First impressions are important–especially from the psychopath’s point of view

Front and back of the shackBy Ox Drover

Someone recently forwarded to me one of those funny e-mails that we almost all get on a daily basis. This particular one was from a site called “failblog.org” and showed a photograph of a pretentious front entrance to a house from the front, and then showed the same house from the side, revealing what lay behind that pretentious entrance façade.

I laughed of course, but then I had an “ah ha” moment, when I realized that that is just exactly how the psychopaths present themselves to victims. The façade they present with “love bombing” to impress the victim with what a wonderful person they are—how could they not be “wonderful,” because they recognize just how special you are!?!

It is reassuring to most of us when someone recognizes just how special we really are! We enjoy those accolades and praise, even if they do somewhat embarrass us. Of course we like the person who tells us how wonderful we are, and we quickly start to trust that person. Isn’t it obvious that they have such good judgment? They think we are wonderful, after all.

The false façade that the psychopath presents to us, of being discerning and intelligent, loving and caring, is just like the house in the photographs. It is all fake façade and only when we are inside can we see the depth of the deception.

Once inside, however, even seeing the reality of the devastation of the internal environment, we still hope that the rest of the “house” can be “remodeled” or repaired to meet the image we first saw. We pour all our resources into accomplishing that dream, yet nothing ever improves. We stay there in the forlorn hope, the unrealistic hope, that we can accomplish a miracle.

Even when we give up and leave, as we look in our rearview mirror, all we can see is the false façade, and not the reality of internal decay.

In order to escape we must accept that the façade is not the reality, can never be the reality, and that only destruction and decay lies within.

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30 Comments on "First impressions are important–especially from the psychopath’s point of view"

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How true, the facade we were attracted to, turns out to be devoid of any qualities that make a healthy and loving relationship possible. The sociopath is a facade that has nothing of value within. I had a very hard time seeing him for what he really was…I was so caught up in what I believed he was. All the special moments we had early on, and on/off throughout our relationship, began to feel like an out of body experience. Where did the person who I fell in love with go?
The mind games he played and torment of my heart confused me so much…I just was unable to process it all. The experience certainly took alot out of me, damaged my well-being, ravaged my heart and mind. I am looking back now, grateful it is over, regardless of how much I missed him and still do sometimes. I miss Peter Pan.
I had to make the choice, just recently, to put a complete end to allowing any further games. I do believe he would play with me for as long as I tolerate it.
This has taught me that being openly loving and trusting is a dangerous way to live. It has taught me to always remain in the now…see what people do, is it in alignment with what they say? If someone keeps morphing, who are they really? If I do not know what resides within a man, he is not safe to love. Thank God I did not meet him young, I was so much less wise back then, he may have cost me more than he did. Grateful today, for another chance.


Glad you feel thankful that it could have been worse and that you have a positive outlook for the future. I think we all come away from an ordeal with a psychopath recognizing that we need to get clarity on a person’s nature before giving our hearts away. Now that we’re enlightened about how predator’s operate, we can steer ourselves on a more positive course!

Be well!


I just want the house I have paid off so no more men are in it! My second husband (whom I am realizing has more spath tendencies than I waned to admit because if I don’t have him, I have no family or friends)had a literal shack when I first met him. It was one of the most horrific homes I had ever seen. He told me he was disabled (which is true as far as I have witnessed) and that it would take 5,000.00 to fix it. I told him that it would take a thousand and a lot of elbow grease and I was just the perfect person to do it! We fixed his house up, put siding on it, and then I began to notice that every time I would get it cleaned up and come back, he was a HOARDER. It doesn’t matter how much help he gets, he goes and dumpster dives and goes to goodwill and stuffs his house full of junk. Spaths hoard our hearts, our souls, our energy and our love. And just like hoarders refuse to even throw away a plastic honey bottle (yes, this has happened twice), they won’t release even a tiny bit of plastic love unless they want to hoard more out of us.


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