Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:
I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don’t know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful.
Many people have asked the same question—can I expose the sociopath? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Several different laws apply, and the laws have been interpreted differently by various courts. Here’s a brief overview of the situation regarding U.S. law.
Lawsuit for anything
First of all, there are two types of law in the United States: criminal law and civil law.
It is unlikely that you would be arrested, or end up in jail, for exposing the actions of a sociopath. Although in some states libel is on the books as a criminal offense, it is rarely prosecuted.
However, under civil law in the United States, anybody can sue for anything. Whether the person who files a lawsuit actually wins is another issue—it depends on whether it can be proven that an actual law was broken.
But here’s what you have to keep in mind: If you expose the sociopath, and the sociopath files a lawsuit against you, you will have to defend yourself whether the lawsuit has merit or not. There’s a good chance that you’ll have to retain an attorney, which is going to cost you money.
Some sociopaths love to file lawsuits. And, as we’ve discussed many times here on Lovefraud, they’re experts at manipulating the legal system. Therefore, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Is this sociopath prone to filing lawsuits?
- Does the sociopath have the resources to hire an attorney?
- Do you have the resources to defend yourself if the sociopath takes you to court?
Suppose you’ve considered these questions and you want to move ahead with exposing the sociopath. You’ll want to maximize the chances that you’ll win a lawsuit if the sociopath files one. For that, you’ll need a basic understanding of media law.
Media law
There are two basic types of law to consider when exposing a sociopath. They are:
- Defamation, which includes libel and slander
- Invasion of privacy
Libel is publication of false information that injures a living person’s reputation. (Libel refers to statements or pictures that are published. Slander refers to false statements that are spoken.)
Invasion of privacy is the publication of information, even if it is true, that is highly offensive to an ordinary person.
We’ll take a closer look at both of these types of claims. However, keep in mind that the information presented here is general. Every state in the U.S. has its own libel and invasion of privacy laws—it’s best to research what they are.
Libel
In order for a sociopath to proceed with a defamation case, the following must be present:
- Sociopath must be identified
- Statements made must be false
- Statements must be defamatory
- Statements must be published
In many libel cases, the plaintiff has to spend time proving that published statements are defamatory. Some statements, however, are considered defamatory per se, which means anyone would understand them to be defamatory. The plaintiff doesn’t have to prove the fact that they are defamatory.
Traditionally, defamation per se includes:
- Allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business
- Allegations of sexually transmitted disease or mental illness
- Allegations of “unchastity”
- Allegations of criminal activity
It’s highly likely that if you’re exposing a sociopath, you’ll make these types of allegations. Sociopathic behavior typically includes unsavory business practices, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and criminal activity. So you can count on your statements being considered defamatory.
Therefore, you must make sure that your statements are true, and you can prove it. In most U.S. states, truth is an absolute defense in libel cases.
Opinions are often not considered to be defamatory. However, if an opinion includes a false statement of fact, it can be defamatory.
Some statements are “privileged.” This means that even if a statement is defamatory, the person who makes it is excused from liability. Statements made during judicial proceedings in open court have absolute privilege. Anything said in court by anybody—judges, attorneys, plaintiff, defendant, witnesses—can be reported without fear of defamation. This protection is also extended to any legal documents filed with the court.
Invasion of privacy
Publishing private and intimate facts about a person, or information that is highly offensive and is not of legitimate concern to the public, can be considered an invasion of privacy.
Information about the following are generally considered to be protected by the right of privacy:
- Private letters
- Sexual orientation or sexual relations
- A person’s health
- A person’s wealth
Public records, such as birth, marriage and military records, may be published.
Truth is not a defense in an invasion of privacy case. Again, sociopaths often engage in behavior that reasonable people would consider offensive. Even when statements about the behavior are true, you may not be protected from an invasion of privacy claim.
Invasion of privacy claims are sometimes made because of how information is gathered. If you use surveillance, a hidden camera or a hidden microphone, your actions might be considered intrusion.
Free speech
You might be asking, “What about the First Amendment?” “What about my right of free speech?”
The First Amendment of the United States protects the freedom of the press and various rights of free speech from government censorship. The First Amendment does make it more difficult for libel cases to be pursued in the U.S. as opposed to other countries. And public figures often have to prove “actual malice” to win a libel case. However, it does not mean anyone can say anything they want about a private individual.
In the past, only journalists and newspapers had to worry about libel and invasion of privacy laws. But with the Internet, anyone can publish anything, and the law has not caught up with the technology. Therefore, there are no clear-cut guidelines about what you can do, and what you can’t.
Exposure works
At Lovefraud, I know that exposure works. Four women have contacted me from Australia. They met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who is still fishing for victims online, but after Googling him and reading my story, ditched him.
The same has happened with other True Lovefraud Stories—I know that people have escaped involvements with Phil Haberman, Lance Larabee, Anthony Owens, Patti Milazzo, Michele Drake, Brian Ellington and Bill Strunk.
Because the legal and judicial system is so inadequate in dealing with sociopaths, in my opinion, exposure is the only thing that does work.
If you want to proceed
Therefore, if you’re thinking about exposing the sociopath who victimized you, first you must weigh the risks. Is the sociopath likely to sue? Are you in a position to defend yourself?
If you want to proceed, here are some points to keep in mind:
• Calling the person a “sociopath” may be problematic, unless you can prove an actual diagnosis. Implying a mental disorder is defamation per se. You may want to skip the term and just publish what the person did.
• Make sure you can prove that any statement you make about the sociopath is the truth. Stick to the facts.
• Don’t make any threats, even facetious threats. Avoid statements like, “Does anybody know a good hit man?”
• You may have more leeway if the sociopath is a public figure. In order to win a libel suit, the sociopath would have to prove “actual malice.” For example, if Joey Buttafuoco proceeds with his libel suit against Mary Jo, part of her defense may be to claim he is a public figure.
• If you are currently involved in a legal action with a sociopath, you should probably wait until it is over before publishing anything that might damage your case. The exception to this might be criminal cases in which the prosecutors aren’t taking any action. Sometimes media attention gets them to move, as in the Ed Hicks case.
• If you’ve been to court with the sociopath, you can use anything that was part of the court proceedings—any legal documents filed, anything said in court. Get the transcript, especially if the sociopath lied and you can prove it.
• Public records, such as criminal convictions, can be published.
• If you’re building a webpage to expose the sociopath, don’t make up a cute title like, “Five years of deception.” Use the person’s name in the url. That’s the best way for the page to show up when someone Googles the name.
• Finally, if you’re going to expose the sociopath, make sure you can do it safely. If the sociopath is violent and on the loose, put your own safety before trying to save others.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33198459/ns/health-health_care/
Looks like some health insurers try to deny victims of DV based on their medical history.
skylar:
Forget getting the cellphone and computer back. At a minimum, while I know it galls you that he has cost you yet more money, the interactions aren’t doing you any good. That said, I’d make sure that you aren’t named as the responsible party on his cell-phone or internet accounts.
The tape is more problematical. I completely understand your concern. That said, you are only dealing with suspicions now. If he even owned up to making the tape, you have no guarantees that he is ever going to give you every copy. This is one of those situations that I would let sleeping dogs lie. If he ever does do anything with it, then you can go after him.
As for getting the attorney to write the letter — I’d give her copies of any tapes where he threatens you and/or transcripts of those calls or emails, including dates, time etc. Don’t drown her with all the nonsense messages. Just give her the ones where you actually felt he was threatening you.
If the attorney won’t write the letter, YOU write one. On this site, once before, several of us worked with Stargazer to write a letter to her congressman. It had exhibits etc. And it was successful — the congressman’s office got the Army to get serious about dealing with her ex-S.
For what it’s worth — everybody on this site understands all to well the drama these subhumans inflict on us. What we’e all learned is that you’ve got to pick your battles carefully and know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. Right now everything involving him is at the same decibel level. What you need to do is focus on the things you can affect regarding him. And protecting your finances and your property from him is number one on the list.
Skylar,
I could give you the name of the wonderful, great lawfirm I used. They have done amazing things for me against my S, so that is not new to them. It has been pricey, but got the job done.
Also, you need to contact the FAA. I did, since my S too is a pilot. He was using an old address, but they have to have a current one on file. Whether because of my letter or not, it did get changed. I also wrote the FAA about my situation with him, wondering if it would be a concern for them that this type of person, one without a conscience, should be flying people around ( he flys corp. out of Bellingham). I have been told by other pilots, that when the FAA gets a complaint, they are required to follow up on it, whether they do anything or not time would tell. If you need the address in Oklahoma City, let me know. You can also check out the FAA web site, your looking for contact with the person in charge or airman certificate holder.
Good Luck!!
Matt, mostly I want the cell and the computer for the possible evidence it might contain, but I’m not going to go after it straight, I’m going to slither very slowly toward it and then strike. It could take years. 🙂
EMJ,
yes, I’d be interested in the law firm name.
Again, I’m being very careful to keep him off balance, and not show my cards. One thing that is keeping him off balance is that I’m not appearing to be doing anything. That’s why I haven’t contacted the FAA or done much of anything. That said, I appreciate Matt’s reminder that if I don’t strike first, in the court system it makes me look bad. That’s why I’m not trying to strike at him, I want to go after the cops who have been helping him.
Am I snake like? I hope so.
Erin,
Bless your little heart.
The school system hasn’t been very helpful. I had a “round table meeting” with the school both his freshman year and his sophmore year. His teachers, the school counselor and the principal were all there. Not even the VP but the real deal, the principal herself.
The problem is that the school has pretty much done what they are willing to do.
Some teachers show up themselves and put in the time in the AM for the required “detentions” for missing work, and some of them do not. Those that DO (he only has one this year) are required to send notice to the office when student doesn’t show up. After 2 missed teacher detentions, (only 20 minutes) he will have to serve a detention for an hour with the VP. If he fails to show for that they will suspend him from school. And I don’t have an option of a in school suspension.
At this point he is getting teachers that he already had in the past and so they know how he operates as far as his sleeping in class or just not picking up the pencil and filling in the classwork.
Naturally they have had it with his non compliance to the rules and classroom.
There is ONE person at the school the at risk councelor (shes newer) that had been somewhat helpful. She saw my son at the end of last year and he had been “working her” since she came to the school. About how much he had to get out of this house and yadda yadda how bad he had it……
But then she arranged for him to join a program and caught him in a major lie and he had a huge melt down and was SCREAMING at her in her office. In other words he lost it. Big time. I was on speaker phone so I heard it!
She knows that “dark side” of him cause she saw it. She knows, (more than just the melt down) I can tell by how she treats me this year. She saw something upsetting to her.
When I call her this year she tells me he needs to see a doctor. She actually said that to me today. She knows he was in therapy last year AND she also used to work at that same facility BEFORE she got this job at the school!
So she even knows the therapist he saw.
The benifits (?) (NOT)….Of living in a small town.
The only reason my son gets a ride to school is so that he shows up and maybe that is enabeling but I don’t think it would be healthy right now him being here 24/7 either. As it is he CAN quit school before he is of legal AGE to kick him out.
He can quit in 2 months without my permission as he will be 17. He has to have 5 or 6 unexcused absences before a truant officer gets involved. I actually have an email into the truant officer, and waiting for a reply….But I am just asking information as he doesn’t have unexcused absences yet.
My son doesn’t care about the consequences. When he gets them he is generally asking for them and acts as if that is what he wanted all along…..Such as if he gets suspended.
Thanks Matt! I will look into all of that. It is something that I would have never thought of.
Skylar,
I have e-mailed Donna the name, address and phone of the attorney and law firm. Please tell him I referred you. Finding this law firm was like finding a needle in a haystack, since I’m from Chicago. They did come on recommandation from an attorney in Blaine, who had heard this attorney speak at a seminar. All I can say is “wow”. He “gets it”. And he also likes to get involved, like when he went with the Whatcom County sheriff to seize any property available. He likes that stuff. Good Luck!!
Dear Witsend,
While Matt has a point, in dealing with a REGULAR teenager who does give a flip and does not truly HATE YOU, these things might work, but keep in mind that he will not be incarcerated forever and if you pith him off, he will bear a grudge.
You have already said that he looked you square in the eye and said if you told his boss that he was flunking school and he lost his job because of that, he would BURN DOWN THE HOUSE.
The thing is with these kids THEIR PREFRONTAL CORTEX is not fully developed, and their IMPULSE CONTROL is pith poor to start with and if you pith them off, you can pay for it with your LIFE.
As a last ditch effort when my son was 17 and had robbed a business owned by friends of ours and I knew he had the stuff, I called the cops—as a “scare him straight” effort, (I knew as a juvy he would not get any serious time or a record) WELL IT DID NOT WORK and he has hated me with a vengence ever since then! He blames me because he is still in prison for committing murder 3 years later.
I know it is frustrating to let him “get away” with all this, but if someone is DETERMINED to ignore consequences and to retaliate, you are better off not poking the lion with a stick because I can guarentee the law will not keep him in jail forever for flunking school, and that is all he has done so far, and he will bear a grudge for the rest of his life, and with a psychopath, or anyone high in P traits, believe me that is NOT a good thing.
I was reading some research yesterday on heritability of violence and they are saying from 44% to 75 % is heritable. They aren’t sure just what particular chemicals are involved in it (though they have narrowed it down to a few) but hopefully they will find some pharma-help for it, but in the meantime, you can’t force them to take medication either unless you have them penned up.
With him this close to being out on his own and being as definant and oppositional and as enraged as he is, I think doing anything but letting sleeping dogs lie is DANGEROUS. If it were me in your situation, I would pack my kit bag and disappear!
I think it is so disheartening that so few of us have seen justice served, or been able to stop one of these non humans before they go on to destroy someone else. It’s not for lack of effort on all our parts. Anyone who has been fortunate enough to actually win a case against a spathhole should count their blessings.
The line from the movie “Shawshank Redemption” always comes to my mind when dealing with people who just don’t get it–Andy to warden,”Are you obtuse?”, this is my life we’re talkin’ about here. Probably get 30 days in the hole like Andy, if I said that to a judge.
thanks EMJ,
Oxy, Witsend,
that is exactly what happened to my XP at age 12. His mom put him in juvy for truancy and he escaped after he literally vowed to “hate you for the rest of my life” and he does, BUT he did not show it for all the years I knew him. He pretended to be the loving son, all the while tormenting every woman he encountered. I believe he even tormented prostitutes while he was with me, just in a different way than he tormented me. The fact is, he already hates you, he will find a reason to focus that hate one way or another. He may even make up a story to believe. My XP told me that his mother had put all his cats in a bag and dumped it in the river. His mother denies it, saying it was her bestfriend’s boyfriend who did that.
The end result of going to juvy for 3 days, for my XP is that he became smarter and never got arrested again, AFAIK. He has no record. You can’t predict the future, but it might be better that he DOES have a juvy record, if in the future, it affects the balance of a court deciding whether he is a sociopath or not.