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Exposing the sociopath

Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:

I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.

Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.

Lawsuit for anything

First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.

It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.

However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.

But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.

Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:

  • Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
  • Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
  • Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?

Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.

Media law

There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:

  • Defamation, which includes libel and slander
  • Invasion of privacy

Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)

Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.

We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.

Libel

In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:

  • Sociopath must be identified
  • Statements made must be false
  • Statements must be defamatory
  • Statements must be published

In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.

Traditionally, defamation per se includes:

  • Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
  • Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
  • Allegations of “unchastity”
  • Allegations of criminal activity

It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.

Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.

Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.

Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.

Invasion of privacy

Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.

Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:

  • Private letters
  • Sexual orientation or sexual relations
  • A person’s health
  • A person’s wealth

Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.

Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.

Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.

Free speech

You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”

The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.

In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.

Exposure works

At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.

The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.

Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.

If you want to proceed

Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?

If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:

• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.

• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.

• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”

• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.

• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.

• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.

• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.

• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.

• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.


Comment on this article

184 Comments on "Exposing the sociopath"

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Good advice. And another point to remember is that those in the thrall of a sociopath are hard to reach.
You, the ex, have branded “spurned” and “insane” so the new victim wants to believe sociopath.

Convincing anyone is very, very difficult. I have gone the education route- created a blog identifying the traits I experienced. And sometimes I wonder based on my stat counter and the keywords used to find my site if psychos current victims aren’t finding my site….he claimed to have Asbergers. A claim made by more than him I have discovered.

If you have the stomach for exposure, and FACTUAL info you can back up in court, little chance that could sue- I say go for it. Exposing the psycho has been my only closure and helped others.

My youtube film:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDIgL111eaY

It is an interesting topic and Dr. Hare also says:
“On the surface, it appears “logical” to deny psychopaths bail because we know that as a group they reoffend violently at an alarmingly disproportionate rate compared to non-psychopaths; yet, we do not know for certain which psychopaths will re-offend and which will not. It is this problem which strikes at the very heart of the dilemma which exists between individual rights and the protection of society. As a society and as individuals, we place a high value on our rights and freedoms and it is from this desire to protect our own rights that we must, by necessity, protect the rights of the collective group ”“ even if this means protecting the rights of society’s most reprehensible members. Thus, even though the evidence indicates psychopaths are the “worst of the worst, they do have the right to the same procedural justice that we all do.”

And when you are a witness in a case (e.g. a murder trial) it seems to transcend everything except how to stay alive.

Donna:
I THANK you for this post!
These are the questions many, many suvivors face. We want to alert, expose the next person…..people who come in contact and are unknowingly set up to become the next victims or even supply.
This causes great heartache for us knowing we are not the last.
Knowing we have information that can and should be shared.
If someone reads or is told about such behaviors and chooses to continue a relationship of any sorts, then there is nothing we can do about that….but it’s the people that seek answers or protectin or just information on a person…..that should be able to have it to make their own informed decisions.
Thank you again for this invaluable information.
EB

My advice for anyone wanting to expose a P on a website would be:
1. Unless you have absolute proof (documented, police reports etc) don’t even consider it.
2. Even if you have proof, expect a very rough ride if he finds out. It could be very dangerous.
3. DO NOT count on friends to back you up even if they have witenssed his behaviour. Even the most well meaning people can put you in a precarious situation unwittingly because they do not understand the nature of a P.

In my experience, P’s usually slip through the net because the vast majority of people enable them to do so. Ignorance, turning a blind eye, magical thinking and well meaning interference all plays a part and you can end up feeling re- traumatised and without achieving anything. I have spent 3 years trying to expose my P and his OW and despite verbal support, NO-ONE who knows what they did has ever had the courage to say or do anything. They have been treated as if they did absolutely nothing. This is why P’s succeed.
Swallow

Thanks for this post. The internet has certainly made things more complicated, as you said.

I wonder about the legal ramifications of sites where you can post a man’s name and then give information privately to a person. (watching out for the P in disguise!)

And is sending a private email to someone “publishing” the information? It is all very confusing!

But your blog clarifies some of the usual scenarios and was very informative. Thank you.

Thanks Easy, I got a lot out of reading that:)

holywater, nice blog. Thanks for doing that and helping to expose more sociopaths.

Easy, thanks for the link, it helped clarify some thoughts.

skylar, I’m going to write an article on that site about sociopaths and how they are not just crazy killers, but the “people next door”… N/P/S

If you all need some examples, here’s some people from our site who have exposed theirs.

http://doubletrouble.blogspot.com

http://psychopathyandlies.blogspot.com/

http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com

http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com

http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com

also on the right of our site is a whole list of exposure sites you can use – many of them come up in Google.

http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/is-it-legal/

Donna is right on about the legal aspects of this. And she did the right thing but telling about Montgomery. Their abuse only exists in the dark and she’s probably helped many women by telling her story. It can be very validating to other victims.

there’s few people here at LoveFraud who have sites about their sociopath. Writing can be healing and you never know who else you may be helping.

In my opinion or for me personaly , the potential risks associated with Public exposure are too High! I think the truth that they are not all bloodthirsty Hanible Lectors Is important but they are All capable of becomming that if pushed hard enough or threatend!

Survival is my revenge! He could take everything else except My will ! or soul!

Just be careful. they are snakes.
the are vindictive until the day they die.

Dear Easy-
I agree with you 100 percent.

Interesting topic! After over 18 months of grave concern about a UK “bullying helpline”, and after the operator evaded accountability, I decided to take the unprecedented step of putting what I know on a blog. Under UK law, so long as the underlying facts are true, a person may make “fair comment” about the facts. In this case the facts are published by the operator, and the comment is fair in so far as it is logical deductions based on the facts. I have been threatened with police and lawyers but as yet they have not been in touch. (http://thebullyinghelpline.blogspot.com)

I also set up a blog to warn people about my experiences. I did this because I discovered that I and and at least two other victims had Googled for information about him and come up with ZERO. This in itself was a warning! Given that his stories would have been noteworthy if true (member of Olympic Judo team, winner of large bridge tournament, etc) it rang alarm bells with all three of us, and at least alarm bells are a start when you are still bewitched by the charisma!

I hope my site is not illegal/actionable, but it has been worth doing – I have been contacted by other victims (mainly offline as they are too scared to go into print) and a lot of blanks have been filled in, including the fact that he has actually been imprisoned for fraud – something we had suspected from odd behaviour traits.

The fascinating thing is his recycling of stories. As each person has come into his life, the fiction has been embroidered by previous encounters – apparently I am a bunny boiler who won’t leave him alone! – and you can see the “tweaking” of the tales as he improves his technique. I just hope he gets what is coming to him!

(http://mikekennedycon.blogspot.com/)

p.s I may not write much, but I read the posts avidly!

Donna: I want to thank you for all the insight you have provided me over the years. I am in the process of putting together all the information you and I have discussed for a future blog. I am also in the process of writing a “user’s manual” to surviving the family court system with a sociopath.

A decade has come and gone and I have sole custodial rights to my son. He is finally able to be a “kid” and live normally. He still has nightmares and sleeps with me often.

For all those just enterong the arena, use this blog as a shoulder to lean on and a means to know that it is not you that is crazy.

Since his sociopathic father lost the court case and parental rights, he has not bothered with my son. I must say that is the greatest gift he could ever provide.

His father continues to haunt me though. I have recently discovered that his bipolar wife used my name and social security number to obtain credit cards and his father has contacted his parents threatening them if they have any form of relationship with either myself or our son.

So the only I see both my son and I being able to move forward and hopefully live a ” normal” life is to expose him for all his fraud.

“apparently I am a bunny boiler who won’t leave him alone!”

My S made his ex look like that. Too bad it was he who was not leaving her alone…convincing her to sleep with him whenever I was out of town while we were engaged!

The poor girl knew he had me convinced that she was crazy. I saw the red flags but I didn’t want to see or know the truth. He friend called me once. I handed my phone to my S.
This was about the time she had lost HIS child in a miscarriage (she was on heavy heart meds) just 4 month prior to our wedding!!!!!!

Now here I am. undulating between hope, sorrow and trying to figure out how to expose him…to his GF, his co-workers, employers, her parents, his psychologist….

the thing about exposing the s/p is that it means YOU are still getting (emotionally) involved. You are still ‘in the game’. youre thoughts are still with them:( And you are making yourself vulnerable.I get it though, I tried it, but it didnt work for me…
This is a difficult issue… in order to expose them you are giving up walking away…dusting your hands, letting them be ‘dead’ for you, and focussing on better things… but I know its hard to think that you might be able to DO somthing that could help someone else being hurt and walking away ….

(s/p help some one else ‘to not be hurt”)

Banana : one scary thing he did was to tell stories of his ex and her new partner, and how she was being abused by him, had her arm broken, etc. (He used her supposed disteressed phone calls as a cover when receiving calls from the other women he was seeing whilst with me)

I have now found out through one of the women who contacted me that it was, in fact, him who had beaten this woman up. This ability to divorce himself from reality to such an extent that OTHER people are exhibiting HIS behaviours is frightening.

I got out because I finally spotted not only the game but that it was rapidly escalating as he upped the stakes and I knew he was about to turn violent. Unfortunately, until he did, there was nothing I could do but run – the police were not interested at all. So there is nothing I can do to protect others – even in the unlikely event that other victims would believe what I had to tell.

Bananna, I just got the, “bunny boiler”. ROTFLMAO!!

Never heard that before.

That was anf1y.

Kimrobinson
I am so glad to hear you have sole custody. We here know how dangerous the S’s can be, but my attorney doesn’t get it.
I am fighting now. My attorney wants us to settle. She said there’s no way I would get sole custody, even if we went to trial.
As long as he has joint legal custody he will try to ruin me by disagreeing with everything I want to do. recently it was him refusing to drop my son ff at my place, and saying he never agreed to daycare…he wants his S mom to care for our son…even though when we were married she was the awful mother that raised him and he couldn’t wait till we moved out to live by my parents.

Oh, sorry, got confused. I still think it’s hilarious. 🙂

I still don’t get the “bunny boiler” unless it is just some horrible person who cooks bunnies alive. Personally, I think they are great dead, but you must remove all the hair before you cook them.

Congratulations, KimRobinson!!! TOWANDA!!! for you!!! Taking care of your child is #1 always and you succeeded in accomplishing that legally. My prayers and hugs for both you and your son!

ANF1y, SO good to see you are lurking around even if you aren’t posting much!

Meg, how are you doing, sweetie? Glad also to know that you are lurking around LF still!!!! Give us an update on how you are doing!!!!

The term Bunny Boiler comes from the film Fatal Attraction where she stalks him after a one-night stand and steals and cooks his daughter’s pet rabbit. Apparently Glenn Close herself started the term when she described her character in an interview. So now you know!

It was one of S’s favourite terms for me – always in the context of “my son is warning me you are a bunny-boiler”, and usually used because I had phoned him at an inconvenient moment (ie when he wasn’t where he should have been). This from a man who kept saying we should get married asap, and would meet his family at a BBQ/party/whatever “next weekend” (which of course, always had to be cancelled at the last moment)

Blueskiesapedia says: “Bunny Boiler” : pop culture reference to when Glenn Close’s character in the movie ‘Fatal Attraction’ boils the family pet because the husband she was having an affair with dumped her:(. reference: ‘spurned woman takes crazy revenge’.

ooh anf – sos posted at the same time.::)x

The Masons in the news everywhere today.

A month or so ago, I catch Justin Timberlake’s boosting the Mason Organization for all the fund raising they do (children’s burn center), what a great organization they are. This morning on CNN … big announcements about the Masons and all the symbols the Masons are responsible for in our country. Every where I turn, it’s Mason this and Mason that. Even as a child I attended the Shriner Circus with all the Masons in their velvet hats insuring safety of the parents and their children as they attended the events in our state armory. With that said, why can’t they keep their head of their lodges in check? My EX is a 33 degree Mason, Head of his lodge, was to be an upstanding citizen in his community, yet he took me for everything I worked for ($250,000.00), conned me into signing a mortgage in a house down in GA, that he lived in, not me. I was to move their after I retired. He lived there for a couple of years, then stopped paying the mortgage, pretending with the help of his criminal attorney, that I hired the attorney to get my house out of foreclosure. This head of the Masonic Lodge destroyed my credit history, took me for everything, has my 2 vehicles in his name and fake company name … they are sitting in my driveway rotting away … as my EX met some other unsuspecting woman off line, pretended he was getting his business up and running in TX, when in reality he was taking this woman out to dinner, married her, stole all my possessions from my home, left me high and dry … started his new life with his new wife, with my money and $250,000 of his investors money to start a new life in Texas.

Yes, keep pouring out these Masonic commercials on TV assuming all their members are decent, law abiding citizens…. because I know differently!

Wini,
So sorry to hear of your ordeal. I definately see how lucky I am. Everyday I can get through with what passes for a smile is a blessing. I don’t know how some of you ladies here do it. You truly are symbols of strength and inspiration.
Please remember you are here for a reason and God can use this for your good.

About all these P/S/N’s in management, chair etc. head/lead positions. It’s not that the people in the company or in the lodge have failed…they are as dupped at we are.
It’s just a testament to how convining P/S’s are. ***A healthy reminder that we are not weak or stupid….they are just THAT good at what they do.***
It’s funny I can say this because logically I believe and understand it, but I have to constantly remind myself, and so do others in my life, that it was not ME it could have been anyone…although I respect the qualities in me that made me an easy target.

Interesting outside links in the comments. I followed several of them, and “shortcut” a few. I am divided on the question posed by this post. I agree that exposing these S/P/N’s is important, but there could be fallout if someone does post the information about one of these soul-sucking demonz.

I actually used information that my guy’s now-ex N and her bf had posted in their online journals. I did “screenprints’ and pasted them in Word documents. Those came in very handy during the custody battle that raged for 3 years.

When I presented or referred to these in court, the N turned things around (! OF COURSE !) and stated, on the record, that “SO, essentially, you were cyber-stalking me…?”

I replied, “No, I haven’t been charged with that crime. You have every right to put whatever you want out on the internet. Conversely, I have EVERY RIGHT, ALSO, to find whatever you have posted on the internet…”

The judge kinda smiled, because my comment (FINALLY) shut the “N” up for a minute. She kept wanting to pick pick pick – and I almost, but not quite lost my cool; a couple deep breaths, while the N fixed her basilisk, empty STARE (you know the one!) on me – I can STARE, too…especially to buy much needed “grace.”

Anyway, on to happier things, now that custody has transferred to us, and the youngun is settled into his new school and scouting.

I’m back in school – YAY! Finishing up the community college level, for transfer to 4 year next summer. My intended majors are Psychology and Criminal Justice (a double Bachelors).

I miss my Tuesday mornings, ferreting through the LF blog, and have had to fit it in where I can, due to the amount of homework and regular out-of-class study time I’m putting in.

I will keep reading, though, because there are ALWAYS great comments and insights to be had on here.
~j~

Donna

Important information. You saved women from going down a dark path with James Montgomery, that is powerful…you can sleep at night.
I dearly wish I could warn my ex bf P’s next victim, no one deserves to go through a deception like HIM.

angering the beast and getting demolished due to bad support systems is a risk I’m not willing to take. He has left me exhausted and ill.

Blueskies rings true

‘YOU are still getting (emotionally) involved. You are still ’in the game’.

But the information keeps flooding my mind, something keeps me returning to this dilemma…it’s an important one.

If there was a stronger network of support and enlightenment more of us would take the chance. We are on the cusp of something huge when we write, inform, encourage and expose the psychopath….something huge.

I often think that’s why we met them, in a way we were able for them and can lead the way forward in alerting, educating and informing others…there are many ways to expose them AS WELL AS specific exposure.

find a way to do that, whether it’s Exposing him bare faced, talking to people about our experiences, taking the P to court, doing a ritual to cut the ties, not only one way…but we have to find our own way…for me walking away has had its rewards, but I can’t rest in peace because
I’m not dead!

Banana, the Masonic Order NEVER advertises. They stay in the background and always kept a low profile. For them to be drumming up all these media announcements tells me that the old timers are dying out and they are recruiting new members. They need to know that not all their laundry is sparkling clean before they do the media blitz. My situation is difficult to deal with on a daily/monthly/yearly basis. I certainly don’t need this media blitz shoved in my face everywhere I turn.

As for you thinking you got conned because you are a certain type of person. Believe me, everyone is a sitting duck for the likes of them. I’m sure there are many types of personalities that were taken by these monsters … they just aren’t as open or in touch with themselves to blog on this site or discuss their ordeal in any way shape or form.

Peace.

Staying sane:)

I know for me right now the best thing is to just ‘get the hell out of dodge’

But , I have mentioned it before, I KNOW the S/P creature is manouvering himself into positions of power over vulnerable people , and it kills me.

If people like Donna hadnt have stood up and spoken out…where would I be? Its a toughy…

I did what I could, I alerted his superiors… but he had pre-emted that, they’d been told to expect a call from the ‘crazy lady’… not sure what else I could do without huge expense to myself… and with mummy narc everyone KNOWS but still not ready to get out of denial… said all I could say there too….sounds like a total cop out doesnt it….

Dear Wini,

The Masons, like every church, synagog, mosque, or any other group that is supposed to be charitable and good has a percentage of PSYCHOPATHS who mask themselves up as good members of that organization.

That’s part of the problem with looking at “groups” as this or that, good or bad, because there is not a group of any kind that doesn’t have its ROTTEN APPLES.

Plus, if we judge the group by the rotten apples, we do a disservice to the rest of the people in the group that are NOT rotten apples.

Most of the men in my family have been Masons and also Christians—both the psychopathic ones and the good ones! I also know some really great men who are Masons and Christians, so just membership in a group doesn’t make them any less of a psychopath, but it does give a “bad name” to the organization when others see them behaving like a psychopath.

In some cases, other members of the group will be taken in because the psychopathic member, they think, is a “good person” because they are a member of a charitable organization.

I went to town yesterday and ran into the wife of my childhood friend and we had a long talk. She has a son who is apparently a psychopath, and so understands my position with my own P-son. I am pretty sure her late father-in-law was a “respectable” ABUSER and her MIL is pretty much like my egg donor “for goodness sakes, AT ALL COSTS keep the family secrets quiet”

As we were talking about our P-sons, she told me that at Christmas last year her son got drunk and rowdy and she ended up calling the cops and having him arrested for assault after he pushed her down. Boy, I bet that went over with her MIL like a whore in church! LOL

Her husband (my childhood friend and still close friend) is not a psychopath or an abuser, but he is a “people pleaser” delux and doesn’t want to rock any boats. I am glad to see that his wife is setting boundaries with her P-son, and standing up for herself. It is good to see people taking a healthy stand even when it goes against the grain in the “family dynamics” of “peace at any price” or “advanced eggshell walking.”

Their other son has “turned out well” and seems to be living a healthy life with his wife and child and not buying into the family “cuilture” of “do what you want to do, just don’t let anyone know what you are doing.”

If we look around, we can find extremely “dysfunctional” people who are “upstanding citizens” and to people who don’t know what is REALLY going on in their lives, they may appear “Ozzie and Harriet” squeeky clean, but the reality is different than the appearances.

Hello from Lillian: I just had to comment. I exposed my Physcopath on “Dontdatehimgirl.com.” I only said exactly the truth and I took his picture from the Yahoo Personals site as it was already public. He took it to his lawyer but there is nothing he can do because we are in court for the exact things I stated so it is public. Google Neil Wehrlie and if you look through the search results it will be there under Don’t Date Him Girl.com You can all see what he looks like. You can even vote on his behavior. He’s had over 500 hits so far. Best of luck. I am going to have to face him for the first time in over 2 years at a mediation real soon. I lose sleep over it quite frankly because I had hoped to never see his face again. Love to all Lillian

This might autobe called something else

http://www.hotscams.com/

I want to warn you that if you go the route of exposing a sociopath, expect a lot of people to not believe you and feel hostility toward you.

If the sociopath is charismatic enough, he can make people believe that you’re the problem, so be careful.

gogettergirl:
This is EXACTLY what I am experiencing now. No _one believes me, not even here, and they call me the “bunnyboiler”. “She is like the girl in “fatal attraction!” The thing is: I hadn’t seen my ex murdering husband for 25 years until now ! And I have to prove i am not the jealous bunny boiler…go figure.

Gogettergirl:

I agree.

It almost seems like more often than not, the sociopath has to actually KILL someone before everyone wakes up and finally says, “I had no idea he/she was like THAT.”

Look at the “Craig’s List Killer”, Philip Markoff. He would still be a medical student right now, and he would also be married to that unsuspecting girl if he would have not killed Julissa Brisman in that hotel room.

And, Raymond Clark III, that Yale University Lab Technician, would still be working at Yale, if he had not murdered that poor graduate student, Annie Le, and stuffed her body in the wall of the laboratory.
The examples are endless.

It’s disgusting.
They are VERY effective at pre-empting our attempts at exposing them, and making us out to be the bad guy or even crazy.

That’s why if you are planning on stepping into the sociopath’s ARENA, you better be ready to fight in the back alley, instead of Madison Square Garden. Because it will get low-down and dirty. Get your emotions in check, and build up your stamina.
You are going to need every ounce of strength you’ve got.

A lot of your posts sound soooo similar to my situation. The S/P/Ns have a way of making US out to be the crazy person!!! Exactly what my SP did to me! One day, he’s begging me not to leave town, wanting to have sex with me, telling me how much he can’t live without me and the next he changes his number and won’t talk to me at all. Then when I go to see him at lunch and wait at his car……he tells me I’m CRAZY and STALKING him!!!!!!! Has ALL of the people at his work believing it! OMG!!!!! Then I leave him alone for 2 months and he calls telling me how much he misses me! Tell me…..who’s the CRAZY one!

LILLIAN – YOU ARE MY HERO!!! I am so happy for you standing up to your P! I wish I could do the same. My prayers are with you on your day in court. I would be nervous too….but my wish for you is that you can overcome your fear and walk into that courtroom and look him the eye with the confidence of the strong woman you are!!!

I guess after thinking about it…I am the crazy one for letting this SP into my life OVER and OVER again. Letting him treat me like shit one day then with one I’m sorry – let him do it ALL over again! I’m learning! But the process is slow and painful and the desire to GET EVEN so very great!

I think this is bad advice. Filling a lawsuit against P or starting a website outing them is just another way of keeping them in your life and shows your not really buying into “no contact.” First off, the P will learn about your website a chuckle that they are still affecting you. A P does not get off scott free. They are barren and bored inside and will eventually destroy themselves. You don’t need to do anything, they will destroy themselves. All you do by starting a website or filing a suit is give them more power over you. A P took me for over $10,000. It was a small price to pay to have them out of my life. Focus on your life, not the Sociopath.

When I was still together with him, and visited his new employer with him they acted like he was the best thing since chocolate cake. I knew if I just mentioned that eventually he would screw them over also, they would have looked at me like I am insane. He has the ability to manipulate everybody around him. He persuasive manner makes you even wonder about your own sanity, you question yourself if maybe your not over reacting cause yet again he didn’t answer the phone, and was nowhere to be found for 2 days. He goes to school trips with his kid and is just everybody’s hero. His father knows he beat me, his mother knows (I wrote her a letter); his ex knows….nobody cares. Now he is a changed man, according to him and he wants to show me that he can be trusted. I should stop talking about the past and get over it. I want to scream out what a POS he is, but nobody hears me….and even now after I have told him how much I hate him, how much I dislike his narcisstic family..that we have nothing in common..even now, he still tells me how much he misses me and how special our relationship is/was. I took a position here at the South Pole to get away…I am trying so hard to get away…..I know he is sick, I know I can’t change him..and I know I deserve some happiness. I am just not sure about one thing..Are they aware of their actions?

Dear Aussenseiter,

“Are they aware of their actions?”

YES! Do they care? NO!

If the south pole isn’t far enough away, go to Mars! Get and stay away from him, focus on YOU!

BTW–WE hear you here at LF—cause we have sensitive ears, and no one else heard us either, so welcome! Stay around here, its a good and healing place where you ARE heard!

Thank you Donna, for this post and guidelines.
I would like to know from some one, who to contact in your country
to have some very defamatory stuff taken of this mans websites , he just seems to do what ever he likes when it comes to publishing
lies, he is very a nasty piece of work, I feel very sorry for the previous women before me, he writes some terrible stuff about her.
She also dared to warn other women about him.

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