Pennsylvania State University, home of the storied Nittany Lions football team and its legendary coach, Joe Paterno, was rocked by allegations that one of Paterno’s former assistants, Jerry Sandusky, was charged with sexually assaulting eight young, disadvantaged boys.
The point of the article I posted earlier today, about former Pennsylvania State Senator Vincent Fumo, was abuse of power. This sex abuse scandal is a variation of the same theme. Sandusky’s inappropriate behavior went on for years, probably because no one wanted to challenge a football dynasty.
According to the grand jury report:
• In 1998, Sandusky brought an 11-year-old boy into a Penn State locker room shower and behaved inappropriately. The boy’s mother reported it to Penn State University police. After a lengthy investigation, the Centre County District Attorney decided there would be no criminal charges.
• In 2000, a janitor saw Sandusky in the showers with an 11- to 13-year-old boy pinned against the wall, performing oral sex. He was distraught as he told his fellow janitors and his supervisor what he witnessed. But most of the janitors were new employees, and they were afraid that if they reported what had happened, they would lose their jobs.
• In 2002, a Penn State graduate assistant witnessed Sandusky having anal sex with a 10-year-old boy in the locker room showers. The graduate assistant told Joe Paterno. Paterno told his supervisor, Athletic Director Tim Curley. There were a few meetings, but no official investigation. In the end, all that happened was that Sandusky was told he could no longer bring boys to Penn State. Then, when the grand jury investigated, both Curley and the university’s Senior Vice President for Finance and Business Gary Schultz, downplayed the incident.
For more, read reporting in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
Ex-Penn State coach charged with sex crimes
Paterno says all at Penn State were fooled by Sandusky
Oxy
You wrote how badly you felt about not following through to report a child being abused. What I notice is how you step up as an advocate. It’s like it was a defining moment for you. As an abused child now adult, the idea that someone had such an epiphany makes me feel really good.
As you know, it’s not just the moment of the abuse that damages, it’s what comes after, including the invisability…that we don’t exist to others and so carte blanche to abuse us, that’s the hard part. My mother didn’t even hide her abuse of us b/c people witnessed it and no one said no – it was equal to giving approval.
Maybe that’s why I am so enraged that the assistant coach caught him raping a 10yr old boy, they BOTH saw him SEE them, he KNEW what he was seeing. And he walked away. That guts me like nothing I can describe.
Katy,
Last night my son D and I were talking about this Penn State thing and I was talking about the little boy in the doctor’s office with the bruises on his back and I can’t get that VISION out of my mind, yea these DECADES later. My son reached up and Lightly smacked me and said “GET OVER IT ALREADY! Forgive yourself!” But you know that is the most difficult thing to do is to forgive ourselves.
Since that time I HAVE STOOD UP AS A ADVOCATE, I have fought like a banshee for kids that I knew or thought were abused. What’s that saying “there’s NO FANATIC LIKE A CONVERT!” God knows that I am a fanatic about abused kids, especially ones that have been sexually abused. I do whatever I can to see that perps don’t get a chance to do it again in my territory. Forgiving myself though, is not, and never has been, easy. No matter how much I hate or despise the men who kept their mouths shut to protect their football program, I realize that I’ve also kept my mouth shut when I should have opened it. I’ve also looked the other way when a little kid had bruises on his back, I let a doctor talk me out of reporting it to the CPS or the police with his assurance that “he’d handle it.” I realize now, and have for many years now, that’s not good enough. It will never be good enough as long as one child is suffering abuse of ANY kind.
Oxy
If your son has access to your skillet, BONK.
I don’t think you are hearing me. To abused kids who assume no one cares, the knowledge that YOU got the message and the affect of your subsequent protectionand advocacy is UNMEASURABLE.
Imagine the opposite, that you didn’t stand up against that pedophile in your living history group, even when others said “he paid his debt to society”, you STOPPED him and told others so he couldn’t have carte blanche to prey on other children.
Also, imagine all those people who simply don’t feel anything. I’m Sorry you have residual guilt but at least YOU DO. You aren’t one of those empty shells. You ARE appropriate and an advocate, more so b/c of your experience with that little boy. Something to be grateful for I think.
Katy, Bingo back to ya.
When you said, “it’s not just the moment of the abuse that damages, it’s what comes after, including the invisability”that we don’t exist to others and so carte blanche to abuse us, that’s the hard part. ” You hit the nail on the head.
None of us expects to get through life without encountering evil, but when we do, we (erroneously) expect that others will come to our aid, defend us, give us justice. It is THAT lack of validation which destroys us.
When you get sick with a disease, you go to the hospital, the docs diagnose you, agree that you have a disease, offer medicine and the world has compassion for you. When you encounter a spath, nobody believes you or cares. Spaths have set it up that way intentionally.
My spath had, over the period of 18 years, moved his minions into the houses around my house. I didn’t know that he knew them. One couple were his drug customers. The others, I think, were porn addicts or something equally foul. Judging from what he described happened to the ex-gf who “committed suicide”, I would guess that he had a scenario planned for me where I would be chased by a knife wielding crazy man into the street and I would knock on doors but nobody would help me. Then a car would drive by and run me over.
The crazy husband stealing neighbor even gave me a tell. She said, “a crazy man came running out of the woods and banged on my door. he said he had left a knife in my house.”
She didn’t say she called the cops or anything else. She just said it matter of factly.
The whole thing sounds ridiculous but that’s exactly why nobody would believe it.
I hate spaths.
Sky
How on earth do you recover from all that? How? Just tell me how. How do you ever put that behind you, and just operate in the mundane world of drama free normal, people who are within the bell curve? It seems to me to be impossible.
Today I am feeling rotten again, minute by minute trying to get through the day, and I did not endure anything like you did, yet, my body is still in withdrawal from the drama, I’m still experiencing grief, I’m still shocked at WTF.
Athena
Athena,
it’s because we don’t expect to encounter a “fantasy character” in real life, that these surreal encounters leave us dazed. These creatures mimic a REAL human so well that we don’t initially understand that they are not REAL humans. BTW, the crazy, husband stealing neighbor is a …. are you ready?… BANK MANAGER! lol!
The dream I had, (which I posted) about letting the Ziggy cartoon character drive my car, really spells it out: they are 2-dimensional caricatures of humans, so they can do preposterous things and get away with it.
I’m sorry you feel bad today. That’s part of being “stunned” by the caricatures.
I’m sorry, also, for adding to your rotten feeling by describing my encounter with so many spaths, but that is reality and the sooner we accept that these creatures exist and that they really are as bad as we think they are, the sooner we will find our equilibrium again. I think part of continuing to feel bad is that we want to stay in denial.
Once I accepted my parents for what they are, I felt much better. You would think it would make me feel worse, but in fact, it was just the opposite. Knowing that they are spaths made me feel better because I could walk on solid ground again. I didn’t have to be confused or confounded by their behaviors anymore. I’ve studied spaths. I know what they do, how they act and think. There is no reason for me to be confounded when I see the behavior – UNLESS – I refuse to accept that the reason for the behavior is a pathological personality disorder.
The behavior of the entire Penn-state elite is evidence that there are not that many people in the “mundane world of drama free normal, people”. To them a pedophile is not a monster, it is just another guy with “issues”.
The audacity of the Penn-state students who rioted, proves once again that these kinds of people are everywhere, those people who lack compassion and empathy. They may not be spaths but they are the ones who cover for spaths.
My spath told me once, “It’s AMAZING, how EASY it is for me to find guys who are willing to rape a girl if they think she is drugged and can’t accuse them.”
It is – amazing, isn’t it?
they’re everywhere.
Skylar
Your post just describes the demographics of my bell shaped curve: on the positive end are people with integrity and consciences that respond appropriately to their consciences, in the middle are the zero caring people unless it happens to them of course, and on the other end are the sociopaths.
Yes, it does seem they are everywhere.
Don’t get me wrong. I can get along in the world, make a living, pay my bills, enjoy some quality life. But trust, as you pointed out, is limited to what I trust them with such as obeying traffic laws, trust is never given as a blank check.
Has anyone heard if the 10 year old ever told anyone? His parents? I am guessing he was probably too afraid.
The college kids rioting “for Joe” makes me want to puke, you’d think that the KIDS would be supportive of the child that had been molested….rather than the “status quo” of the “good old boys”—I would think the college kids would be more PRO ACTIVE, but I am disappointed in their stance on it all.
The “rioting” itself, just like when the kids “rioted” in London, just doing damage for the sake of damage…WTF? (head shaking here) It is all very SAD for our country, for our world.
Oxy:
Are you kidding? Most of those kids aren’t going to stick up for what’s right. A lot of them (not all obviously) are sent to that school by rich parents. They are just spoiled rich kids who are just going with the flow…supporting Joe because they are sheeple. Just doing it because it’s dramatic and fun! They don’t have any loyalty to anyone!