By Ox Drover
Most of us know that when you combine gasoline and fire there is not only a larger fire, but an explosive one. Our here in the boondocks we have occasion to burn brush piles or even trash sometimes and anyone except some pure idiot knows you never use gasoline as an accelerant for burning anything, you use diesel. Diesel fuel is more akin to what they call fuel oil up north and they fuel their household heaters with it. It ignites slowly without a lot of vapor and burns steadily, not causing an explosion.
Gasoline on the other hand, starts to vaporize as soon as it is poured out and when you strike a match to it, that vapor cloud explodes into a huge fireball, engulfing anything in the area. As a nurse I have taken care of many patients who were unwise enough to use gasoline as an accelerant to start a fire. Many of those people received life threatening and extremely painful injuries; some patients died.
In a relationship where there are two people who are both personality disordered, there is always the potential for a lethal explosion caused when the one of the participants acts like the gasoline and vaporizes a cloud of toxic and very volatile gas, and the other personality-disordered of the pair strikes the match. The explosion may engulf one or both of the parties, like a murder-suicide, or it may involve the deaths of someone else outside of the couple when one of the couple uses the other to effect a murder-for-hire, a murder-for-love, or some other highly explosive situation.
One example of a situation where a male psychopath looked for and planned for a relationship with a female partner who was high enough in psychopathic traits that she would go along with his plan to kill for money. This lethal combination came together in the relationship of Teresa Lewis and Matthew Shallenberger.
Teresa Lewis is scheduled to die in by lethal injection this coming Thursday in the first female execution in Virginia in many years.
Read: In Virginia, a woman on the verge of execution, on Time.com.
Shallenberger, who was given life without parole for being the trigger man, committed suicide after admitting the only reason he slept with Lewis was to get her to give him the money from the insurance obtained by killing her husband and step son. The other killer involved in the double murder also received life without parole for his part.
The judge who sentenced Lewis called her “evil’ and “the head of the serpent.” But like many psychopaths facing the prospect of death at the hands of the state, Teresa found not only Jesus, but a purpose in life, helping others. (Tongue-in —cheek, I say.) I am sure this is because of the redemptive power of our state correctional institutions on redeeming psychopaths. It does seem that many of them do find a semblance of redemption and remorse in the final hours before execution that is not afforded them when they are given only life sentences.
Teresa’s appeal for clemency was rejected. Read Virginia governor declines to stay woman’s execution on Time.com.
Ox Drover
Dear Smartyskirts,
I for one won’t give up on you—but I realize and so do you, that I cannot save you, I cannot protect you, that you must save yourself, you must protect yourself. I also realize and so do you that when you are ready to quit the drama that you will.
You said:
1)”he came home with me and left this morning”
2) “I am terrified of him turning violent if I try for true NC”
YOU CAN RE-WRITE YOUR LIFE. It would have read.
I will NOT live in terror of someone else and allow them to RULE and CONTROL me.
He TRIED to come home with me, but I told him I never wanted to see him again. If necessary, I will go to a shelter for protection or call the police.
I am NOT POWERLESS!
So you choose the plot of this play! You write the lines and you are the one who lives it! (((Hugs))))
Ox Drover
TODAY IS THE BEST DAY TO BREAK IT OFF! TODAY IS ALWAYS THE BEST DAY!
smartyskirts79
I know you are right. ten years ago at the age of 21 I left a physically abusive boyfriend whom I had 3 kids with. If a 21 year old me could have the courage to leave, then I know a 31 year old me can. Thanks. Today is the best day– (((Hugs)))
kim frederick
Yes,Smartyskirts. There is a best time. NOW. You don’t need a pass to get out….you don’t need an excuse or a reason. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. This is your life and you decide who will be in it. You make the choices, and you are responsible for your own happiness.
It seems to me that you are waiting for him to approve of the break-up. Why?
The reason they don’t just go away is because they don’t want to loose control, and they’re ego’s can’t handle someone taking back her contol and leaving them behind.
You need to give yourself permission to leave and then do it.
I can tell from your posts that it won’t be easy. He will do everything in his power to keep you locked in…He will guilt you, manipulate you, anything and everything to keep you emotionally attached. NC is the fastest and most effective way to get on with it. Like Oxy says, “cold turkey.”
Anything short of that keeps the addiction active. Every contact triggers it.
I identify so much with your situation so much. My Xspath is an addict, and I used, too. I couldn’t see my way out of the dual addiction….I couldn’t stop using with him bringing it in the house, and I couldn’t get rid of him….I wanted out, so bad, for so long….He stalked me, asked friends about me left messages for me, Once I kicked him out, and when I went to work he took the window unit AC out and climbed right in. He was in my living room when I came home from work.
I wouldn’t call the cops either. I will tell you this, though, if I had it to do over, I would have called the cops the very first time I had the chance.
I remember laying in my bed so full of hurt and dispair, wanting soooo bad to end it once and for all. Praying and praying…I repeated, “How it works” over and over in my head like a mantra, trying to find some peace.
In the end, he threatened to through a cinder block through my glass front door so he could get in to the rent money. He took it, I got evicted and went to a homeless shelter for a couple of months, but that was it. It was over.
At the time it seemed like the worst possible thing that could happen, but it was God doing for me, what I could not do for myself. Free at last, free at last. Thank Gos almighty, free at last.
Just keep working your program and ask God for help.
Ox Drover
Kimmie, you are a great inspiration to everyone!
Smartyskirts,
Yes you can. And if you have three kids by age 21, those kids need you, whether they live with you or not, they need for you to be sober and straight and upright and a role model for them. You can’t be that addicted to drugs, a series of poor life choices, or addicted to being abused by some jerk off!
YOU DESERVE A GOOD LIFE, your kids DESERVE a good mom!
Only you can get both of those things lined out! BUT YOU CAN do it and YOU HAVE THE CHOICE. Not the drugs have the choice, and not he has the choice, YOU DO. God bless.
kim frederick
Thank you, Oxy. It sure was a tough row to hoe, for a long time. I couldn’t figure out how I could want out sooo bad but couldn’t actually do it. All the crazy emotions, the kicking him out, and then wanting him back, the mixed feeling of relief, anger, frustration when he did come back. The denial….the whole, “this time it will be different” thinking. The beleif that somehow I could control him…the merry go round…the fear of being alone, the dellusional dependancy that he created in me…the sickness at heart…he did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted played with my head and my emotions…
God, I am so gratefull to be out!
It has been three years, this month. As far as I know, he is living with a woman in a motel room. She works in a diner, and I’d bet my lastr dollar he isn’t working anywhere. He is probably still using drugs. He is 47 years old, has no teeth. He will continue to live like this as long as a woman enables him.
That used to be my pet peeve. I put up with his —- for 7 years, and when I finally got rid of him, I still wanted to contoll him. I wanted him to be forced to work, straighten up, and if he found another woman like me, he wouldn’t. I wasn’t jealous, exactly, I just didn’t want him to get away with it anymore. Is there ever an end to enablers….or as we say here, targets?
I had to mentally prepare myself for the knowledge of the new woman…I knew it was coming, and I knew he would want me to hear about it as soon as possible. Our mutual friends loved the drama and they couldn’t wait to tell me…I knew all this before it happened. So, at the time, I resented the new woman for being just like me…but I knew it wasn’t gonna be a bed of roses for her, and by now I’m sure she’s gotten a pretty good taste of it. I’ll bet she’s angry all the time, and hurt and confused and frustrated just like I was. Now I kind of feel sorry for her.
One of those mutual friends I was talking about told me that spath slept with her 20 year old daughter in their motel room, in the first month they were together. She really put her foot down, and forbade them from being alone together. Good Lord.
Ox Drover
Kim,
“she really but her foot down, and forbade them from being alone together” ROTFLMAO BWA ha ahahahahazha hahaha Choke Snort! OMG! Kim you are not serious! YES, YOU ARE!!! I have heard it all now!!! “she forbade them being alone” Oh, whew, I can finally breathe! That is just tooooooo much!
WHAT A CATCH!!!!! Boy is she lucky! NOT
Yea, you know, when we are in the FOG we think like that. We find ways to “forgive” (pretend it never happened) or give such “consequences” to people for such UNTHINKABLE behavior and betrayals.
That is the thing there is NO level of lowness to which they will NOT SINK!
The porno photos of S&M that my DIL and the TH-P made in my egg donor’s house while my son had driven my egg donor down to see the P-son, and after their arrest we found them! YUK! PUKE!
hens
Kim – Congrats on the 3 years..I am almost there, hell I cant even remember how long it was. I get pissed at myself when I think of him. But I think your x and mine are one and the same, toothless old bastards, they get what they deserve ‘ a hard life’ living out of motels, under bridges, shelters..sounds like you and i got caught by a worthless one..at least some peeps here found one with money. Not that that makes em any better..So’s heres to life with cats and dogs…
Ox Drover
Dear Henry and Kim,
HERE’S TO LIVE WITH CATS AND DOGS, AND ***JACKASSES!**** the 4-footed kind! Eha haw eha haw!
hens
Dear Ox I think of you everytime I see a jackass – huggles..