Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:
I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.
Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.
Lawsuit for anything
First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.
It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.
However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.
But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.
Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
- Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
- Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?
Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.
Media law
There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:
- Defamation, which includes libel and slander
- Invasion of privacy
Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)
Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.
We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.
Libel
In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:
- Sociopath must be identified
- Statements made must be false
- Statements must be defamatory
- Statements must be published
In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.
Traditionally, defamation per se includes:
- Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
- Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
- Allegations of “unchastity”
- Allegations of criminal activity
It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.
Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.
Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.
Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.
Invasion of privacy
Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.
Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:
- Private letters
- Sexual orientation or sexual relations
- A person’s health
- A person’s wealth
Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.
Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.
Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.
Free speech
You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”
The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.
In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.
Exposure works
At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.
The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.
Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.
If you want to proceed
Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?
If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:
• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.
• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.
• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”
• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.
• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.
• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.
• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.
• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.
• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.
Hi. Thanks for replying. No–I don’t think he has molested our two daughters as I was always present at home and it doesn’t show in their behaviour–although you never know it could still come out.
My oldest daughter Debbie is now 20–but my youngest Amber is 12 and she stays with him one night at the weekend. I lied to him and told him social services and child protection are monitoring her–best I could do to protect her. Stuck in a trap of not being believed and not being accused of parential alienation syndrome. So far so good–as she is bright and happy when she comes back.
He did everything to me behind their backs and I put him out suddenly with no explanation. It felt like a life or death situation. The only guidelines I had at the time was –no contact– and say nothing bad about him to your kids. As said–I was in a bad state–but kids only know I hate him and don’t know why. They don’t want to know. They love their dad and he has them fooled that he is a great family man–although he doesn’t have much time for my two oldest since he left. Only my youngest–which you will see in due course–worries me.
It must be hard for my kids as they thought that they had two of the most loving parents ever. They were all too young the first round of abuse–and know nothing about it.
Didn’t mean to lurk for so long–but the two years have went in so fast–and as said–sometimes I feel as if I have been brain damaged by the experience. It has taken this long to admit that I am no further along in recovery. Keeping it locked in has not helped either–so I am hoping that by telling I can eventually heal. Keeping someone’s confidence is one thing. Keeping poisonenous secrets another. I think it eats you up eventually.
But I had to protect my children. I don’t want them damaged by finding out unecessarily that their dad may have peodophile tendencies.
I am still not sure what happened although I see parts of my story in others–hence visit to my psychiatrist for someone to help me clarify the memories.
For the first year I was obsessed with gathering evidence and the shocks that I found kept me numb–possibly PTSD. I had to leave reading lovefraud for a time as I kept getting triggered.
I also asked my psychiatrist yesterday if her diagnosis of a psychosis could be wrong and that if she could actually push past this and look at it from an unusual domestic violence position that I could be suffering from PTSD. I got knocked down immediately. How dare I question her position.
Being still numb doesn’t help understanding and I believe you have to emotionally process each memoriy to recover. But my psychiatrist poo poohed this idea when I ran it past her. She ignored the emotional numbness. Yet I can’t help thinking that supressed emotions can’t be healthy.
I asked for a therapist–but as said –she promised then renaged. Somewhere along the line–I’m not sure why as I only saw her for an hour once every three months. Not enough for time to talk. She changed it to a psychosis. Which she maintains I have now recurring because I asked for someone to talk to and about my emotional numbness and memories.
I haven’t cried–not once throughout the experience and also not since putting him out. I wish I could. I have researched all possible avenues for his healing from psychological to biblical and have finally accepted that I can’t and no one else can do this.
Funny how you think of them first.
Anyway–thanks for listening. I will post soon about my experience. Exhausted. Keeping up a front does this to you.
2
Skylar. When I took the children nine years ago I modelled self respect–taught bounderies and told them to trust their intuition at all times. My youngest– I told her that even dads may not be nice–without going into too much detail. I have hammered simple golden rules into them to protect themselves. My 20 year old is more than able. But then so was I. My good work got done then.
But in saying that I have tried to educate them in womens rights etc, but they are not receptive. Boring. The only thing I got through was about welcome and unwelcome touching and the power of the word NO. Also honouring yourself. Self respect. I am a good leader when not weakened like this. But as no one is around to abuse me they don’t see this.
Not that it helped me. I was raped emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
He did everything without their knowledge and all they have is the image of the good guy who couldn’t do enough for me. He tosses the two older ones a crumb now and again and I feel sad to see them so grateful. But I don’t know what to say about this without coming across as bitter. They are stuck in the middle.
I have decided to say nothing and let him dig his own grave. I always validate my children when they tell of something that he has done that they don’t like. They are very open with me and the fact that I tell them that I am not responsible for his behaviour puts the ball squarely at his feet. At one point he came running to me to try and fix a situation between him and our son as our son did not want to see him anymore. I told him to fix it himself.
I listened to the girls one night and I heard my oldest say that she didn’t want to phone her dad and asked my youngest to do so as he will do it for her cos he likes her better. I just said –‘Is that your dad playing favourites again’. They know I don’t.
When he first left he character assasinated me to them. My only weapon was a dignified ‘ I do not discuss your dad with you–therefore I don’t know why he is doing this’. It stopped immediatley as the kids had a go at him.
I leave good books lying around. EG ‘The verbally abusive relationship’–‘Why does he do that’–‘and ‘Women who love psychopaths’. I will get the two above in due course. But even if they don’t read them–they know their mother is. Subtle and hopefully effective. I have also told them that I see a psychiatrist for trauma. Let them add things up themselves. kids are not stupid.
When I put him out I did not sit around and mope. The house was run down as he would not do anything with it. I put central heating in a new kitchen and decorated from top to toe. I also got us brand new beds on a limited budget. I was left with nothing after 22 years of marriage as he has no assets.
To confront a child that their father is narcisstic and is not capable of loving them to me would do untold damage. I believe in leaving hints and letting them figure it out by themselves who did what to whom and why.
Although devastated–I still model good healthy relating and loving behaviour. Which is hard as I have no feelings LOL
Anyway Skylar–Genuine heartfelt thanks for your post as it made me realise that I did alright.
He got through my defences simply because I loved and trusted him. The attack was so swift and relentless I did not have time to think. He crashed every one of my bounderies and I am still reeling trying to put them back together. I was idealised and devalued so swiftly that I didn’t even know what it meant until after the fact. I went numb instantly.That’s their strategy–I think.
I still have a good deal of identily loss and have not achieved peace of mind. But I think I look and act stable to the kids.
Again thanks for the validation about my psychiatrist. I think that when someone makes up there mind that you are sick then that is all they hear. Even my challenges about her service were seen as symtoms of a psychosis. Totally no win situation.
Thank God for you all.
Peace and Love
Skylar, I am learning to knit. Pinky-Doodle has a blue and orange Gator sweater in his future, with many mistakes, but hey, he’s a cat and he just loves the attention. I still have a couple of weeks to get it done for the big rivalry: FLORIDA VS. GEORGIA. A really big thing around here!
Oh that is soooo cute that you’re making a sweater for Pinky.
Sky, Yes. When i went to Super Wal-Mart to get yarn and knitting needles, the cashier told me there is a group of ladies who knit together every Weds night, and she said thet were planning a get-together next week, when they would bring their dogs, all dressed -up for halloween. I don’t think Pinky would fit in………………………………….He’s kind of picky about the company he keeps…I think it has something to do with the food chain, but Pinky could explain it better. Love.
Donna, et al:
I just spoke with the lawyer of one of the spath’s dupes. On her advice I will call the Attorney General later this week to add my name and info to the list of people who have complained about the spath. (three on record to date).
Looks like they are about a month away from moving forward on the last remaining charge – fraud.
I am seeking advice here. The lawyer made it very clear that the Judge REALLY doesn’t ‘get it’ and consequently other charges have been thrown out.
Are there specific studies, papers, etc. we at lovefraud could support the case with in terms of explaining the nature, motivation and long term prognosis of someone with the spath’s history/ profile?
one step
the lawyer herself, although very sympathetic to the situation doesn’t seem to know much about s/p, etc. I’d like to give HER some info.
well, i learned a new skill today; how to take screen shots.
so i spent some time and archived EVERYTHING the spath is doing online that I know about. I haven’t been looking at this stuff – and as long as i just concentrated on the archiving I was fine.
I am a bit triggered. but it’s done now. So it can go to the lawyer and AG.
On one of her own blogs – in a post that I hadn’t seen before – she wrote this long response to the woman who is suing her for fraud.
and at the end, SHE ACTUALLY WROTE: LOVE YA TOO. MEAN IT TOO. RAISE YOU A MISS YA.
OMFG!!!!!!!
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And now we return to our regular programming. I am going out of tox house and away from computer and into the world.
one step
As I read your posts…whatever illusions I still had about my ex disintegrated. All sociopaths are the same it seems, they even use the same words – “bunny boiler”! – I am mortified to realise that until now I still had illusions about him, and that it hurts to let them go. For instance, until I read Littlewhite horse’s story, I thought the efforts he had made to improve his behaviour were only to help his short-term plans; but never thought that he was probably planning to get some other form of control over me (he wanted a baby) to start abusing me on a much higher level. I should have known, one of his other gfs (4 at the same time as me) told me about the way he abused her emotionally and physically. Why did I want to think he would have treated me slightly differently?? It’s like unconsciously I still want to hold on to the idea that somehow he did like me a little bit, or a little bit more than the others – after all that time is he still playing with my brain if I catch myself having those delusional thoughts after everything I found out about him? I never wanted to see him again, anyway, but I liked the idea that he had maybe been sincere, say, 5% of the time…could it be that I still can’t help seeing the way he treated me as a reflection of what i deserve? Or maybe I want to believe there is some humanity in him so that he suffers??! Has anyone had similar feelings, can someone help me understand what”s happening?
Thanks!