Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:
I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.
Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.
Lawsuit for anything
First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.
It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.
However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.
But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.
Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
- Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
- Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?
Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.
Media law
There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:
- Defamation, which includes libel and slander
- Invasion of privacy
Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)
Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.
We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.
Libel
In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:
- Sociopath must be identified
- Statements made must be false
- Statements must be defamatory
- Statements must be published
In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.
Traditionally, defamation per se includes:
- Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
- Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
- Allegations of “unchastity”
- Allegations of criminal activity
It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.
Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.
Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.
Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.
Invasion of privacy
Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.
Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:
- Private letters
- Sexual orientation or sexual relations
- A person’s health
- A person’s wealth
Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.
Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.
Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.
Free speech
You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”
The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.
In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.
Exposure works
At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.
The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.
Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.
If you want to proceed
Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?
If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:
• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.
• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.
• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”
• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.
• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.
• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.
• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.
• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.
• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.
–
skylar,
They seem to get away with every thing illegal, it is almost as if they are untouchable and above the law.I know if I can do something toward those evil jerks to be stopped I will, what I find very hard to accept, that it does not matter if one is in the USA or Australia or any where in the western world, those criminals seem to be protected, even if one has the proof.I must say this does not say much for our society today.
But as long as there are people like us, we can bring them down eventually by chipping away bit by bit.
Oxy, I know you are right about not judging an organization by a few bad apples that hide in plain site in the barrel. My EX being head of his lodge and marching in parades with the other Masons is what endeared me to him at the beginning of our relationship. No one outed him to me. Which tells me they either didn’t know or didn’t want to step over the boundaries of 2 adults in a new relationship. I wished however, one of them spoke up. Even his EX wife didn’t speak up. I suspect he played her as well as he played me. I know I speak up and tell folks when their significant other crosses a boundary of decency. I am known for this … and have the battle scars to prove it. Some folks can’t/won’t handle the truth. For those that do and can, I like. For those that constantly hide truth … I either leave behind or put on some la-la fence. A decent person’s life is to precious to waste.
Oxy, I was just shouting my frustrations with all this news media blitz about the Masons here and the Masons there! It is difficult enough for me to heal as it is, never mind having their organization not watching their members ethical behavior. I wished they’d tar and feather him for what he did to folks. That’s my dream and I’m sticking with it.
Peace.
Dear Wini,
People in churches used to put pressure on members to not be “public drunks” etc. but now most churches don’t seem to try to keep their members “in line” (at least publicly”)
Then there are the churches and families like JillSmith’s that put pressure on the members to HIDE SHAMEFUL BEHAVIOR of the members, like her church did the fact that her brother had raped her—family, church, etc. conspired to cover it up.
Same thing in lots of organizations and groups—cover it up, hush it up, pretend it didn’t happen, and GOD FORBID someone should blow the whistle, then CRUICIFY THEM!
Nothing new there, Wini, why do you think they crucified Jesus? for outing the crooks and the hypocrits in the Temple and in Politics…they cut off John the Baptist’s head. Nothing has changed since then and it was SOP (standard operating procedure) LONG before then.
You keep your dream sweetie, that’s what makes you sweet, but I’ll keep my cynicism, THEY ARE ALL CROOKS! LOL ROTFLMAO We are the yin and the yang, the up and the down, the left and the right, the black and the white!
I might have lost the battle but I will win the war.
skylar,
I always have to catch up on the post in the morning as I am rarely on the computer in the evenings anymore. And I read one of your post explaining a bit about your parents. How your mother can be very subtle.
I also read your post above how you record your X’s conversations and tried to expose him to the couple, by playing the taped conversations…..
I think that exposing this disorder to the public is very important. However I think the task is going to be MONUMENTAL.
First off people “see” what they want to see.
Secondly often people can be VERY judgemental. They might have never “walked in THOSE shoes” but they sure have alot of opinions and judgements to cast on whoever or whatever the “topic” might be.
Haven’t we all seen a battered woman on Oprah or Dateline (or some such show) telling their story, and the question ALWAYS, ALWAYS, presented to them is “Why did you stay?” “Why didn’t you leave?”
Or a rape victim. Being drilled. “Why didn’t you fight ?” Or a kidnapped victim, “Why didn’t you run away when you had the opportunity?”
The general public doesn’t seem to GET IT. Asking the SAME STUPID questions…..Duh. Lets ask the same stupid questions and “victimize” the victim AGAIN. Instead of listening CLOSELY to their story and maybe learning something from what they have to say. People right away close their minds and “judge” the situation, even though they themselves have never experienced it.
Understanding the S/P/N personality for most people that never have experienced such a person first hand……Well, that is just mind boggling information.
The word sociopath might be used on programs such as Law and Order to define a fictional character, (murderer usually) however until the “word” can actually be USED outloud to describe the horrific REAL LIFE story on Dateline or Oprah…..The general public isn’t going to make the connection. That the sociopaths in “jail” are one and the same, to the one living next door that beats his wife.
Here you had “proof” of taped conversations of your X, and his friends who have delt with him in real life still, don’t “get it”.
Now try explaining to someone the more “subtle” behavior of your mother serving you breakfast in the morning. And try and get that point accross to someone that hasn’t a clue.
I’m certainly not saying that it isn’t very important to try and educate people and to speak out of our experience. However I think we might not generally get the response we had hoped for.
If society hasn’t learned by now that a kidnapped victim (child) needs some validation after their horrific experience, and NOT the “curious” questions…Why didn’t you run away or tell someone when you had opportunity…..
To me, that question puts the blame back onto the victim in this situation. When will we learn NOT to ask those kinds of questions?
The kind of response you got from your x’s friends I think is rather typical, don’t you? THEY just can NOT wrap their brain around the idea that he is anything more than a selfish, self centered, character. And instead of you being “the good guy” sharing what you know with them, they go back to him and spill the beans.
It is unfortunate that you had to experience this. And the best you can do now is to know that you did the right thing. You gave them warning. What they choose to do with that warning is ignore it. Now it is on them.
I know myself I have TROUBLE some days wrapping my OWN brain around it. It somehow seems surreal. And when you live with it and can’t distance yourself from the “daily” fog that they can create it is almost even harder to articulate it to anyone.
Sometimes when I am trying to explain some of this to a friend, I can almost relate to them not getting it. Its hard to try and understand something as complex as all of this can be. And no matter what words I use they do not seem to be the “magic” words.
Witsend,
I totally get what you mean. I used to watch the abused people on TV and just thought they needed to “get a spine”, even while I was being abused MYSELF. I just didn’t know what abuse was. We need to get these words defined.
Abuse is: devaluing another person’s potential as a human being. It is slavery and all the things that pertain to slavery.
If I had heard abuse defined that way 25 years ago, I would have noticed that I was abused. I did notice that my exP did not care or expect me to grow as a human being. He was not interested in my reaching my potential, having hobbies or
friends. He was only interested in controlling me. Those other things, were reserved only for him and his desires.
I didn’t know that this was a sign of an abusive person. I thought it was just selfishness, selfcenteredness. But having had a selfish sister and parents, I didn’t think that there was anything harmful TO ME in this relationship. I just thought it wasn’t good to be selfish because then no one will like you.
My XP’s friends have issues of their own, but I can’t put my finger on it. They drink ALOT, and they are obsessed with being naked in their home or when they fly out to a camping site. They and their friends get naked. I don’t want to judge, that is their business, but I don’t get the need for it.
I also think that my XP primed them to envy me. I’m much younger and have always been in very good physical condition. Today, I’m not so well-toned, but I’m very slim, so I still appear in good shape to them. So their ability to “pity” me for being an “abused” wife, I think made them feel better. Last New Years Eve, the xP was partying with them and I went elsewhere. They called me drunk and laughing and asked me if the P beat me. I said “no, the only abuse is emotional and I let him have it too.” I didn’t realize that he HAS NO EMOTIONS, so I was the only one suffering.
They answered, “We KNEW IT! Good for you!”
WITSEND, you have got your WITS about you, Girlie!
GREAT POST!!!!! and so true, so true! Trying to “educate” people that there are “alien space ships” coming and “abducting” people would in some cases be EASIER!
In fact, people would more likely believe me if I told them I had been abducted by aliens than that my egg donor is NOT the “sweet, sainted little old lady” mask she presents to the public. I’ve seen her with the mask OFF though, and I KNOW WHAT LIES BEHIND IT, and it is NOT pretty.
While others may buy the mask, I will never again let others opinions sway my REALITY.
BTW—did you see that bright light over my house last night? Well, it was the saucers coming again……ROTFLMAO
SKYLAR
HERE’S A JOKE FOR YOU: You said your x and his friends are nudists. Once when i was young (very young, like 20) I went to a nudist camp, and all these people from 1 to 75 were walking around naked, and believe me some of them, in fact, most, were NOT attractive….like go to wal mart and imagine all the people you see there NAKED…the guys all had their private parts smeared with zinc oxide and they were stark white! like they had leporasy. LOL
anyway, the joke is—HOW DO YOU STOP SEX IN PEOPLE OVER 50?
turn on the lights! ROTFLMAO
Is there a way that you can sue the SP in court although there was no papers sign among you too stating that he owes you money? How about having texts that he sent to stating he will pay you back. I just need my money back!!!!!