UPDATED FOR 2020
A Lovefraud reader who posts as “LadyA” sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath.
I’ve spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn’t understand why I don’t feel any better about it. What was I missing?
When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could get in the car and left the province to go back to my hometown. I had to quit my job over email and send a goodbye text to all my friends.
I am thankful every day for what my mom did for me. I sure wasn’t happy about it at the time but I knew I needed out and this was my chance. What I didn’t know is how much moving back to my hometown would affect me emotionally. I had originally planned on only being back for six months. Just long enough for him to move on and get me out of mind, but it has now been just over three years and I still haven’t moved back. I got settled in a new job, new friends, and a new relationship. Even after all of this I haven’t been able to figure out why I’m not happy. Until three days ago.
Pride. I was proud of myself for the life that I had built. I moved 1200 km’s away from home right after high school to a big city. I was on the fast track to a strong career in a competitive field. I had a brand new car, paid all my bills on time, and was saving to buy a house. I was independent, reliable, strong, caring, and had a really great outlook on the world. Not many people can say that at 22.
All of that was ruined by a six-month “whirlwind romance.” I’m no longer proud of myself. I feel like I have failed because I came back home with my “tail between my legs” to my mommy. I no longer have a new car because it was repossessed as soon as I got back here. I am jaded, I don’t trust people easily, and I am no longer as strong as the face I put on the outside. I’ve gained weight because deep down I just don’t care anymore. My career is now on a plateau due to the location where I live. I don’t have one reason to be proud of myself right now.
How do I get my pride back when I know what happened? I want to feel proud of myself for my life but I just have zero idea where to start. I’ve thought about moving away again, but I don’t really know if that’s the answer. How can I be proud of what has happened in my life? I’m really honestly just so ashamed.
Donna Andersen responds
Dear LadyA,
I am so sorry about your encounter with a sociopath. Although this is not a normal breakup, the good news is that you can recover from the sociopath.
Right now, however, it does not seem that way. Why? I can see two reasons.
The first is that betrayal by a sociopath is a huge emotional injury. In the beginning of your email you said that, after all your reading, you now “fully understand what spaths do and how they do it,” but you don’t feel any better.
Understanding is a critical first step to you to recover from the sociopath. But understanding is an intellectual process, something that you do with your mind. The wound you experienced is also emotional. It needs to be dealt with emotionally.
How do you do that? You allow yourself to feel the pain of the injury.
This means letting yourself cry. Letting yourself scream and wail. Letting yourself experience anger — I’m sure there is anger — perhaps by working it out on a punching bag.
This isn’t pretty, and you probably want to do it privately, because other people often have difficulty being around this. Or, you may have a good therapist who can help you.
One way or another, any bottled up emotion you have within you needs to come out.
Underestimated the injury
Next you wrote that you identified the reason that you’re not happy as “pride.” But it seems like you are regarding pride as something bad, like one of the seven deadly sins.
You had every reason to be proud, because your pride was based on your achievement. And the sociopath took this away from you.
Here is what I think has happened: You have underestimated the scale of the injury, and the severity of the betrayal.
LadyA, you were building a life for yourself. You went out on your own; you started building a career; you were moving forward.
And some manipulative, deceitful parasite, who did something bad enough to end up in jail, ruined it for you.
Not only did he cost you money and hurt your career, he corrupted your outlook on life. You’re jaded; you don’t trust; you don’t care. You are not the young person you once were all because of the sociopath.
Recognize that this was not a normal breakup after all, you had to flee your home, job and friends.
Your life was shattered. Your psyche was deflated. This is a massive shock to your system. It’s no wonder that you are still struggling.
Drain the emotion
So what do you do? In my opinion, you do exactly what I suggested earlier — allow yourself to feel the pain now, knowing that the pain is bigger than you originally thought.
So you cry. You stomp. You imagine him standing in front of you and yell at him. (Do not, however, attempt to confront him in person. This would be counterproductive.)
The idea is to drain off the negative emotion.
As you drain the emotion, a void will be created within you. It’s very important to fill that void with joy.
This may sound preposterous to you, like you have no reason to be joyful. But don’t look at the totality of your life right how.
Do any small thing that makes you happy: Go for a walk. Play with your pets. Have lunch with a friend. Listen to music.
To recover from the sociopath, it may require many rounds of draining off the negative and replacing it with positive. But with time, you’ll find that your entire outlook will change, and you’ll be able to get back on track.
Importantly, with the wisdom you gained through this experience, you’ll never fall for a sociopath again.
Lovefraud originally published this article on May 12, 2014.
High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her
wen the spath would finally leave (i waited and waited for him to leave!) i was well over him too. i had mourned the facade that was our relationshyt for a few yrs already. i was pg with our second baby and i said DONE! it took till she was not only born but almost 3 yrs old for me to be rid of him. it was worth every minute of continued abuse, becuz now he’s shyt all across the country, literally from coast to coast (he’s in WA state, im in NYS) and he can never erase it. the kids are safe with me, unless he decides to go ballistic, as long as he stays dysfunctional and has something shiny.
Aint, something shiny is key, isn’t it? Yay!
Aint
Isn’t it amazing when this moment comes when you truly know “I am done “. Got me it took a few month to get there. But after he tried to put an injunction against me (I emailed him and has confronted the little co worker ) he claimed he was afraid of me. A law enforcement officer is scared if a middle aged housewife. That was my “I am done ” moment. When I saw my 18 year old son testifying in court on my behalf against his own father, that was my fine moment. And the judge gave him the chance to drop everything at the beginning of the hearing. I had counsel and the ex didn’t. Even then he insisted of going ahead with the hearing. Well, at the end he looked like a complete idiot when the judge dismissed it all. I wanted to hug my lawyer, he was the first person ever to put my ex in his place. To this day this was one of my best days in life. A day in court.
And now he expects a relationship with his only child. Unbelievable. I am so thankful my son is not minor and can decide himself. We are both done with his crap.
kaya, a local police official’s wife went to prison almost two years ago in CA for shooting an officer after a long domestic drama. Don’t know if you saw this case, but I followed it and to me, it wouldn’t take much to read into there was more to it. Law enforcement and this disorder are a deadly mix and I’m so glad you got out.
kaya48
Your description about him trying to put an injunction against you reminds me of my ex…
My ex is NOT a cop. He’s 6’3″ and strong as a ox. But he had been putting around gossip that he was afraid of me, that HE was the abused husband. I THOUGHT it was just a smear. But he was setting me up to “accidentally” murder me, in self defense. It did eventually ALMOST played out that way. I made sure to NEVER be alone with him ever again.
Also, I live where cop shootings sound like a broken record: They ALL say the same words, “I was afraid for my life” and they get off. EVERY TIME.
My ex P was always pretending to be ‘afraid’ of me (5’3″, 105 lbs at the time) and my 10-13 year old son (barely 100 lbs). I always intuited that he would try to kill me, that he wanted me dead, but it took awhile before I considered it consciously because it was such a bizarre concept. I had not considered that the fake ‘fear’ of us could be a set up for an accidental murder, but it makes sense. I also now realize that the fake ‘fear’ he pretended to others and to me, was a set up for an excuse for his abuse, abandonment, etc.
Absolutely you are so right. His lawyer told him to put an injunction against me because it would make him look like the victim in the upcoming divorce. Looking at his financials in court he consulted the lawyer a day before filing for an injunction. Conveniently in the county where he worked. I know he wanted me dead or in jail. So had that become a permanent one and I contacted him in any way I would have been thrown in jail. And if course they would believe him. After all he is the police officer.
This is when I enforced the no contact. About a year ago and never ever talked, emailed , messages or had any contact with him. Instead he was served by a police officer with divorce papers. He sent a text “why did you do that for, filing for divorce “? Really, you had me and your own son in court and you are asking why I filed for divorce. This is how ignorant they are.
Well my divorce should be finalized in 30 days after a year long battle. Yay. 🙂
kaya48,
myopic. What they do is excused or okay. But what we (I) did was defined as over-reacting, crazy. I was accused of being abusive, but he complained that I moved 2000 miles away.
When that day comes of your legal freedom, say so, and I will raise a glass to your great future, good health, and long life. Yay 😀
You’d think we’d all be sad to get divorced. I know I couldn’t imagine being happy to divorce. But..The weight of the world lifted off me when my divorce was final (mine took SIX years, ALL b/c of his controlling mindgames… which I can prove. But he told everyone I wouldn’t let him go.)
Wow 6 years, that’s a long time. Even one year seemed long to me. I totally agree, I don’t like divorces, ripping families apart and all the drama that comes with it. I had no other choice but to divorce him. I tried for 20 years, trying to see a little good in his evilness, trying to see some love coming from him. It did not work. At the end I was thrown away like a bag of weekly garbage.
Sometimes people ask me why I seem so happy and smile so much going through a divorce. It would take too long to explain. They just don’t know.
Thank you for being happy with me. I will let all of you know the day the judge will finalize it. Since the lawyers settled it’s just a signature now. The outcome was so much in my favor, financially. Finally he must “pay up” as long as he is alive. And he must carry a life insurance to secure payments to me. I know money cannot undo the pain he has caused me but it sure helps in another way.
Thanks to everyone for all your support.
Wish I had your lawyer! Most attorneys in our country were either related or buddies with direct relatives. I was advised by attorneys that there were no assets.
For instance, My husband had talked people into doing illegal things, like back-dating incorporation papers, so that an asset that cost $30,000 and through MY OWN WORK, was worth over $2Mil at the end of our marriage, was all his…
And our ranch? Well, in those six years, he cannibalized a successful ranch so that it was worth a lot less, he sold it without my authorization, and I did manage to get some of that because he went to the wrong teller at the bank to deposit the IRS refund check into his account. It needed to be signed by both of us, and he had already signed it. He had to mail it to me, expecting me to sign and give it to him. I signed and gave it to my attorney. He hollered how I proved I was a gold digger. I said, “whatever.”
My ex also cancelled my health insurance and since I got so ill during those last years of marriage, I am high risk and since he controlled all the income, I had no source to pay for the now high risk premiums. I was told to “get a job”. I HAD been working, on OUR ranch and OUR other businesses. But I was sick, had been violently assaulted, and emotionally broken. I could not work. I was a wreck.
All to say, I am SO happy when someone who was in a nightmare ends up on the right side of Some things!
ps I am VERY fine now, able to work and not be emotional or afraid. But back then, I was a total mess. My divorce was SO HEALING!
I also get alimony. I keep in mind that he’d be a lot better off financially if I were dead. You be careful, too.
Wow, how conniving. Oh yes ,my soon to be ex was hiding financials and stuff but my attorney was always on my side. He was aggressive and did not put up with his crap. Even though he is a “super cop ” called Cpt America at work by his women/minions. Yuck.
I am so glad I had legal expertise on my side. Hd thought he could get away with everything. But in this state a divorce in a long term marriage (17 years or more ) most likely has alimony consequences. Even his “cop status” did not get him out of that.
I don’t hate him anymore. He is nothing to me now and I will never talk or see him again for the rest if my life. And that thought is just wonderful. It makes me smile.
kaya48,
My state had such laws too. But there’s the law, which is worthless when those in charge don’t enforce the law. For instance: It’s the law that health insurance be maintained. But I had no power to make the judge rule to enforce that law. As a stay at home mom, and self employed, it was easy for my ex and his family/minions to smear me as a gold digger (ironic since they scam people for their estates).
It’s also ironic that I was painted a gold digger because I had a career before I met and married my ex, where I made THREE times his salary. I have the proof in ss records. I gave up my career, in a scam, because I thought I was agreeing to build a multi-business with my ex. I was.. he just SAID he was.
While I now view his behaviors as wrong and evil, I actually never felt hate. I felt confused, hurt, flustrated, unsure, insecure… but now I just feel happy because he took those years, and he nearly took my life, but I eventually won because I took my life back.
The bad part for me now is the loss of my daughter. Holidays are especially hard for me without her in my life. That hurts but weirdly, dealing with my ex has given me the coping skills to deal with losing her. I hurt, but I am able to have a life that matters. That’s what he took from me, a life that what I gave and did made a difference. I retain hope that someday my daughter will reconcile with me. That door is never shut… but there is NO door for my ex.
Thanks so much for this advise. You are right he would be better off financially he was dead or locked away in a mental institution of jail. I never thought of that. Yes, I am careful. That’s why no contact is the best. My attorney advised me also to stay away from him I do not set foot in the county where he is a cop. No need to go there. It’s about 20 miles away. I know hd is capable of anything so I really appreciate your comment. Thank you.
I try to make sure that my ex P knows as little as possible about where I am and what I am doing, ie out of town or in town. I am more careful about securing my house and I have told all the neighbors if they see him around, he should not be here any more. I am concerned about poisoning, sabotage to my car, something like that. He used to keep an ax in his car all the time, and rope, and he always carried a lighter even though he didn’t smoke. These things are not too weird for a country guy, but it sticks in my mind. He got to be pretty predictable to me in many ways, but in other ways he’s a wild card. One thing that I keep in mind is that even though I know a lot of rotten things he has done, it is possible that he has done a lot more awful things that I never found out about. I try to be reasonably vigilant. Some folks think I’m not careful enough, while others think I’m bordering paranoid, so I hope I’m somewhere balanced. I don’t lose sleep over worrying about him out to get me. I just try to keep in mind that given opportunity and his belief that he won’t get caught, he has no conscience nor compassion to put the brakes on his actions.
I also keep in mind that quite a few victims survived poisoning attempts, and I wonder about others who didn’t survive.
I am vigilant, some might say bordering on paranoid. I think it’s smart. Since the house sold I have moved back to my home state (where he is but 50 miles or so away) and am very cautious. I have a professional license that has a public access database that lists home addresses and I do not want to update my address in case he thinks to look there to keep up with me. I had to send him something and sent it to a friend in the other state to drop in the mail so he wouldn’t see a postmark from this state. While I hope I never cross his mind, from what I have read, that may be unlikely. I have been successful in keeping the details of my life quiet, my work life off google searches and under the radar for three years. I made sure that before I stopped talking to his family, they knew that my life was ruined. I no longer communicate with anyone who knows him. I guess my fear is that if he ever gets the idea that he didn’t destroy my life with the discard and his actions after the discard, he will come after me and try to finish the job. I think this fear is appropriate for the circumstances.
Sounds like you are thinking logically. I imagine my ex P thinks about me every time he writes an alimony check.
I am hoping he perceives a benefit from playing the victim. When I first met him, he told me that his first ex wife had left him impoverished, blah blah blah. Now he may be getting the benefit of being able to tell people that he has to pay me, ex wife number two, so much alimony he can’t afford to date or get married again. An excuse like that would be useful to him because he wants to pass as heterosexual, but as he’s not hetero and his 2 marriages that he tried to use to appear hetero did not work well for him, I doubt that he wants to try again. I hope he is thinking along this line or a similar groove.
On the other hand, if he targets someone whom he thinks would make a good cover and a good victim for him to exploit, especially if she has financial security, he may perceive the alimony payments to me as standing in the way of his plans.
I consider the possibilities, consider whether I need to take any action, and then try not to dwell on it.
HanaleiMoon and AnnettePK
I do the same about self care. I realize to some, it seems like paranoia. But for me, I have some safety measures so that I can sleep soundly at night.
I used to be so afraid to sleep soundly, that he or his minions would be able to get me. I know I live 2000 miles away, but YOU know they hold a grudge forever, and in these computer days, if I live off grid, then I have no life. I’ve seen my husband bide his time 20 years and got back at someone for a slight that was long forgotten. I KNOW he’s busy now with certain women, but I also know he would wait until I felt safe, and then strike. Or if a minion had an opportunity, they would do it in order to gain his approval.
I take precautions as a safety measure and will NEVER stop my routine, but I am not paranoid b/c it’s a routine, not an anxious feeling. If I wake suddenly, I find I am focused, not afraid… Thinking, not reacting. Yes, HanaleiMoon, like you, I am quite aware they consider the job unfinished, as a fail, and they also have an attitude that it’s merely a delayed accomplishment. I barely escaped being murdered. Similar to your note, I consider my security routine known only to myself, appropriate.
HanaleiMoon, I think it’s sound to let him think that you’re destroyed and miserable. I have tried to leave my ex P thinking that I’m just pining away for him, thinking about him all the time; and that he is making me miserable every minute that he doesn’t come back to me. As long as he thinks he’s hurting me by continuing to abandon me, he will stay away. I intuit that if he knew that I don’t want him back, that he would try to manipulate something through the church we both attend (different congregations). He involved ministers and others in all kinds of manipulations.
Yes. Let him think he won. That’s my thinking. As long as he thinks my life is miserable, and that new women make me even more miserable, at least I have some breathing space. I remember when he mentioned he might show up with some flowers. It struck terror in me, but I told him that I was SO looking forward to seeing him, that would make my dream come true. Winning is SO important to him, I spread it around my former little town how deprived and bereft I am. At one time, it was true. No reason to change their opinions…
NotWhatHeSaidofMe, exactly, no reason to change their opinions! Let him think he won was my mantra. When I started to get a toehold on life again, I got even better at talking about how miserable and poor I was.
All of you are giving such good advice. Any idea how I should be “extra” careful because he is a cop? I live in a gated community but was told by security that if he was to cond in with a cop car they have to let him through. It’s a scary thought but I try not to let it get to me.
But like you said, with every alimony check written his anger rises. I know because he loves his money and likes to spend on on his minions/prostitutes/co workers/girlfriends.
I know even with income withholding orders he is not happy to let go of these monthly amounts.
As we never had any mutual friends I not in contact with anyone who he knows, including his family.
I truly think they are capable of about anything since there is no compassion. I just read about a police officer setting up the ex wife for suicide so he won’t have to pay alimony. And guess what, his police department pretty much was on his side. After being on admin leave for a year hd just got reinstated. It’s scary.
I mean I was baker acted by him. He told my son to prepare for his mother to be locked away for a long time. Yes, I was emotional finding out his affairs but god him to call his police “buddies ” to baker act me was too much. Of course I was sent right back home as the psychatrist knew and recognized I was set up. But the emotional trauma was outrageous for me. The person who claimed he loved me for better or worth did this to me.
It is the worst betrayal to be turned on by someone in a relationship that is supposed to be based on love and trust.
Yes, it is the worst betrayal. I can still remember moments where I was filled with such a sense of well being with him, just sparkling happiness. It was all a lie…he knew I was feeling that way and exploited it. Imagine how wonderful it must be to feel that way with someone who is sincere!
My ex was good at scamming people out of their money but he was so irresponsible how he spent it. He practically threw it away all in the name of maintaining his image.
I have two neighbors who watch my house. Do you have any neighbors that would watch out for you? I do make sure I am never alone with him, when we had to meet, it was in a public place, the food court at the mall. There are other things I do but I don’t want to write them out. You have to look at all the options. Luckily an internet search will tell you ways to secure yourself.
Have you read Gavin deBecker’s Gift of Fear? It might spark some ideas about keeping safe. There is also a risk assessment survey you can do here https://www.mosaicmethod.com/
AnnettePK…I read the Gift of Fear years ago. It was very good.
Hanalei
Vert interesting comment “imagine how it would feel with someone who is real and sincere “. I did have moments also when I felt loved and happy. Towards the end it got less and less. I was constantly blamed for his unhappiness. Often he said “here I am 44 years old and I have nothing to show for “. For real , he had everything , his health , a good job, a nice home and a beautiful family who loved him unconditionally.
I guess it wasn’t enough. How sad.
That is why I am not sad anymore. Because he was the one who threw all if it away and more. I not the one who must live with that guilt. If he feels any.
I was blessed in my first marriage to an especially good kind honest committed responsible man. I was constantly amazed at how wonderful our marriage was; it exceeded my best expectations. I really had no idea how good a mutually committed secure marriage could be. I was widowed, and ten years later when the Psychopath proposed, I expected my second marriage to be as good as the first. I had no idea such evil really existed.
Psychopaths/Sociopaths don’t value what we value: health, nice home, family, etc. I don’t think my ex P ever feels guilt.
I also felt happiness at first with the Psychopath. We feel love for them because we are capable of love, we feel secure because we believe their lies and because we keep our commitments. We bring those things to a relationship, and we take those things with us. We are capable of relating; the P’s are not capable or they don’t choose to. In any case, if/when the right relationship comes to us we have the traits to make our partner and ourselves happy.
Since I’d been in a good marriage and my first husband had been happy with me, I knew the P was wrong when he blamed it all on me. I knew I was the same person in my first marriage as my second; and I knew the P had one failed marriage already. That validation helped me reject his accusations and blame.
Tami – how was your weekend in the boat with your friends? Are you coping ok?
Taralav, what did you decide to do with his stuff, did you give it to a friend or see him to hand it over? Are you fine whatever you decided to do?
Bally…thank you…I was also thinking about Tami and Taralav and wondering how they were. Thanks for reaching out to them.
BTW, I like your name. Do you happen to wear Bally?
Hi SER, Tami and Taralav were really distressed last week so was hoping to hear how they both are. We’ve all been there and boy it is tough! Nearly killed me, but now I look back and either I laugh at myself or am disappointed in myself. Interesting though to reflect on our own behaviours when manipulated, love-bombed and duped! What a learning experience….to have been a target of a psychopath. However, would have preferred to not have had the experience, but have drawn out learning from it and become a bit more self aware.
My name….not named after shoes! 🙂
dont be disappointed in urself.
i was, for a long time. i had to get past that. it was not me. i coped as best i could with a horrible situation.
if anything i am a hero for surviving 🙂
so are you.
Bally…hahaha, OK…now I know you were not named after shoes or handbags! 🙂
I know…the pain that the newbies are going through is awful. And we are all still going through it. It seems as if it never really goes away as HanaleiMoon has realized this weekend. I feel for all of us!!! Everyone…hang in there. It just has to get better someday.
Hi Bally,
My kids and I had a wonderful time on the boat. We went to an sandy beach island between the inlet waters and the Atlantic. It was so beautiful, untouched, and peaceful. It was right then, looking at my two boys, that I knew I was going to be alright and I was going to get through this. I had a lot of time to really think “outside of myself” if that makes sense. It was such a release. Sure I am dealing with the sadness of an end to a relationship, but my kids are too important to have a mom that is an emotional wreck. I won’t let him to that to me and my kids. He has attempted contact using other’s phones (he is blocked on mine), emailed me several times, every attempt he has made, I have deleted and not bothered to read anything. I will probably fluctuate between feelings of loss, anger, and guilt, but I will cross that when I get there.
Thank you so much for checking in 🙂
Tami, well done that is just great. And to not even be tempted to read the texts is doubly great. Because reading them just allows him to manipulate you, abuse you, control you, get you sucked into his game. The only way to sh*g a psychopath is by having no contact with them. Any contact with you then they are sh*gging you. Remember that. Then you can recover and get on wih your life. Thanks for reporting in!
I was also wondering about Taralev and tamikaye. I hope they both did not have any contact. But at the same I know how hard it is. It takes so much strength and willpower not to give in. I remember how many times I broke the no contact and then had to start from scratch. It took me 3 months but it truly saved me.
I hope Taralev and tamikaye are ok.
taralav
I know that I USED to BEG God to take me, I wanted my heart to fail, and to die. I had nothing to live for. But you do. Your son NEEDS YOU.
Forget about looking out for the girl to get it. She will in her time. But…You got things backwards girl. We worry about YOU! That’s who YOU should be focused on. You need to come first to you. Believe it or not, She is your blessing, your escape from a future worse nightmare. In time, you will see her as the gift she is. Even if she never happened, HE is still who HE IS, and he has exposed who he really is! No more wasted years in a LIE from him! That’s GOOD even if it’s hard to see right now.
That was something I told one of my husband’s flings. She said “I know he’s been with other women but I’m different.” And I replied, “Yes, you are. But HE’S NOT. He will do to you what he did to me”. Well, he was worse to her because in his logic, she knew he was married so she was a Wh@*! and deserved how he treated her. Yes, these guys are all cold, calloused, and unfeeling JERKS.
If you’d been with him longer, you could be owing creditors everywhere for money he spend on other women. (that really sucked when I had to pay for his b’s) You could have been infected with a permanent life threatening std. You could have been murdered. All this was possible with him. You are FREE of those nightmares.
Remember, Your son was “played” by a predator, just as you were, and he has no defenses, no life experiences.
Maybe you could use some medical help. I think you should go to see your Dr. You need to get unstuck. If you can, I’d also recommend a healing massage to move your lymph nodes. And I’d prescribe stretching and healing music. You son NEEDS you and you are so depressed you can’t be there for him. He’s lost too. Being strong for you. But I promise, he does need you.
Hi Kara, I am ok. My boys and I had a wonderful day on the boat and have just been enjoying family time since. I have not had contact, although he has attempted several clever little ways. But all ignored. As I posted to Bally, I am sure there are emotions to come, but right now I am concentrating and focusing on my boys.