Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:
I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.
Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.
Lawsuit for anything
First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.
It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.
However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.
But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.
Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
- Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
- Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?
Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.
Media law
There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:
- Defamation, which includes libel and slander
- Invasion of privacy
Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)
Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.
We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.
Libel
In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:
- Sociopath must be identified
- Statements made must be false
- Statements must be defamatory
- Statements must be published
In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.
Traditionally, defamation per se includes:
- Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
- Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
- Allegations of “unchastity”
- Allegations of criminal activity
It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.
Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.
Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.
Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.
Invasion of privacy
Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.
Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:
- Private letters
- Sexual orientation or sexual relations
- A person’s health
- A person’s wealth
Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.
Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.
Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.
Free speech
You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”
The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.
In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.
Exposure works
At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.
The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.
Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.
If you want to proceed
Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?
If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:
• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.
• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.
• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”
• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.
• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.
• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.
• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.
• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.
• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.
LOL!
That was funny but the funniest part was the private parts smeared in white! I can only imagie how bizarre that looks!
My xP is not a nudist, just his friends are. The only nudity thing he would do is walk around the house with nothing but a teeshirt on, just like toddlers do. Then he’d eat cheerios and bananas all day, just like toddlers do.
I wonder if a propensity toward nudity is part of narcissism. Has anyone else any experience with people who really prefer to walk around naked whenever possible? Are they narcissists? I’m not ashamed of my naked body, I just have no desire to attract attention with it, so I prefer to keep my clothes on for that reason. I think people are going to check you out right? And aren’t there positions you have to avoid, like bending and squatting? Clothes are so functional, I don’t understand people not wanting to wear them.
Oxy, I know all too well how good folks are crucified. I was the last of the 7 who filed a lawsuit against our managers. Those crooks crossed over federal and state laws, yet the place I worked viewed us as the bad guys. I was the only one still in work. The others were illegally fired or refused entry back to work. They tried to pull this on me, with the sanction of my corrupt union president (who by the way was told to retire and never return … now she’s back to looking at the bottom of what ever bottle she’s drinking that minute of the day).
Long story short … instead of folks doing what’s right for which we have laws on the books, they pull out all the stops to harass you unmercifully until you collapse, commit suicide, or just go away. Unbelievable.
My heart is still broken over how sin blinds folks so completely they never see the good and positive in life. My boss was so corrupt that she only trusted/wanted subordinates that she had something on to dangle over their heads. She couldn’t even fathom that folks pure in heart just work to do a good job, collect their paychecks, mind their own business and go home. Get up again and do the best they can do the following work day. This concept is foreign to her. With her logic, we don’t have the best and brightest at the top of companies. Just a bunch of egos that are paranoid through life assuming others are just as corrupt or more so, than them.
I now understand that if we follow God’s wisdom (TRUTH), our spirits thrive … we live. “They”, non-believers follow their ego (EVIL) and their spirit is dead … devoid of everything … the abyss.
Scriptures are about morals, ethics, positive way of living. People know the basics because of who owned Hollywood back in the early days (Jewish Torah is the Old Testament), books, TV, scripts … who were the writers and what was their influence on society! Non-believers learned the basics of wisdom and think man was born with this knowledge. For those of us who follow God’s blueprint (Bible, Torah, Koran etc.) we learn the details of Wisdom because we are willing to go humble to do so.
Peace.
God if I could only rely on my “wits” to get me through my own situation. Maybe not even the entire SITUATION but at least through this ONE day, this ONE week, ONE month.
I am begining to feel like an total EMOTIONAL cripple. I can’t even make a friggin phone call.
My son had an early detention and I dropped him off 1/2 hr early yesterday at school for that detention. Instead of showing up to the detention he informed his teacher later in her class that I WASN’T able to get him there EARLY. She gave him after school detention (he didn’t show up for that either)
He told his friend (his mother usually drives both kids to school) on the phone (I overheard) yesterday that he was done with detention and to go ahead and pick him up at regular time.
He told me: That he had turned in the packet (in the morning detention)( this is like a 30 page packet of work, so obviously he couldn’t finish it in 30 minutes). But…….
He informed me that he had just SCRIBBLED on the pages & turned it in with scribbles because he stated he was NOT going back to detention to do any missing work!!!!!
Now today, the asst. principal has sent me a “disciplinary action” warning email stating that he didn’t show up for the detention and that I was notified by the teacher blah, blah, blah.
He has lied to everyone involved. Now I have to call him (asst. principal) and what am I suppose to say?
Yeah, well my son is a pathalogical liar. WELCOME to my world! Yeah, go ahead and expel him from school when he doesn’t show up to the NEXT mandatory detention. (thats how it works)
I guess my son didn’t go with his “plan A”…to milk that detention all year and STILL refuse to do the work. He has come up with what he sees as a better plan. Getting expelled from school. He doesn’t want to go anyways. How convienient is this?
I don’t even want to TALK to these people. Because I don’t even know what to say to them anymore. I just about DREADED getting out of bed this morning and now I know why.
Hi Witsend. I don’t know if you remember me, but I remember when you first started blogging.
I wanted to tell you about the breathing technique that E. Tolle “A New Earth” writes about in his book. Any time you find yourself overwhelmed with your son’s acting out … find a nice quiet place to sit and listen to your breathing. Try and tune everything out of your mind … your thoughts, the ruckus your son is threatening you with, the phone/TV/outside noise.
Listen to your breath going into your lungs.
Listen to your breath going out of your lungs.
Breath going in.
Breath going out.
Do this for about 10 minutes at first … then as you get used to it … do it for about 15 minutes etc.
This is what Tolle explains as “going into the now” … this minute. Being one with God.
Once you master this (it’s a mini quick version of meditation/yoga) … you will be at peace. Total oneness with yourself … leaving the outside noise of the world behind. There is no pain in the “now”. There is no frustration in the “now”. There is no chaos in the “now”. Just total peace and serenity … you and God.
If you haven’t read this book, you can go onto Oprah.com site. She has Tolle’s site linked from her’s. Tolle explains his 10 chapters of the book in details with audience that skyped in from all over the world.
I hope you can find peace in doing this exercise any time you need it. Your world must be absolute hell living with your son’s ego running amuck every minute of every day.
I pray for you sweetheart. At least my monster left the state and me behind.
Peace to your sweet soul.
witsend:
Is there any chance, at this point, in getting your son declared incorrigible and letting the system take over? If so, I’d do it. If not, I think you’ve done everything you can do for your son. Now it is time to do what you can do for you.
I agree with OxDrover that your son’s “plan” is to drop out of school the minute he can. Is that this December? In any case, you need to start focusing on your life without your son in it. I would start ascertaining now, exactly when your legal obligation to your son ceases and how fast you can shove him out the door. The reason I suggest doing this is I suspect that yes, your son is going to drop out of school the moment he can. And I suspect that a big part of this “plan” is that he will continue to sponge off of you as long as he can. He’ll continue to earn his few bucks at his job, and dream of hitting it big in skateboarding while expecting you to continue to support him.
I think you need to figure out what your rights are. Then sit your son down and tell him it is clear he has no interest in school and you can’t do anymore for him with respect to that. And since he will not be in school as of X date, you will expect him to clear out on that date. As of that date there will be no more money from you, no car, no transportation, no phone, no comuputer, nothing. He wants to be independent, he can now learn what independence is all about by supporting himself.
The airlines say in the case of an emergency you’ve got to save yourself first. I think you need to do the same here. Your son is determined to destroy his life. Don’t let him take you down with him.
Great article thanks Donna and a lot of great reading in other peoples’ links, very informative. Tilly, there is nothing wrong with you and you are never alone. It must be so scary to fear for your life and to be so isolated. I’ve been to the police and courts a few times as well and it can be a very dangerous move when dealing with a psychopath. I hope that you are well and getting through this trial so far, xxoo
Witsend:
Request an in office suspension or detention Whatever he is facing….BUT….IN OFFICE!
The VP is in charge of diciplanary these days….have a nice long chat with him.
YES….lay it out for the VP…..be totally honest……TOTALLY!
Tell him, their suspending him will be a gift to your son……
Unless he is ordered to do it IN OFFICE……Make the School do some work here to.
If your son will not show up for that…..get the truency office involved…..
Since the school has these procedures in place, because of the $$ involved……make em earn it. You don’t have to take all the brunt……YOUR KID WON”T FOLLOW AUTHORITY!
Allow him to feel the consequences of it…..
1. He must go to detention.
2. If not, the next step…..
3. Not follow step 2……go to next step….
UNTIL the truant officers get on board.
WHY is he getting rides to/fro school?
Make him walk 10 miles in chest high snow……
If he doesn’t make it….again….truant officers….
Cut off all angles of manipulation……or rewards….ie rides…
Strip him clean…..
Become the VP’s worst nightmare and make them accountable to do their JOB…
He knows no one will follow through……this is why he’s doing this!
YOU Demand they follow through….become the pain in the ass….
This is what I did….the VP now follows my son around the school…..making sure he is where he is supposed to be….he also has asked other staff members to be accountable to the VP…..in regards to my son….The school took on an active role…
YES, it sucks…..but if you can’t do it…..and this is their territory…..they must do what they get paid to do!
And unfortunately, kids like ours make em earn their dollars!
Good luck…..
I also set up a meeting with all teachers and Vp…
Laid it out for all of them…..
I requested if my son told them anything they needed to make ‘decisions’ on, to email me for ‘truth’ confirmation.
I cut off his angle to maniplulate.
He now realizes that they will be in touch with me, so whatever he tells them….mom couldn’t, mom overslept, mom was sick… blah, blah, blah…..
they confirm it with me, and are informed of the truth…..and I request he is given NO chances, NO benefit of doubts….whatever….
100% of the time he is lying…..and using me or some other lie as a scapegoat…..
He doesn’t like how people are reacting to him now…..and I tell him when he comes to me to complain…Bummer….you shouldn’t have put so much time into maniplulating and crying wolf…..YOU gave up your benefit of the doubt…welcome to the world!
Oh, it is all hitting him now……
The past few weeks hes’ been on a turn around….towards me….it may be permanent, it may be temporary….but I will use this time to continue to teach my lessons…..(he even joined us for Sushi last night!).
I suspect this t urn around may be another form of maniplutaion…..YET….I am in control of how I respond…..I will respond with love…..but still not rides, money, or whatever it is he usually wants when he is nice…just continue to be the mother that expects this son to earn what he wants out of life! It’s not a punishment…..it’s life!!!
Great advice Erin, I hope it’s not too late to turn your son around. Maybe you can’t completely change him, but you can at least teach him to salivate when he hears a bell ring, right?
🙂
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