Dorothy Hooks is a Christian woman who tries to live by the Bible. When she met Cedric Youngblood, she saw a man who never had a chance. His family life as a child had been abusive. He had been in and out of jail. Dorothy saw someone who just needed to get out of the ghetto and learn the meaning of love and family.
In Dorothy, Cedric saw a giving, caring woman who wants to do the right thing and help people.In other words, Cedric saw a target.
Last week, the Cedric Youngblood story was posted on Lovefraud.com. Dorothy courageously talks about her marriage to the man who she now realizes is a sociopath. But for more than three years, Dorothy focused on Cedric’s potential, hoping he would change his abusive behavior.
Again and again, Dorothy gave Cedric another chance. She kept forgiving his cheating and his violence. She knew he could change.
He didn’t.
“I didn’t realize that for a person to change, he has to want to change,” she says. “If that person doesn’t want to change, he’s not going to change.”
Victimizing nurturing women
In his book, Without Conscience, Dr. Robert Hare points out that psychopaths (the term he uses) are experts at identifying and victimizing nurturing women.
There are many people in the world who want to think the best of everyone.Time and time again, Lovefraud has heard from people who have been deceived and defrauded by sociopaths who say, “I never knew such evil existed.”
It does.
Sociopaths make up 1% of the population. That means in the United States, there are 3 million of these predators looking for victims. These people have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. By the time they are adults, their personalities are set. Any attempt to change them is futile.
Discerning those who want to change
Of course, there are millions of people who get into trouble in their lives and deserve a second chance. So it’s important to be able to differentiate those who can be rehabilitated from those who can’t.
The first step is to accept that sociopaths exist. The second step is to know the symptoms of the disorder.
Then we may be able to discern the people who really want to change from the sociopaths who only mouth the words so they can keep bleeding us.
gotta agree with Oxy on this one. Most people running around have SOME sort of personality disorder – some kind of narcissism. It’s human nature to be flawed. What we have to distinguish is which ones are PERMANENTLY flawed and beyond help. The P’s are people who are in a state of emotionally arrested development. They do not want to change. Their narcissism is so extreme that the idea of changing or even growing is an insult to their ego: “Why would I want to change? I’m perfect already.” Wanting to change is admitting that they AREN’T perfect. OMG – no way.
My spath sister said to me, “skylar, people are evil and they can’t change, you shouldn’t try to change people” when I was telling her she needed to stop her evil behavior. She doesn’t really have any thoughts in her head, so most likely she was parroting the trojan-P.
My spath brother, on the other hand, has been a bully and a manipulator since age 5. But, around age 18 he began telling people that he had mental problems. He joined the hare krishnas (for free food?), he reads carlos castenada, buddhist philosophy, he even tried to join the scientologists (but they didn’t want him, he has no money). His whole life he has been searching for “the answer”, but he doesn’t want to change, that much is obvious. He knows that he is a miserable worm and he plays the lottery religiously. He wants a change to occur in his life, but not in himself.
Anyone or thing that can’t grow, rots. It’s a law of the universe, nothing stays the same, When people try to, they become spath – rotten fruit.
What percentage of people are that way? If you take Bill Clinton as an example. He appears to have all kinds of changes in his life, even reached the presidency and in my opinion was a GOOD president in terms of policy. But I believe that he was a spath because of his sexual escapades and the rumors of murders and drug corruption. It’s hard to check a person’s emotional growth, you can only witness behavior. In my mind at LEAST 10% of the population is in some state of emotionally arrested development and rotting from the inside out. Another 40% or more have serious issues with maturity but want to be better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk__uEqQPDg
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Monday, August 2, 2004
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Landmark Survey Reports on the Prevalence of Personality Disorders in the United States
An estimated 30.8 million American adults (14.8 percent) meet standard diagnostic criteria for at least one personality disorder as defined in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-Fourth Edition (DSM-IV), according to the results of the 2001-2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions (NESARC) reported in the current issue of the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry [Volume 65:948-958].
Conducted by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, National Institutes of Health, the NESARC is a representative survey of the U.S. civilian noninstitutionalized population aged 18 years and older. More than 43,000 American adults participated in the survey. Designed to assess prevalence and comorbidity, or co-occurrence, of multiple mental health disorders, the NESARC is the first national survey conducted in the United States to estimate the prevalence of selected personality disorders stable patterns of inner experience and behavior that are inflexible and maladaptive that begin in early adulthood and are displayed in a variety of contexts that often co-occur with other mental health disorders such as substance use disorders and anxiety and mood disorders.
The NESARC found that the personality disorders are pervasive in the general population: In 2001- 2002, fully 16.4 million individuals (7.9 percent of all adults) had obsessive-compulsive personality disorder; 9.2 million (4.4 percent) had paranoid personality disorder; 7.6 million (3.6 percent) had antisocial personality disorder; 6.5 million (3.1 percent) had schizoid personality disorder; 4.9 million (2.4 percent) had avoidant personality disorder; 3.8 million (1.8 percent) had histrionic personality disorder; and 1.0 million (0.5 percent) had dependent personality disorder.
The researchers found that risk of having avoidant, dependent, and paranoid personality disorders is greater for females than males, whereas risk of having antisocial personality disorder is greater for males than females. They found no gender differences in the risk of having obsessive-compulsive, schizoid, or histrionic personality disorders. In general, other risk factors for personality disorders included being Native American or Black, being a young adult, having low socioeconomic status, and being divorced, separated, widowed, or never married. With the exception of histrionic personality disorder, all the personality disorders assessed in the survey were associated with considerable emotional disability and impairment in social and occupational functioning.
“The first-time availability of prevalence information on personality disorders at the national level is critically important,” said Dr. Ting-Kai Li, M.D., Director, National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. “Personality disorders consistently have been associated with substantial impairment and decreased psychological functioning among alcohol and drug abusers.”
“The NESARC was crucial in determining the scope of personality disorders confronting the nation and in identifying important subgroups of the population in greatest need of prevention efforts,” said lead author Bridget F. Grant, Ph.D., Ph.D., Chief, Laboratory of Epidemiology and Biometry, Division of Intramural Clinical and Biological Research, NIAAA. In a separate paper, the authors report findings on the prevalence and co-occurrence of alcohol, drug, mood, and anxiety disorders; the study appears in the current Archives of General Psychiatry [Volume 61, August 2004].
Full text of the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry article is available to media representatives from the NIAAA Press Office and to journal subscribers at http://www.psychiatrist.com. For interviews with Dr. Grant, please call the NIAAA Press Office.
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, a component of the National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, conducts and supports approximately 90 percent of the U.S. research on the causes, consequences, prevention, and treatment of alcohol abuse, alcoholism, and alcohol problems and disseminates research findings to science, practitioner, policy making, and general audiences. Additional alcohol research information and publications are available at http://www.niaaa.nih.gov.
My therapist (the last time I saw him was May 2010) had a sign hanging in his office that read:
Who took the fun out of dysfunction?
I think that there are all sorts of people in the world, having a range of of behaviors (from positive to negative), hopefully, the majority being good souls. It’s smart to go along with caution, being protective of ourselves and our loved ones.
Ox Drover,
You are so right about toxic people working in the human services field, of course they are everywhere, but it makes you wonder why people with these disorders want to work in fields that are supposed to help humanity. I used to work for a mental health agency, and seriously I liked some of my clients more than I liked some of my co workers. I couldn’t wait to leave my job with that company. The sad part is I miss working with my clients, but I don’t miss the negative atmosphere that surrounded my job. It really was toxic!
Also too, my ex boyfriend’s (the socio) ex girlfriend -the mother of their daughter who is the half sister of my daughter – I’m just finding out is a narcissist. She is a pre-school teacher for the local “Y”. I never thought too highly of her, but she was always nice to me, so whatever. She wanted to befriend me because she knew how much her daughter loved her new sister – at this time her daughter had no contact with me or my daughter because her father and I were broken up and I basically wrote off anybody that was associated with my ex. Which is sad because his daughter is a sweet girl and genuinely loves me and my daughter, but I knew it wasn’t a good situation.
His ex girlfriend and I just started talking a lot. Of course we bonded because of the mutual feelings we had, our lives being inflicted by a sociopath. She would tell me that when they were together she had days when she couldn’t get out of bed because she was so depressed. She told me a lot of stuff that I didn’t know my ex was doing behind my back. Which I thank her for that because it made me open my eyes and see the true story.
But anyway, this story has so many twists & turns, I could spend all day typing, but to get to the bottom line she was so nice to me, concerned, etc, but I just knew something was off. The two of us were still under the inclination that if our ex got help for his drug abuse he would be the father our girls deserve to have. I was always skeptical of my ex’s true intentions. I knew he had a lot to prove to me besides getting clean. But his ex girlfriend was so onboard with him getting into rehab, and supporting him, being there for him, mind you she has a new boyfriend. I always questioned that. And now looking back I know she wants him to get clean so he could get back his old career, and start making the big money he was making before. Money was always a big motivator for her. She would always complain to me about her working 2 jobs and just wanting to stay home with her daughter. This girl has serious issues. I even now wonder if she, when she found out I was pregnant, became jealous of she and her daughter not being #1 in my ex’s life. I do not like people being jealous of me. I think jealously emotes negatives feelings. If anything I want people to be happy for me. But she is the one that wants people feeling jealous of her, thus her being jealous of me when I was preggers. I know with her narcissistic, trampy ways she tried to lure (not physically, but mentally)my ex away from me when I was pregnant. This is all coming to light to me the more time I stay away from them. This girl is a tramp and likes luring men(married, not married) into her little web. Of course she comes off as being this lovely(not really), nice person, but underneath her exterior is a monster as well. She would always tell me that our ex would tell her that his heart belongs with her. As if!!! Total arrogance!
Also too… her and my ex went to marriage counseling (they weren’t married but went to marriage counseling, weird?!?!) when they were still together. Do you believe their counselor told her that my ex had an anti social disorder. And she continued to stay with him. Why… because of the money. Mind you too his ex girlfriend has her bachelors degree in education and psycology. If that is not messed up I don’t know what is. And she still continues to maintain that if our ex gets help for the drugs he’ll be ok. And she also lets their daughter still be close (whatever that is) to her father. She always says “but she loves her dad so much”. Crazy woman and terrible mom if you ask me.
Getting back to the topic at hand…this woman teaches impressionable young minds!!! I always think that if half of her students parents knew her true personality they would not want her teaching them. But anyway…I also think that she got what she wanted. She didn’t want her ex spending time with a new baby when “her baby, her child” should be the most important person in his life. And yes, she got what she wanted because I will not allow my sweet daughter anywhere near her monster father!
Thanks to everyone for reading this. This story seems a little(a lot) confusing, you can imagine how it feels actually living it. But I am slowly regaining my peace and my life without these people ruining it! 🙂
A Lot of socios go into professions where they feel SUPERIOR to others..cops, teachers…etc.
The socios I dated were business owners, a cop, a teacher, and one worked with disabled people….
Satan roams the earth!!!!
tobehappy,
That’s the key word…they feel “superior” to others. So true!!!
Dear Aerin,
Yea, it is a convoluted story all right, but AREN’T THEY ALL?!!!!!!
My friend the therapist said during our conversation last night that many people in the “helping” and especially field of psychology get into it to fix themselves and they never manage to do it.
I know myself, I dispensed GOOD ADVICE to my clients/patients but did NOT TAKE IT MYSELF, “DID NOT SEE THE BEAM IN MY OWN EYE, BUT I COULD SEE CLEARLY THE SPECK IN SOMEONE ELSE’S EYE.”
Now I am learning to take the BEAM out of my own eye, doesn’t mean I can’t still see the speck in someone else’s, but does mean I am SEEING MORE CLEARLY all around. LOL
I have worked with some professional mental health workers with some PhDs and MDs who were SCREWED UPPPPPPP! I think nurses (I am one) are one of the higher percentages of screwed up professionals in the medical field. And that does not only include the lower levels of it, because I have seen it in the PhDs in the field as well. You may notice that there seems to be a higher than population percentage would necessarily show of people on this site who are educated professionals, in several fields, mental health professionals, and nurses, physicians, therapists etc. Being smart doesn’t keep you from getting victimized and being educated doesn’t keep you from being screwed up or screwed over, either.
I actually thought I was being assertive and healthy in my interactions during the times I was being ANYTHING BUT HEALTHY, I was being both an enabler and a victim to several psychopaths at the same time…and then serially as well. How warped can one person get? Well, I thought I was sooooo smart I wouldn’t be hurt or involved in an unhealthy relationship and they were all around me because I was waaaay too cock sure I was doing right. Not quite as bad as I was as a “know it all teenager” but CLOSE ENOUGH FOR GOVERNMENT WORK.
Now, I know I not only don’t know all the answers, I don’t even know all the QUESTIONS, but I do know that dishonest is bad, that people who are dishonest are not good for me, and at the first sign of DIS-honesty I am GONE.
I no longer give my trust away, and I don’t tolerate dishonesty in people I trust. If someone I trust is dishonest to me, they are no longer trusted. If I see them being dishonest in any way I distance myself from them. If I end up the ONLY person in the world that I think is honest then I may be by myself a long time but at least I will NOT be with someone who is dishonest and out to screw me over.
Fortunately, I have some great friends that I trust a lot because I have seen them over years (decades) and know them to be HONEST and trustworthy in many situations, not just a few. Those friends are worth more than gold to me. I treasure those friendships and will cultivate them as long as I live because they are rare and good.
It is unfortunate that I trusted others in the past who betrayed my trust, and others that didn’t live up to my trust, but they were learning experiences for me, so not a total loss. We miss a great opportunity if we don’t learn from our failures.
Ox Drover,
So sorry you were surrounded by these “bad people”. I read some of the stories on here where people’s childhoods were exposed to sociopaths and therefore as they got older found themselves in relationships with sociopaths. I can’t imagine the pain they must have felt going thru all of that, including you. Glad you found the strength & wisdom to do what was right for you. I guess I can consider myself lucky as that I had loving, good parents, friends, and family, but unfortunately got messed up with a sociopath. I know what you mean about thinking your too smart to get caught up with people like this. If somebody I knew was doing me wrong, that’s it, I was done with them. I guess the sad part is I found out my exboyfriend – the socio -was up to no good and I knew I had to break up with him. But shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant and “stuck” with him. That’s exactly the way I felt. STUCK!!!
I was a business major in college but found myself in the mental health field as an activities director because I always wanted to work with the disadvantaged, and plus I have a fun, outgoing, empathetic personality. Go figure…everything a sociopath targets. The word sociopath wasn’t too much on my radar. Depression, anxiety, bi polar, schizophrenia(sp), yes on my radar. Sociopath not too much. I never imagined people like this existed.
Like you said…it’s a learning experience. A tough one, but whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!
My ex really did rob my soul. I always considered myself a strong, confident, independent woman. For a short while he made me become somebody I didn’t reconize (the same time I didn’t reconize him as the person I thought I knew, talk about twilight zone!). My therapist, love fraud, family and friends are making me the woman I was before, even better!
BTW- I am starting my own business and just landed my first account. I’m so happy!!! I know buiding up my business is going to help me so much as far as healing emotionally!
And I just found out my ex bf is in rehab. I know he’s making everyone feel sorry for him because he has this drug problem, and he’s depressed and doesn’t have me or our daughter in his life, and he’s trying to make his life better. Pity party for him!
Dear Aerin,
WAHHHHH! for him!!! Poor baby, keep him out of your life and your child’s life if at all possible. Your child needs him in her life like she needs another hole in her head. She needs a disordered father NOT at all!
Go to Dr. Leedom’s blog “raising the at risk child” (there’s a link on LF) and there is a lot of information on there for you since your child is genetically at risk due to who her father is. My sperm donor was a psychopath, and a very violent one at that, but I am not psychopathic, but I have a son who is, and it is known that there are some genetic links. Don’t panic though, it doesn’t mean your child is gonna be a monster like her father, just that you need to get all the help you can, and especially as a single parent, to riase your child with a good conscience and empathy! Dr. Leedom has a child of her own by her abuser/x-husband and so she is a great source of information on the subject.
I’m glad that you are supported by your family and friends and that you are getting a business off the ground! congratulations!
Ox Drover,
Trust me…HE KNOWS he is not allowed around me or our daughter. I think the fact that I told his ex girlfriend (mother of his other daughter), that I cannot let my daughter grow up with their daughter as sisters put the nail in the coffin. Their daughter desperately loves my child, but their daughter’s well being isn’t my responsibility, it’s theirs.
I was so scared when I first read on here that children of sociopaths are highly prone to becoming one as well. OMG…I think all the blood left my body!! Then I read that as long as you are loving, affectionate with your children and display signs of being a caring, empathetic person yourself your children should be fine. Plus the fact that her father’s dysfunctional ways will not be in her life make me feel a little better. I eventually want to start doing some volunteer work with some non profit agencies, and I definetely want that to be a part of my daughter’s life. To give back to society. So hopefully she’ll be a sweet, caring soul. Now you have me all worried again. Thanks…lol!!
It’s good though to be fully schooled on the impact it could leave on innocent children. I will take a furthur look at Dr. Leedom’s blog. Thanks!!