives without conscience.But,in time,you will get your fill of that,and your attention will turn to YOU;taking care of yourself and learning to love yourself for the person you are.You will be a stronger person than you were before.So keep reading and posting.
Tea Light
Ok how many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: A fish.
Jayo
THanks Blossom and tea Light.
His partner kicked him out after I told her about me. She said he’s had many affairs, but none as long and serious as mine. He’s said repeatedy that I am the only one he’s ever loved. He’s going for therapy and wants to put it all behind him blah blah…….I nearly fell for it all until I found out he’s in a house share with a lap dancer….Not being judgemental about her, but it says everything about him. I’ll give him a week to love bomb her. I just felt ENOUGH, NO MORE of this madness.
Look at his actions, not his words…
I feel that there is a big lesson in this for me, I feel that the spell he cast is broken, I know he can’t offer me anything and I have stopped contact and blocked him.
The message for me is that he charmed me by reflecting back to me all the character traits I have in myself. It’s been a big wake up call that the message loud and clear is that I should love myself. And that I should have self belief instead of believing the shit that comes out of a sociopath’s mouth.
I’m pushing myself forward and it’s tough but I know that by doing the right thing now and putting building blocks in place, my life will move on to a much better place
Tea Light
Jayo, my married stalker claims I am ‘the love of his life’ which translated means ‘ it excited me to manipulate you into a relationship by lying to you that I was separated and I want you back under my control as controlling and abusing women excites me and l believe women are stupid and gullible so l imagine it may persuade you to have sex with me if l lovebomb and harass you although you have reported me to the police that’s just typical female hysteria’ etc… Stay away forever jayo!! They are the baddest of bad news!