By Ox Drover
Someone recently forwarded to me one of those funny e-mails that we almost all get on a daily basis. This particular one was from a site called “failblog.org” and showed a photograph of a pretentious front entrance to a house from the front, and then showed the same house from the side, revealing what lay behind that pretentious entrance façade.
I laughed of course, but then I had an “ah ha” moment, when I realized that that is just exactly how the psychopaths present themselves to victims. The façade they present with “love bombing” to impress the victim with what a wonderful person they are—how could they not be “wonderful,” because they recognize just how special you are!?!
It is reassuring to most of us when someone recognizes just how special we really are! We enjoy those accolades and praise, even if they do somewhat embarrass us. Of course we like the person who tells us how wonderful we are, and we quickly start to trust that person. Isn’t it obvious that they have such good judgment? They think we are wonderful, after all.
The false façade that the psychopath presents to us, of being discerning and intelligent, loving and caring, is just like the house in the photographs. It is all fake façade and only when we are inside can we see the depth of the deception.
Once inside, however, even seeing the reality of the devastation of the internal environment, we still hope that the rest of the “house” can be “remodeled” or repaired to meet the image we first saw. We pour all our resources into accomplishing that dream, yet nothing ever improves. We stay there in the forlorn hope, the unrealistic hope, that we can accomplish a miracle.
Even when we give up and leave, as we look in our rearview mirror, all we can see is the false façade, and not the reality of internal decay.
In order to escape we must accept that the façade is not the reality, can never be the reality, and that only destruction and decay lies within.
Good article and analogies except sometimes it is just not the decay we don’t see, it is the Monster or Satan inside that we miss too. Picture number one should be followed with the Amityville Horror house. That is a scary house. Or how would you have liked to have been the one who went out on a date with Linda Blair then wondered what the hell happened when she twirled her head ( all the way) around? Hell happened. The devil is said to masquerade as an angel of light. You catch more victims that way.
HAHA that is so very spot on Oxy! I love it!
Dear Teacher,
Yea, I agree with you, but I still can’t keep from laughing about who in the heck would build such a “grand facade” (in their opinion at least) as the entrance for such a SHACK? It would have to be a psychopath? No one else could see the point in putting up such a false front when as soon as someone got inside they would SEE what a FAKE it was.
Sometimes though, I think the “glamor” of the facade of the psychopath BLINDS us when we first enter the “chamber of horrors” on the other side. At least for a while. Many times by then, we are so deep within that we have difficulty finding our return path.
The “funny” picture of the “failed” house does remind me that there is also a SERIOUS message attached if we see it.
Absolutely hilarious! I can’t stop laughing. It’s so horrible learning the truth after making the initial investments and getting comfortable that it’s easy to go in denial mode and pretend not to notice.
That looks like the house my N/spath took me to look at to buy? LMFAO they really do try to destroy us.. I picked a great house to rent over looking the mountains/ he moved us into a two story adobe shack with the landlord from hell who decided he didnt want to sell just wanted the rent money! Priceless memories but things never to forget for sure! if you even try to go down the right path they will steer you down the wrong road making you think its a better deal !
Spot on Oxy. Plus they think that because they have presented such a good “facade” they should be treated as if that were in fact who they are. The good guy.I will never forget the classic line from mine. “I am not a prick, but if you treat me like one I will be one.” – this while he had been a total Plick all along, but his facade was what I was supposed to be reacting to, not the reality.
Because he pretended to be a caring loving husband, I was supposed to treat him like one, regardless of the abuse he was surrepticiously putting me through. Twisted.
Good riddance to all that.
Yes, Anita, they do think they deserve to be treated like the facade they present, as if it is REAL. The utter and inexplicable arrogance they seem to present is really “head shaking crazy” and it seems that the LESS they have to be legitimately proud of, the more “respect” they DEMAND for NOTHING.
The more I think about that picture of the facade and the REAL house behind it, the more ways I can see it in our culture and in the psychopathic ones in particular.
People buying things they can’t afford in an effort to put up the “facade of being successful” in the way of clothing, cars, houses, big-boy toys, etc. People faking resumes to get jobs, stealing, and anything that the psychopaths do to keep up the facade.
Erin B’s X is a perfect example, as she presents him, of someone who tries to present this facade–little league coach, etc. when in truth he is a DRUG DEALER, and NOT “mr. Nice guy” or “parent of the year” but nothing but just a FAKE FACADE of respectability tacked on to the front of a piece of dog doo.
What difference would it make though, if ErinB’s X was a “great father” with a PhD, and had invented the cure for cancer when he has only a FAKE SOUL and treats others, ANY others, like Carp? When he lies and cheats on the mother of his children?
Yea, it is back to the “He is such a NICE guy when he is not robbing banks or raping and murdering women…yep, a REAL nice guy!”
I love this post, thanks Ox Drover 🙂 Its so true- I thought because my ex had 3 cars all of them fancied up with shiny wheels ,one of them a luxury vehicle and a business , that he could afford to at least take me out. My mistake- he would pay extra money to park his Lexus in VIP parking so everyone would see him get out of the fancy car with an attractive woman on his arm . Meanwhile,I paid my own way into the club because he didnt have enough money nor did he have money to buy me a drink- so pathetic. It was all just for show. I think he fooled alot of people into believing he had all kinds of money, meanwhile there were times he asked me to “borrow” money. Luckily I dont EVER lend money to anyone and he was no exception.
I dont understand the point of it all- but I guess thats good. I’d rather be liked for who I am as a human being rather than what I have or wear But as you pointed out, our culture does not always support that mindset. Have a great day 🙂
Dear jlmfp1,
I saw an interview on 20/20 yesterday with Melinda Gates, the richest woman in the US and she had on no make up, hair just “natural” and ordinary clothes. The interviewer mentioned that she didn’t have a lot of jewelry etc. and she and Bill are not going to leave their kids MEGA-WEALTHY.. They are just people—and not made by what they have or defined by money.
Most of the (quite a few) very wealthy people I have known in my life time who were not psychopaths were REAL PEOPLE, and unfortunately I knew a couple I would have defined as Psychopaths (if I had known what a psychopath was at that time) They were WEALTHY Ps not just POOR Ps—they would have been Ps with or without the $$$$ but the $$$ gave them power to bark and other people jump!
Money, power and position doesn’t make a person what or who they are, or the lack of it doesn’t make us who or what we are (assuming at least enough $ to fill your belly and have a tin roof over your head) and some of the nicest, best people I know are POOR in terms of a lot of life’s outward blessings, but they are RICH in love and humanity! I know others who are WEALTHY in terms of life’s blessings yet they are POVERTY STRICKEN SOULS with black, ugly interiors.
Personally, I think Mel Gibson has displayed what one of those people sounds and looks like. Bernie Madoff has shown what ABSOLUTE greed looks like. Pathetic. Makes me want to puke. Mother Theresa is the other end of the spectrum.
Hey!!! Where did you fiind this picture of my house! LOL
Yes, that is exactly what is behind the facade…
decay and rot.
Stinkin’ rot.