Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:
I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.
Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.
Lawsuit for anything
First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.
It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.
However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.
But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.
Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
- Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
- Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?
Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.
Media law
There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:
- Defamation, which includes libel and slander
- Invasion of privacy
Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)
Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.
We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.
Libel
In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:
- Sociopath must be identified
- Statements made must be false
- Statements must be defamatory
- Statements must be published
In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.
Traditionally, defamation per se includes:
- Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
- Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
- Allegations of “unchastity”
- Allegations of criminal activity
It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.
Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.
Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.
Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.
Invasion of privacy
Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.
Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:
- Private letters
- Sexual orientation or sexual relations
- A person’s health
- A person’s wealth
Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.
Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.
Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.
Free speech
You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”
The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.
In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.
Exposure works
At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.
The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.
Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.
If you want to proceed
Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?
If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:
• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.
• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.
• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”
• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.
• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.
• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.
• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.
• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.
• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.
“apparently I am a bunny boiler who won’t leave him alone!”
My S made his ex look like that. Too bad it was he who was not leaving her alone…convincing her to sleep with him whenever I was out of town while we were engaged!
The poor girl knew he had me convinced that she was crazy. I saw the red flags but I didn’t want to see or know the truth. He friend called me once. I handed my phone to my S.
This was about the time she had lost HIS child in a miscarriage (she was on heavy heart meds) just 4 month prior to our wedding!!!!!!
Now here I am. undulating between hope, sorrow and trying to figure out how to expose him…to his GF, his co-workers, employers, her parents, his psychologist….
the thing about exposing the s/p is that it means YOU are still getting (emotionally) involved. You are still ‘in the game’. youre thoughts are still with them:( And you are making yourself vulnerable.I get it though, I tried it, but it didnt work for me…
This is a difficult issue… in order to expose them you are giving up walking away…dusting your hands, letting them be ‘dead’ for you, and focussing on better things… but I know its hard to think that you might be able to DO somthing that could help someone else being hurt and walking away ….
(s/p help some one else ‘to not be hurt”)
Banana : one scary thing he did was to tell stories of his ex and her new partner, and how she was being abused by him, had her arm broken, etc. (He used her supposed disteressed phone calls as a cover when receiving calls from the other women he was seeing whilst with me)
I have now found out through one of the women who contacted me that it was, in fact, him who had beaten this woman up. This ability to divorce himself from reality to such an extent that OTHER people are exhibiting HIS behaviours is frightening.
I got out because I finally spotted not only the game but that it was rapidly escalating as he upped the stakes and I knew he was about to turn violent. Unfortunately, until he did, there was nothing I could do but run – the police were not interested at all. So there is nothing I can do to protect others – even in the unlikely event that other victims would believe what I had to tell.
Bananna, I just got the, “bunny boiler”. ROTFLMAO!!
Never heard that before.
That was anf1y.
Kimrobinson
I am so glad to hear you have sole custody. We here know how dangerous the S’s can be, but my attorney doesn’t get it.
I am fighting now. My attorney wants us to settle. She said there’s no way I would get sole custody, even if we went to trial.
As long as he has joint legal custody he will try to ruin me by disagreeing with everything I want to do. recently it was him refusing to drop my son ff at my place, and saying he never agreed to daycare…he wants his S mom to care for our son…even though when we were married she was the awful mother that raised him and he couldn’t wait till we moved out to live by my parents.
Oh, sorry, got confused. I still think it’s hilarious. 🙂
I still don’t get the “bunny boiler” unless it is just some horrible person who cooks bunnies alive. Personally, I think they are great dead, but you must remove all the hair before you cook them.
Congratulations, KimRobinson!!! TOWANDA!!! for you!!! Taking care of your child is #1 always and you succeeded in accomplishing that legally. My prayers and hugs for both you and your son!
ANF1y, SO good to see you are lurking around even if you aren’t posting much!
Meg, how are you doing, sweetie? Glad also to know that you are lurking around LF still!!!! Give us an update on how you are doing!!!!
The term Bunny Boiler comes from the film Fatal Attraction where she stalks him after a one-night stand and steals and cooks his daughter’s pet rabbit. Apparently Glenn Close herself started the term when she described her character in an interview. So now you know!
It was one of S’s favourite terms for me – always in the context of “my son is warning me you are a bunny-boiler”, and usually used because I had phoned him at an inconvenient moment (ie when he wasn’t where he should have been). This from a man who kept saying we should get married asap, and would meet his family at a BBQ/party/whatever “next weekend” (which of course, always had to be cancelled at the last moment)
Blueskiesapedia says: “Bunny Boiler” : pop culture reference to when Glenn Close’s character in the movie ‘Fatal Attraction’ boils the family pet because the husband she was having an affair with dumped her:(. reference: ‘spurned woman takes crazy revenge’.