A few articles in the news recently illustrate a disturbing failure in that can be seen in a multitude of situations throughout society. These cases are from the U.S., but I imagine the pattern applies just about anywhere.
In Dallas, Texas, Antoine Flowers, hired for a top information technology post at Dallas City Hall, resigned after four months on the job. Two weeks later, he was arrested for stealing and pawning $10,000 worth of the city’s iPads.
The real question is how he got hired in the first place. Flowers’ resume stated that he’d worked as a software engineer at NASA, was a college education director and had served in the Army, with top-secret clearances. This did not raise any eyebrows at City Hall, even though he was only 26 years old, and no one checked his references. Needless to say, his entire resume was fabricated. Read:
Series of failures at Dallas City hall led to IT manager scandal, on DallasNews.com.
Rutgers basketball coach
Last week, ESPN aired videos showing the Rutgers University men’s basketball coach, Mike Rice, verbally and even physically abusing his players. The clips show him shoving players, throwing basketballs at them, and yelling homophobic slurs. (This is the same college where a student used a webcam to post video of his roommate kissing another man on the Internet. The roommate jumped off a bridge and died.)
What’s disturbing is that university officials knew about the coach’s abusive behavior long before last week. The video was compiled by a former assistant coach, Eric Murdock. Murdock’s lawyer sent a letter alleging the abusive behavior to Rutger’s officials last July. After repeated requests, Murdock was finally able to get officials to watch the video in November.
At that point, Rutgers commissioned lawyers to investigate and write a report. The lawyers found that Rice was indeed abusive. So the coach was fined, suspended for three games and ordered to attend anger management classes. He was not fired until last week, after the videos were broadcast on national television. Read:
Rutgers officials long knew of coach’s actions, on NYTimes.com.
Colorado theater shooting
On July 20, 2012, during the midnight showing of the new Batman movie in Aurora, Colorado, a gunman entered a packed movie theater with guns blazing. In the end, 12 people were dead and 58 injured. James Holmes was arrested outside the theater minutes later.
Court documents made public last week showed that a psychiatrist treating Holmes, Dr. Lynne Fenton, had warned campus police at the University of Colorado, Denver, a month before the shooting that Holmes was dangerous and had homicidal thoughts. A search warrant affidavit stated:
“Dr. Fenton advised that through her contact with James Holmes she was reporting, per her requirement, his danger to the public due to homicidal statements he had made.”
Campus police deactivated Holmes’ university access card. It’s unclear if any other action was taken. Read:
Documents: Psychiatrist warned James Holmes was dangerous, on USAToday.com.
In each of these cases, not enough action was taken to address situations that needed to be addressed. Dallas city officials did not investigate an improbable resume and ended up hiring a thief. Rutgers officials did not fire a man who should not have been in a position of authority over students and it turned into a national scandal. No one reacted to a blunt warning about James Holmes and 12 people died.
Why was so little done?
The Dallas case is easiest to explain. If Antoine Flowers brazenly submitted a resume filled with outrageous lies, got the job, and within months stole from his employer, I’m willing to bet that he’s a sociopath. So he probably aced the interview, sweet talked any women involved in the process, and brown-nosed his superiors. We all know how sociopaths do it.
In the Rutgers case, university officials were more worried about lawsuits than protecting students. The lawyers investigated whether Coach Rice created a “hostile work environment,” which would mean that other Rutgers employees could sue and win. The college also wanted to know if the assistant coach had been wrongfully terminated. The lawyers cleared Rutgers on both of these issues, but added that Rice “did ‘cross the line.'”
“These improper actions,” the report added, “constitute grossly demeaning behavior directed at players, and occasionally at coaches, that do not appear necessary to build a high quality basketball program or to build a winning Division I basketball team.”
And the theater shooting? It seems to reflect the limitations of law enforcement in the U.S., and probably in other countries as well. As many Lovefraud readers have discovered, there’s little the police can do to prevent a crime, even when someone is known to be dangerous. Police can only act after a crime has been committed.
Reasons for failure to act
Failure to act in the face of wrongdoing, danger or evil is nothing new. For example, the fact that Adolph Hitler was rounding up Jews was widely reported by the media long before the U.S. entered World War II. Many people knew what was going on, but few took any action to either protect Jews or stop Hitler.
I believe there are basic reasons for our collective failure to act when action is appropriate.
First of all, as a society, we don’t acknowledge, or even recognize, that evil exists. We’re told that “there’s good in everyone,” “deep down we’re all the same,” “everyone makes mistakes,” “everyone deserves a second chance” and “we all just want to be loved.” Society does not tell us that there are exceptions to these platitudes. As many as 12 percent of the population are sociopaths—social predators who live their lives by exploiting others. Most of us didn’t know anything about sociopaths until we were personally targeted.
Secondly, taking action against bad behavior usually requires confrontation. Confrontation is at best, uncomfortable, and at worst, dangerous. Most of us would much rather avoid confrontation. In fact, probably the only people who enjoy confrontation are sociopaths. They, of course, are the ones causing the problems.
There are other reasons why we do not act. We may feel that the problem is too big, and we’re too small, so there’s nothing we can do. We may fear —legitimately fear—repercussions or retaliation. We may simply want to mind our own business.
Sooner rather than later
Unfortunately, not acting tends to enable bad behavior to grow. Ignoring or downplaying the first hints of a problem often means that when we finally have no choice but to take action, the situation is bigger, messier, more costly and even more dangerous.
Trying to overcome our tendency towards inaction is like trying to change basic human nature. Usually, we’d just rather not get involved. Unfortunately, this is what enables sociopaths to wreak so much destruction.
I’m not asking anyone to go out and change the world. But I think we should pay attention to our own little slivers of the world, to the people and events in our own lives. And when we see trouble, we should take action sooner rather than later—even if the action is simply to extricate ourselves from the situation.
Many of us probably wish we had done exactly that regarding our encounters with a sociopath. It may be too late to address the past, but I hope we can remember this lesson for the future.
Thank You Donna for this reminder!!!! I feel VERY strongly about our need to become involved at whatever level we can to stop hurtful actions by others… with our time our talent and even though most of us dont have a lot of treasure, our ability to advocate with the voice of experience.
I have mentioned this before… I volanteer at the local DA’s office advocating for victims. Many times I have to clarify that an individual who is in the system for the fourth time for assault, does not need more resources to get thier life together…they need to be isolated from decent folk and assistance be granted to the actual victim. The only reason I am even given a little bit of credibility when I say that is because the police in my comunity have known me for 20+ years!!
I do believe there is greater awareness of the increase in psychopathic behaviours…all we can do is keep the flow of information about the disorder as front and center as we can. And avoid being NON judgemental…Heck I would say lets bring good old fashioned shame back into our societal fabric!!!
Imara – thank you for your volunteer work, and for advocating for the people who do truly need assistance. I’m not sure that shame will work – because sociopaths don’t feel shame – but having their aggressiveness result in dire consequences for them sometimes helps – especially if it gets them off the streets.
thank you so much for this article donna….really sends home the message that there are people out there who have no regard for human life or for how they treat their fellow human beings..
and yes your right…it may be too late for us to change our past…..but its not to late for us to effect the lives of others and send the message out there about sociopaths…
when you said donna………Unfortunately, not acting tends to enable bad behavior to grow. Ignoring or downplaying the first hints of a problem often means that when we finally have no choice but to take action, the situation is bigger, messier, more costly and even more dangerous…
your so right……….i wish i had done something at the very beginning when i noticed my ex was lying but i didnt so i excepted bad behaviour cause i didnt want a conflict..i didnt want to have to face the painful truth that i was being lied to….if a person will lie to you about small things…….how can you believe the big things ….and then if they lie to you about the big things you cant believe a word they ever say after that……
and yes donna i hope we can remember this lesson about the future.that we need to take action and not put up with bad behaviour of any kind in our life…..!
I was a whistleblower involving a dangerous national situation. I worked at a college. When I first began to notice problems, I had transferred from one campus to another. A sociopath administrative assistant was very open and flamboyant about the fact that she was breaking the law….every day all day. I spent months being terrorized literally. This woman did a kind of flirting with both men and women that I had never seen before. She would gush out compliments, practically lie the entire front of her body on men’s desks while taking “dictation.”
I had been sexually harassed when I was younger. I had witnessed both men and women behaving inappropriately at work. I had never seen anything like this woman. But, it didn’t take me long to see right through her. She would compliment all of the women in odd ways. IE: On my birthday, she asked how old I was. I told her 40 and she said, “OH! Don’t tell the other women. They would be so JEALOUS because you look so much younger.” I would overhear her giving everyone in the office this kind of phony nonsense. I also noticed that she spent hours away from her desk often in the office of our supervisor’s supervisor with the door closed. It was as though I was the only one who could see how phony she was. Maybe I am better at seeing it in women? I don’t know.
I was surrounded by people who considered themselves “good.” They seemed like nice enough people. They talked about the paperwork rules, they seemingly followed protocol at work and in life, they discussed their churches, etc. However, almost every single one of them took gifts from foreign students for questionable/illegal “favors” or to look the other way. When gifts were offered to me, I went to every office and tried to talk sense into people with golden camels, foreign jewelry, entire bookshelves and desks littered with “gifts” from these students who were seriously harmful people.
I am the one who gathered evidence. I am the one who talked to the news man (a spath who turned my life upside down!). I am the one who called the authorities even having one ask me “what my husband thought” when I told him I was scared to go to work.
Well, I was right. These men were killers and dangerous. The college made a lot of money off of them. I was terrorized until I demanded a transfer back to my old campus…where I was treated like a pariah. I was told my many nice people that I “caused trouble” in the nicest ways! A LOT of people who do the wrong thing, or nothing, in the face of evil, BELIEVE they are good people. They still have their jobs. They don’t have PTSD. They still believe THEY are good people. They could have saved lives if they had joined me on my quest to find out why these men were here. I am afraid to leave my own home because of all of the GOOD people out there.
All it took was charm, flattery, smiling faces, and gifts to make these good people do everything a large group of sociopaths told them to do…and they continue to live their lives and believe they are good and plan their church picnics when what they really did is aid and abet evil.
I would like to add that colleges are among the most dangerous places in our country. When people get out of prison, they are told they must either go to college or get a job. If your kids are in ANY college or technical school, let them know that they could be sitting right next to an ex-con and no one can tell them. These can include sex offenders. The college doesn’t have to tell you they are there. Campus Police are considered the “jurisdiction” police at a college campus. THEY are not required to contact the real police. Only a victim can contact the real police on his/her own and the campus police will do anything they can to talk your kid out of telling you or the real police. When my niece and nephew went to college, I told them all of this and I told them if anything is suspicious, get out and head out the door to your car. While walking to their cars, students should be aware that there are probably more criminals walking in that parking lot with them than if they were in the toughest side of town. This is especially so with community colleges and tech schools.
Thank you for listening. I grieve all of the time for the safe part of my brain I have lost to a bunch of sociopaths and the “good” people who did nothing or abused me for telling the truth. There really are a lot of them in every area of society and when we stand up to them, even the 99.9% of the “good” ones will watch the evil ones stab you in the back. I think people who are sure they are good, should always look around them and ask themselves, “What am I letting go that is wrong?”
A great reminder for all of us to be vigilant and take steps to remove ourselves from danger and report what we can to protect others! Helping other victims of sociopaths, too, has been a good thing to do. What concerns me is the number of other victims, like myself, who have had no recourse when the paths are protected by the system! One, Rosemary LG, frequently called tip hotlines, buddied up to law enforcement all the time she was stealing from others. One victim was rebuffed rudely by law enforcement for asking for help! So, now the victims won’t come forward because “they believe” the thief!
We sure would appreciate some advice regarding how to manage this type of con/path!
Over the last several months, I have been reaching out to my local domestic violence shelters. I have a new job and cannot take off the mandatory 40 hours for the week long training. I have asked if there is anything else I could do. I have given them my name, contact, and my background.
Instead of allowing me to assist on any level, I have received push back. I have reached out to other domestic abuse shelters TWO hundred miles away and received the same response.
There are times that I feel that folks that are “helping” are actually perpetuating the violence and abuse in our culture. As Imara states above many in within our legal system are interested in giving someone a “pass” that has been convicted four times!
My passion is work within the domestic violence community someday, but my interst is totally in prevention. After my 30 years of suffering in abusive relationships, I have discovered that my first husband suffers from borderline personality disorder and my second is a sociopath. These are both Cluster B personality disorders. My feeling is that the majority of men in our abusive relationships have a Cluster B personality disorder. Mental illness is just not on the radar in our society. Our courts lock them up and then let them out to only commit another offense.
It’s time for more awareness of the role mental illness plays with our violent criminals and abusive marriages. Obviously, collecting shoes and more clothes for women running from these men is a catch 22.
Let’s hope that relating the tales of abuse by psychopaths and others with disordered moral reasoning, and emphasizing the characteristic inherent in all forms of anti-social personality disorder, lack of empathy, will begin to form a societal consciousness about the problem.
By writing about her personal experience, Donna brought the concept into the public eye.
John Quinones’ show, “What Would You Do?” is all about stopping bad behavior. The folks who pass by the problem simply don’t relate, probably because their empathy level is not high enough to cause them concern. Folks who jump in to stop the wrong doing happening in front of them are likely to do so because they empathize with the pain that they witness and wish to bring it to an end.
I was on a plane once in which a father took off his belt and struck his 3 year old child across the face with it. I was the only person in a packed plane that yelled at him to stop. The steward told me to mind my own business and the people around me looked at me like I was nuts.
The wife screamed “He can do anything he wants, he’s his father,” and the man threatened to hit me with the belt. Finally the staff of the plane stepped in, told him to put his belt on, and a sit down.
If there is a specific clue that keeps us safe from people with disordered moral reasoning, it’s their lack of empathy. It’s become the characteristic I look for when befriending a person. The kindness and concern they extend to others, when not receiving reward or attention for doing so, is an indication of how morally intact they are.
janmc,
Law enforcement complains that citizens do not speak up with their knowledge about crimes.It is so sad,but the situation is as you stated,people have lost trust in the so-called ‘law and justice systems’ that have been set up for their protection.Because of this many victims are hurt and lost.An essential question for these systems is “just who are we protecting here?”Until that question is successfully resolved,there will be no trust;no change in the situation.
hope52,
I agree with you that prevention is better than having to take care of the battered and abused.Unfortunately,the grants they receive only cover caring for the abused.For instance,when I left my husband,they regettably told me they could not put me up in the shelter,because the grants they received covered only taking in the physically battered and endangered.They recognized that I was emotionally abused,as well as in other ways,so they invited me back for counseling.I took them up on the offer.They have been so supportive!
Blossom4th,
I understand that that they are 501C organziations, but I am FREE to offer my services to become a speaker for educating women about abusive relationships.
They have not showed any interest. I dont think they are assertive enough with their awareness and education programs. For example, most of the local programs where I live target high school students.
My experience has taught me that most high school students could careless when some 30 something or older person speaks to them about abusive relationships. They are much too busy with their Iphone.
I even reached out to my local University to speak. She told me I was too “old.”
Yeah, there are times when I do believe women are our worst enemy against our fight with abusive men.
Minchoff, I dont know what airline you were travelling on but that passenger was committing a felony onboard.
ANY type of assualt on an American airline is breaking FEDERAL law. Airspace is considered a federal jurisdiction.
I know because I worked for American Airlines for 25 years – first job was a flight attendant.
Federal Marshalls should have met the flight. You did the right thing! I too always speak out about abuse and I have gotten the “looks”. The hell with them. I will always speak out.
in defence of DVRCs( domestic violence resource centers)… Please know that the reason they may not allow you to participate with their clients on a volunteer basis is that as we all know they deal with a very vulnerable population. Thus they carry huge liability. Our local DVRC has a volunteer coordinator who conducts extensive training that all volunteers who work there go through.
Our main responsibility as good citizens is to never ignore overt abuse and to step in to activate a response even at the cost of sounding crazy!!! WE have been conditioned by our experiences to be extra cautious of the “LOOKS”…. The hell with that is right. And I still believe that the concept of shame is an important mechanism of social control.Yes granted the sociopaths do not feel shame, but in order to blend into a kinder society they would have to atleast fake it?? They are the minority of the populous…lets use that to the advancement of the greater good. This cultural norm that we have subscribed to that each person needs only to mind their own business has got us into a lot of hurt. It does take a village to raise a child.