A few articles in the news recently illustrate a disturbing failure in that can be seen in a multitude of situations throughout society. These cases are from the U.S., but I imagine the pattern applies just about anywhere.
In Dallas, Texas, Antoine Flowers, hired for a top information technology post at Dallas City Hall, resigned after four months on the job. Two weeks later, he was arrested for stealing and pawning $10,000 worth of the city’s iPads.
The real question is how he got hired in the first place. Flowers’ resume stated that he’d worked as a software engineer at NASA, was a college education director and had served in the Army, with top-secret clearances. This did not raise any eyebrows at City Hall, even though he was only 26 years old, and no one checked his references. Needless to say, his entire resume was fabricated. Read:
Series of failures at Dallas City hall led to IT manager scandal, on DallasNews.com.
Rutgers basketball coach
Last week, ESPN aired videos showing the Rutgers University men’s basketball coach, Mike Rice, verbally and even physically abusing his players. The clips show him shoving players, throwing basketballs at them, and yelling homophobic slurs. (This is the same college where a student used a webcam to post video of his roommate kissing another man on the Internet. The roommate jumped off a bridge and died.)
What’s disturbing is that university officials knew about the coach’s abusive behavior long before last week. The video was compiled by a former assistant coach, Eric Murdock. Murdock’s lawyer sent a letter alleging the abusive behavior to Rutger’s officials last July. After repeated requests, Murdock was finally able to get officials to watch the video in November.
At that point, Rutgers commissioned lawyers to investigate and write a report. The lawyers found that Rice was indeed abusive. So the coach was fined, suspended for three games and ordered to attend anger management classes. He was not fired until last week, after the videos were broadcast on national television. Read:
Rutgers officials long knew of coach’s actions, on NYTimes.com.
Colorado theater shooting
On July 20, 2012, during the midnight showing of the new Batman movie in Aurora, Colorado, a gunman entered a packed movie theater with guns blazing. In the end, 12 people were dead and 58 injured. James Holmes was arrested outside the theater minutes later.
Court documents made public last week showed that a psychiatrist treating Holmes, Dr. Lynne Fenton, had warned campus police at the University of Colorado, Denver, a month before the shooting that Holmes was dangerous and had homicidal thoughts. A search warrant affidavit stated:
“Dr. Fenton advised that through her contact with James Holmes she was reporting, per her requirement, his danger to the public due to homicidal statements he had made.”
Campus police deactivated Holmes’ university access card. It’s unclear if any other action was taken. Read:
Documents: Psychiatrist warned James Holmes was dangerous, on USAToday.com.
In each of these cases, not enough action was taken to address situations that needed to be addressed. Dallas city officials did not investigate an improbable resume and ended up hiring a thief. Rutgers officials did not fire a man who should not have been in a position of authority over students and it turned into a national scandal. No one reacted to a blunt warning about James Holmes and 12 people died.
Why was so little done?
The Dallas case is easiest to explain. If Antoine Flowers brazenly submitted a resume filled with outrageous lies, got the job, and within months stole from his employer, I’m willing to bet that he’s a sociopath. So he probably aced the interview, sweet talked any women involved in the process, and brown-nosed his superiors. We all know how sociopaths do it.
In the Rutgers case, university officials were more worried about lawsuits than protecting students. The lawyers investigated whether Coach Rice created a “hostile work environment,” which would mean that other Rutgers employees could sue and win. The college also wanted to know if the assistant coach had been wrongfully terminated. The lawyers cleared Rutgers on both of these issues, but added that Rice “did ‘cross the line.'”
“These improper actions,” the report added, “constitute grossly demeaning behavior directed at players, and occasionally at coaches, that do not appear necessary to build a high quality basketball program or to build a winning Division I basketball team.”
And the theater shooting? It seems to reflect the limitations of law enforcement in the U.S., and probably in other countries as well. As many Lovefraud readers have discovered, there’s little the police can do to prevent a crime, even when someone is known to be dangerous. Police can only act after a crime has been committed.
Reasons for failure to act
Failure to act in the face of wrongdoing, danger or evil is nothing new. For example, the fact that Adolph Hitler was rounding up Jews was widely reported by the media long before the U.S. entered World War II. Many people knew what was going on, but few took any action to either protect Jews or stop Hitler.
I believe there are basic reasons for our collective failure to act when action is appropriate.
First of all, as a society, we don’t acknowledge, or even recognize, that evil exists. We’re told that “there’s good in everyone,” “deep down we’re all the same,” “everyone makes mistakes,” “everyone deserves a second chance” and “we all just want to be loved.” Society does not tell us that there are exceptions to these platitudes. As many as 12 percent of the population are sociopaths—social predators who live their lives by exploiting others. Most of us didn’t know anything about sociopaths until we were personally targeted.
Secondly, taking action against bad behavior usually requires confrontation. Confrontation is at best, uncomfortable, and at worst, dangerous. Most of us would much rather avoid confrontation. In fact, probably the only people who enjoy confrontation are sociopaths. They, of course, are the ones causing the problems.
There are other reasons why we do not act. We may feel that the problem is too big, and we’re too small, so there’s nothing we can do. We may fear —legitimately fear—repercussions or retaliation. We may simply want to mind our own business.
Sooner rather than later
Unfortunately, not acting tends to enable bad behavior to grow. Ignoring or downplaying the first hints of a problem often means that when we finally have no choice but to take action, the situation is bigger, messier, more costly and even more dangerous.
Trying to overcome our tendency towards inaction is like trying to change basic human nature. Usually, we’d just rather not get involved. Unfortunately, this is what enables sociopaths to wreak so much destruction.
I’m not asking anyone to go out and change the world. But I think we should pay attention to our own little slivers of the world, to the people and events in our own lives. And when we see trouble, we should take action sooner rather than later—even if the action is simply to extricate ourselves from the situation.
Many of us probably wish we had done exactly that regarding our encounters with a sociopath. It may be too late to address the past, but I hope we can remember this lesson for the future.
hope52,
I’m truly surprised that the DV shelters didn’t grab you up! I know sometimes people can’t see beyond credentials such as “training”,but I can’t think of any training that’s more superior than the SCHOOL of HARD KNOCKS-LIVING THROUGH ABUSE!
I know that the DV shelter here has gone to the local HS and spoke to them about domestic abuse and date rape.I don’t know what the response was.I think that’s one time when teachers ought to gather up cell phones and Ipads and Iphones.My neice who was a Jr in HS (another state),was almost strangled by her boyfriend.My brother pressed charges and the boy later committed suicide because none of his family wanted him.
Just read Imara’s post and the training does make sense.
Minchoff Joyce,
I’m shocked by what was allowed to occur on that airline!To think that the airline staff “minded their own business” above the welfare of that poor child!!! You certainly were not the nut! Everyone around you was!I hope that child is able to remember what you did that day!
Imara, I understand that local domestic abuse centers must be careful.
If there is some “special” censorship involved in speaking to women or groups about what “abuse” looks like, they have never articulated that policy.
Understand, they wont even TALK to me. I have been to both centers as a client so they have my ENTIRE life on paper. I know they still must be careful, but 911 should get a local officer there pretty quickly.
It has been very disappointing. I have 30 years experience with abuse and I survived to become this incredible wealth of support and knowledge. I am so discouraged that I have asked God to guide me along this path that seems pointless.
I dont know how many of the women that work at these shelters have been in abusive relationships themselves, but they appear to have college degrees in sociology and psychology. Living it is different.
I am now just planning trips with my family to Europe and enjoying my life.
I’ll bet it is a legal thing. They are liable for the lives of abused people and they probably have to enforce the training for all volunteers, even speakers, and have you sign paperwork so they carry no liability. You may have to take a week of vacation and go through their training before you can volunteer.
In the city closest to me, the domestic violence program has teamed up with a program for homeless families and they have included “emotional” and “verbal” abuse on their website. They get all of my donated household goods now. Many experts say that emotional and verbal abuse are just as damaging physically as physical abuse, if not more. I hope you get the training and volunteer. You could save lives.
Hey keep a bag for me to crawl into to go to Europe with you!!( you might have a slight extra weight problem)
But on a more serious note the only way we can really make a difference is with the each one teach one policy. If we have been victimised lets make that commitment to do our best to speak up against control, manipulation, and plain HURTFULNESS.I can just hear OXY saying that just keeping our own boundries tight and effective will further our cause!!!!
Yes! And even if it might cost us our job, we need to always speak up against wrong before moving on to the next job.
Hello: Most of the older LF people know who I am.
I have had a stalker (a dangerous one) for the past 13 years.
I have had my life in danger so many times: I shiver to think.
There has been attempts on my life and so many threats, a person
couldn’t imagine.
I ‘met’ my stalker online. He was in the service, doing 3 back to backs, in the Middle East and Yes:
I am sure he was in the military. And a shame to the unit in which he served, as well. I bet none of them came home and turned into psychopathic stalkers online…
The past four years have been the worse.
I had a near fatal heart attack and two subsequent surgeries in that same time frame, that “IT” was still stalking me, threatening me, etc. I am not one to throw stones at anyone. But I was completely overtaken by the ‘sense of responsibility’ he instilled in me during the mind conditioning. Just amazing that I never saw it coming. Just amazing. I never would, in my wildest imagination, believe that pure evil exists in another human being, until I am past it and looking back: now I see it all and it’s probably more shocking the second time around.
I have been COMPLETELY NC for almost a year now although the stalking only stopped a few weeks ago. He has been spotted in my neighborhood and that’s funny because he doesn’t even live here! He lives far away from me. I have never in my life seen a psychopath before. I used to think my heroin addicted mother, while I was growing up, was a psychopath/sociopath but I don’t think so anymore. She was a drug addict but in every other way normal, although at the time, “I” sure didn’t think so. Knowing “IT” and coming through the experience I have, I absolutely BELIEVE that there ARE people in our world who are spawns of the devil itself. It is up to us to learn how to distinguish them. They come in pretty packages; say all the right things – just don’t ever forget, they are minions of the devil itself.
I am not trying to rain on anyone’s parade: if you are happy and you find happy, that’s great – as for me, this experience has left me completely agoraphobic, to the point I almost can’t function. It has pushed me over the ‘stress’ threshold to the point where I had a VERY SERIOUS HEART ATTACK and almost died.
AND: “IT” gets to walk away laughing?
I don’t think so. For the past year, I have concentrated all my
efforts, strength and energy, on ‘getting better’ and having this become an ‘ugly forgotten part’ of my life. We all make mistakes and get hooked up with the wrong people, from time to time, but, well, THIS ONE – this one, has given me IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE to the point MY LIFE will NEVER be the same again.
My eldest Grand Daughter flew out to visit me, for a week, last week, while on Spring Break. So lovely!!! Haven’t seen her since she was 3 years old and she is now 17! And, just before I hugged her, good bye, it dawned on me, that “I” may never see her again, in this lifetime, although I know she is going to be just fine in life…
I DO directly attribute my shortened lifespan to “IT” – I got all the ’emotional’ and psychological abuse, while his wife (unknown to me at the time..like THE WHOLE TIME) got all the physical battering….
So, I dropped my Grand Daughter off at the airport last Saturday and I came home and balled my eyes out and when I got up, I sat down and filed a complain against “IT” with IC3 which is the Federal Government Bureau for internet safety/threats/complaints..
I didn’t do it with a mean bone in my body.
I did it because IT NEEDED TO BE DONE and I told them I would make available to them, every single shred of proof and all information available and at my disposal.
How’s that for making things right?
Hm?
I am doing fine…still fighting the medical battle and still praying for all of you and wishing you all well.
If you have a creep like this slime bag manipulating your emotions…watch out…
that’s only the beginning of a long and very torturous time period for you UNLESS YOU GET RID OF IT. “Loving It” is not a good enough reason to BLINDSIDE YOUR OWN INTELLIGENCE.
And when you kick it to the curb, do: MAKE A HUGE NOISE: THE BIGGER THE BETTER…THEY ARE BANKING ON OUR FAILURE TO TAKE ACTION: REMEMBER THAT. FLOOD THE AUTHORITIES & DO NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER, unless you want to end up like me: LOSING THE LAST FIVE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE to ‘something’ and you aren’t even sure “WHAT” that was…
I feel a ‘little’ justification filing my report.
Now maybe we’ll be SOMEWHERE CLOSER TO EVEN.
Please take care of yourselves and do the right things.
Keeping safe and in one piece is of the highest importance
and that also includes your state of mind.
Love to you all ~ Dupey
Dupey,
You’ve been through a harrowing experience!I wish you the best!And it’s heartwarming to read of your reunion with your granddaughter!Think positive of future reunions!
Dupey – You have showed so much courage. Thank you for your post – it is a reminder that the best thing we can do is believe in ourselves. I’m so glad you could spend some time with your granddaughter.
Dupey – wow! Sorry, you have been going thru such a horrible experience! All the more reason for more to speak up and out about mental illness! Best of luck to you!
Fight, you are so right!
I went to a rally in Dallas two weeks ago sponsered by the local abuse center and the Dallas Polic Dept. The purpose of the rally was to bring men into the mix of the struggle against domestic abuse.
Dallas PD receives 13,000 calls per year for domestic abuse. yep, I said 13,000.
The frustration that I feel for our DV folks is that the awareness campaing “sugar coats” some of the red flags of abuse.
ALL abuse first starts with verbal and emotional abuse. Then, after you finally get smacked, all that person really has to do is keep up the emotional abuse. It’s an urban myth that most abusers beat you every day.
I beat that little boy on the airplane didnt utter a word for days. his “daddy” showed him.