Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:
I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.
Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.
Lawsuit for anything
First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.
It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.
However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.
But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.
Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
- Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
- Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?
Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.
Media law
There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:
- Defamation, which includes libel and slander
- Invasion of privacy
Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)
Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.
We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.
Libel
In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:
- Sociopath must be identified
- Statements made must be false
- Statements must be defamatory
- Statements must be published
In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.
Traditionally, defamation per se includes:
- Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
- Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
- Allegations of “unchastity”
- Allegations of criminal activity
It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.
Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.
Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.
Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.
Invasion of privacy
Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.
Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:
- Private letters
- Sexual orientation or sexual relations
- A person’s health
- A person’s wealth
Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.
Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.
Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.
Free speech
You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”
The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.
In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.
Exposure works
At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.
The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.
Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.
If you want to proceed
Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?
If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:
• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.
• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.
• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”
• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.
• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.
• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.
• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.
• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.
• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.
My S does not realize that I was the one who uncovered the truth about him at the motorcyle place he managed. At one point it he did accuse me of it but I denied it. It’s like this sick cat and mouse game that’s played constantly. Back then, when he worked there, he thought he covered his deviant ways so well and for some reason, I could always smell a rat with him, but could never, ever prove it. So I became my own PI without him knowing. When I showed him the proof of his sick activities logged on under his email and desktop, he didn’t realize that by his lies about why he fired that man of 20 years that his boasting about how this guy threatened his life just came back around to bite him. He couldn’t believe that anyone there would sabatage him, afterall, he once told my daughter when she was staying with us and being rebellious, that she didn’t fool him one bit cause he was the master manipulator. He was intoxicated when he had this dicussion with her, and wonder if he even remembers telling me this.
So, if has installed a keylogger on this laptop, he’s very good cause I constantly run spyware checks on it. If he does know and sees what I write about, and that is enough for him to have me disposed of, then he is beyond sick, he is the devil himself cause he has nothing on me, I clean the house everyday, don’t hardly go out but to grocery shop, he monitors where Im at all the time, I cook for him, clean for him, pack up the house we are currently renting and the other 7 in the past two years.
I’m rambling I know, but even now, my mind simply can’t wrap around how evil evil is.
it’s true, annie, your mind has NOT wrapped around how evil he is because you are talking about what would be ENOUGH for him to dispose of you. Can we say…um lets see… burnt toast? That would be ENOUGH. He is a psychopath. YES HE IS THE DEVIL HIMSELF. Can you deal with that and stay calm?
What we need to ask is what would be ENOUGH for him NOT to dispose of you. What would make it ENOUGH in his best interests not to dispose of you. Unless you always have it in your mind in that way, you CANNOT stay there. I thought you understood, but now, I don’t think that you do. Your assignment was to stay completely undercover, like a gray rock while getting enough money to escape. But now you have to leave or to somehow convince him that there will be money in it for him if you continue to live a bit longer.
Nothing you have done in the past matters. My own xP told me that 25 years of love and devotion and servitude meant nothing to him because I didn’t pick up the phone on one particular day, which showed that I was evil and must be punished. That’s the day I left.
Bunny boiler… LOLOL.. cough, yeah I know that was a while ago. Better late than never though, right?
There are narcissistic types who aren’t truly dangerous except maybe to your sanity or reputation. For those I advocate mild revenge, such as letting it all hang out when that lawyer, ex-boss, friend, relative or social worker calls wondering whatever happened to your personal prodigal. Don’t hold back to make yourself look smarter. Let everyone know who cares to listen. And don’t worry if they don’t believe you. They will in time, they will in time.
I also advise any of you still dealing with hurt and anger that is truly rocking your world, to go VERY easy on yourself for a while. MAKE TIME for your emotions. Don’t be too quick to go out in the world, but make a little time to just lie down and feel bad for a while when it gets too much, and don’t be hard on yourself if a few tears squeeze out, or even a torrent.
And don’t kick yourself if you miss the N/S. They were a huge part of your life and now there is an empty hole. Grief is appropriate.
There are some sociopaths who are so unstable and dangerous they can’t be exposed. These kind of people you have escaped from as a lamb from the jaws of the wolf. They are the ones who ten years later you are still afraid they will find out where you live. As long as we live in such an open society, there will be people loose and free who should be locked up for the safety of society.
All you can do in this case is keep your eyes peeled. But still I say, if you do have to go into court with them… don’t cover anything up. Don’t forgive any arrears, don’t let any threat go unreported. These people are masters at making us look like idiots to the authorities. You may not be able to expose them to those authorities, but do not under any circumstances show fear or allow them to bully you into silence. This can only help them.
Skylar… so totally and completely true. It’s that way they have of excusing their complete indifference with some stupid little flaw of yours. For my last one, it was that I remained friends with my ex-husband, with whom I am raising a difficult child. Not buddy-buddy friends, you understand, just civilized and polite to each other for the sake of the kid. In my boyfriend’s mind this was totally inexcusable and a betrayal of his devotion…?
kat_o_nine_tales – I just want to say Hello – It has been a very long time !
Hi Kat,
I haven’t had time to say hi yet, today seems more hectic than usual.
It’s nice to meet you.
thanks for posting that interesting letter from your ex. His life sounds like the hell he deserves. Oh well.
the X-p is now working a second job – a home nurse. he’s administering medication to people that are home-bound.
I’m afraid he will steal their money and belongings (especially their jewelry). he had no problem doing any of that with me. He has no morals.
Should i expose him? Particularly because he’s been stealing drugs from where he currently works (he’s a male nurse).
total scum
ps… how coincidental that he can now work a second job to pay his bills and have what he wants. he couldn’t do that when i was with him. oh yeah, i was the one that was going to buy OUR house on the water, buy OUR yacht, etc, etc. Maybe he has to show his new F buddy that he has money.
sorry to b so crast…what is going to stop this monster?
Candy, maybe you could send an anonymous email {not from your home, it may get back to him, and hed be furious, and maybe suspect you,and take it out on you. You could send it,or a letter,{anonymous also] to the agency he is working for saying you have every reason to believe he cannot be trusted around other peoples money or possessions.They can then run a check on him to see if he has any previous convictions,-he may well have.Do you have any proof that hehas stolen drugs from the hospital he works in?Ive been a nurse, and I know that all drugs taken out of the medications cupboard have to be signed for and counted.
Unless he is bribing someone to sign for them, what proof do you have? Gem.XX
gem
every day he removes meds from aspirin to valtrex to …
it just so happens that i have saved several of the drug packs he brought home. (this has been done, so in case he decides to mess with me)
i can comfortably say that he has over twenty+ packs, with almost 30 days worth of meds in each, stockpiled in his apt. he hands them out like candy to friends and neighbors. he’s the man…he has to show his worth!
as for his superiors…he’s got them conned. they think he is the best pill deliverer (yes, that’s all he does all night…besides f one of the nurses). he is conning them, they’re turning a blind eye.. or maybe he’s sleeping with them. he’s a con man, in a con man’s world. no one looks in his large briefcase when he goes thru lots and lots of security. he is the only LPN that gives out meds to the staff when they have an ache and pain, too. i know he takes dishes & towels. What else could he bring in and out. hmmm… interesting thought?~! (ps this jail has been and continues to be under fire w/the media)
what a piece of work.
your thoughts?
I would post all the empty packs that you have saved, and send them[either give them your real name or tell them you fear retribution from him so could they keep your name a secret.} Send them, plus any other evidence you have of his stealing , to the top Health authority in your state, ask them to do a full audit on this Hospital,{or is it a jail?} Either way, if they do a full audit, the governor will be in big trouble if things dont match up.Say what youve said here, that he hands these meds out like candy to his friends. I repeat, if you have reason to fear hed “get back to you and make trouble,ask the authorities for protection, and or anonymity.All the best, gem.XXAlso, ask them to check security as youve reason to believe it is lax.