Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:
I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.
Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.
Lawsuit for anything
First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.
It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.
However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.
But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.
Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
- Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
- Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?
Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.
Media law
There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:
- Defamation, which includes libel and slander
- Invasion of privacy
Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)
Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.
We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.
Libel
In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:
- Sociopath must be identified
- Statements made must be false
- Statements must be defamatory
- Statements must be published
In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.
Traditionally, defamation per se includes:
- Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
- Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
- Allegations of “unchastity”
- Allegations of criminal activity
It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.
Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.
Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.
Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.
Invasion of privacy
Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.
Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:
- Private letters
- Sexual orientation or sexual relations
- A person’s health
- A person’s wealth
Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.
Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.
Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.
Free speech
You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”
The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.
In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.
Exposure works
At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.
The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.
Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.
If you want to proceed
Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?
If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:
• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.
• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.
• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”
• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.
• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.
• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.
• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.
• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.
• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.
Oxy,
Well as usual you are RIGHT On when it comes to advice for me…
I went to bed very troubled but with the idea that I would be traveling to the court house in the morning. AND I tossed and I turned all night. And had troubled thoughts about this ALL night long. FINALLY it occured to me why I was so troubled.
BECAUSE he is not truant from school and because he hasn’t broken the law, its not like they are going to send him anywhere or put him in a foster living arrangement. God help me, but I think that deep down that is what I really wanted.
Him to be removed from here.
What they are going to do, if they do anything at all is to issue him a juvie probation officer (non criminal) that he has to report to, to make sure he is reporting to school and coming in at curfew or not running the streets, etc……
AND when I gave it further thought…For how long? Will it stop in two months when he is 17? Because they can’t make him go to school once he is 17 any more than I could. Because the law here doesn’t require him to. So at that point it is his choice, probation officer or no probation officer.
So as you SAY, all I am going to manage to do is PISS HIM OFF FURTHER, and I ALREADY have THAT problem.
Once I had the “light bulb” moment I was able to sleep like a baby. (to bad it was close to 4 am and I had to be up by 6)
It is just like that “program” we went through. The program itself, was not a bad program for troubled teens. It also offered some great tools for parents. However its main focus was on EARNING positive consequences and making SMALL smart choices on a daily basis to earn them.
And my son has major entitelment issues. He doesn’t believe that you EARN anything in life except money. And money and power and control are the things that he lives for. And for him they are all one in the same. Money = Power = Control.
Even the concept of earning trust, or good grades, or ANYTHING like that doesn’t seem to register in his brain. He believes he should get passing grades just because he SHOWS UP and the teacher KNOWS he is capable….So why fill in the paper? I mean that is how far OUT of reality his thinking is.
I am just feeling SO helpless over here watching him. Because that is about what I have been reduced to. Watching & waiting. He is doing the absolute minimal and that is what he gets in return from me. It is hard to live like this. I don’t even know if I can explain it.
Dear Skylar:
“record if he is a socipath or not”—The Trojan Horse Psychoopath WITH a diagnosis of ASPD had sex with 3 children, ages 9, 11 and 14, spent 20 years all together in prison (most of his adult life) and STILL got only 5 years for ATTEMPTED MURDEr, which was pled down to “felon with a fire arm” and 2 years were suspended, and he got parole after only less than a year—so what is a “record” of anything except 1st degree murder going to do for Wit’s son? What exactly do you have to do these days to get a REAL “LIFE” PRISON SENTENCE? (Meaning stay in jail forever?) That guy that bombed the plane in Scotland and killed HUNDREDS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE even HIS “life” sentence was commuted “on compassionate” grounds since he had cancer—and he was returned to his country with a HERO’S WELCOME! (ask me if THAT pithed me off?)
Wit, I KNOW, SOOOOO WELL, that HELPLESS feeling. What is difficult to accept is that they do not realize what they are putting themselves in the way of, but we cannot throw ourselves (as someone else on here once said) IN FRONT OF THE BUS, to try to save them, WHEN THEY ARE DRIVING THE BUS!
The thought of my little darling being in prison was so distressing to me that I kept on and kept on trying to find some way to deflect him from his path—HIS CHOSEN PATH—because I did NOT need a crystal ball to see where he was headed—TOTAL DESTRUCTION. And BOY! did he SHOW ME that i could not control him! Yep, he was right. I COULD NOT CONTROL HIM.
There was NO CARROT that motivated him, and NO STICK that he feared.
I have been watching some training videos on horses lately, about using a “round pen” to work with horses. The point of the videos by an Aussie guy, named Clinton Anderson is to make doing the WRONG thing UNCOMFORTABLE for the horse, and doing the right thing COMFORTABLE.
He is very diplomatic in his language and he has a “stick and string” which is a 4 ft. .wooden handle with a 6 ft leather lash. If the horse refuses to obey, the “string” is FIRMLY smacked across their butt he calls it “spanking” and it is that, but on a horse level.
In order for any large animal lto RESPECT you, and realize that you are BOSS and that they are NOT allowed to turn their HEELS TOWARD YOU (this is a threat in horse language) you have to make it uncomfortable for them to do so=—uncomfortable in this situation is a SMARTLY cracked “string” across their rump that will leave a whelt. It doesn’t take long for the horse to get the idea that if they treaten you, they get smartly smacked.
However, if you have a horse that is viscious, that ATTACKS rather than threatens you, and comes at you attacking, with teeth bared and ears laid back, the “stick” goes across the nose or head to deflect the attacking horse.
While we generally don’t use a “stick and string” (by any name) on our kids, we do try to convince them that doing the RIGHT thing brings rewards, in the case of the horse, the horse gets to stand in the middle of the round pen, rest and get scratched. Doing the wrong thing means the horse has to keep endlessly running around the pen at a smart gallop and/or get a smart crack across the rump.
The horse (as dumb as these beautiful animals are) QUICKLY catch on that doing the RIGHT thing brings rewards and doing the wrong thing has unpleasant and uncomfortable consequences, and unless one is just plain viscious, it QUICKLY (in only a matter of a few minutes) gets the idea. Within about 5-6 hours, total training time over a week, the horse follows the trainer like a pet dog without any “incentive” from the “stick and string” because they figured out what makes life comfortable and good and that the trainer, not they, make the rules.
My P son decided, like a horse or two I have owned, that NO ONE would make the rules, and that if anyone tried to make the rules, they would ATTACK, bare their teeth and try to lharm the person trying for the rules. It didn’t matter if the trainer knocked them to their feet, it only made their anger, wrath and hate worse, and made them more determined to “win” at any cost.
It isn’t worth it to try to “train” a horse (or any other animal) that has repeatedly proven they will NOT give status, and that they will attempt to maintain alpha status no matter what. There is no carrot that they want, and no stick big enough to deter them from what they want—control. I have put down more than one animal for this trait, culled them out of my herd of cattle or horses.
Just as there are psychopaths in the human race that CONTROL is all lthey desire, there are “psychopathic” traits in some “domestic” animals as well. Some “domestic” animals that will NOT allow a human dominance on a consistent basis. Those animals are DANGEROUS, and fortunately, they can be eliminated out of the gene pool. (I do not classify wild animals in this as they should NOT in my opinion be kept as pets and attempted domination when they have genetics that contradicts this)
We are not allowed to “eliminate” humans with the genetics and disposition to “control” at all costs—in fact we elect many of them to high office—but those that have shown that they are capable of overt violence and damage to others should be incarcerated for “natural life” in MY opinion. When you breed one, and I have felt like “Rosemary” of the movie “Rosemary’s Baby” on more than one occasion, about my son since he turned teenager and into a monster who could not be influenced, much less controlled.
I remember well the night I SHOULD HAVE KEPT ON WALKING FOREVER, when my P son was 17 and I had turned him in to the cops. I went down that evening to get him out, and when the officer brought him downstairs, he looked at me and my husband and said “What the F*ck took you so long?”
I looked at the officer and said, “Officer, there is some mistake, this young man looks like my son, but he isn’t my son because my son wouldn’t talk to me that way, take him back upstairs” and then my husband and I left.
Later in the week, when he went to court, shackled with the other thugs, I told the judge I couldn’t control him and I would only accept him if he had an electronic collar on. That took several more days and then they released him.
After a few days, he cut the collar off and jumped bail. He has never lived in my home since then, however, I have emotionally and financially supported him in jail/prison, though I never did hire him an attorney, he always had to make do with public defender (which he resents as well) and he STILL HOLDS A BIG GRUDGE that I was DISLOYAL to him to call the cops when he was 17. I was disloyal to send him back upstairs when he was disrespectful to me. I was disloyal to make him wear an electronic monnistor, I was disloyal to cut him out of my will, I was disloyal to keep on breathing when he wanted me dead.
In fact, when he got out of prison after his first adult crime of home invasion robbery (2 yrs on a 5 sentence) he refused to move back home because he “knew if he got into trouble I would (be disloyal) and CALL THE COPS” That was to PUNISH ME by him not coming home, in his mind.
I thank God he wanted to “punish” me by not coming home, as I feel in my heart that if he had come home, I would now be dead, as after getting out on parole, within a week he was back in criminal activity, and within five months had KILLED A GIRL for “snitching him out” on their mutual crimes.
There is no reward that motivates them. There is no consequence that restrains them. They are an uncontrollable and dangerous animal. If they had four feet instead of two, I know exactly what I would do with them BEFORE they got a chance to hurt me or someone else. Unfortunately, I can’t do that with a two-footed monster except in self defense and imminent danger of my own life.
skylar,
Yeah, once I continued to think about it, I know it isn’t the answer.
I don’t really believe at this point that I can do ANYTHING for him as far as there being a positive outcome. And I used to believe that I could.
I wasn’t always sure what the correct “answer” was for the problem but I WAS sure that I would be able to find it.
There always seemed to be another fork in the road that I might take. And that fork in the road might just lead to solutions. I guess I feel like I have hit the dead end. And it is a hard to deal with that.
It was better when I had that “hope” alive. Maybe I am in that process of grieving for both of these losses. My son, as well as my ability to keep the hope alive. When I had the hope I felt that somewhat kept me on a “positive” roll. Even though I had bad days and often felt defeated, I could pick myself back up again and head in a different direction. Hopefully a more positive path…….
But the dead end for me is the realization that the only thing that has changed, in the last year and a half is that he has gotten worse.
Because of his hatred for me, and his mind set, I see nothing that comes from me as a “positive” for him anymore. He has that same mind set about his teachers. THEY are all out to get him.
Dear Witsend,
You may have lost “hope” for him, but there IS HOPE FOR YOU! This is what you must focus on now, is taking care of YOU. You have spent a lifetime taking care of your children, and now is the time to focus on YOU, making YOUR life better, happier, and more secure in every way.
Once you get to the point that you realize that, it will be “down hill” (easier) from there! Once I gave up the TOXIC HOPE for my son, that there was an answer, and realized that THERE WAS NOTHING, TRULY N*O*T*H*I*N*G I could do, then I realized it was futile to keep beating myself for “failing” to find the “solution”—it is like a hunt for the “holy grail” we finally give up and realize that there IS NO HOLY GRAIL. There is NO “solution” to find.
I used to have a sign in my office that said “I feel so much better SINCE I GAVE UP HOPE” and when you think about it, that is SO TRUE, it is that HOPE, that DENIAL of the truth that keeps us UPSET, and frustrated. When you buy a lotto ticket, you may “hope” to win, but you do NOT “expect” to win (the odds are tooooo long) and when you do NOT win, you do not despair. But if you EXPECT to win, and you don’t then you are disappointed. So it isn’t really so much HOPE as it is EXPECTATIONS that we lose. IF we EXPECT to be able to “cure” them, “fix” them, we are always frustrated, but when we give up the hope, expectations and denial, we see that we must ACCEPT the TRUTH—and the “truth will set you free, but first it will pith you off!”
Right now, you are SEEING the truth, there is NOTHING you can do to effect what you would LIKE to accomplish (saving your son from himself and his bad choices) so ACCEPTING that truth pithes you off, but once you have accepted that, then you will be FREE.
I think about our dear Lily, and how difficult it is for her to give up her EXPECTATIONS and TOXIC HOPE that her children are just like ours, that they do not care for her, don’t even want to hear the news that she is not going to die from cancer, and yet, intellectually she KNOWS this, but is having so much pain, grief and difficulty in accepting this truth.
We all do it in our own ways in our own time, but the TRUTH is that THE QUICKER WE ACCEPT IT, the less painful it is in the end. There IS a pain free life out there, we just have to WALK through the fire of the pain to get there, and there is NO WAY AROUND IT. We can’t go under, over or around, we must go THROUGH that pain. If we don’t, then we forever DWELL in the pain. ((((hugs))))) and my prayers for you Wits!!!
I exposed him and I don’t regret a bit what I did. I didn’t identify him but I described what and who he was to his fellows at his church through an e-mail. I exposed to them the evil that he was beneath that mask. Even though I didn’t mension any names I think they got it about whom I was talking about and somethink might have happen, from the reaction I got from him. Now he is hanging out in a completely different group.
Dear Changed,
Sometimes we can effect “outing” them to their potential victims and dupes. I am glad you were successful. I tried with the church with my egg donor, but it didn’t work….her mask is too thick and her dupes too unbelieving even of solid evidence presented to them.
You win a few and lose a few. glad you were successful. TOWANDA!
ps..changed,
Interestingly enough, the same minister (the first one, not the second) TOTALLY believed my X-DIL as she sat in jail for trying to kill my son (her husband) along with her BF who was also in jail, when she said “Oh, I am soooo sorry” I did this. LOL
Yet the same man refused to believe me when I told him she was having the affair before it was exposed, and when I told him the BF was a 3-X convicted sex offender with a LONG prison record after being convicterd 3 X of sex with children, ages 9, 11, and 14—-why did he refuse to believe me?
Because the Ps had “denied what I said was true” even though I had documented evidence of it, and witnesses, etc. they refused to even listen to me “spread gossip.” Yep, I was the BAD GUY by “gossiping” LOL ROTFLMAO
Matt:
Thankyou Matt! You are AMAZING! Such good advice and all for FREE…I’ve NEVER met a lawyer like you! You restore my faith in humanity. 24 days to one year no contact and counting!! xoxo
Blueskies
No, it’s not a cop out, you did what you could…and maybe there is more? I hope not, but every battle is unique and I think we are vigilant for any opportunity to get justice…even if it means diving in again for a missing piece. Trust yourself to know the particular variants in your dance with the devil!
I had felt like running but the more I stand up for what is right they are like just let him be about that but I am like a man supposed to take care of their child, why everyone else can get their support or enforced their orders but when it comes to him, don’t touch him that why he think he can do whatever he wants. I feel if you never tried to do anything to see what the ending is than you let them have the control, it is all on us, we have the control. They may try to take you through the ups and downs but we have to love ourselves and not care what they thinks!