UPDATED FOR 2020
A Lovefraud reader who posts as “LadyA” sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath.
I’ve spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn’t understand why I don’t feel any better about it. What was I missing?
When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could get in the car and left the province to go back to my hometown. I had to quit my job over email and send a goodbye text to all my friends.
I am thankful every day for what my mom did for me. I sure wasn’t happy about it at the time but I knew I needed out and this was my chance. What I didn’t know is how much moving back to my hometown would affect me emotionally. I had originally planned on only being back for six months. Just long enough for him to move on and get me out of mind, but it has now been just over three years and I still haven’t moved back. I got settled in a new job, new friends, and a new relationship. Even after all of this I haven’t been able to figure out why I’m not happy. Until three days ago.
Pride. I was proud of myself for the life that I had built. I moved 1200 km’s away from home right after high school to a big city. I was on the fast track to a strong career in a competitive field. I had a brand new car, paid all my bills on time, and was saving to buy a house. I was independent, reliable, strong, caring, and had a really great outlook on the world. Not many people can say that at 22.
All of that was ruined by a six-month “whirlwind romance.” I’m no longer proud of myself. I feel like I have failed because I came back home with my “tail between my legs” to my mommy. I no longer have a new car because it was repossessed as soon as I got back here. I am jaded, I don’t trust people easily, and I am no longer as strong as the face I put on the outside. I’ve gained weight because deep down I just don’t care anymore. My career is now on a plateau due to the location where I live. I don’t have one reason to be proud of myself right now.
How do I get my pride back when I know what happened? I want to feel proud of myself for my life but I just have zero idea where to start. I’ve thought about moving away again, but I don’t really know if that’s the answer. How can I be proud of what has happened in my life? I’m really honestly just so ashamed.
Donna Andersen responds
Dear LadyA,
I am so sorry about your encounter with a sociopath. Although this is not a normal breakup, the good news is that you can recover from the sociopath.
Right now, however, it does not seem that way. Why? I can see two reasons.
The first is that betrayal by a sociopath is a huge emotional injury. In the beginning of your email you said that, after all your reading, you now “fully understand what spaths do and how they do it,” but you don’t feel any better.
Understanding is a critical first step to you to recover from the sociopath. But understanding is an intellectual process, something that you do with your mind. The wound you experienced is also emotional. It needs to be dealt with emotionally.
How do you do that? You allow yourself to feel the pain of the injury.
This means letting yourself cry. Letting yourself scream and wail. Letting yourself experience anger — I’m sure there is anger — perhaps by working it out on a punching bag.
This isn’t pretty, and you probably want to do it privately, because other people often have difficulty being around this. Or, you may have a good therapist who can help you.
One way or another, any bottled up emotion you have within you needs to come out.
Underestimated the injury
Next you wrote that you identified the reason that you’re not happy as “pride.” But it seems like you are regarding pride as something bad, like one of the seven deadly sins.
You had every reason to be proud, because your pride was based on your achievement. And the sociopath took this away from you.
Here is what I think has happened: You have underestimated the scale of the injury, and the severity of the betrayal.
LadyA, you were building a life for yourself. You went out on your own; you started building a career; you were moving forward.
And some manipulative, deceitful parasite, who did something bad enough to end up in jail, ruined it for you.
Not only did he cost you money and hurt your career, he corrupted your outlook on life. You’re jaded; you don’t trust; you don’t care. You are not the young person you once were all because of the sociopath.
Recognize that this was not a normal breakup after all, you had to flee your home, job and friends.
Your life was shattered. Your psyche was deflated. This is a massive shock to your system. It’s no wonder that you are still struggling.
Drain the emotion
So what do you do? In my opinion, you do exactly what I suggested earlier — allow yourself to feel the pain now, knowing that the pain is bigger than you originally thought.
So you cry. You stomp. You imagine him standing in front of you and yell at him. (Do not, however, attempt to confront him in person. This would be counterproductive.)
The idea is to drain off the negative emotion.
As you drain the emotion, a void will be created within you. It’s very important to fill that void with joy.
This may sound preposterous to you, like you have no reason to be joyful. But don’t look at the totality of your life right how.
Do any small thing that makes you happy: Go for a walk. Play with your pets. Have lunch with a friend. Listen to music.
To recover from the sociopath, it may require many rounds of draining off the negative and replacing it with positive. But with time, you’ll find that your entire outlook will change, and you’ll be able to get back on track.
Importantly, with the wisdom you gained through this experience, you’ll never fall for a sociopath again.
Lovefraud originally published this article on May 12, 2014.
High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her
Jane, please let me add to your thoughts by commenting that for spaths to concede that “it’s all me, it’s not your fault, I am screwed up” and etc., is simply another weapon in their arsenal.
nocontact:
yes i admit it was a bit confusing to hear all the apologies, telling me how he has always felt about me, wants to be with me”etc”
the only puzzling thing left for me to figure out is why he isn’t putting down his wife”he did say things are not what he expected since their silly marriage..but he hasn’t said anything over the top, horrible about her. you would think he would, especially if he wants to reconnect with me..
i figured by hearing so many stories that they really don’t accept blame for any relationship when it fails”it really confirms to me that if this is part of their game”then i am more than convinced he is what he is”thanks NC
Jane, he knows you are watching and is smart enough to not be so overt that you will bust him off the bat.
In fact his manipulative style of agreeing with you, is more alarming than if he just walked in and called all women bitches. But then, you would never let such a person stay in your home.
That’s why. 🙁
The good news is, you are On To Him, and I’m very proud and inspired by you too, please know THAT Jane!! many days I have leaned on your skinny shoulders, wherever you are, ha ha. Again good news: I am skinny too. 🙂
no contact
hahah yes i am getting skinnier too! good news finally!
i understand what you mean, he knows so well i am on to him. he has never ever been a mean or cruel man verbally. in fact he has always played the “sweet” and “sympathetic” man, although he has no empathy”so basically, its his words that are so sickly sweet and his actions or so sickly unempathetic..actions and words don’t match.
so yes, knowing i am on to him, he has to be so careful”he is an extremely intellectual person, but his social skills are the pits..almost as though he does not know how to act or interact properly”he uses his vocabulary and comments to get by on and never intends what he means, or forgets what he said as soon as he said it and just moves on to whatever is next in his day.
as a matter of fact, writing me the other day and telling me he is making a solemn promise to fix things with us, after having no contact from me for 4 months,and then 12 hours later taking it all back because its not fair to make promises to me, her or him and possibly be unable to fulfill them, and then contacting me yesterday saying “hang in there babe i will get back to you soon” is probably forgotten and page turned by now..until the next time he needs supply or reassurance
on top of being and S,N or P, i honestly think there are other issues with his brain chemical imbalance”he forgets, he has to write everything down, he has weird mannerisms and weird ways about him, completely unorganized, procrastinates horribly,”almost like someone in his own world”sometimes reminds me of Russell Crowe in Beautiful Minds…
the spath i was married to also has mental illness(s) on top of the personality disorder. it very common i believe.
he’s got all sorts of diagnoses and i think is on meds too but no ones pushed the spathiness, so that’s not been diagnosed. i will however if he ever tries to get anything more than very rare supervised visitation with a person of my choosing. so far we’re not shiny and we are very far away and he’s pretty dysfunctional on a day to day basis THANK GOD.
but i almost think these complete excuses for a human would have to have mental illness(s) on top of the personality disorders.
Ain’t,
They’re all mentally ill, in the sense of the 19th century ‘moral insanity’ label, but not delusional. They understand reality, cause and effect, they know the rules, they know they are hurting others.
I think of my ex P (if/when I think of him/it) as evil. He was intelligent, but the choices he makes are pure evil, and he lied and lies about everything all the time. Pathological liar.
annette–
well i mean mental illness like chemical imbalances, psychoses, etc.
just one example of this for babydaddy spath:
he loses days at a time, like someone who goes on a “bender”. but his is not alcohol or drug induced. it is generally rage-induced. he literally blacks out. the only thing he feels is rage and not-rage. not happiness or sadness; he lives in a rage, or not currently enraged.
he’s also tried to kill himself several times. like with no one around to stop him or find him in time. WHY God does not let him die i dont get.
its utterly sick how sick he is. and that’s not counting the personality disorder!
Jane D,
Consider ignoring his words, and look at what he has done and is doing. Look at his career, his family life, his financial life, his spiritual life, etc, and maybe write out the sequence of his choices that you are aware of through his actions, not what he says. Keep in mind that what he says he has done or not done, and what he says others have done or not done, may or may not be true. Try just focusing on what you know first hand about him from his actions; it could help bring you some clarity. Spaths create a lot of cognitive dissonance and confusion with words.
Keep in mind that no matter what he really means this round of communication to you, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
Consider focusing on you and what you want and what you have to give, and how he fits into it, or not.
AnnettePK
exactly what i was just saying to NoContact about his actions and words not matching..
thank goodness i have researched a lot on this type of behaviour, i can see how i was blown away at the beginning of his discard, because i didn’t know what this type of person is capable of.
i understand the promises he makes to me right now, are promises he has made to me in the past. he never came through with those promises for very long, because someone else came into his life”he was easily convinced by a younger woman, by seeing her ONE TIME in the span of a year, that life would be beautiful for them, so off he went”now he’s telling me life isn’t so wonderful”hmm is it perhaps that he jumped into things too quickly, without thinking, perhaps???? Duh”.yeh it is..
although he is a very impulsive person and very easily influenced, this type of person is dangerous in my eyes”he doesn’t look into what he is saying and only lives for the moment and never thinks about the long term effects on him or anyone..
all the things you mentioned above, career, family, financial, spiritual life”nothing of it comes together and he has nothing to show for any of it”no family that thinks he has done well, career is all over the place, financial issues are a mile long and so on”he is a 60 year old smooth talker with absolutely no idea how life should be lived and the effects he has on people..
this attempt he has made has definitely confused me and i admit will take a few days before i come back to reality..but i read, read, read what others say and find as much information on sites so i can understand and heal properly…
My ex psychopath is a 60+ year old with a similar record. It’s finally getting to where the slightest contact with him via email, doesn’t confuse me completely. It’s amazing how much power they have, and how much effort it takes to get away and save our love, loyalty, kindness, and commitment for someone who appreciates us and cares about us.
My ex Psychopath would admit things when he thought it would work for him in some way, and then turn around, contradict himself and deny he ever admitted anything, blame me again, etc. Whatever they say has no meaning whatsoever. It’s word salad.
No contact.
Exactly. Everything was my personal fault. In his mind he thinks that cheating was justified because I was not exciting enough. But I have learned that none of this is our fault. It’s them. I am not sure how he became the person he is but what I know is that it must have started at an early age. There is no cure of help. The only solution is to leave, divorce and cut of all contact. There is no medication or therapy for them. I tried for 20 plus years to make him see the problem. I am a very caring and hole person and it was great for him that I fed his ego for so long. Not only me. He loved the admiration of his soldiers when he was a first seargent in the army. Later as a corrections officer he had the power and control of inmates and then of course becoming a cop pushed him over the edge. Not only did the young cop deputies tell him how sexy and hit he is , they were willing to engage in his sexual activities. How could I compete with those 20 year olds ? Looking back now it was all about control and about him. He did not care who he hurt in his path, including his only child.
Life was a nightmare for me. I am still very hurt that he played with my life. I was an unwilling participant I. His games because he subjected me to all kinds of diseases . Luckily I am ok but the fact that he played with my life. The person he vowed to cherish and love till death do us apart. And for that I will never forgive him.
It’s my fifth Christmas alone kaya, and I am so admiring of your relationship with your son that I can taste it, please enjoy that taste yourself!! “How sweet it is.” I am still COOKING, however, and although I am not exactly (or even close to) a good cook, I am still at it, so imagine me hunched over the stove and tasting with a spoon (however, I can never then determine whether it needs more salt — OR WHAT?). 🙂
Jenna, again I’ll remind ya how:
He gave me the most beautiful daughters.
That’s how.
It’s OK. Someday we will find better chemical treatments for what this person has left you with: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Can’t ya just about hear the gunfire starting up when you wake? THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL. It is your BRAIN reminding you that although you have slept, it is still in the Fight or Flight State and that is why you awaken this way.
And NOT because you are “unable to get over it” or “live in the past” or “make too much of a deal about stuff” or “you are too sensitive” or “you should get over it” SO DO NOT ADD THOSE TOXIC INGREDIENTS TO THAT POOR BRAIN OF YOURS!!
It’s bad enough, the STEW he left you in.
Jenna, in my SEMI-trance of MID-departure from my long marriage, he told me he enjoyed having sex with other women (we were still married, he threatened to kill himself if I divorced him AND I BELIEVED IT AND STILL DO, the kids were too young then imho, which is not to say they are old enuff now OR EVER WOULD BE, right?). He specified he “liked to cummmm (stretching the word out) on them” and that IT WAS LIKE A RAPE, he said he would F anything wearing black hose (!! as I’d received as gifts for YEARS UPON YEARS) and here is what he called them. Please shake your head and know you CAN survive this BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE!!!
He called them “road kill,” Jenna.
It is SO important that you listen to that brain of yours. Be Kind. Be SO KIND that you can accurately evaluate this potential RISK because there is a REASON your brain wakes up like that.
Your brain is NOT in a trance state, and has Done the Math.
The man is deranged and knows WHO YOU ARE, that is ENOUGH for your brain to wiggle like that every day when you wake up. Instead of blaming it for DOING that and expecting it to CHANGE…take the other side and pretend it’s MY brain….do you REALLY want it to stop hollaring at me?? so that this person and experience no longer BOTHERS ME?
No, you want me to be duly impressed.
Or so I hope.
The word Justice does not do Justice to what we have faced.
Here is some LOVE that DOES do you Justice, Jenna: MINE.
Jenna
I used to do the same. Thinking of why, why and why. You will never get an answer. You occupy your mind with unrealistic things. I was married to my ex for over 20 years, moved around the world for his army career, raised my child with him always being deployed. You know what, when they are done with you. Nothing matters. The past does not exist for them. It’s about their current status of lust and what they want. It took a long time for me to figure this out. Many months of crying and sleepless nights. Days at my job in a fog. That entire time right after the discard was like being a nightmare I could not get out of. I finally found out that there was another woman involved. It totally changed my thinking. First I was really mad with her for coming into my life, my marriage. But it was him who took those marriage vows. She was just “available “. If it was not got her it would have been someone else. I directed my anger towards him and filed for divorce. To this day I think about his message to me. The day he was served divorce papers he emailed “what did you do that for. If you think I am coming back by you filing for divorce, you are wrong.” Do you see how grandiose they think they are? I made it as clear as I could. I hired a lawyer, gave him a 5000$ retainer , served him with a petition for dissolution of marriage and the honestly believed I wanted him back. Yuck.
The day I signed that petition was the day my new life started. No more communication with him. They say “nobody leaves a lawyers office with a smile on their face”. So wrong, I had the biggest smile, i felt this wave of peace and I was more thAn ready for the battle of my life.
You must show to them that you are worthy and that you are done. It’s the only way you can heal and recover. 20 years I wasted with him, trying to please him and make him happy. 20 years of my life I have to him. He did not deserve one minute of my time.
I let go of the past and focus on my now. Not yesterday and not tomorrow. I am alive and breathing and I don’t cry anymore. That’s so much my victory.
Good luck in your journey and I hope we can be an inspiration here for you. This website has helped me to stay no contact when it was so tempting to give into his b/s.
Sure Kaya!! 🙂
Leave me drooling out here, peering into the soup pot and wondering how it might change with salt.
“The day I signed that petition was the day my new life started.”
WHAT???!!!!! I WISH!!!!! The salt will be my tears this never occurred. He failed to honor the agreement/order and pursuing the breach would only have gratified him, since the fees were all at my end. He did nothing but drag his feet…
for thirty TWO years, now, not just the 30 I had when I think I first signed on here.
HOWEVER, I am trying to keep my sense of humor here, so please don’t tease me, ha ha. 🙂
Well, they’re crazy for starters.
jenna23
wow”same thing with me”women from all over the world”
he told me he worked with the CIA and often was sent on missions to other parts of the world. he used the CIA thing as an excuse for him when he would be away, but not on a mission, it was to meet women
he did this over a three year period and i believed it”i caught him in so many lies i didn’t know how he thought straight anymore.
his fb account had roughly 700 people on it.
this man never slept but stayed on computer about 20 hours a day “doing school work and secret business”
he accidentally sent me an email which was to another woman, about how much he loved her and their trip to tahiti was going to happen”i received this email the night before he was flying into be with me for two weeks. when i confronted him on this, he got nervous and said that i ruined his surprise to me and that message was for me and he was going to surprise me with a trip”omg i looked at him and told him what a bunch of BS, i know what a lying cheating bastard he is and i have many many things to prove it, i just kept them to show him one day when i needed to.
but”i let it all go and continued on, choosing to ignore it. i believed all he told me and how he loved me. but i know now these people want as many people to love them, they lack that emotion somehow in their warped brain..he grew up with a mom who sexually abused him and committed suicide when he was 12 and left him with 2 little brothers all from different fathers..they were shipped around the country from foster home to drunken relatives..if all this is true then i certainly see why he has the disorder he has.. and its too complicated and tiring for me to be with a person like this.
did you find out yours was physically with these women or just online?
ACK! I read to the very end of your post as I had not before!
You are NOT torturing YOURSELF!!!!
You have BEEN TORTURED.
Do Sane People Torture Each Other?
OF COURSE NOT, Jenna!!!!!!
BE FREAKED OUT, dude! these people are like a Hitchcock film, with no Distance between the screen and the poor people like us in the seats. Holy crap, we have been scared to death.
PLEASE do not just get over that, or think you did it to yourself. That is part of HOW IT WORKS and you will only travel the WRONG WAY.
I have no idea when you were born nor does that information assist me in ANY WAY at this. You are a human being and NO, it is not alright for people like that to just be running around raping people, and leaving them disabled as you awoke today.
In fact the very IDEA makes me run for that trance thing, ha ha. So PLEASE let us share a moment of Sanity over that first cup of coffee I hope you are having: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT IN THE LEAST. The System’s recommendation you not pursue it DOES NOT MEAN IT DID NOT HAPPEN or WAS NOT IMPORTANT only that THE SYSTEM IN PLACE IS NOT SUFFICIENT and THAT IS A SOCIAL AND POLITICAL ISSUE.
It has ZERO to do with your feelings OR WHAT WAS RIGHT, MORAL AND JUST, so please sip your coffee and also take that message in.
Here are some emotional tasks we have to complete.
1. Revise your beliefs about human nature. You now have learned that some people are capable of deception.
2. Believe in your self worth. You must stop feeling discarded, empty and less valuable than the woman who had taken your place.
3.Get accustomed to being self reliant and independent.
4. Expect good things in your future. Don’t assume that you will always be alone or miserable.
5. Stay positive. Stop yourself from becoming bitter or devoting a victim mentality.
6. Turn this traumatic event into an opportunity for growth and change. Your future is now on your hands. No one else’s.
I know we are all victims but I refused to let him have that control over me. That’s why I put an end to it. And it does get better with time. For everyone.
Sorry no contact
Yes I had my struggles with him after I filed but I just let my lawyer handle it. My ex hates my lawyer dearly but so far follows court orders. Because he knows if he doesn’t I will be on the “battlefield /court” again. I will never let him walk all over me again. He totally under estimated me and I hope it stays this way.
Wow 30 years for you. That’s a long time.
Your comment “he has hivrn me beautiful daughters “. So true. My ex gave me my beautiful son who is nothing like his father. :). And for that I truly blessed.
I am so tired from this experience. I have been left hold in the bag, responsible for everything from raising our daughter to providing for her. I feel alone because most people cannot understand how a sociopath undermines your feelings of self worth. Some days I get so fearful that I jump at every noise, I can’t sleep, I don’t even trust my own judgements. I focus all of my energy on working and caring for my baby. I just found out about the cheating and lies 7 weeks ago so this is all fresh. Thanks for letting me vent.
Thanks for being here, mommer, we need ya, it feels weird Out There today, maybe cuz Christmas is past or something.
Also mommer HANG IN THERE!!! as the ANGELS SEE YOU, watching over your daughter.
And NOTHING IS WASTED in the end.
Mine are 26 and 30 now and quite damaged by their father WHOM I SHOULD HAVE LEFT WHEN THEY WERE YOUR BABY’S AGE!!
So please know…my HEART is with you and also with your DECISIONS and whatever it costs you will be better than this. I hope that strengthens you the next time you’re Overwhelmed.
Cuz now they’re talking Grandchildren and don’t want to LIVE near me. 🙁
Just love her, and pray along with me that they will SEE THIS LATER and UNDERSTAND, before the Clock runs out on our lifeTimes.
Thanks for the thoughts. I just feel alone today. I had a so called friend be very mean to me today. Like I said it’s been 7 weeks. It is all still fresh and with the custody battle looming I just feel anxiety.
Oh mommer — how I wish somebody had TOLD ME about the pile-on in favor of my ex, EVERY GRUDGE ever held against me has been piled on during this time, please know I am holding out a virtual cup of tea for you and hoping you will take a sip:
(_____)
This is the warning nobody gave me.
I wish there was a big enough “spoonful of sugar” to make it go down, but it’s not “medicine” you’re eating so REJECT IT.
What a terrible image I’m word-painting, I APOLOGIZE!! now take a sip AND WE WILL FORGET I SAID IT, ok?? 🙂
Like — right away.
I am rejecting having every memory, even the birth of my daughter, ruined by the monster. It’s a lot to swallow.
He told me after 30 years that he’d never bonded to me or our daughters.
I thought….
When the babies were born?
I can’t even look at the photo albums.
I’ll never know what was Real.
BUT SHE IS!!!!!!!
AND THEY ARE!!!!!!
The RISK of our distancing them is so great, KNOW THIS and REJECT it, mommer…
even if they’ve taken off and gotten PhD’s and drive your car better than you do yourself….
DON’T LET IT HAPPEN TO HER.
Surely God intended we’d do this Job and that’s why the angels sent them to us — to PROTECT THEM FROM THE THREATS OF LIFE STARTING WITH THEIR FIRST BREATH.
Here is LOVE to go with that cup of tea, and FORGET whatever that mean person said to you…ALL YOU NEED FOR A HAPPY LIFE IS SIMPLE KINDNESS!!!! AND THAT IS ALL YOU DEMANDED, AND RIGHTFULLY SO, MY DEAR.
Mommer,
Good for you, to determine not to let him ruin the good in your life. It’s his loss.
I just want to keep her safe from his manipulations.
Then you have done JUST THAT.
No wonder you are so exhausted.
In the formal proceeding, I light this CANDLE for the EXACT SAME ARTICULATION that you have written right here as well as our Responses shown:
___(!)___
mommer, I know what it’s like to be left holding the bag, and on top of all the rest, it truly is exhausting. Be kind to yourself.
I used to jump at every noise too and wondered why – then I read somewhere that it’s a classic symptom of PTSD. I had never done that before, and it took about a year, maybe a little more for it to go away.
My therapist taught me to be on guard for anniversary times – she said that our body and subconscious remember them – and feeling/acting weird around those times. I think Christmas is a biggie.
This is a rough time of year. 2 years ago before Christmas I found out I was pregnant. My first ultrasound was January 11th and court next year is January 12th. Ironic. I am just trying to adjust to the lack of chaos and to prepare for the drama that will come with court. I’m just trying to be kind to myself I guess.
You’ve made good choices to focus the energy you have on your child and work; you won’t regret it. It sounds like you have the symptoms of PTSD. Anything you can do for yourself, to help yourself feel better, stay safe and calm, are good things. Seven weeks is not that long. Prayers that you will feel better soon.
Feeling that it’s getting old sounds like maybe some of the reflection that is repeating itself is running its course. You still have a lot of processing and grieving to do. The things he did to you should not happen to anyone ever, and the way you feel is the reason why.
I wrote a lot down, wrote a lot of emails that I never sent to the ex spath, which helped relieve me of constant focusing on it. But you can’t expect to go back to the old normal. There will be a new normal for you and it will be good, and strong, and safe. It’s very painful and very difficult to get there.
You are strong, you take action, you are thinking clearly in spite of what you experienced. You will make it.
Anette
I like your expression “the new normal”. I was always so scared of that and actually I love it now. It is a different life but a much better, calmer one. To get there is a very difficult journey. I think I stayed so long with him out of fear. Fear of change, fear of the unknown , fear of losing my so called security and possessions. He made that decision for me one night. It was rainy but still warm here when he said “I am out of here” and left with 3 plastic bags. One of his last words was “I am not in love with you”. That night I thought it was the end of the world. I stead it was my new normal which is the best ever.
Hi to my lovefraud family. I wanted to say merry Christmas and happy new year. I have not been on the site but i still read posts when I can.
I am happy to say i am broken free. I have now finally finally cleared my eyes to the monster my spath Is. Hes disgusting and he took a year of my life away.
In the year he cheated my mom died…and my 18 year old son joined the army..and i started dating a awesome man. I am still cautious but i know hes not a spath. I want all of you reading this to know that you all saved me. The repetitive rants…i needed this site..god bless you all in the new year!
BLESS YOU FOR CHECKING IN, TARALAV!!
It is a happier season for me, having heard from you.
SOME DAY YOU WILL LOOK BACK ON THIS YEAR AND SHAKE YOUR HEAD IN AMAZEMENT THAT YOU MADE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH!!!
So very proud and GRATEFUL to ya, dear — Happy Holidays and the BEST YEAR EVER just ahead
You too…you all helped me so much and I am forever grateful. I have gotten emails with apologies but it’s all a huge lie.
I hope all is good with you friend.
I already lost so much time. .
Jenna- that is terrible. I am sorry. They are evil no kindness anywhere. I hope you are know that you will be stronger
🙁 xox Jenna.
taralav thank you for checking in! I was actually thinking about you earlier today and wondering how you are doing. I’m so glad that things are going well and in the right direction!!
Cheers to a fabulous 2015!!
Thank you. .i definitely am still healing. .i have to learn to trust people again. But I can’t believe how much time i wasted on the agony and obsession. I will always hope he gets his karma. I hope you are doing well! !
If it spares you the same or a similar experience, I’d say that is time well “wasted.” If it spares somebody else, that would be a gift, so I figure we should all Spread the Word.
So good to hear from you and that you’re doing well!
Kaya..i am so glad to read how good you are doing! ! You are a wonderful person and I would never have been able to get thru some nights with out all the advice on love fraud. I am finally clear to the time wasted and what i have been thru happy and healthy new year