By | September 21, 2010 53 Comments

Gasoline and Fire Psychopathic Relationships and Last Minute Redemption

By Ox Drover

Most of us know that when you combine gasoline and fire there is not only a larger fire, but an explosive one. Our here in the boondocks we have occasion to burn brush piles or even trash sometimes and anyone except some pure idiot knows you never use gasoline as an accelerant for burning anything, you use diesel. Diesel fuel is more akin to what they call fuel oil up north and they fuel their household heaters with it.  It ignites slowly without a lot of vapor and burns steadily, not causing an explosion.

Gasoline on the other hand, starts to vaporize as soon as it is poured out and when you strike a match to it, that vapor cloud explodes into a huge fireball, engulfing anything in the area. As a nurse I have taken care of many patients who were unwise enough to use gasoline as an accelerant to start a fire. Many of those people received life threatening and extremely painful injuries; some patients died.

In a relationship where there are two people who are both personality disordered, there is always the potential for a lethal explosion caused when the one of the participants acts like the gasoline and vaporizes a cloud of toxic and very volatile gas, and the other personality-disordered of the pair strikes the match. The explosion may engulf one or both of the parties, like a murder-suicide, or it may involve the deaths of someone else outside of the couple when one of the couple uses the other to effect a murder-for-hire, a murder-for-love, or some other highly explosive situation.

One example of a situation where a male psychopath looked for and planned for a relationship with a female partner who was high enough  in psychopathic traits that she would go along with his plan to kill for money. This lethal combination came together in the relationship of Teresa Lewis and Matthew Shallenberger.

Teresa Lewis is scheduled to die in by lethal injection this coming Thursday in the first female execution in Virginia in many years.

Read: In Virginia, a woman on the verge of execution, on

Shallenberger, who was given life without parole for being the trigger man, committed suicide after admitting the only reason he slept with Lewis was to get her to give him the money from the insurance obtained by killing her husband and step son. The other killer involved in the double murder also received life without parole for his part.

The judge who sentenced Lewis called her “evil’ and “the head of the serpent.” But like many psychopaths facing the prospect of death at the hands of the state, Teresa found not only Jesus, but a purpose in life, helping others.  (Tongue-in —cheek, I say.)  I am sure this is because of the redemptive power of our state correctional institutions on redeeming psychopaths. It does seem that many of them do find a semblance of redemption and remorse in the final hours before execution that is not afforded them when they are given only life sentences.

Teresa’s appeal for clemency was rejected. Read Virginia governor declines to stay woman’s execution on

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When I first pulled up this page today I was only able to see the first paragraph of your blog. I was confused a little at first but I gleaned insight from that paragraph alone. When I attempted to comment on it the site prompted me to register and log in. I registered and logged in and to my surprise I was able to see the whole piece you wrote. I have been in a relationship for about 18 months and have realized in the last 2 weeks that he (my significant other) is a textbook Sociopath. My whole world came crashing down. Not that the relationship wasnt already dysfunctional, but I at least thought that he was just an a-hole that loved me in his own way. Having this epiphany devastated me because it meant that there never was any love. I googled the word Sociopath and voraciously devoured everything I could find to read up on it. I was entranced at the notion that our whole relationship was just a system of smoke and mirrors. I was terrified for the first few days because I felt like there were people in the world who were not real but were just here to decieve the rest of us. It was like I found out that the boogyman is real. I’ve been walking around like a zombie ever since. Through my google search I stumbled upon a site called Sociopathworld. I was even more in a tailspin. Reading this site confused me because It seems like a support group for sociopaths but why would they need support group? I even started to have sympathy for them after reading their blogs about how unfair the world is for looking unfavorably on them. Is that site just another way for them to continue manipulating people? Just when I was about to completely lose my mind, myself, and my religion, I found lovefraud. And what a wonderful and fitting name for this site. With me being a recovering addict, I have developed an obsession for learning about this disorder. I am such a people-pleasing, rationalizing, codependent that I actually sat down with him and tried to explain to him that we can’t be together because he can’t love me and I desparately want to be loved. He was astonished at what I said but he agreed that he does display the behaviors and characteristics of a Sociopath. Then – ready for this?- He asked if I would stay with him to help him with his disease!!!!!!!!!! I am still “with” him. I don’t have the heart to leave him. I’m just waiting to hear a female leaving him some salacious message on his voicemail, or for him to blatantly lie to me or just not come home one night so I can feel ok about leaving him. I’m all screwed up. I will continue to read this blog daily because its working for me just like NA meetings do. You are soooo right. He is gasoline and I am fire.
Thanks Oxy- thanks to everyone here and the creator of this site.



you said it: “there never was any love” the bogeyman is real and walking around like a zombie is chronic shock which most likely will be followed by denial, bargaining and typical grief responses….but you are realising by degree (slowly is good) that you are ‘in trouble’
keep reading…the first thing, just like NA…you are POWERLESS over this situation….and when you are ready…no contact is the first port of call in a serious attempt of recovery…it’s simple but it’s not easy…good luck !


Oxy- a very powerful and timely message about ‘explosiveness’ such an important issue. I was on the brink of “exploding” and it was a horrible irreversable feeling…no contact was what saved me from combusting in a deadly dual with what to me was the devil…I either wanted to kill…or wanted to be killed…I did neither and chose “suffering post traumatic stress and bottomless grief” and emerged stronger…over time…(one year this month no contact)
I will not give my power away to anyone, narcissistic and all as it may sound…I am the only being I trust at the moment along with a scattering of people who “seem” very real and sincere, supportive and even loving but the jury is always out on whether the motives are pure… it is for now…thanks Oxy….I like the way you really get to the core of the issue as always… in a humble ‘so what’ kind of way….(((hugs)))

Ox Drover

Dear Smarty,

I’m glad you found this place, it is for HEALING. Yes, Sociopathworld IS A SUPPORT SITE FOR THEM!!!! In fact, someone asked about the name of it the other day and I couldn’t remember what the name was. I only read there for 4-5 minutes before I had to leave that site or PUKE!

Many of us here are also ENABLERS or former enablers, or people pleasers—but we are REFORMING. we are getting ON THE WAGON, and helping each other remain NO CONTACT.

As long as you are in contact with him, or “with” him, you will remain hooked, you willl remain SELF-ABUSIVE and the “gasoline and fire” relationship will continue.

HE CANNOT CHANGE, and only you CAN CHANGE IF YOU WANT TO….he can’t even WANT to change—though he will SAY he does, but everything out of his mouth is a LIE.

There’s lots of great information here at LF and it will educate you if you read it and absorb it—but if you don’t read, or you don’t absorb, you end up like a drunk at an AA meeting sitting there with a bottle in your hand crying because your head hurts from the hang over and swigging to try to get rid of the pain! IT AIN’T GONNA WORK.

I hope you will stay around here, and read and learn….and endure the “hang over” until the pain goes away because there is nothing that can cure the hang over except NO CONTACT. EVERY DAY, one day at a time.

Unfortunately too many times there are “dry drunks” at AA meetings that are psychopaths who have “kicked the bottle” but are never able to develop a conscience, they just use AA as a place to troll for more victims—just without booze!

BP—I agree with you and too many times they have sucked us in to the point that we become crazy-acting and sounding. It doesn’t mean we are disordered, just that we are not functioning. WE CAN IMPROVE, because we DO have a conscience.

I know I have been angry to the point I’ve said some pretty nasty things I shouldn’t have said…done some things I shouldn’t have. The difference is that I have REPENTED of those things, made amends where I could, and learned to behave in a better way. None of us is perfect, or has always done the things we should or could, but now that we know better we are doing better. We are taking responsibility for our lives, ourselves, and our happiness and well being. That is something that a psychopath will never do. They are predators.


BP & Oxy,

Sighhhhhhhhhh. Thanks. No contact sounds like paradise to me. It literally means not “picking up” the drug anymore. Unfortunately he pressed and hounded me to do a little of this and a little of that until in one evening I caved and I lost all of the ground I gained in 6 months of recovery. I am encouraged that BP said that “slowly is good.” because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m just afraid of the tunnel. I have faith in the healing process, though.
PS- I always wondered about the mystique of the “dry drunk” but your theory on them trolling the rooms for victims makes perfect sense. One question, because as is customary, my S is an alcoholic, sex and drug addict, and small time criminal. Why do most of them become drug users if there are no negative emotions or stresses that could drive them there? Thanks again

Ox Drover

DEar Smarty,

Because DRUGS FEEL GOOD, because SEX FEELS GOOD and they all release the “feel good” chemicals in our brains—the CONSEQUENCES come later but by then they are doing the FEELS GOOD stuff again, until their lives or very life falls apart.

I hope that you will “get sober” in all ways Smarty, but MY OPINION (and they are like noses everyone has one) is that COLD TURKEY is the only way to kick the habit.

I have never done illegal drugs that were very addictive (did smoke some grass as a kid but that was 40+ years ago) but I have kicked CIGARETTES and if I can kick them, you can kick booze, drugs, and that man. I always told myself I was “trying” but I KNEW I WAS GOING TO GO BACK TO SMOKING, because I knew I didn’t really want to give them up. I FINALLY MADE UP MY MIND TO QUIT AND I QUIT.

Once in a while I’ll feel that desire for a “hit” of nicotine, but I know the consequences are NOT WORTH IT. I AM WORTH having control of my life. SO ARE YOU!

You can’t “taper off” a psychopath any more than you can “slowly taper off” cocaine or booze—sorry, that’s just my opinion—so if you are serious about getting sober, DO IT, don’t talk about it. You can come up with all the EXCUSES in the world (if you dont’ have enough excuses, I’ll loan you some of the ones I used to taper off cigarettes—they worked for decades for me!) LOL

Or I will loan you some of the delusions I had about my psychopathic son who is in prison for murder “finding Jesus”—my delusions were really great ones! Worked for me! NOT!

This is a great place, Smarty! There’s all kinds of information and support and caring! Take advantage of it! Life on the other side of the tunnel is a LOT BETTER!!!! ((((Hugs)))) and God bless.

kim frederick

Smartyskirts, I use the 12 steps to help me recover from the relationship with the Spath…it works very well, if you consider your relationship to be like a chemical addiction. Think of it like this: All you need to be a member of NA is the desire to stop using. Bingo. The desire to not be in this relationship is enough to get you started. Now start with step 1. You are powerless over your relationship with____, and your life has become unmanagable. Well, you just told us that. Step 2. You will come to believe that a power greater than yourself will restore you to sanity….I would work the first 3 steps in unison…There basic meaning is this: I can’t. God can. I’m gonna let him. Just work on that for a while until you have a good handle on it. Right now, you need to be focusing on the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results…The old, “this time it will be different,” mentality. That is denial and if you want out, you can’t afford it.

I”m glad you are here. There are so many good articles in the archives and so many great people who get it, here, so I hope you stick around.

kim frederick

Well, it says in the big book, (or is it the 12 and 12? I can’t remember.) Alcohol (and drugs) are just a symptom of our disease. There are all kinds of disorders, sociopathy is only one of them…I’m a raging co-dependant, and I was that LONG before I took my first drink. Addiction is a 3 fold disease. Dis-ease–not being at ease. It is physical, it is mental, it is spiritual. You can only recover if you work on all three levels…For us, here, at LF, who may or may not be love junkies (I am) this means going NC in order to get our physical symptoms under control…brain chemistry, bonding hormones, oxytosin, seretonan….etc. That is physical. The mental part is the faulty thinking, the denial, the self sabatogue. The repeated behaviors. And the spiritual part is finding out how to fill the God shaped hole. Haven’t we been trying our entire lives to find something to fill up that hole in the gut with the wind ripping through it? Alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, food, LOVE…nothings gonna fill it up but a relationship with a higher power, and faith.

That is how I see it, and since you are already familiar with the 12 steps and addiction, I would urge you to take advantage of that resource. It works for me.


slow is necessary because we are unsure of where we are until we test it out. That may mean ‘going back in’ to see something, learn another lesson …whatever… it may be a necessary part of the total recovery…so do not judge yourself, have patience and most of all have compassion for yourself….to hell with him

Ox Drover

QUOTE BP–“have compassion for yourself and to hell with him” GREAT!!!!!

That is the thing we have done is to have compassion for THEM and none for ourselves.

Would YOU ever treat anyone the way s/he has treated you? I sincerely doubt it—so why would you let someone, anyone, treat you the way you would NEVER treat someone else?

I’m not sure WHY I ever let anyone treat me the way they did–because I loved them? Maybe. Doesn’t matter WHY I did. I am NOT GOING TO ALLOW IT ANY MORE.

I won’t let someone else treat me badly.

I won’t treat myself badly.

Hey, life is GOOD!

Right on Kimmie!


Man, you guys are good! I know you are right, Oxy about the cold turkey thing and I really appreciate the insight on the connection with the 12 steps, kim. “I’m not sure WHY I ever let anyone treat me the way they did”“because I loved them? Maybe. Doesn’t matter WHY I did. I am NOT GOING TO ALLOW IT ANY MORE.
I won’t let someone else treat me badly.
I won’t treat myself badly.” This is a great thing to say to yourself! I’m going to write it down and keep it close. It may seem weak that I needed someone else to tell me this, but I’ll be that. Just for full disclosure and self deprication- I should admit also that his exploiting of me has taken resources away from my children. Not overtly, but he has taken my time, energy, easygoing personality, and financial resources from them. I feel like such a scumbag putting him so high on my list of priorities when they are at ages where I should be focusing on teaching them how to recognize harmful people in their lives! Instead, I invite one in our home and let him have say so over us all! I know I should have compassion for myself, but I have to be honest with myself as well.

Ox Drover

Dear Smarthy,

((((Hugs))))) SCRAPEEEEEEE!!!!!Sounds to me like you just pulled your canoe out of the RIVER DE-NIAL!!!!

Yes, you do owe your kids your best parenting skills, and you owe YOURSELF to be good to yourself, AND to be good to your kids!

You don’t owe that scumbag anything.

I let some people come into my “space” on my farm/home and then tell me that I wasn’t doing enough for them.

It took me a while to get to where I could set limits and boundaries. (I cried the first time I caught her stealing from me and was so upset about setting a boundary, afraid I would HURT HER FEELINGS BECAUSE SHE STOLE FROM ME!!!—LOL ROTFLMAO HURT HER FEELINGS!!! Bwa ha ha ha ha Yea, right!

But in the end, I realized, MY HOUSE, MY BILLS, MY SPACE, MY RULES. ME FIRST!

I am not obligated to let anyone come into my house/space and tell me how to run my life. If they don’t like my food GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN. If they don’t like the way my thermostat is set, they can rent a place, pay the utilities and set the thermostat any way they want to.

If they don’t like my cat shedding hair on their clothes, they can get up off my cat’s couch. If my dog’s barking keeps them awake at night, they can buy ear plugs or leave.

If they are too good to clean toilets, then they can carp in the woods and not in my bathroom.

This is not a hotel, bed and breakfast, retirement home, flop house, or public shelter. It is MY HOME. I worked for it, built a lot of it with my own hands, and every dollar. I don’t have to apologize to anyone for how I run the place, it is NOT A DEMOCRACY, I am the DICTATOR.

So, Smarty, declare martial law, and VIVA REVOLUTION!!!! Assume the dictatorship for life, tell your kids that you aren’t going to expect them to put up with the ILLEGAL ALIENS and that only CITIZENS and good citizens at that are eligible to live in your dominion! LOL (((hugs)))

Ox Drover

ps Smarty,

Capt. John Smith said in Jamestown when the “uppity” guys didn’t want to get their hands dirty working and everyone was starving because the lower classes couldn’t provide food for the nobles and themselves too, said “No work, no eat”—so everyone has a JOB. Your kid’s “jobs” may be to do their home work, or pick up their clothes or when they are bigger to mow yards and baby sit for extra money to buy extra things they want, but NO ONE GETS A FREE RIDE IN LIFE! We all have responsibilities so kick the riff-raff out into the street. If he doesn’t like it there, you can be a nice person and offer to drive him to the Salvation Army shelter.


Is it still NC if you email occasionally…?? I know its contact but I could not resist the urge to comment on his latest email.. I titled broke and miserable if your so broke and miserable then how do you email?…. response.. I am going into a year long christian rehab( LMFAO)!!!! didnt I just read somewhere that they throw the GOD in there to make it look good! Well… I said OH REALLY if your going to christian Rehab then Im joining the flying NUNS! Oh and if I was interested Im sure they have some “family counseling” NO I AM NOT INTERESTED ! # 1 You are NOT MY FAMILY dick head ???? yeah really after all the discpicible things you did to us your so called FAMILY??

I am off nicotine 7 weeks now and NC physically almost a year in November! wooo hooo I am not emailing anymore .. slowly but surely… unless I have the opportunity to crack jokes in them! remember the flying NUN LOL !

Ox Drover

Dear Spirit,

Yea, E mail is technically “breaking no contact” but I promise you, that if you RESIST the urge to contact him, it will hurt him MORE THAN IF YOU E MAIL HIM. He is only after CONTACT he doesn’t care if all you say is “FARK U”–it still means you are NOTICING HIM!

Congratulations on the off nicotine!!!! Whooooo hoooo and TOWANDA!!! Since you are off the nicotine I won’t Boink you for the e mail! LOL 🙂

Hang in there Spirit I PROMISE YOU IT GETS BETTER! (((Hugs)))) and God bless!


no contact is your only weapon and ultimate salvation


Thank you Oxy! yes I know it does get better … it has got better wooo hooo .. If I can kick nicotine I can kick the toxic last bit of email contact… and I am having myself a big I did it party in November its strange actually it happened the day before the anniversary of my moms passing… I think she was my angel watching over me telling me get him the heck out PLEASE !

Ox Drover

Dear Spirit,

YES YOU CAN!!! I KNOW YOU CAN!!! Nicotine was the biggie for me, if I can kick THAT I can drain the ocean! There is nothing I can’t do! I know it is the same for you!!! WHOOOOO HOOOO!!! Throw that party!!!!! Part-teeeee time!!!! We’ll all be there for your party Spirit–in spirit! (little pun there!) LOL


Every time you think about E mailing the creep—instead— visualize me hitting him with the SKILLET!!!! BOINK!!!! Right on the top of his 3 inch thick skull!

I think your mom must have been your angel! My step dad was mine. I even dream about him and if I have a problem Ii cant solve, I’ll dream about him and in the dream I’ll know what HE WOULD HAVE DONE and that’s my answer!

Your angel mom is cheering you on! GET THE BUM GONE!!!!!! (I think she and my step dad have been “conspiring” to look after us!—

My Dad: Oh, I’m so sorry your daughter Spirit met a psychopath, my daughter Oxy found this great web site Love Fraud, I’ll arrange for Spirit to find it, they will be great pals! It has really helped Oxy heal

Your Mom: Yea, this guy is a real bad guy, she just needs to kick him to the curb. I wish she could learn more about Psychopaths and see him the way WE can! She deserves better. She’s a wonderful woman!

My Dad: She will, Mom, she’ll have lots of support there and Hey, you’ve already helped her to kick Nicotine and that’s hard to kick, so you’ve got a strong daughter there! She’ll do fine. With Love Fraud support on earth, and us up here, she CAN’T FAIL!!!!

(see and you didn’t know I was a play writer!)


Morning all,
So last night I drove past the house of a friend of my S and noted that he wasn’t there. I saw him shortly after and he said he just left that friend’s house! Aha! I asked him where he had come from prior to that because I know he couldn’t have been there long. You wouldve thought I asked him to recite the constitution! He actually said, “What do you mean?” He was stuck for about 25 seconds. Then he started sighing loudly and acting like I was overreacting by questioning him. I went out and sat in my car and texted my best friend (who lives 70 miles away), “I hav a chance to walk away right now…from him…. Should I?” and within 15 seconds I got her reply, “Yesss!!! Run!!!” I cracked up laughing and looked up from the phone and he was right outside my door asking me what was so funny. I said that I was texting my friend. He said “Oh, so you weren’t sitting here cause you wanted me to come out to the car?” I said “no.” He asked me whats for dinner and I said that he shouldn’t be concerned with that. He just said ok and turned around and walked back up on the porch. I drove off and felt like a trillion bucks!!!!! I texted my friend to tell her that I did it and inadvertently answered a call from him while i was texting. He was telling me that I need to order some wings for him and he would be at my house shortly. I said No!!! Do not come to my house!!! Don’t call me or even ask about me anymore!! He just said, “Yeah, right”. We argued and he kept saying it. I went home, got my kids situated and into bed. He kept calling saying he was coming over. I started to get scared. Hes never been violent but he can be destructive and I didnt want him banging on my door or windows. But being the whatever it is that I am, I know I wouldn’t call the cops on him. He asked me to just meet him at the place for a drink instead and I thought that was a better alternative because then he wouldnt be at my house making a scene. We met there and he was being all nonchalant. Then he started the gaslighting. Asking me why all my relationships end badly and do I know that most women arent as emotional as I am. I just said some things in my defense and we drank. Alcohol disarms me about 100% of the time. Safe to say he knows that. He came home with me and left this morning. He knows that I don’t want him anymore. I think he just doesnt care and doesnt want to release or “discard” me until he finds a replacement up to the task of catering to him as well as I did. My family owns a very lucrative company and I realized this is also one of the things he has his sights set on. I am terrified of him turning violent if I make a true effort for NC. If they dont care, then why dont they just leave when they arent wanted? Im such a basket case! I’m sorry if my posting all this drama isn’t appropriate, im not trying to disturb anyone’s peace. I just wanted to give a good picture of the situation. I read somewhere that these people have an uncanny ability to sniff out easy targets. I think something about me screams “easy mark” to these guys because I do have a history of allowing people to mistreat me. last thing- I have also realized that I readily form betrayal bonds. I hope you guys dont give up on me. I want out of this!!!


Huge dilemma for me: It is hard for me to break it off during the good times, and the bad times are too emotionally charged to do it. I’m tired of watching and waiting for him to screw up and I just can’t get my timing together. I know that being in active addiction impairs judgement. He encourages and provides for my drug use so I don’t feel like I’m able to get myself clean while in this relationship. (FYI- My drug use is doing ALOT of pot and drinking occasionally. Pot can be just as addictive as other drugs!) Is there a better or best time to declare that its over?

Ox Drover

Dear Smartyskirts,

I for one won’t give up on you—but I realize and so do you, that I cannot save you, I cannot protect you, that you must save yourself, you must protect yourself. I also realize and so do you that when you are ready to quit the drama that you will.

You said:
1)”he came home with me and left this morning”

2) “I am terrified of him turning violent if I try for true NC”

YOU CAN RE-WRITE YOUR LIFE. It would have read.

I will NOT live in terror of someone else and allow them to RULE and CONTROL me.

He TRIED to come home with me, but I told him I never wanted to see him again. If necessary, I will go to a shelter for protection or call the police.


So you choose the plot of this play! You write the lines and you are the one who lives it! (((Hugs))))

Ox Drover



I know you are right. ten years ago at the age of 21 I left a physically abusive boyfriend whom I had 3 kids with. If a 21 year old me could have the courage to leave, then I know a 31 year old me can. Thanks. Today is the best day– (((Hugs)))

kim frederick

Yes,Smartyskirts. There is a best time. NOW. You don’t need a pass to get out….you don’t need an excuse or a reason. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. This is your life and you decide who will be in it. You make the choices, and you are responsible for your own happiness.

It seems to me that you are waiting for him to approve of the break-up. Why?

The reason they don’t just go away is because they don’t want to loose control, and they’re ego’s can’t handle someone taking back her contol and leaving them behind.

You need to give yourself permission to leave and then do it.

I can tell from your posts that it won’t be easy. He will do everything in his power to keep you locked in…He will guilt you, manipulate you, anything and everything to keep you emotionally attached. NC is the fastest and most effective way to get on with it. Like Oxy says, “cold turkey.”

Anything short of that keeps the addiction active. Every contact triggers it.

I identify so much with your situation so much. My Xspath is an addict, and I used, too. I couldn’t see my way out of the dual addiction….I couldn’t stop using with him bringing it in the house, and I couldn’t get rid of him….I wanted out, so bad, for so long….He stalked me, asked friends about me left messages for me, Once I kicked him out, and when I went to work he took the window unit AC out and climbed right in. He was in my living room when I came home from work.

I wouldn’t call the cops either. I will tell you this, though, if I had it to do over, I would have called the cops the very first time I had the chance.

I remember laying in my bed so full of hurt and dispair, wanting soooo bad to end it once and for all. Praying and praying…I repeated, “How it works” over and over in my head like a mantra, trying to find some peace.

In the end, he threatened to through a cinder block through my glass front door so he could get in to the rent money. He took it, I got evicted and went to a homeless shelter for a couple of months, but that was it. It was over.

At the time it seemed like the worst possible thing that could happen, but it was God doing for me, what I could not do for myself. Free at last, free at last. Thank Gos almighty, free at last.

Just keep working your program and ask God for help.

Ox Drover

Kimmie, you are a great inspiration to everyone!


Yes you can. And if you have three kids by age 21, those kids need you, whether they live with you or not, they need for you to be sober and straight and upright and a role model for them. You can’t be that addicted to drugs, a series of poor life choices, or addicted to being abused by some jerk off!

YOU DESERVE A GOOD LIFE, your kids DESERVE a good mom!

Only you can get both of those things lined out! BUT YOU CAN do it and YOU HAVE THE CHOICE. Not the drugs have the choice, and not he has the choice, YOU DO. God bless.

kim frederick

Thank you, Oxy. It sure was a tough row to hoe, for a long time. I couldn’t figure out how I could want out sooo bad but couldn’t actually do it. All the crazy emotions, the kicking him out, and then wanting him back, the mixed feeling of relief, anger, frustration when he did come back. The denial….the whole, “this time it will be different” thinking. The beleif that somehow I could control him…the merry go round…the fear of being alone, the dellusional dependancy that he created in me…the sickness at heart…he did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted played with my head and my emotions…
God, I am so gratefull to be out!

It has been three years, this month. As far as I know, he is living with a woman in a motel room. She works in a diner, and I’d bet my lastr dollar he isn’t working anywhere. He is probably still using drugs. He is 47 years old, has no teeth. He will continue to live like this as long as a woman enables him.

That used to be my pet peeve. I put up with his —- for 7 years, and when I finally got rid of him, I still wanted to contoll him. I wanted him to be forced to work, straighten up, and if he found another woman like me, he wouldn’t. I wasn’t jealous, exactly, I just didn’t want him to get away with it anymore. Is there ever an end to enablers….or as we say here, targets?

I had to mentally prepare myself for the knowledge of the new woman…I knew it was coming, and I knew he would want me to hear about it as soon as possible. Our mutual friends loved the drama and they couldn’t wait to tell me…I knew all this before it happened. So, at the time, I resented the new woman for being just like me…but I knew it wasn’t gonna be a bed of roses for her, and by now I’m sure she’s gotten a pretty good taste of it. I’ll bet she’s angry all the time, and hurt and confused and frustrated just like I was. Now I kind of feel sorry for her.

One of those mutual friends I was talking about told me that spath slept with her 20 year old daughter in their motel room, in the first month they were together. She really put her foot down, and forbade them from being alone together. Good Lord.

Ox Drover


“she really but her foot down, and forbade them from being alone together” ROTFLMAO BWA ha ahahahahazha hahaha Choke Snort! OMG! Kim you are not serious! YES, YOU ARE!!! I have heard it all now!!! “she forbade them being alone” Oh, whew, I can finally breathe! That is just tooooooo much!

WHAT A CATCH!!!!! Boy is she lucky! NOT

Yea, you know, when we are in the FOG we think like that. We find ways to “forgive” (pretend it never happened) or give such “consequences” to people for such UNTHINKABLE behavior and betrayals.

That is the thing there is NO level of lowness to which they will NOT SINK!

The porno photos of S&M that my DIL and the TH-P made in my egg donor’s house while my son had driven my egg donor down to see the P-son, and after their arrest we found them! YUK! PUKE!


Kim – Congrats on the 3 years..I am almost there, hell I cant even remember how long it was. I get pissed at myself when I think of him. But I think your x and mine are one and the same, toothless old bastards, they get what they deserve ‘ a hard life’ living out of motels, under bridges, shelters..sounds like you and i got caught by a worthless least some peeps here found one with money. Not that that makes em any better..So’s heres to life with cats and dogs…

Ox Drover

Dear Henry and Kim,

HERE’S TO LIVE WITH CATS AND DOGS, AND ***JACKASSES!**** the 4-footed kind! Eha haw eha haw!


Dear Ox I think of you everytime I see a jackass – huggles..


Thanks Oxy! Yes… I can see them now..having some Vino… At the time of course I did not realize the date while going thru the ordeal and now after… it was the day before she past… and when she past.. I couldnt understand him asking me “why are you crying?” my mother just died???? hello … WTF ? I am so tired of starting over… and looking like the unstable one????? Yes I am sure I have PTSD who wouldnt after all the uneccessary gaslighting etc… we recover and heal when we are away from emotional vampires (in his case worse) devious was one of his nick names no shame! anyhow I am really done I hate even talking about him unless its for a giggle! cause if I dont laugh I would cry and Im over it No love here I realized I am not in love with that “thing” anymore if that “thing” fell off the face of the earth I would sing ding dong the pr–k is dead! amen! namaste! etc

Ox Drover

Dear Spirit!

Yep sweetie! You can do it! We have the angels on our side and we are done with the demons! ((((Hugs)))

Henry, a friend of mine came by yesterday and he had this Tee shirt on that was a cartoon of a Pick up truck and in the bed of it was a cartoon jack ass and under the truck it said


I made him take it off and give it to me and I got him another one I had to have that shirt!

I have another one that has a “can” on it with a label that says WHOOP ASS and underneath a guy who says “don’t make me open this!”

I took that off a friend in the front yard too! Gave him a generic shirt and took that one! Every time I see a cool jack ass tee shirt I have to have it!~


dang Ox I wish I could get a man to undress that quick~!

Ox Drover

Well, Henry, you just have to be a REALLY sexy fat 63 year old jack ass ridin’ gray-haired old bat! Of course did I tell you the friend was 83? (no lie!) The first guy weighed about 280 and was shorter than I am, so he was younger than me but no real prize! LOL

In fact, I am really worried about my 83 year old friend–he showed back up this morning and you know me, I gave him another $50 to buy gas to take the Meth Ho to town to get her food stamps and welfare check…sigh! I just hate to see him taken advantage of…he met her in a WAL MART PARKING LOT. I think I will maybe contact the sheriff tomorrow and have this woman checked out…I bet she’s got a record a mile long. He’s not completely senile, but I am begining to worry about his safety with this woman. (did you see the photo of that meth ho that they are executing in Virginia tomorrow? This one makes her look like Miss America!) There goes my CARE TAKING gene again. I just can’t stand to see this dear sweet old man taken advantage of. Everyone in the world takes what little he has and he has so little to begin with. I don’t mind feeding him, or putting gas in his truck, it is just buying her cigarettes and booze that bothers me.

I wish someone would tell me to mind my own business.


oxy – sometimes minding your neighbors business is a GOOD idea.


meth ho’s in the walmart parking lot – oh my – I went to walmart one time and when i opened my car door to get out there was a big wet spot on the ground with a pregnancy test kit opened with the stick laying in the puddle – oh my



hens….I have to say….you crack me up with your ‘oh my’s’

I just read an article in the HI paper…..
this story will make you say….’oh my’.
It reminded me of Oxy’s story about her son and the cell phone in prison.




What are you thinking? Cash!?!? Send it my way! I won’t even CON you out of it!

Make him an apple pie an some mac an cheese….or better yet….new potatoes and CANNED PEAS.

Yep….your buying the ho her cigs……and some gas money to go see her dealer with a bit left over for a tweek.


Why does an old man need $85.00 in gas in two days?????

Can you say…..CRACK MUCH? With a joint lit by a new lighter to wash it down……compliments of OXY!

And another BOINK for good measure….(and that last boink was with the PLATINUM skillet!)

Better keep ducken girl!


Wasn’t there a bridge for sale somewhere in that there desert of yours?

super chic

EB, OH MY! I had to say it myself!
That story you posted is just…
I don’t want to think about it!
Too bad the phone didn’t start ringing!!
Reminds me of Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura
when he was talking out of his a**


I bet that’s what he said when they ANGRILY pulled it out?
Oh my.

Gives the saying ‘pain in the ass’ a whole new meaning huh?

that would sooooo be something the spath would do! When we traveled, he bragged to friends he would ‘hide’ it (his drugs so I didn’t know) in the same ‘cavity’……and not a cavity a dentist would find!

super chic


super chic

Is it just me… or do others read these threads backwards?
Oh, ha, I just thought of “ass backwards” hahahahaha.

I really do read from the bottom up half the time.
Oh my, this really isn’t sounding right.


Yep….when i’ve been gone for a bit, I start at the most recent and read from the ass up. 🙂
Then I realize…I’m not getting a straight story… then I go back up to the top and read down…


Oh MY!

super chic



Chic….i’m off to bed…..
Have a good night and get some sleep!
Nighty night…..



The story re the mobile phone,{sorry cell phone!] reminds me of a TV series fom Scotland we had some time back called “Hamish MacBeth”. In one episode, two crims killed a guy, and buried him than pretended to “help” the police look for the body.The police were searching this area covered with heather, when this mobile phone went off under the ground! The crims had forgotten to tak e it out of the dead mans pocket! So, they were caught red-handed!It was funny!
Love, GemXX


Oxy, Have just read your article, “Are we there yet?”, its Marvellous! Wonderful! Says it all! Well done!
It reminds me of “A Pilgrims Progress,” By John Bunyan.{which he wrote in prison.}
Wonderful visual imagery!Oxy, you are a genius at expressing what we are all going through at LF!
Love.Mama GemXX

kim frederick

Jack-asses and spath-asses, and test strips, oh my!

Ox Drover

Well, EB, THANKS for the BOINKS–

I’m going to town today to see the doc—I’ve got something going on and I’m not sure what it is, it is above my level of diagnostic ability so gonna go get it checked out. So may not be back til later this evening to see your answer to my thoughts, but here goes.

I think what I am going to do for my buddy is to give him GAS ONLY installed IN THE VEHICLE (I can do that) so no cash….you are right about that….and I have 2 freezers full of food, so I can give him that, and if she rides in the car on the gas that’s okay, and if she eats the food (she’ll have to cook it at least) he will still be benefitted.

DUH, don’t know why I didn’t thinnk of that myself. Thanks for the bogsmack I needed it.

I really do think I need to talk to the law about getting some kind of back ground check on this witch though and I can do that UNofficially in a small county. I just don’t want her hurting him. and with that kind of person, who knows?

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