By Ox Drover
Most of us know that when you combine gasoline and fire there is not only a larger fire, but an explosive one. Our here in the boondocks we have occasion to burn brush piles or even trash sometimes and anyone except some pure idiot knows you never use gasoline as an accelerant for burning anything, you use diesel. Diesel fuel is more akin to what they call fuel oil up north and they fuel their household heaters with it. It ignites slowly without a lot of vapor and burns steadily, not causing an explosion.
Gasoline on the other hand, starts to vaporize as soon as it is poured out and when you strike a match to it, that vapor cloud explodes into a huge fireball, engulfing anything in the area. As a nurse I have taken care of many patients who were unwise enough to use gasoline as an accelerant to start a fire. Many of those people received life threatening and extremely painful injuries; some patients died.
In a relationship where there are two people who are both personality disordered, there is always the potential for a lethal explosion caused when the one of the participants acts like the gasoline and vaporizes a cloud of toxic and very volatile gas, and the other personality-disordered of the pair strikes the match. The explosion may engulf one or both of the parties, like a murder-suicide, or it may involve the deaths of someone else outside of the couple when one of the couple uses the other to effect a murder-for-hire, a murder-for-love, or some other highly explosive situation.
One example of a situation where a male psychopath looked for and planned for a relationship with a female partner who was high enough in psychopathic traits that she would go along with his plan to kill for money. This lethal combination came together in the relationship of Teresa Lewis and Matthew Shallenberger.
Teresa Lewis is scheduled to die in by lethal injection this coming Thursday in the first female execution in Virginia in many years.
Read: In Virginia, a woman on the verge of execution, on Time.com.
Shallenberger, who was given life without parole for being the trigger man, committed suicide after admitting the only reason he slept with Lewis was to get her to give him the money from the insurance obtained by killing her husband and step son. The other killer involved in the double murder also received life without parole for his part.
The judge who sentenced Lewis called her “evil’ and “the head of the serpent.” But like many psychopaths facing the prospect of death at the hands of the state, Teresa found not only Jesus, but a purpose in life, helping others. (Tongue-in —cheek, I say.) I am sure this is because of the redemptive power of our state correctional institutions on redeeming psychopaths. It does seem that many of them do find a semblance of redemption and remorse in the final hours before execution that is not afforded them when they are given only life sentences.
Teresa’s appeal for clemency was rejected. Read Virginia governor declines to stay woman’s execution on Time.com.
Man, you guys are good! I know you are right, Oxy about the cold turkey thing and I really appreciate the insight on the connection with the 12 steps, kim. “I’m not sure WHY I ever let anyone treat me the way they did”“because I loved them? Maybe. Doesn’t matter WHY I did. I am NOT GOING TO ALLOW IT ANY MORE.
I won’t let someone else treat me badly.
I won’t treat myself badly.” This is a great thing to say to yourself! I’m going to write it down and keep it close. It may seem weak that I needed someone else to tell me this, but I’ll be that. Just for full disclosure and self deprication- I should admit also that his exploiting of me has taken resources away from my children. Not overtly, but he has taken my time, energy, easygoing personality, and financial resources from them. I feel like such a scumbag putting him so high on my list of priorities when they are at ages where I should be focusing on teaching them how to recognize harmful people in their lives! Instead, I invite one in our home and let him have say so over us all! I know I should have compassion for myself, but I have to be honest with myself as well.
Dear Smarthy,
((((Hugs))))) SCRAPEEEEEEE!!!!!Sounds to me like you just pulled your canoe out of the RIVER DE-NIAL!!!!
Yes, you do owe your kids your best parenting skills, and you owe YOURSELF to be good to yourself, AND to be good to your kids!
You don’t owe that scumbag anything.
I let some people come into my “space” on my farm/home and then tell me that I wasn’t doing enough for them.
It took me a while to get to where I could set limits and boundaries. (I cried the first time I caught her stealing from me and was so upset about setting a boundary, afraid I would HURT HER FEELINGS BECAUSE SHE STOLE FROM ME!!!—LOL ROTFLMAO HURT HER FEELINGS!!! Bwa ha ha ha ha Yea, right!
But in the end, I realized, MY HOUSE, MY BILLS, MY SPACE, MY RULES. ME FIRST!
I am not obligated to let anyone come into my house/space and tell me how to run my life. If they don’t like my food GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN. If they don’t like the way my thermostat is set, they can rent a place, pay the utilities and set the thermostat any way they want to.
If they don’t like my cat shedding hair on their clothes, they can get up off my cat’s couch. If my dog’s barking keeps them awake at night, they can buy ear plugs or leave.
If they are too good to clean toilets, then they can carp in the woods and not in my bathroom.
This is not a hotel, bed and breakfast, retirement home, flop house, or public shelter. It is MY HOME. I worked for it, built a lot of it with my own hands, and every dollar. I don’t have to apologize to anyone for how I run the place, it is NOT A DEMOCRACY, I am the DICTATOR.
So, Smarty, declare martial law, and VIVA REVOLUTION!!!! Assume the dictatorship for life, tell your kids that you aren’t going to expect them to put up with the ILLEGAL ALIENS and that only CITIZENS and good citizens at that are eligible to live in your dominion! LOL (((hugs)))
ps Smarty,
Capt. John Smith said in Jamestown when the “uppity” guys didn’t want to get their hands dirty working and everyone was starving because the lower classes couldn’t provide food for the nobles and themselves too, said “No work, no eat”—so everyone has a JOB. Your kid’s “jobs” may be to do their home work, or pick up their clothes or when they are bigger to mow yards and baby sit for extra money to buy extra things they want, but NO ONE GETS A FREE RIDE IN LIFE! We all have responsibilities so kick the riff-raff out into the street. If he doesn’t like it there, you can be a nice person and offer to drive him to the Salvation Army shelter.
Is it still NC if you email occasionally…?? I know its contact but I could not resist the urge to comment on his latest email.. I titled broke and miserable if your so broke and miserable then how do you email?…. response.. I am going into a year long christian rehab( LMFAO)!!!! didnt I just read somewhere that they throw the GOD in there to make it look good! Well… I said OH REALLY if your going to christian Rehab then Im joining the flying NUNS! Oh and if I was interested Im sure they have some “family counseling” NO I AM NOT INTERESTED ! # 1 You are NOT MY FAMILY dick head ???? yeah really after all the discpicible things you did to us your so called FAMILY??
I am off nicotine 7 weeks now and NC physically almost a year in November! wooo hooo I am not emailing anymore .. slowly but surely… unless I have the opportunity to crack jokes in them! remember the flying NUN LOL !
Dear Spirit,
Yea, E mail is technically “breaking no contact” but I promise you, that if you RESIST the urge to contact him, it will hurt him MORE THAN IF YOU E MAIL HIM. He is only after CONTACT he doesn’t care if all you say is “FARK U”–it still means you are NOTICING HIM!
Congratulations on the off nicotine!!!! Whooooo hoooo and TOWANDA!!! Since you are off the nicotine I won’t Boink you for the e mail! LOL 🙂
Hang in there Spirit I PROMISE YOU IT GETS BETTER! (((Hugs)))) and God bless!
no contact is your only weapon and ultimate salvation
Thank you Oxy! yes I know it does get better … it has got better wooo hooo .. If I can kick nicotine I can kick the toxic last bit of email contact… and I am having myself a big I did it party in November its strange actually it happened the day before the anniversary of my moms passing… I think she was my angel watching over me telling me get him the heck out PLEASE !
Dear Spirit,
YES YOU CAN!!! I KNOW YOU CAN!!! Nicotine was the biggie for me, if I can kick THAT I can drain the ocean! There is nothing I can’t do! I know it is the same for you!!! WHOOOOO HOOOO!!! Throw that party!!!!! Part-teeeee time!!!! We’ll all be there for your party Spirit–in spirit! (little pun there!) LOL
TOWANDA!!!!
Every time you think about E mailing the creep—instead— visualize me hitting him with the SKILLET!!!! BOINK!!!! Right on the top of his 3 inch thick skull!
I think your mom must have been your angel! My step dad was mine. I even dream about him and if I have a problem Ii cant solve, I’ll dream about him and in the dream I’ll know what HE WOULD HAVE DONE and that’s my answer!
Your angel mom is cheering you on! GET THE BUM GONE!!!!!! (I think she and my step dad have been “conspiring” to look after us!—
My Dad: Oh, I’m so sorry your daughter Spirit met a psychopath, my daughter Oxy found this great web site Love Fraud, I’ll arrange for Spirit to find it, they will be great pals! It has really helped Oxy heal
Your Mom: Yea, this guy is a real bad guy, she just needs to kick him to the curb. I wish she could learn more about Psychopaths and see him the way WE can! She deserves better. She’s a wonderful woman!
My Dad: She will, Mom, she’ll have lots of support there and Hey, you’ve already helped her to kick Nicotine and that’s hard to kick, so you’ve got a strong daughter there! She’ll do fine. With Love Fraud support on earth, and us up here, she CAN’T FAIL!!!!
(see and you didn’t know I was a play writer!)
Morning all,
So last night I drove past the house of a friend of my S and noted that he wasn’t there. I saw him shortly after and he said he just left that friend’s house! Aha! I asked him where he had come from prior to that because I know he couldn’t have been there long. You wouldve thought I asked him to recite the constitution! He actually said, “What do you mean?” He was stuck for about 25 seconds. Then he started sighing loudly and acting like I was overreacting by questioning him. I went out and sat in my car and texted my best friend (who lives 70 miles away), “I hav a chance to walk away right now…from him…. Should I?” and within 15 seconds I got her reply, “Yesss!!! Run!!!” I cracked up laughing and looked up from the phone and he was right outside my door asking me what was so funny. I said that I was texting my friend. He said “Oh, so you weren’t sitting here cause you wanted me to come out to the car?” I said “no.” He asked me whats for dinner and I said that he shouldn’t be concerned with that. He just said ok and turned around and walked back up on the porch. I drove off and felt like a trillion bucks!!!!! I texted my friend to tell her that I did it and inadvertently answered a call from him while i was texting. He was telling me that I need to order some wings for him and he would be at my house shortly. I said No!!! Do not come to my house!!! Don’t call me or even ask about me anymore!! He just said, “Yeah, right”. We argued and he kept saying it. I went home, got my kids situated and into bed. He kept calling saying he was coming over. I started to get scared. Hes never been violent but he can be destructive and I didnt want him banging on my door or windows. But being the whatever it is that I am, I know I wouldn’t call the cops on him. He asked me to just meet him at the place for a drink instead and I thought that was a better alternative because then he wouldnt be at my house making a scene. We met there and he was being all nonchalant. Then he started the gaslighting. Asking me why all my relationships end badly and do I know that most women arent as emotional as I am. I just said some things in my defense and we drank. Alcohol disarms me about 100% of the time. Safe to say he knows that. He came home with me and left this morning. He knows that I don’t want him anymore. I think he just doesnt care and doesnt want to release or “discard” me until he finds a replacement up to the task of catering to him as well as I did. My family owns a very lucrative company and I realized this is also one of the things he has his sights set on. I am terrified of him turning violent if I make a true effort for NC. If they dont care, then why dont they just leave when they arent wanted? Im such a basket case! I’m sorry if my posting all this drama isn’t appropriate, im not trying to disturb anyone’s peace. I just wanted to give a good picture of the situation. I read somewhere that these people have an uncanny ability to sniff out easy targets. I think something about me screams “easy mark” to these guys because I do have a history of allowing people to mistreat me. last thing- I have also realized that I readily form betrayal bonds. I hope you guys dont give up on me. I want out of this!!!
Huge dilemma for me: It is hard for me to break it off during the good times, and the bad times are too emotionally charged to do it. I’m tired of watching and waiting for him to screw up and I just can’t get my timing together. I know that being in active addiction impairs judgement. He encourages and provides for my drug use so I don’t feel like I’m able to get myself clean while in this relationship. (FYI- My drug use is doing ALOT of pot and drinking occasionally. Pot can be just as addictive as other drugs!) Is there a better or best time to declare that its over?