LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Will I be able to prove it?

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from the reader who posts as “Hehadme39.”

Okay, I became involved with my psychopath in Dec. 2008. I ended our relationship in July 2010. During the course of this relationship he took advantage of me in several ways. The first time he took advantage of me I came to find out he was committing a mass amount of fraud. Not only with me and my financial information but with several others’ financial information.

I kicked him out took the evidence I had to the police. The Secret Service and the FBI got involved as well as the Department of Education. There was a mountain of evidence I delivered to them but in the end, I was told by a TX secret service agent that because he and I were in a romantic relationship the evidence I delivered to them would NOT be admissible in court. They told me they were sorry they couldn’t help me, but they had turned the evidence over to the Department of Education because they had GOOD evidence that he was committing student loan fraud. I got one visit from the DOE and nothing ever came of it all.

All of this occurred only after 5 months of knowing him and 2 months of him living with me. EVERYTHING he told me about me turning him in was true. Nobody did anything to him. Even when he had been in prison twice for violating probation and parole from a prison sentence for committing ”¦ DRUM ROLL PLEASE ”¦ Yes, you guessed it FRAUD!

Seeing him again

Well, he manipulated me again to at least seeing him again as I REFUSED to allow him to live with me. He promised he had changed and wanted to be a better man because of me. (LOL what a joke right) I chose to ignore what my intuition was telling me and I continued to see him in secret, as if my friends knew I was seeing him after what he did they would not be happy with me and it would cost me those friendships.

I now know, He KNEW this would isolate me further and make it easier to deepen his tentacles that sucked my life force and soul out. I even got the psychopath a cell phone and paid for it the majority of the time.  A week later he added another line to my account in an attempt to commit yet another fraudulent act. But to his disappointment I caught this quickly and put security guards in place and removed all access to ANY account I had and refused to give him the information to get into ANY of my accounts. I would not allow him in my home without me there and only left him in my home alone on two separate occasions that were beyond my control. Well, or so I thought.

I knew and realized what he was doing to me. I kept wondering what is wrong with me that I am letting someone manipulate me the way he did. The few friends that did know about him would tell me he is just a liar and a manipulator. It was all true; I couldn’t argue with them. My excuse was always well it’s just for sex anyway. When in reality I truly loved the psychopath as he reinforced all of my own self-loathing. He reminded me daily how much I hated myself and shamefully at the time it’s what I wanted.

Waking up

Well I really started to wake up in December 2009 when he cancelled yet another vacation that was supposed to be spent with me over the Christmas Holiday to be with his live-in girlfriend, which he had me convinced was his “roommate.” Well I came across an article one evening on that vacation I ended up alone entitled, “How to tell if you are dating a married man.” Well I read the article and my psychopath met every criteria of the “married man” and I met every criteria of “the other woman”! I KNEW that day that I had to escape him.

I tried to break it off with him on several occasions and every time he would manipulate me into taking him back. I would be lonely and couldn’t bear the thought of no more sex like that for the rest of my life. The time before our final “show down,” I had broken it off and he threw a very heavy bag like it was nothing destroyed some things in my apartment and chased me to the balcony. When I wouldn’t come in, he wouldn’t risk people seeing him in his rage so he just left. In hindsight, I should have realized then what he was truly capable of.


For our final showdown he showed up uninvited to my apt to collect his things after I finally had enough. There was NO way he was talking me out of it this time. I stepped outside and refused to allow him into my home. He assaulted me, pushed me into my apt, locked the door behind him and proceeded to terrorize me. He shoved me so hard I fell to the floor. He yanked me around yelling and screaming that he would be heard.

I grabbed him by his throat and shoved him away from me in self-defense and told him to leave. This made him extremely angry and he hit me so hard I came off my feet and was hurled across the room. He asked me if I wanted to die? Then he stated WE are going to DIE! and proceeded to the kitchen to get what I assumed would be a knife or something to kill me with. I raced past him and out my front door as he only locked the privacy lock. I escaped him and started pounding on neighbors’ doors for help as he has stolen my phone in the process of holding me in my apt against my will. I got scared and ran of course.


A neighbor came out and allowed me to use his cell phone to call 911. The police came made a report etc ”¦ I spoke with a detective and the detective assured me he believed my story and even took pictures of all the bruises he left me with. He then proceeded to tell me they had spoken with the psychopath and that he was scheduled to come down and talk to police the following day. His visit to the police station to my AMAZEMENT and SURPRISE yielded not only them letting him go and only issuing him a misdemeanor citation but issuing ME a citation for assault by contact.

I am the one who is abused and essentially kidnapped and held against her will but I am getting a citation for assault by contact! I had to obtain an attorney to defend the criminal charge. It is still pending and my attorney is having NO luck getting the psychopath to sign a waiver of prosecution. I anticipate that this is going to be going to trial eventually because I refuse to plea anything but self-defense!

I have over 100 emails with threats, virtual admissions of guilt to various crimes and other things, his crazy rantings, phone msgs etc ”¦ I also have the previous time I turned him in. What do you think my chances are proving that he is the one who assaulted me? It’s all about winning to him and I get it. It’s not about winning for me. It’s about proving that I was the VICTIM here not HIM. What are my chances?

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41 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Will I be able to prove it?"

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EB – there is surviving and fighting, and then there is the lightness of life coming back – and you are there now. 🙂

learning to let go is a big deal; it changes everything. i think that will be my guiding light today -i’ll practice letting go.

my blood pressure is really high and i am going in for a heart stress test soon. i can feel my bp go up and down during the day. had to go see a allopath to get the tests ordered…she is such a challenge. it’s been 24 hours and i am still pissed with her. I am working on letting it go, AND on breaking it down, because i will talk to her the about her attitude the next time i go in. plainly and simply. i try to avoid allpathic dos – they tend to be dismissive when they don’t have ‘the answers’ – and with my chemical sensitivities this one surely doesn’t have any answers.

i spent much of my life trying to ‘be open’, see that there are many sides. suckah. i have given too many disordered, dysfunctional and just plain bad mannered and unaware people the benefit of the doubt. but i need to feel grounded when i don’t give the benefit of the doubt now, and to challenge them (or walk away) as needed. I don’t wnat to live barricaded behind the ‘keep everyone out’ wall. My goal is to be able to learn to deal with these people, and to do it in ways that affirm me and MY perception, without feeling like an arrogant git.

when the good of our lives is largest enough to contain the bad, we are in balance.

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