Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:
I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.
Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.
Lawsuit for anything
First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.
It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.
However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.
But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.
Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
- Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
- Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?
Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.
Media law
There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:
- Defamation, which includes libel and slander
- Invasion of privacy
Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)
Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.
We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.
Libel
In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:
- Sociopath must be identified
- Statements made must be false
- Statements must be defamatory
- Statements must be published
In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.
Traditionally, defamation per se includes:
- Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
- Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
- Allegations of “unchastity”
- Allegations of criminal activity
It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.
Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.
Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.
Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.
Invasion of privacy
Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.
Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:
- Private letters
- Sexual orientation or sexual relations
- A person’s health
- A person’s wealth
Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.
Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.
Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.
Free speech
You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”
The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.
In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.
Exposure works
At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.
The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.
Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.
If you want to proceed
Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?
If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:
• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.
• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.
• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”
• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.
• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.
• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.
• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.
• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.
• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.
Come back!
TO Erin, OxDRover
I need help! I am scared and can’t shake this erie, sick feeling inside of me.
What I’m saying is I think I need to be scared for my life.
I believe you all understand and recognize how a socio can know the words but not the music. Mine has never ever showed any concern for our future financially, I have always been the one to bring it up.
Last night as we were leaving a grocery store, out of the absolute blue he says to me, so, when we die do you want to be cremated or buried. Right away I said, I want to be buried. Then I asked him what he wanted, he told me cremated absolutely. I grew quiet for a minute cause I knew this moment would be extremely important. He then went on to try to tell me that he really felt we should both be cremated. I took my time and calmly explained that my whole family has always had a burial with a casket. At this point he became agitated with me (this is usually not how he operated, for most all things he just agrees to passify me). Anyway, I noticed that he kept glancing at me sideways to watch my reactions. I tried very hard to conceal my nervousness that I was feeling. Again, I tried to be casual and said, Honey, it’s just uncomfortable to talk about these things and I know we need to but it’s hard anyway. Then he said well a funeral with a casket can cost 10,000. I said so…you have insurance at your job that would be just about enough to cover it. I asked him why all of the sudden he wanted to discuss this with me. He went on to tell me, well you know I have this feeling that mom wont’ be around much longer. His mom and dad are wealthy. Then he reminded me that both his mom and dad want to be cremated. He would let it go, even after I asked him to let it rest so I could think about it and that I needed to see if it would be wrong scriptually. We got home, and immediately he wanted me to look it up online. So I did. I told him that there was not clear answer and that I simply wanted to follow tradition in my family. I think at this point he saw that he wasn’t going to get me to back down and agree with him, he then went on to talk about how he wa going to change his 401 k at work to increase it.
You will probaby think Im nuts Erin and Oxdrover when I tell you that from the start of the whole ocnversation, It was like I could see into his mind and what his motives were. His parents are wealthy, remember he stole his fathers identiy in his mid thirties, the whole sensation that came over me was like I had walked right into his mind and knew what he was wanting. I imagined that my life was in very real danger. That he could be plotting my death (being cremated so there is no autopsy), getting me out of the way as he moves in on his dad knowing his mom’s mind is going fast. His mom when she was well, controlled all of the money and was wise to my S. Remember, she told me that he was dangerously smart and so good with people it was to a flaw.
I believe that since a month ago when I told my S that I would separate from him if he didn’t take action to get his never ending debt accumation taken care of and start being responsible that I would leave.
Now, I think by telling him this was a huge mistake. I think he wants me out of the picture because I call him things all of the time. All of S associates are thugs, either drug dealers, perverts, ex-hitmen and so on. Yes, I am afraid. I have nowhere to go at the present time. No money, no vehicle. I can’t go to my family because when they met him for the first time, he became this wonderful, helpful, caring loving man for all of them. They would think I am the crazy one.
I know now that I can never out wit him, because I have a conscience and he doesn’t. He will stop at nothing if he believes I am a threat to him now.
1
thank you, thank you, thank you.
I consider myself after a lot of years of growing up that I couldn’t be as rattled as I was last night. You are right, I did trigger that and yes I think I can act all luvy duvy even though on the inside I will be fighting the urge to puke.
You are right, I will send him a joke about it today.
As soon as I start working again, I have to play the part of a socio myself. I will definitely have a one track mind to save enough to get the heck out of this living nightmare.
Skylar, thank you again, I was immediately relieved of this gripping fear after reading your post.
Bibleannie:
At some point the game ain’t worth playing!
Only YOU can decide when that point has hit…….
Really no sense in sticking around to see if he kills you……to bury you or cremate you huh?
Minimize your losses and get out.
There are shelters, places you can go, it might be a good thing to move in with your son who was coming your way…..a bit further from ‘home’…..I think you should fast forward any plans and move on them. You must listen to your gut!
Bible….there really isn’t an ‘optimal’ time to leave….never is…..
So just make the move.
Dear Bibleannie,
Unlike Skylar, I think YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO YOUR GUT! I know that it is difficult to get out when you have no money, but I think you should leave immediately.
When my son and his henchmen started planning on killing me (all the time, trying to be “friendly”) my GUT told me, and it was like GOD WARNING DAVID through Jonathan that Saul was out to get him and kill him. DON’T DISCOUNT YOUR GUT!
I did not want to leave my home (which is on the same farm with my enabling egg donor) but I had NO CHOICE and I fled for my life, and it was a darn good thing I did or I would be dead now, I have NO DOUBT! I also had no support except for 1 friend and one of my sons….who was also in danger.
They sometimes start planning things, and GIVE AWAY THEIR INTENTIONS, the Trojan Horse Psychopath my P-son had infiltrated into the family gave himself away because his car died and he wanted another one IMMEDIATELY so he “borrowed” money from my egg donor, and then BOTH OF THEM lied to me about it….when I found out because she slipped and told me, my hackles came up and I realized some deception. I didn’t take immediate action, but it did give me a head’s up.
For him to make such a big deal about this, SOMETHING is going on. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT….whatever it costs you, even going to a shelter is better than him killing you! DON’T LET HIM “drive you crazy” thouigh….don’t tell anyone except maybe ONE trusted friend, and also write a letter to the cops about “in case of my death”—-but GET OUT OF THERE IS MY ADVICE—get your hands on as much money as you can, take whatever papers you need, and that INCLUDES ALL OF THEM, and GET OUT! If you think you can trust your minister go talk to him, but he may not believe you, mine didn’t….mine believed the Ps and thought I was CRAZY, so try not to appear “hysterical” if you do that will bite you in the butt.
I don’t think you can outwit them, so I think it is dangerous to even try. Trust God, I think this is a warning that your life is in danager. You are in my prayers and thoughts! Love oxy
I agree that the moment you feel you are out of your league, WALK AWAY.
But for now, Bibleanne isn’t asking about how to leave, she is asking about how to handle the situation she is in now.
Find out how much funerals cost complete with casket and plot. Then tell him that you are really concerned that it will be a burden on him so you are going to start working and saving for that expense right away. Be loving and concerned, tell him how much this weighs on your mind. Tell him you feel such “GUILT” for never having considered this before. He will love the idea of you “digging your own grave”. This will be your cover to squirel away money. You can now start saving right under his nose and he won’t interfere.
That’s what I did with mine. I can’t post what actually happened, but I will tell you that he was trying to gaslight me and told me that homeland security was after him. So I played along with it. I acted scared and bizarre and when ever I needed to do certain things that he didn’t agree with, I convinced him we HAD to do it because of the cops. I told him how scared I was of the cops and that’s why I turned off the phone and didn’t answer calls.
I basically dived into his bullshit and overreacted to it. He was pleased at the response, because he felt he had “gotten” to me. So he couldn’t actually complain too much about my behavior.
This is how you deal with them -play along but change the rules. Don’t do what they expect. let them see a (fake)emotional response and go into action. It will take incredible will power. You will probably not be able to accomplish the whole thing unless you have nerves of steel and can expect the unexpected.
Skylar,
Annie said: QUOTE: “He will stop at nothing if he believes I am a threat to him now.”
Whatever her point in asking about how to “handle it”—my opinion still stands, I think this is a CLUE to his intentions of killing her. If I am wrong, and he has no intention of killing her, then she is still safe. If I am RIGHT and he does have an intention of killing her, then…she made a BIG mistake by trying to out wit him.
If you weigh the RISKS of being WRONG which is the most RISK, to stay around or to leave? Not all RISKS are EQUAL, and I realize that I am on the “better safe than sorry” side of it all but this kind of “clue” or “slip of the lip” if you will, is the very frequent way that they let their intentions slip out.
My X BF-P kept taking about wanting to “burn down” his “cousin’s” house, but what he DID was to burn down the home of his X-GF before me because she had dumped him. We were never able to prove it in court, but there IS NO DOUBT HE DID IT.
I take any kind of “threat” seriously, and lots of people have not taken “warnings” as threats, and died because of it. Most murders in this country of women are done by their SOs, or X-SOs. So if I “over react” I would rather be wroong on that end than to NOT “react enough” and have a death occur. It is obvious TO ME that this man is planning her DEATH, and that being the case, to me, it could be tomorrow or next year, but why wait around to find out?
my last post was lost in cyberspace…
Annie, can you tell us more about how you two have been relating since you first came on LF. Are you being more defiant? are you getting along?
How do you know he doesn’t have a keylogger on you?
Didn’t you post yesterday that you “outed” him using a keylogger at work?
Bibleannie:
Your husband’s estimate about the cost of a funeral with casket and vault is right on the money.
$10,000 is approximately what funerals cost these days.
The cost can either decrease or increase by the quality of the casket & vault that is chosen. Caskets can range in price from about $800 – $6000. So, there is a big variation.
But, $10,000 is the average cost.
It seems like he has been doing his homework on this subject, ESPECIALLY since he wants to be cremated.
Cremations are less expensive than funerals, because there is no casket & vault.
If you should pass away, your husband will determine whether you are buried or cremated, UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN WRITING (LIKE A WILL) STATING YOUR WISHES, OR IF ONE OF YOUR BLOOD RELATIVES COMES FORWARD AND SAYS THEY ARE OPPOSED TO YOU BEING CREMATED.
If there is no will, I am not even sure if your blood relatives can stop it if your husband decides to have you cremated.
The laws are different in every state.
I strongly suggest you consult with a funeral director ON YOUR OWN (that means without husband) and discuss these issues.
One more thing, Bibleannie. There can still be an autopsy, even though the body is being cremated.
It’s done all of the time.
If the cause of death is unknown, or the circumstances of death are suspicious, or if the family is demanding one, there will be an autopsy.
Speaking from my own experience, once a psychopath knows that you are onto them, it is NEVER forgotten.
The fact that your husband is talking to you about funerals and knows the cost of a traditional burial for you is chilling.
A HUGE red flag!!
Please do NOT minimize this or try to overlook it.
I would back away from this man and your current situation ASAP.