After the sociopath, when the fog starts to lift, many of us ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I see what was going on?” According to a new book, we should probably cut ourselves some slack.
Read Book Review: The Invisible Gorilla on Scienceblogs.com.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
hens
still trying – I dont know how either, it just happened when I realized what has been wrong with me all my life..I have a conscience~! I thot I was defected but I ain’t and neither are you, it will come to you when the time is right.
still trying to understand
EB,
You are correct that he brought this in and, at times, I am still angry with him.
We have been in therapy, together, from the very beginning of this and he has worked very hard throughout the process. We both have. Our therapist is incredible and has helped me/us work through all of the issues with our marriage. We are both where we want to be.
No, I don’t believe that I am in a marriage of fantasy. Trusting him again is a work in progress. Trusting anyone, is a work in progress.
In this whole messed up, convoluted story, I fault him for the infidelity and nothing more. Absolutely no excuse for what he did but, if you knew the whole story, you would understand how I could feel this way.
You are right, I never asked for any of this but, I could have gotten out. I could have said no. I was naive, trusting, kind…things that I don’t give away as easily as I once did.
Wouldn’t it be nice to shout our stories from the rooftops for all to hear. Maybe we could save a mind or two.
ErinBrock
Stilltrying:
I’ve never been in your shoes…..my post was just suspicans….Sorry to be so off base.
I am at a loss for what to advise you……I don’t get stumped often…..but girl….ya stumped me!
The best I can offer is to throw yourself into whatever makes you happy and try to pinch this whackjob out of your head.
Control you own thoughts because you can’t control others.
Take the high road…..the clouds are a softer landing.
XXOO
EB
still trying to understand
EB –
From all of the therapy, I understand that she was obsessed with me long before the affair began. Our therapist, without being able to clinically diagnose her, fully believes that she is a sociopath. An extreme fatal attraction. Her husband has moved her and the family to another state, down the street from another childhood friend and his wife and family.
Ox Drover
Dear Still trying,
Welcome to LF, and I can see where you definitely have a tangled web to unravel.
It must be difficult to know all of this and to reconcile with your husband and to let go of the anger.
The “betrayal” part of all this is the worst of the pain I think, and not only did your “friend” betray you, but your husband as well. My heart goes out to you in resolving this double betrayal from two people you loved.
The stalking behavior she is doing is “typical” and she may come back over and over even with years between. God bless you and give you peace. Keep reading and posting here. This place has been my salvation and mental savior. ((((Hugs)))) and God bless.
still trying to understand
EB – your suspicions were good…like I said though tooooo many details to type. THANK YOU, thank you for your thoughts!!!
still trying to understand
OxDrover – mine too! I’ve been reading post for almost two years now!
Yes, we have an incredible therapist who has not only helped to save my marriage but, my life. He has prepared us for her to return in our lives at some point. She has made comments to people that as soon as the children turn 18, there will be nothing that I can do to keep them (all of the children) apart…
This woman is sick.
Thank you for your comments. I don’t need to tell you how much it helps!!!
Ox Drover
Dear Still trying,
Glad you are here, it sounds like you are doing what it takes to work through this awful mess, and that is all a donkey can do is to do the best it can. These people are like cancer they just keep popping up and coming back even when you think you have them beaten down.
Keep on reading and doing the things you are doing. We are all making progress in our own ways and our own times. I’m glad you posted and believe me it will help you to post more than you know,l because when you give advice to someone else you reinforce it in your own mind x 3! (((Hugs))))
ps. the woman is NOT “Sick” she is EVIL.
kalina
I have chosen this site because the insights and comments mirror my own experiences regarding sociopathy. Despite an extensive background in the field I keep getting fooled. Dr. Reid wrote the definitive book on psychopathy. The criminal personality vol.1,2,3, provide powerful backgound and interpretive information. The authors, Yochelson and Samenow were quoted on one of the last episodes of the Sopranos. Remember that dinner party when Elliott told Dr. Amalfi that sociopaths learn to be better criminals after studying the therapists’ reactions to the patient. Well, in our own lives it’s the victim who is depersonalized; the sociopath watches us and uses our illusion of a bond to manipulate us. I’ll talk more about this process once I get the feel of opening up.
Ox Drover
Dear Kalina,
Welcome to LoveFraud. Sorry you have had reason to learn about psychopaths…but glad you came here. Lots of good information, discussion and support. Again, welcome.