Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:
I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.
Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.
Lawsuit for anything
First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.
It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.
However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.
But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.
Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
- Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
- Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?
Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.
Media law
There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:
- Defamation, which includes libel and slander
- Invasion of privacy
Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)
Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.
We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.
Libel
In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:
- Sociopath must be identified
- Statements made must be false
- Statements must be defamatory
- Statements must be published
In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.
Traditionally, defamation per se includes:
- Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
- Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
- Allegations of “unchastity”
- Allegations of criminal activity
It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.
Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.
Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.
Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.
Invasion of privacy
Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.
Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:
- Private letters
- Sexual orientation or sexual relations
- A person’s health
- A person’s wealth
Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.
Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.
Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.
Free speech
You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”
The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.
In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.
Exposure works
At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.
The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.
Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.
If you want to proceed
Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?
If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:
• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.
• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.
• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”
• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.
• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.
• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.
• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.
• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.
• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.
Donna
My blood runs cold as I watched James Montgomery’s toast to your parents on your wedding day. He was the center of the universe and you were “made for him”….truly nauseating and despicable. I have a small idea of what you must have gone through…I remember my own shock at discovering ‘other women’ etc. it’s a moment where life changes and is never the same again..I wish you every happiness and success in spite of him, because of him and to hell with him.
Oxy,
I think there are always a few defining moments when you are struggling with kids such as these, when you just KNOW in your heart that isn’t just a “troubled teenager” that your raising. When you know it IS malignant and not curable.
I remember that first moment with my son. And I remember how I doubted myself afterwards. How I rationalized with myself. How I couldn’t have POSSIBLY seen what I saw. Initially I couldn’t get past it. It scared the hell out of me. Then days later I wanted to bury it and FORGET it ever happened.
I think first you know intellectually. So you accept it first on an intellectual level and then you hope and pray that emotionally as a mother, you can accept it as well. The heart takes longer.
I am pretty sure that Lily and I are both strugging with that same thing.
I am also struggling with the fact that I am still living with mine and it is a “daily” struggle to know how to interact with him.
I am his mother but as time passes, I believe that I feel less and less like his mother and that really CONFUSES me.
It is hard to know what is “best” to do under such uncomfortable circumstances. It is HARD to be motherly to an abusive person, even when that abusive person IS your son.
As time goes on and he is less recognizeable as the son I once knew, I feel less like the person I ONCE WAS as well.
Does that make any sense?
And all the things I know so well, his anger, his grandious ideas, his entitelment, lack of compassion/empathy, his lies, his arrogance…..I don’t want to be the “one” that fuels them. Or maybe better said as people here use the phrase his N supply……I can’t CHANGE these things about him unfortunately but I certainly don’t want to ADD to the problem.
I would say that is something I struggle with DAILY. What is my “script” now in all of this?
Dear Witsend,
Sounds like you are right on track to me!!!! I definitely can relate even though my “living with him” was 20+ years ago—and believe me, in some ways, it seems like “yesterday” and in others like it “never happened” or like it was a movie I saw once.
Being a compassionate and caring mother to a normal teenager is a challenge! Being a mother to a psychopathic offsspring feels like “Rosemary.” Little did I know I would relate to that character so many years later.
Mentally and emotionally are two separate ways of relating and I think the mentally must come first, and then guide our emotional part to acceptance. Hang in there, I think you are doing great! Just like Lily, in your own time.
witsend:
I remember the other day telling you it was time to focus on you. I think OxDrover is coming from the same place.
It seems that the only thing that hasn’t forced this issue with your son and the truancy officer is that you are the one dragging him to school every day. You said if he has 6 unexcused absences the truancy officer gets involved.
Why not stop dragging him to school? Make it clear to him that if he doesn’t go, the truancy officer comes after him — so, it’s up to him to get his ass into the classroom. The choice is his — go to school on his own or deal with the truancy officer on his own. This take you out of the mix and may possibly escalate this to a level where maybe, at this late date, the authorities may get involved. But, it keeps you out of the mix.
With regard to getting you out of the mix, it seems you are getting conflicting answers on just how long you are stuck having to support him. To find out the answers to your questions (i.e. am I stuck supporting a kid who chooses to drop out of school at 17 until he is 18? can I move to have him declared emancipated? What would it take for him to get himself emancipated?) I would write or email the State Attorney General’s OFfice of your state. His/Her office is responsible for the ultimate interpretation of state law. If you check out the State AG’s website you may very well find the answers to your questions. Also, your State’s department of children’s services may have the answers to this. Also, the County and State bar associations of most counties and states have a night where you can meet with an attorney for free and discuss you issues. See if you can find one of these in you areas and a family law practitioner could probably give you the answers to your questions.
When I said it’s time to shift the focus to you, I really do believe that. I agree with OxDrover that a provoked S/P/N whatever can be dangerous. I still stand by my statement that you’ve done all you can do for your son. At this point in time I think, painful as it is, that you have to start looking into what steps will protect you and free you from your son’s disruptive presence. He has threatened to burn down your house. You can’t live the rest of your life sleeping with one eye open.
Matt and EMJ,
I saw the lawyer today and he says his practice is family law and this would fall under civil rights or personal injury.
He doesn’t think the P has much chance of proving we were married or living as a married couple. My exP is not family so I will just try EMJ’s lawyer.
This lawyer didn’t really show much interest, though he did know what a sociopath is.
Wini –
You spoke of the Masons. It is very VERY common for sociopaths to wrap themselves in a “cloak of respectability” by affiliating with a religious, fraternal or governmental organization.
Donna is right on when she posts about exposure keeping people away from these predators. One of our latest exposures – Glenn Capers – has generated up to 20 separate letters to us from around the world of women already conned by him, women suffering from STDs from him and women who he was working on that now know better.
As far as the “cloak of respectability” – it never ceases to amaze us the lengths these sociopathic types will go to to cover up their ‘secret lives.’
Mike Campbell not only used his music career but his position in his church to find victims.
Sammy Benoit (his online pseudonym) and his wife recently got an award from a Jewish Organization for their support. ‘Sammy’s’ political blog maintains its own mailing list so he can have easy access to vulnerable women under another identity.
Doug Beckstead continues to portray himself as a military hero when he simply is a historian with the Air Force. His job gives him plenty of time away from his wife to play and prey.
And Ed Hicks, whose been profiled here on LoveFraud – used to work for the Government and had high security clearance.
Then there are guys like Andrew Tammar who use ‘affinity fraud’ to prey on Christians who believe that as a Christian he would never defraud them.
Never judge a sociopath by his cover. And the only way for many people to know – is by their past victims telling. Telling can be very healing and validating as well.
We encourage those who can to expose them. As Donna saysd, the legal system will not help you here – exposure will as long as you read her parameters for doing so.
1
I understand were you are coming from I felt so strongly that I needed to expose my sociopath I was almost obsessed with it. People would say let it go move on, but I knew I could not do that. I would say it is about accountability, someone can’t walk into your life based on lies turn your world upside down they walk away. It was about accountability, but more importantly it was about closure. I spent 2 years tracking him down it was a daily event for me. I did post him on a few websites, but I wanted to sue him I did not care if I got money I just wanted it to be public record. Finally I found him and served him and planned to sue him in small claims court. After I filed I got letters from court tv shows like Judge Mathis asking if I would be interested in having my case be heard on their show. I thought hmmm I could expose him on national tv. The insentive for him was if I won they paid the judgement for him. He agreed to go, I planned to blind side him and expose him. Long story short I did the show, I was nervous as hell everyone was telling me to relax but I could not this was about closure and accountability. Well I was able to get some of my story out their, and his face on national tv, but he was smooth and charming and accused me of being a crazy, and a stalker. Ultimately I won the suit, he got a few shots in on me but more imortantly I GOT CLOSURE which is priceless so I just follow your heart and do what ever you need to do to close that chapter…Good luck
Thanks for the post…timely for me…I am dealing with N brother in a legal dispute as we speak… just as another posted noted “they are vindictive till the day they die”…agreed..thanks again for all the info
Unbound angel:
My brother is the same. Keep coming back I need you.