UPDATED FOR 2020
A Lovefraud reader who posts as “LadyA” sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath.
I’ve spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn’t understand why I don’t feel any better about it. What was I missing?
When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could get in the car and left the province to go back to my hometown. I had to quit my job over email and send a goodbye text to all my friends.
I am thankful every day for what my mom did for me. I sure wasn’t happy about it at the time but I knew I needed out and this was my chance. What I didn’t know is how much moving back to my hometown would affect me emotionally. I had originally planned on only being back for six months. Just long enough for him to move on and get me out of mind, but it has now been just over three years and I still haven’t moved back. I got settled in a new job, new friends, and a new relationship. Even after all of this I haven’t been able to figure out why I’m not happy. Until three days ago.
Pride. I was proud of myself for the life that I had built. I moved 1200 km’s away from home right after high school to a big city. I was on the fast track to a strong career in a competitive field. I had a brand new car, paid all my bills on time, and was saving to buy a house. I was independent, reliable, strong, caring, and had a really great outlook on the world. Not many people can say that at 22.
All of that was ruined by a six-month “whirlwind romance.” I’m no longer proud of myself. I feel like I have failed because I came back home with my “tail between my legs” to my mommy. I no longer have a new car because it was repossessed as soon as I got back here. I am jaded, I don’t trust people easily, and I am no longer as strong as the face I put on the outside. I’ve gained weight because deep down I just don’t care anymore. My career is now on a plateau due to the location where I live. I don’t have one reason to be proud of myself right now.
How do I get my pride back when I know what happened? I want to feel proud of myself for my life but I just have zero idea where to start. I’ve thought about moving away again, but I don’t really know if that’s the answer. How can I be proud of what has happened in my life? I’m really honestly just so ashamed.
Donna Andersen responds
Dear LadyA,
I am so sorry about your encounter with a sociopath. Although this is not a normal breakup, the good news is that you can recover from the sociopath.
Right now, however, it does not seem that way. Why? I can see two reasons.
The first is that betrayal by a sociopath is a huge emotional injury. In the beginning of your email you said that, after all your reading, you now “fully understand what spaths do and how they do it,” but you don’t feel any better.
Understanding is a critical first step to you to recover from the sociopath. But understanding is an intellectual process, something that you do with your mind. The wound you experienced is also emotional. It needs to be dealt with emotionally.
How do you do that? You allow yourself to feel the pain of the injury.
This means letting yourself cry. Letting yourself scream and wail. Letting yourself experience anger — I’m sure there is anger — perhaps by working it out on a punching bag.
This isn’t pretty, and you probably want to do it privately, because other people often have difficulty being around this. Or, you may have a good therapist who can help you.
One way or another, any bottled up emotion you have within you needs to come out.
Underestimated the injury
Next you wrote that you identified the reason that you’re not happy as “pride.” But it seems like you are regarding pride as something bad, like one of the seven deadly sins.
You had every reason to be proud, because your pride was based on your achievement. And the sociopath took this away from you.
Here is what I think has happened: You have underestimated the scale of the injury, and the severity of the betrayal.
LadyA, you were building a life for yourself. You went out on your own; you started building a career; you were moving forward.
And some manipulative, deceitful parasite, who did something bad enough to end up in jail, ruined it for you.
Not only did he cost you money and hurt your career, he corrupted your outlook on life. You’re jaded; you don’t trust; you don’t care. You are not the young person you once were all because of the sociopath.
Recognize that this was not a normal breakup after all, you had to flee your home, job and friends.
Your life was shattered. Your psyche was deflated. This is a massive shock to your system. It’s no wonder that you are still struggling.
Drain the emotion
So what do you do? In my opinion, you do exactly what I suggested earlier — allow yourself to feel the pain now, knowing that the pain is bigger than you originally thought.
So you cry. You stomp. You imagine him standing in front of you and yell at him. (Do not, however, attempt to confront him in person. This would be counterproductive.)
The idea is to drain off the negative emotion.
As you drain the emotion, a void will be created within you. It’s very important to fill that void with joy.
This may sound preposterous to you, like you have no reason to be joyful. But don’t look at the totality of your life right how.
Do any small thing that makes you happy: Go for a walk. Play with your pets. Have lunch with a friend. Listen to music.
To recover from the sociopath, it may require many rounds of draining off the negative and replacing it with positive. But with time, you’ll find that your entire outlook will change, and you’ll be able to get back on track.
Importantly, with the wisdom you gained through this experience, you’ll never fall for a sociopath again.
Lovefraud originally published this article on May 12, 2014.
High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her
Thank you. It is like detoxing I suppose. It’s so easy for him to discard me. Why is it so hard for me to discard me? He will go about his life and not care. I try and go on with mine and I feel like crap. By me posting here, has stopped me from contacting him. Reading the posts help. This is a safe sane place. I see my therapist tomorrow. He has drained me emotionally. But I know if I continue to go NC, time will help. Until he contacts me. Then I’ll have to be strong. I listened to the voicemail he left me a few discards ago. No disparation in his voice. But the words are perfectly said to make me fall all over again. I need to remember words mean nothing. The actions he has done mean everything.
freedom15
One time during the pre-divorce separation time, my then-still husband called me. I confess I had been hoping he would.
We talked for three hours. It was just like the old times. I was enthralled. We were so Sympatico; we had such a good time…until the hook came.
He wanted me to sign off on the retirement fund. Just let it go until he had retired (about 12 more years).
All the alarms went off. It was all about the retirement fund and him trying to CON me into signing it over to him by sweet talking me. The whole conversation was a cheat, a LOVE FRAUD, a shock. It made me so sad, because it felt just like the beginning when we were in love (I thought).
They never change, it is always about how they can get something. They always have an agenda. It is always about them.
Save yourself from the grief of looking for something from him. You can’t get blood from a turnip. And, it will cost you big-time if you try.
Just stay NC one day at a time. One hour at a time, if necessary.
sane and free, I have also learned that it was best for me to accept my own compassion and love for this person although he had hurt me since otherwise I’d fallen as low as him and turned into a turnip myself, when really it is best to just be a bleeding heart and appreciate we still have a drop to feel something. That is a Victory worth celebrating every day.
NoContact
I agree with you whole-heartedly that it is best to be a bleeding heart (as opposed to a blood-less turnip).
Nevertheless, I have found — for me — that I really have to be careful about feeling compassion for him. It is a trap and one he exploits mercilessly.
He is in God’s hands now. Lost? reprobate? apostate? unredeemable? forgivable?…I don’t know; and, I can’t break my head anymore trying to figure it out. Doing so kept me bound and going round and round in endless circles. It was making me crazy and sick and sad.
But, I do know that God is good; He has protected me through this nightmare and will continue to bless me (sounds like the end of the 23rd Psalm).
And, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when a person turns themselves over to do evil, God will repay. When a person returns evil for evil, evil will not depart from his house: a built-in fretting leprosy. A curse on their life brought upon themselves by their choices.
You are so right N/C, it is a Victory to acknowledge and celebrate everyday that we have a heart that feels and can love. But for the grace of God, we could be like them. That chills my heart to consider it.
Thank you for your kind comment before. Many times, I hardly feel sane or free. But, we can’t trust circumstances or appearances or feelings. What matters is what does God say about it? He is a rewarder of good and of those who seek Him. And, I can testify to that!
OMG freedom15, that sounds so familiar (wanting you to sign off the retirement fund). When my ex sent me the email telling me we could work it all out without the help of an attorney (we weren’t married but had a $650k mortgage together), he said – let’s just get that pos house on the market NOW, when it sells, we can work out the details of the split on the money.
Right.
As it turns out, we (make that I) lost pretty much everything on the sale of the home so that point was moot in the end.
freedom15
erase the voicemail. when you go NC that is a form of contact..NC doesn’t mean no speaking, it means acting as if this person never existed and you never even heard of him”no FB, no old texts, no pics, no voicemails..it was horrible but i had to do it for my sanity
freedom, I totally agree with jane, however first record the time and date of the call and if you listened (which I hope you didn’t) then also write down the general gist (you’re a bitch, I want you back, you make me sick, I am coming over?) just in case you need evidence to make a stalking case later.
Remember also, it is crime for anyone to menace or harass you via phone, email or anything else. I wish I had Done More Sooner, so I emphatically echo the safety advice you’ve received.
The word is Escalation so your record will demonstrate that in reverse just like a graph, or the alternate: that you have successfully ousted him and deserve to feel more safe.
Excellent advice from janedoe and No Contact. While you do want to erase and get rid of everything, anything important or threatening you might want to take note of (just like NC said, as evidence, plus in case you needed to show his pattern of behavior).
It’s the hardest thing we have to do and get through, we grieve the person we thought they were and then we grieve the real person they are, not easy. But in the end, freedom15, you will be able to love, and feel emotions, care, and be kind. While them….they will always be without love and emotions, just plotting, lying, and cheating their way thru life. Nothing but a dark empty shell of a being.
Freedom
It is like detoxing. Exactly. So, don’t look him up on websites , don’t listen to his voice. Just cut him of completely. I had to learn how to do this and messed up so many times. And the consequences were bad. More tears, more him attacking me, blaming me, belittling and I felt a thousand times worse than before Once I realized that I was ok. Once you make the 30 days mark, it will get a little easier.
Just focus on you. What he does is not your concern. And one therapist told me “you cannot make him love you, it’s like you telling him to stop breathing , nothing will change his mind about you”. Once I accepted that I was much better.
Hanalei
You are right. I was a housewife, so I endred his abuse 24/7. I was only working 16 hours a week on the weekend nightshifts. So yes, I was mostly home. Never thought about this.
And like you , at the end of the month I would get edgy and nervous. Would he make house payment. It was a huge amount that I could not pay. Eventually he stopped paying. Luckily I sold the house before it went into forclosure. He was hoping for that. All the same liars.
I can feel for you about the tax document. I am sure your ex will make it as difficult as possible for you to get it. That’s what they enjoy doing. Stay strong. 🙂
Hi Freedom15, congrats on 3 days of No Contact!! It’s not easy at first but it will be the best gift you ever gave yourself.
When you feel like you are going to call him/text/email come to Lovefraud and read read read it will set your mind back to why you can not contact him. Also see sites like psychopathyawareness. wordpress and psychopathfree. com. Donna Anderson (Lovefraud) also has a life coach program that you can speak with her for a min charge which will help you too if you go in that direction.
Also check out adrenalfatigue. org take the quiz/read/see symptoms list. Drlam. com see symptoms list/video/read, mialundin. com read her book/see her you tube videos. The stress of a toxic relationship effects us physically as well which in turn creates issues with our mind. So you need to heal your body which will heal your mind as well.
Keep venting here it really does help to clear your mind, get support etc. Journalling also helps before bedtime (or anytime you have anxiety)
Wishing you all the best!!! 🙂
Thank you Jan. This is a first for me. Whenever he’s discarded me before, I’d always contact him someway. Reading the word toxic reminds me that he said he was toxic several times. Of course, I didn’t think he was at the time. Now I see it. During the 2 yrs of this, I’ve lost weight, been depressed, started purging, drink too much. Wow….now I’m depressed again. I want to move away. Start new. But I can’t. I do have responsibilities. So I’m going to have to use all the resources available. I’m thankful to have found this site.
I used to write my ex Psychopath emails, but not send them. It worked to get some of the stuff out of my mind and free me a little bit.
Annette
That sounds like a great idea. For me, I have to journal. I fear a weak moment when my trigger finger would hit the “SEND” button.
I have not had to see or communicate him for over 1 1/2 years. The NC has really helped me get clearer.
Closure will probably never happen. But, I can limit the toxicity.
It’s so scary bc this man knows so much about me. And I’m afraid that he’ll use the knowledge against me.
freedom15
Best be prepared. He will use EVERYTHING he can against you. It is how they attempt to win. They try to destroy us like that so we will roll over — and, not just play dead — but actually die. They are heartless. This is fun for them.
Instead roll with the punches and don’t get upset or hurt. Rise above and don’t get into a fight. He will try to bait you. He will throw a gazillion things out hoping just a few will hit a target. Envision yourself as coated with a spath-proof Teflon shield.
I was stunned in court when my then husband, as pro se, ACCUSED me (like it was a crime) of thinking that it was just us, the two of us. In our marriage he totally isolated me and made it be “just us” — but, in court it was a crime and my fault.
He made incredible accusations to make me look like a bad wife and a horrible person. It was all sort of a huge pity play to win. I didn’t chase after every accusation and try to defend myself. Looking back, I am glad I didn’t. All that really didn’t matter. All his lies and smears did not really help him. Apparently a lot more people saw through him than he thought…
The spath will take everything good or bad and use it against us. They will twist the truth so that it is not recognizable. They have no conscience. They just want to win; and, it doesn’t matter how they win. They have a different set of rules than normal, decent human beings. They think they are God!
If he has some legitimate stuff against you, ask your lawyer. Hide behind him/her. They know how to defend you. Don’t bite. Remember the spaths shrivel up with indifference. Ignore, ignore, ignore.
So many of my x-spath’s lies, slanders, etc. are just buried in old discarded documents never again to see the light of day. All the mud he slung at me has just fallen off onto the ground where it belongs. But, his dirty soul has gotten so much uglier, like Dorian Gray’s painting
OMG you really ARE Sane and Free, I admire you so!!!
FREEDOM, PLEASE LISTEN! THEN GO BACK AND HEAR IT AGAIN.
xox from N/C
freedom15
this website brought back my sanity
i also found lisascott.com helpful as well”
freedom, janedoe has brought sanity to many others, too.
I have cruised around and found a whole lot of very helpful dialogue on the topic, in fact it seems to be sort of morphing in a social focus Thank Heavens! so maybe this is how the Pyramids were built? on the backs of slaves like us, too blinded to see we are working on a social Monument for the future…
so let’s just take a drink of water and pretend we are building something Important that will Last Forever!! as maybe we are.
Hi Freedom15, so glad you found this wonderful support site too!! Lovefraud is the best. Have you watched the videos at the top? they are located under “video”. They are excellent. When you feel weak and close to calling him read/watch those videos over and over they will stop you from wanting to contact him and they will open your mind up from his brain washing.
On the facebook pg After narcissistic abuse the site creator ask the question were you sick during your relationship? and if so what were your symptoms. It was shocking to read over 200 post of other victims who too had become sick most of the symptom were mainly the same. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, weight gain/loss, sleep issues were all listed at the biggest issues of victims. These same symptoms are issues with adrenal fatigue (the sites I posted above). When I left my ex h a friend guided me to a hormonal specialist who tested me for cortisol levels, vitamin/mineral deficiency, and hormonal imbalance…all were not in the normal range. He told me I had adrenal fatigue which is caused by stress/poor diet. Once he gave me the proper vitamins/minerals/hormonal balancing I quickly got rid of my symptoms and moved back towards my old self. I am so glad my friend guide me in that direction because now I know that it is a major part of healing from a toxic relationship.
Now I realize that all the stress caused my physical issues so I pass this info along to other victims.
One of the first things Lovefraud suggest when moving forward with recovery is to stop drinking. Lots of victims reach towards alcohol/drugs to calm their anxiety but it actually creates more anxiety. In the book Woman who love psychopaths it talks about the habits that victims pick up to cope with the stress their abuser is creating. So bottom line you are not alone…the good thing is you are aware of these bad habits that your abuser triggered in you which will be much easier to break them.
Sociopaths love to blurt out their crazy behavior..in your case he said he “was toxic”….but it’s very confusing to a normal person and we are not sure how to take the words because no one else has done this before. My ex did the same thing very complexing at the time but now it was very clear he knew he was a highly disordered person.
There are some good facebook support sites…I would highly recommend that you open a fake email account then a facebook account so that you can speak freely with out your ex/his friends/family seeing your post…facebook support sites: After narcissistic abuse & psychopath free.
also Narcisstic Abuse Recovery @.......
http://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/
Freedom15…you have forgotten that you know so much about him!! This is your power. You are educating yourself on his disorder. The more you learn the more power you have over his evil ways.
The best thing to do is keep NO Contact in place..dont weaver on this…ask your most trusted friends/family to also look at Lovefraud to educate themselves to protect you.
if you dont feel safe in your home, install a home security system that uses batteries (these are easy to install just with a screw driver) or have a professional security company install one that will charge you a monthly fee. Any large home improvement store such as Home Depot or Lowes (USA stores) have home security systems which are easy to install.
Tell your neighbors if they see his car in your neighborhood to call the police. And you call the police if he shows up at your door step. Start documenting the things he does. DO NOT hesitate to call the police. Sociopaths are know to turn the tables on the true victims so watch yourself. It’s best not to have any person contact with him what so ever.
You were not specific at how he would use the “knowledge against” you but know that sociopaths use a smear campaign against their victims to protect them from being exposed. Google “sociopath smear campaign” & lovefraud has info also on this topic. The more your friends/family are educate the more they will see his abusive ways and protect your and not believe any of his lies.
NC is best. I believe that my ex now knows he can’t contact me on my home phone and facebook. But I believe he phoned me at work and hung up. I say this because I noticed a number on my caller id and it was the same number from work. He phoned the house first and three minutes later he phoned me at work. He still has his mail coming to my address. He even had his rejection letter sent here from Jared’s to let me know that they had been ring shopping. My friend told me not to block this new number but after reading today I did. Sitting here crying…I can’t let him win!! I can’t!! I almost didn’t make it. I didn’t know what was going on with me but know that I do it’s a battle and I’m determined to win the war. I pray a lot because he is evil and he has demons. So I’m praying that Jesus cast them out. And I’ve felt so bad for the person he left me for even though I don’t know who she is. I hate it that I think about him. That he made promises that he was never going to keep. I hadn’t been in a relationship in almost 14 years and this is what I get. And he played me well. I just want to get to the point where he is nothing to me like I am to him right now! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
Jaiden – rejection letter from Jared’s like you mean his credit wasn’t approved? Classy. You’ve got to smile about that.
Jaiden
Glad you are on to him. That is how you win.
Way back when, when I was praying for my marriage and him before all hell broke loose, I rebuked the demons in him and told them to get out. They said they had permission from him — he invited them in. My authority as a wife held no sway over his invitation. People have to WANT to be delivered and set free.
Think about this…Judas was one of the disciples. NO ONE suspected him at all (of course Jesus knew all along). The Bible says that Satan entered into Judas. We could pray all day for him to get saved, for the demons to leave, but it would not/could not happen.
And, sometimes people cross a line of no return. They have turned themselves over to Satan. All the prayers and exorcisms will have no effect. If the demons are cast out, they will come back with seven other demons — and his state will be worse than before.
King Saul was anointed by Samuel the prophet to be king. Saul crossed the line of no return and despite Samuel’s prayers for him and his mourning over Saul, God told Samuel to forget it. God had another man, a better man to be king — a man after God’s own heart.
What happened to King Saul? Just like the Bible says: impostors and evil men will go from bad to worse. He ended up going to a witch because God did not answer his prayers anymore. He became a total apostate and was killed in battle in that spiritual state. Because he never repented.
You will win with God on your side. God is angry with the wicked everyday. He is against them because they have forsaken Him. Watch and see what God will do for you.
Thank You!!! By God’s grace and mercy I am!!!
🙂
Also Judas had been stealing repeatedly from the money box (he was the treasurer for the disciples) and lying about it (John 12:6). He was willfully and in full knowledge doing wrong, which is not pardonable because he doesn’t want to stop stealing. This left him open to Satan entering into him. He did the opposite of ‘resist the devil and he will flee from you’ (James 4:7).
Even after betraying Jesus, Judas could have repented (as Peter did after denying Christ), and gone to work with the apostles to spread the gospel. They would have forgiven him. Instead Judas committed suicide because he did’t want to repent – maybe he didn’t want the shame of having done wrong.
He was on a different path with different motives than the other disciples.
I am so sorry that you were betrayed the way he did. That is the worst feeling in the world, to be turned on my someone you trusted and loved.
Jane doe
I don’t think they like condoms. My ex got a vasectony right after the discard so he can have unprotected sex with all of his minions. The ones who sent him text messages at all times. He even had changed his phone number for doing me a favor. That lasted about a week and they already had his new number. How could they resist Cpt America? I am so happy I don’t have to deal with this crazy making anymore. I have to laugh now about the stories he used to make up. Isn’t he freeing to know we don’t havd to deal with it anymore. I can sleep now without nightmares , without havibg to wait for him to come home with more lies.
And evil can keep themselves company. He believed the minions can replace his family and his son. I am not so sure if he still thinks the same way. But none of my concern.
Jane doe, may I ask what country he lives in now ?
No, they don’t like condoms. A year + into our “relationship”, my ex had the talk with me, saying we were a couple, condoms were no longer necessary. I wanted to be absolutely sure there was no chance of me getting a disease, and waited a few more months while he repeatedly assured me that he would not have sex with anyone else, and I finally relented. It was a HUGE step for me and really solidified my commitment to him.
A couple of years later, I got herpes. And you guessed it, it was all MY FAULT.
If ever there was a moment when I should have spit on HIM and walked away, it was his reaction when I told him about the herpes.
I don’t know what they think. Mine blamed me, said I got it from my ex husband (that I hadn’t seen for maybe 5 years at that point? And I hadn’t had sex with anyone else in the meantime.) That I put HIM in danger. The doctor told me there was no doubt I got it from him, and since I got it from him, he HAS it. He refused to get tested, or talk about it any further. Maybe he did get tested at some point, I don’t know.
The condom thing is just weird. From day one, I was put in charge of condom procurement and was instructed to buy one certain brand/style and no others. He was adamant that that was the only kind he would use. Much, much, later, I found a little “purse” he had stashed under the seat of his vehicle that was full of many varieties of condoms (none of the type he told me to buy). At the very end, shortly before he discarded me, I peeked in a candy tin he had on a top shelf of his closet and it had at least 50 assorted condoms in it. None of them were his “preferred” type either. I haven’t thought about this in a really long time. I don’t know how long that tin was up there without me noticing it, but it made me sick. And to think, once I suspected him of cheating, I always kept count of how many condoms there were at his house (the ones I bought), thinking if none were used, he must not be cheating. This just makes me cringe.
I have to thank God for this web site. My ex cheated on me numerous times I’m sure. He is such a “church” going on man but on the inside he is evil. All of this is an eye opening experience that I don’t ever want to repeat. Thanks so much!!!
Well there ya go, HMoon. If you do it, you get exposed, and if you take my route (once a day, maybe?) they accuse you of cutting them off. So what’s the diff? About 15 minutes? 🙂
Jenna
I believe it is all wrapped up in their grandiosity and sense of invincibility. They think they are omnipotent. As for spreading disease to others, I believe they love the thrill and power of it…but, somehow they think it won’t touch them. Insane.
hanaleiMoon
I’m sorry to hear you got herpes from him”what a scum..
do you think he was secretly scared when you told him you had it? I’m sure he had an inkling it came from him?? i bet he ran out immediately to get checked”and maybe he really knew he had it when you told him, he just didn’t want to tell you??
He was FURIOUS when I told him I had it and the first words out of his mouth were “what am I supposed to do when I’m dating now”say nice to met you I have herpes?”
We were in my car on the way to Mexico for the weekend and I should have said stop the f’en car and get the f out and drove away and left him there. Instead, I said we would figure it out (I myself was scared – the doctor had just called to give me the lab results and that’s all I knew), reached out for his arm and he threw it off and said “don’t touch me you make my skin crawl.” He berated me all weekend and all I did was cry.
I don’t know if he was scared, and I don’t know if he knew he had it. It’s likely that he got it from whoever he was sleeping with in that time frame (could have been one or two or thirty for all I know). I wanted him to get tested for everything else too. He refused, and wouldn’t discuss it further with me.
So much for clean cut guy, advanced degree, high paying management position, ritzy homeowner. Pffft.
I would think he’d have to have told the woman he married, right? But of course he’d work the sympathy angle and tell her he was faithful to me and I cheated and gave it to him while he was squeakily clean. How could she fault him for that? :-0
He may not have been scared nor angry; he may have turned nasty towards you to shut you down with respect to any kind of accountability you might hold him to, and to take the focus off the truth that he gave you an STD and he lied.
HanaleiMoon
oh he was furious with you!?? and you were supposed to be ok with having an STD, right?
let me get this right…you were a couple and he got mad and said “what am i supposed to do when i am dating?” did he think that was ok to say???
well it could have been he either was truly shocked because they think they are invincible and nothing will ever happen to them and now he was scared (poor baby) OR he was covering up the fact he knew he already had it but covered that up by getting angry and turning it around on you..Annettes theory is pretty spot on as well…
as i am learning recently, they are famous at making the other person take their blame by manipulating your thinking…
jenna
definitely get tested”
when i think of how many mine has been with over the years it scared me enough to go…
janedoe, i am getting tested at the end of the month. he was sleeping with the girl he and his wife let stay at their home. He tried to lie to me that they werent doing anything and he swears nothing physical happened. he sent back and forth 1000 texts. thats more than he and i had and we were canoodling. So to this day he says nothing happened but i know better. i am working on NC but i work with my NP and its been really hard. The one day I did a hoover on him on purpose just to see what he would say. He is back with his wife as she kicked amanda out and then went to her parents. so he said he hasnt spoken to amanda and said he missed it with me and that he has to wait till things settle down at his house and he would probably do it again with me. I guess rite now he is on amanda bcs he isnt pursuing me and these were questions i asked him bcs i wanted to know. This is the most pain i have ever felt in a relationship. I am mad at myself for hoovering and i wanted to play with his head a little but i dont think it would even matter with him.
hi kaya
but why don’t they like them i wonder?
i used to ask him wasn’t he ever afraid of an STD and he would say he doesn’t believe in them!! huh??? he thought it was extremely blown out of proportion”isn’t that kind of like driving with your eyes closed?? and me?? i was stupid enough to go along with it”but as soon as this ended i immediately got tested so all is fine thank god”
he is a US citizen, lived in europe for the past 25 years and ran off to Armenia to marry this young girl
The dead are not afraid to die.
GOOD ONE!
That is profound, and true in the case of my ex spath. He did not think anything could ever happen to him – he acted as if he were invincible.
Annette
so so true!!! mine actually believed that STD’s and the way the public spoke about protecting yourself with safe sex, was blown out of proportion…it wasnt true and it was just a way to make money…unprotected sex with another who has many many partners is OK and safe…chances are nothing will happen…
Sane and free
Your comparison to the Dorian Gray painting is so true. And yes my ex threw everything at me during the divorce battle. I was insane , he threatened to have me fired at my job (don’t know , he would have to pay even more alimony), he tried to have me arrested, committed , trying to talk me into suicide , telling me I was a bad mother and on and on. Nothing worked , it seemed the world was against him. And that was God protecting me from his lies. Satan has absolutely no chance. My ex was an and probably still is an atheist.
I had God, he had nothing. All his insinuations about me came from the devil. I am so grateful that I don’t communicate with the devil anymore. Almost 2 years now and for ever.
Wow, Kaya, he threw it all at you! Oh, well; he tried. What did it get him? Ha. Ha. Ha.
The evidence is all in and the verdict is: they are demon-seed, demonically inspired and empowered. So not good for them.
As we have seen and proven, God is greater. Satan is the stupidest creature ever created. What a fall. What a fool. And, all those he convinced to do life his way will find that they are no match for God. In fact, they are toast. It is coming; and, it is certain.
Your victory story so encourages my heart! I rejoice for your tremendous triumph. It is just as God said in His Word. “They will fight against you, but they will not prevail. And, you will be vindicated and you will have justice over every courtroom lie.” Hallelujah!
If God be for us, who can be against us?!!!
So true. Love your comment.
One of my favorite verses is Timothy 1:7
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity , but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind. ”
It reminds me of being fearless against anything .
Deuteronomy 31:6
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ”
Yes, satan threw everything against me. He did not succeed.
My ex thought he was so powerful, a cop named Cpt America. Like you said. Ha.
Cpt. America, how funny!
Wow
Hanalei.
I did the exact same. Counted everything. Right before I was discarded my ex got the Viagra prescription and insurance would only pay like maybe 10 a month or so. I used to count them. Little did I know that he ordered more and his the other container with his fishing stuff. Of course that container was empty. He got so mad that
I “accused” him of cheatibg. He used those viagras with me. Yeah right, I was working a lot of nightshifts and know for a fact he didn’t. At the end, I apologized for not trusting him. He probably laughed about how I stupid I was. Now, he can use his Viagra anytime with anyone without ever having to hide the containers. Yuck.