UPDATED FOR 2020
A Lovefraud reader who posts as “LadyA” sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath.
I’ve spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn’t understand why I don’t feel any better about it. What was I missing?
When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could get in the car and left the province to go back to my hometown. I had to quit my job over email and send a goodbye text to all my friends.
I am thankful every day for what my mom did for me. I sure wasn’t happy about it at the time but I knew I needed out and this was my chance. What I didn’t know is how much moving back to my hometown would affect me emotionally. I had originally planned on only being back for six months. Just long enough for him to move on and get me out of mind, but it has now been just over three years and I still haven’t moved back. I got settled in a new job, new friends, and a new relationship. Even after all of this I haven’t been able to figure out why I’m not happy. Until three days ago.
Pride. I was proud of myself for the life that I had built. I moved 1200 km’s away from home right after high school to a big city. I was on the fast track to a strong career in a competitive field. I had a brand new car, paid all my bills on time, and was saving to buy a house. I was independent, reliable, strong, caring, and had a really great outlook on the world. Not many people can say that at 22.
All of that was ruined by a six-month “whirlwind romance.” I’m no longer proud of myself. I feel like I have failed because I came back home with my “tail between my legs” to my mommy. I no longer have a new car because it was repossessed as soon as I got back here. I am jaded, I don’t trust people easily, and I am no longer as strong as the face I put on the outside. I’ve gained weight because deep down I just don’t care anymore. My career is now on a plateau due to the location where I live. I don’t have one reason to be proud of myself right now.
How do I get my pride back when I know what happened? I want to feel proud of myself for my life but I just have zero idea where to start. I’ve thought about moving away again, but I don’t really know if that’s the answer. How can I be proud of what has happened in my life? I’m really honestly just so ashamed.
Donna Andersen responds
Dear LadyA,
I am so sorry about your encounter with a sociopath. Although this is not a normal breakup, the good news is that you can recover from the sociopath.
Right now, however, it does not seem that way. Why? I can see two reasons.
The first is that betrayal by a sociopath is a huge emotional injury. In the beginning of your email you said that, after all your reading, you now “fully understand what spaths do and how they do it,” but you don’t feel any better.
Understanding is a critical first step to you to recover from the sociopath. But understanding is an intellectual process, something that you do with your mind. The wound you experienced is also emotional. It needs to be dealt with emotionally.
How do you do that? You allow yourself to feel the pain of the injury.
This means letting yourself cry. Letting yourself scream and wail. Letting yourself experience anger — I’m sure there is anger — perhaps by working it out on a punching bag.
This isn’t pretty, and you probably want to do it privately, because other people often have difficulty being around this. Or, you may have a good therapist who can help you.
One way or another, any bottled up emotion you have within you needs to come out.
Underestimated the injury
Next you wrote that you identified the reason that you’re not happy as “pride.” But it seems like you are regarding pride as something bad, like one of the seven deadly sins.
You had every reason to be proud, because your pride was based on your achievement. And the sociopath took this away from you.
Here is what I think has happened: You have underestimated the scale of the injury, and the severity of the betrayal.
LadyA, you were building a life for yourself. You went out on your own; you started building a career; you were moving forward.
And some manipulative, deceitful parasite, who did something bad enough to end up in jail, ruined it for you.
Not only did he cost you money and hurt your career, he corrupted your outlook on life. You’re jaded; you don’t trust; you don’t care. You are not the young person you once were all because of the sociopath.
Recognize that this was not a normal breakup after all, you had to flee your home, job and friends.
Your life was shattered. Your psyche was deflated. This is a massive shock to your system. It’s no wonder that you are still struggling.
Drain the emotion
So what do you do? In my opinion, you do exactly what I suggested earlier — allow yourself to feel the pain now, knowing that the pain is bigger than you originally thought.
So you cry. You stomp. You imagine him standing in front of you and yell at him. (Do not, however, attempt to confront him in person. This would be counterproductive.)
The idea is to drain off the negative emotion.
As you drain the emotion, a void will be created within you. It’s very important to fill that void with joy.
This may sound preposterous to you, like you have no reason to be joyful. But don’t look at the totality of your life right how.
Do any small thing that makes you happy: Go for a walk. Play with your pets. Have lunch with a friend. Listen to music.
To recover from the sociopath, it may require many rounds of draining off the negative and replacing it with positive. But with time, you’ll find that your entire outlook will change, and you’ll be able to get back on track.
Importantly, with the wisdom you gained through this experience, you’ll never fall for a sociopath again.
Lovefraud originally published this article on May 12, 2014.
High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her
Elsa, I know it is very sad…sad that you must keep your guard up in this evil world until someone proves they are a good person…sad that sociopath abuse is not taught in school as this could relieve so much suffering in our world. it’s very sad you were hurt by this evil guy. I know you are hurting right now but you will get through the stages of grieving it just takes time. You should be so proud of yourself for finding Lovefraud & for asking for help here…that takes a brave soul.
I have to say that I am a big believer in warning other current victims…I know at first the current victim will not listen but a seed is planted in their minds when they want to wake up to reality and start connecting all of the dots to guide them to the truth that they are in a relationship with a sociopath. But with that said you must safe guard yourself & your family plus your job before you ever contact a current victim. Since you Elsa live in a very small town you must put some time between you and this friendship because he will try in every way possible to destroy everything that you value rather then him being exposed because right now he will know it is you who is warning his wife. This is why I say to wait at least a year or like Kaya48 states when you see his wife tell her if she ever needs to talk you are open for a conversation they you can guide her to the traits of a sociopath.
I did contact all 3 of my ex h mistresses (those are the ones I knew about when I finally left him for good)…I told two by email to look at Lovefraud and other sites and I told the third one by letter listing his past history of affairs/fired from jobs/his behavior she did not know he was married as this was an out of state affair. She dumped him the day she got my letter. The other two where so brain washed with what ever lies he told them about his “wife” that they were absolutely mean towards me via a return email. I just laughed their emails off because I know the truth and one day they will remember that I told them both he was a sociopath and they will look at Lovefraud. The only reason why I contacted all 3 was the simple fact I was extremely scared for their safety as my ex told me during our relationship that if I ever left him he would kill me and he would continually state that he could kill someone and hide their body in the woods and no one would ever know it was him. When I told these 3 woman I was safely across country in a very secure home.
I doubt he would recognise himself as a sociopath. But I will heed your advice. Last Tuesday when I saw him his whole countenance was anger, as if I was not entitled to be in town. He said “hello” and then said ” I just spoke to you didn’t i?” ( as if he was trying to justify his position)
I don’t think I want to risk seeing him, speaking to him or anything!!
He is best left to his own devices really. To his own anger and to trying to get himself back into his wife’s good books! I doubt that will last very long and I hope he finds someone else to bother.
Easy words to write!! ,
Elsa, it is so classic, him telling you he was sick of you, didn’t want to talk to you anymore, and then when you run into him, him speaking to you that way. Just classic.
He knows you. He knows what makes you tick. And that antagonistic comment was designed to get you to respond, to justify YOURSELF. He was goading you. You are right to avoid seeing him for the time being.
Jan7, your statement “he will try in every way possible to destroy everything that you value” is right on target.
I think it’s a challenge for good people like us to keep this in perspective and in the front of our minds because it just doesn’t seem possible until it’s too late and the damage is done.
Even when I was cruelly abandoned in a newly purchased home with no job and staggering expenses, I was still thinking, oh, this will blow over, he would never have bought this house with me if he didn’t want to do it. Then, when you realize that they HAVE destroyed everything that you value, you get it pretty quick, but by then the damage is done. When he finally left me a voice mail to instruct me to put the piece of s**t house on the market (his words), he stated that he waited until after the holidays and my birthday to contact me so that he didn’t “infringe” on those times for me. How f’ing thoughtful of him! He used his gentlest, most tender voice for that message, too.
If someone is putting a wedge between you and anything you value? It is BAD no matter how good and innocent it seems.
Especially if they say they know you better than you know yourself and only have your best interest at heart. How I wish I would have walked.
HanaleiMoon, it’s very hard to comprehend that some people on this planet want to literally destroy you & everything that is important to you. So crazy. My mind is always trying to do the right thing and if I fail at that I have remorse for my actions especially against someone else. When I was younger if someone was mean to me most of the time I would just walk away but if I was able to muster up some words and they were mean words back at them I would have so much regret after even now I look back on a few instanced and have great regret even though now I know that I was dealing with a narcissist back then. It’s just not my mindset. But with that said a sociopath mindset is evil. This is very hard when you first except to comprehend. I think this is the biggest struggle for a new victim just leaving like Elsa.
When I first left I found a counselor who told me the truth that my h (now ex h) was a sociopath…it took me three weeks to comprehend that he had no conscience even though I knew this to be true it took all that time for it to really sink into my brain that some people fall into this evil category. What helped me was reading, and reading and reading everything on sociopathic abuse. That opened my mind up from all the brain washing my ex did to my mind. Thank goodness for all of the posters on Lovefraud sharing their stories and for Donna have the fortitude to create this wonderful site. So powerful when victims can connect!
Such a scary scary world!!!
Make it less scary! Sign the petition to outlaw the crime of sexual assault by fraud today! http://chn.ge/1JOOCes.
JOyce
thanks Joyce. I will read your petition.
HanaleiMoon…I am so sorry that you were in such a financial state as well as emotional when your ex left you. The ripple effect for their actions is endless.
I find it hard to believe he is a sociopath. I find myself thinking it’s me….. Too demanding, needy, soft, sensitive etc.
But then I read the list of traits and it’s him completely so he must be mustn’t he??
I felt that way too, because my ex psychopath kept blaming me for everything he did. He wanted me to believe it was all my fault.
The longer I was away from him and relating to normal people, the clearer I could see what really was happening. 2+ years out and I am still seeing past events in a new way when I happen to think of them. I ran across an 8 year old email exchange between us looking for something else in my laptop recently, and I was amazed how messed up he was. I realize I was in a hypnotic trance state with respect to him. Like many spaths, my ex P used hypnotic techniques on me.
elsa
omg i sometimes still think just like you are thinking…i have to get my list of bad traits going to see clearly…sometimes that sweet, warm and kind man keeps popping in my head and its convincing me he is a good man and not a sociopath…
i have a hard time accepting the fact that i was involved with one…it seemed at the time it was only something that happens to other people and not me…wow do i know different now.
be very happy you aren’t romantically involved with him, once you go to that next level, it can be harder thing to accept..
Elsa…every victims comes out of a sociopath abusive relationship thinking it’s them…just the fact that you are self reflecting means you are not one. Sociopaths dont self reflect they think nothing is wrong with them.
Hon you were groomed by a very good con artist sociopath…this is why you feel “too demanding, needy, soft, sensitive etc”…he made you feel this way. Yes we all feel this way to some degree without the sociopath in our lives but the sociopath looks for our vulnerability and then exploits them for fun. He messed with all of your emotions…he heightened your sensitivity. He screwed with your emotions & mind. He did this on purpose, he did this to break you down…remember his wife said how could you run your business since you were having a breakdown…this is the bs he fed his wife…he was intentionally breaking you down…this is what ALL sociopaths do to ALL of their victims.
If you are in the US you can call the National Domestics abuse Hotline 800-799-SAFE 24/7 to talk with a free counselor if you are not in the USA then google “National Domestic violence hotline” with your city name then call them. Please know you are not alone and please know how you are feeling sadly is normal when leaving a sociopathic relationship.
It’s not you, it him he is evil!!
You mean he actually planned it all out ? Or did it “just happen” becasue that is what always happens to him…. Like he said, he always hurts people?
He tried to warn me but, the bit he doesn’t seem to get it that when, on the other Han, he texted saying ” fancy a drink?”……. Come and have some supper, I would love to see you etc etc……. This actually mDe me think he 1) valued my friendship. 2) appreciated me as a person
But when I got upset when he devalued/ discarded me, he was incredulous……. Why are you getting upset? we have just had a laugh. Why are you making a big deal of it? ( this left ME thinking that he thought I was needy etc….. )
I was upset becasue of the betrayal of the friendship. We were never having an affair , at least not in the true sense of the word. But friendship for me was more the main thing. And for him.? I have no idea!!!!!
Yes Elsa…Sociopaths are always planning & plotting their evil ways…they love to toy with a nice person…they love to break a nice person mentally down…it’s their fun since they do not have feelings. They are a cat that plays with a mouse before killing the mouse.
Sociopaths play mind games…and nice people have no clue that a game is even being played. Why? because nice people dont play games with others.
Sociopaths want to destroy everyone, every day of the year. Keep reading everything at the top of love fraud…watch the videos up there….read the site Psychopathyawareness. wordpress & psychopath free. These will all open your mind to how truly evil this guy is and that he was out to toy with your mind and break you down.
Elsa, I think one of the hardest things to wrap our heads around initially is the fact that what they say could be anything from a complete lie to having an element of truth, but that nothing that they say has the slightest bit of meaning. So, trying to get meaning out of him trying to warn you (that is what he wanted you to think, he wanted that statement to have a specific response from you) or saying that he enjoyed seeing you experience life (a manipulation to make you think he cared and thus trust him) is futile. EVERYTHING THEY SAY AND DO IS CALCULATED TO MANIPULATE AND HARM. Unfortunately, even what you thought was the good stuff.
Likewise, him being incredulous was just an interpretation you had based on what your expectation of normal behavior is. I’d bet he was actually nothing of the sort. These monsters know EXACTLY what they’re doing.
My ex went through a phase of devaluing me by commenting crudely on other women around us when we were out in public. Most times I ignored it, sometimes it was so blatant and hurtful I’d react and 100% of the time, he would end up angry with ME”for saying anything. His patented response was that he was just “trying to lighten the mood” or that I just didn’t have a sense of humor. Really? Well, it doesn’t take a genius to know that it is hurtful to do what he was doing.
These are not men who just don’t seem to get it. These are men who know exactly what they’re doing and get joy from it.
I’m sorry that this sounds like it’s all about me, but I know the confusion you are feeling and what your mind is going through.
elsa
maybe his friendship was to “feel” out a potential romance with you…?
saw that it wasn’t and then discarded you and acted very defensive about it?
I realise that, apart for the sex, this looked like and affair. We confided intact other ( I thought), we sought out each other’s company, laughed together, and generally spent time together.
He always said he wasn’t interested in sex as he said his wife had rejected that part of their marriage. Five years ago and he had lost interest.
We were friends for over a year on this basis. There were times when he wanted to pull away, saying it was “too close” but hen he woudl be back, large as life. I las way tried to respect his reticence.
Last August we were in have pub, we had been in a group but they left. So, we continued to chat away, laugh and converse as normal when all of a sudden he said “the thing is m bored with our friendship and, apart form that, I have got my eye on someone else”
I was upset ( at the suddenness of it more than anything)
He continued that he had seen this woman and there was a “connection” ( he said, just like it was with you) and added ” but I think I could get a shag”
Wow, what an absolute sociopath.
He was telling me, wasn’t he?
I don’t think anything has progressed of this other conquest. He seems to be much more out and about with his wife ( poor woman) and very miserable with lots of people. He has almost disappeared from the local scene, he used to be out most nights at the pub, not with me. Just out generally and now he isn’t.
Do you think sociopaths know that they are sociopaths???
Elsa, I saw this this morning on Psychopath Free and thought it was a good explanation of what he was doing to you in your “friendship”. Hope it helps.
Psychopaths withhold attention as a way to undermine your self-esteem. After first hooking you with praise and flattery, they suddenly become reclusive and uninterested. Where they once initiated nonstop texts and flirting, you’ll start to notice that you’re the one initiating all of the contact. It feels like they’re constantly making excuses about why they can’t communicate or spend time together. The goal of this covert manipulation is to make you doubt yourself and your relationship. Psychopaths always keep their targets on edge in order to consume their lives. In any healthy relationship, consistency is a key quality. Consistency allows you to trust your partner and yourself. It allows you to live your life with outside interests, friends, and dreams. But since psychopaths don’t want you to have any of that, they play games to make sure they’re the only thing on your mind at all times.
Consider that you were being a friend to him; but he was not being a friend to you, he was making you think he was a friend.
Consider that a lot of what he has told you about his marriage, his wife, what he is doing and how he feels or thinks, may not be the truth.
That does make sense HM. Not that I understand why the heck he would “want” to make me anxious etc and then get cross because I was, so, he wanted me to fret so I would become again in the neck to him, so that he could then justify himself in treating me bad and it was MY fault???!!!!
And JaneDoe, I realise that very much now, I would LOVE to sit down with his wife for half an hour. And I bet I would learn a lot about what he has said about me too.
He told me fairly recently that his wife had no interest in speaking to me ( because he said she had believed us to be having an affair) and yet when I saw here around town she was always friendly, communicative etc. No different to how she had always been.
When I said this to him, he said ” she is losing the plot”
It all adds up to me. I would not be surprised at anything he has said about me to her!
Thank God he isn’t my problem. I just feel very very violated because I trusted him and now realise I am such a rubbish judge of character.
The story I posted yesterday about his involvement with my friends partner over the work he went to do at his house……. I heard this morning that the spats wife had called them last night full of apology over his behaviour……. There she goes, fixing his mess!!!!
My ex P was not interested in sex with adult women (he was a porn addict, pedophile, cross dresser, who knows what else). I did not find this out until after we married. He used sex to lure and hook me before marriage because he knew I was interested in a complete including sex relationship with an adult man, which he was masquerading as.
Many spaths are deviant sexually.
Annette
Yes, deviant! My underwear retains its elasticity for a lot longer now that I’m out!
So many of them (spaths) are cross dressers and/or have a preference for sex with themselves dressed in drag and/or women’s clothing, and/or children, rather than sex with adult women.
Before the spath, I was married to a normal and wonderful loving caring man, and it was so different than the spath experience. Not even in the same universe.
Elsa, i have read what you have written about him…he is a sociopath! Rest assured your gut is correct labeling him as a sociopath!!
Also know that when you end a relationship your body produces high levels of cortisol this is another reason why you are emotional…this is a physical body issue. See adrenalfatigue. org take the quiz on the site/read/see the symptom list, Drlam. com, Mialundin. com.
so, if he wanted to upset me, goad me, whatever…………wouldn’t he have been happy about the fact that he got his result? Instead, he was furious, aggressive body language, angry facial expression, which communicated to me that he thought me a nuisance, in his space etc etc.
I must admit I find it too hared to contemplate that he hated me so much that he actually set out to hurt me! I think it is easier to think I messed up, even if I forgive myself for that!
I expect he is breathing huge sighs of relief that I am gone from his life and now he can get on without some needy pathetic woman hanging around him!
Elsa, be super careful about it being easier to think that you messed up as a justification for his behavior! This is VERY dangerous thinking!
I’m out of my element on responding on this one, hopefully Joyce or Annette or Jan7 will weigh in with their calm wisdom.
I think your post above, with the all caps, “EVERYTHING THEY SAY AND DO IS CALCULATED TO HARM” is a helpful answer here, and you said it way better than I could!
Elsa, my ex blamed me for a lot of his behavior, and on his way out the door, blamed me entirely for him blindsiding me and pulling the rug out from under my life. We were together 7 years and I’m certain he spent at least the last 3+ masterminding destroying my life in the way he did, prior to that he might have been “merely” using me. I’d say that 90% of the time I knew I had done nothing wrong. I’m human and not perfect, so I’m sure I made mistakes, but NORMAL mistakes.
I learned from my therapist that past performance is the best predictor of future behavior. I used this to get through a lot. My nemesis is public speaking. I am very good at it, yet, each time I do it, I think I’m going to die. Literally. At the podium. Die. I never have, and it’s unlikely that I will.
Maybe a version of this technique will help you think clearly about whether you messed up or not: ask yourself if you’ve ever had these types of problems, or reactions, with anyone else in your life. Allow for being human. I am betting you will find that this is an anomaly in your life and maybe that will help you get away from thinking the blame is yours.
And NEVER take “blame” for being a normal human.
He acts as if he hates you and he acts agressive, furious, and angry; but he probably doesn’t feel any differently about you than when he acts ‘nice.’ It’s like a game to them. They do whatever they think will work to mess with your head and keep you focused on them and subject to their control.
It is very unlikely that he is breathing sighs of relief and unlikely that he thinks of you as needy – that is what he tells you that you are to make you feel bad and make himself seem powerful to himself.
I don’t want him to be sitting him in his house thinking “thank god I got rid of her”! or coming out of his house thinking “hope I don’t see her” (or worse still, reacting badly when he does………or reacting in any way)
I juts know that when I go into town, I will watch out for him and try and get away before he sees me!
My friends tell me to just blank him, walk past him and dismiss him from my life! Well, I am going to try but I know I will be devastated to do it!
Have you read about the grey rock technique? It was very helpful to me not only in dealing with encountering my ex P, but also in understanding how and what he was thinking and his motivations. http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
You can’t go wrong in getting away from him. In my experience, I never regretted avoiding my ex P, but I pretty much always regretted choosing to spend time with him, towards the end often against my better judgement before hand.
elsa,
If you could be a fly on the wall, it would blow your mind to see how hostile they are to kindness and good people. As was written about by HanaleiMoon, EVERYTHING, and she is right, EVERY LITTLE THING, they say and do is calculated to create harm. Pretty freaky, right? But accurate. I tried to argue it once, and found out in hindsight, I was either being set up (when he was “nice) or being emotionally beat up (when he revealed himself).
What you describe is called grey rock here. It’s hard to do. I had to give myself tasks so that I had something to DO, not have to wing it. I mean, when the ex is SO NICE, I would kinda freeze and not know what to do. So having a neutral task helped, (for me, it was nod, say nothing, do not make eye contact, look down, and say excuse me and walk away). Your heart might pound a mile a minute, but it gets easier. I promise that.
Having read other comments on here and horrendous storied, my experience is nothing! I don’t really think my spath has it in him to do anything so vile. But he is a vile person! Out to use, abuse, belittle and (in a very subtle) way humiliate.
One week today since I set eyes on him or had any type of conversation. I have to live here, in my small town, pass his house every day, risk bumping into him in the shop, the park, the doctors, anywhere.
Not looking forward to that first time!
His wife, I can see now, has been fed a load of crap about ME. They have been married 39 years, he has cheated on her so many times, cheated her in lots of ways, disrespected her behind her back ( it was me sticking up for her and trying to get him to treat her better)
Well, not he has chosen to reconnect wi this woman he has spent the last two years apparently trying to get away from to a new life in South East Asia, where, in his own words ” you can get a shag for a dollar”…… YUK!!
Maybe he could only have sex with prostitutes, the younger the better!
He used to tell me his wife “knew what he was like”……… Somehow I doubt she knows what I know!
I feel sorry for her, genuinely. I am glad that I never had the feeling if the other woman.
They are evil, horrible people, capable of turning on the charm when required. I was impacted by something I read on another comment……. He was either setting me up, or beating me up.
That is so true! I still don’t understand it and despise the fact that I have been so cruelly used. I lie next to my husband in bed and think about him…… He is a pretty uncomplicated man, to my shame I have often considered him boring. But I wouldn’t trade him for the spath, even though at the time I felt I was alive , valued, appreciated, dare I even say respected??? What a fool I have been!
elsa
I am reading your story and want to remind you… he does plan harm because that’s how he’s wired. Believe it or not, it’s not personal. He does the same with everyone. It feels personal because they are able to identify our needs (we tell them because WE think we’re in relationship while they KNOW they are only pretending.)
They are predictable in that they live in cycles with people, and they can run the cycle with multiple people…The lovebombing cycle, the distancing cycle, the discard cycle. He’s not looking at YOU and hating YOU specifically. He’s picked a type of person, which YOU are, a person with a heart and kindness and desires… and he does what he always does to good decent people. He wrecks havoc and rains misery on them and he does it with whatever opportunities comes his way.
Evil and misery is just his way of passing time in his life. He likes to destroy and it’s entertainment for him.
Elsa,
When things started to become bad, I didn’t think my ex psychopath was as bad as some abusers. I learned that he is capable of anything. A person who is vile in some ways will be vile in all ways if it suits his purpose. If he believed in being a decent person he would always be decent. People don’t do some evil and not other. I used to believe there was a line my ex P would not cross, but there was not. It just depended on what worked for him in any given situation.
Consider that this man you thought was a friend to you may have done things in the past that you are not aware of.
Annette, you are so right that they are capable of anything, and we have no idea what they have done in the past. I am sure that my ex’s wife has no idea of the harm and pain he caused me.
They are shape shifters. They show us only what they want us to see at any given time, and they are always pushing our limits and boundaries.
Hanalei
I agree that they’re shape shifters although I didn’t see it until I left and he was trying everything to get me back.
elsa
you mentioned he thought your friendship was boring and he was seeking out someone else?
what about his thailand friend? this sounds so much like my ex…any country he could have a woman was good for him…
also consider the fact that perhaps this woman from thailand, wants to be with him for easy access to the US? he is probably making promises to her, whether he means it or not, to bring her here and make her a US citizen..
mine did the exact same thing with a girl he’d met one time, left me after three years and married her a couple months ago…i do seriously believe it was to bring her to this country…
but i am curious as to why he is advertising his issues with his wife, trying to be your friend and then telling you he’s bored with you, going on to connect with another woman AND the girl from thailand…
reading all you’ve written certainly does not make you the crazy person here so don’t take the blame..you have had numerous examples of his crazy behaviour from all kinds of people..you don’t want to have a relationship with him let alone a friendship
keep your innocent son away from his house as well!!
Thanks Jan7-
My heart goes out to everyone here. I hear the pain and anguish we all go through over this devastating crime. We now have the means to actually do something that can make a huge difference in protecting others and raise society’s aware of the problem.
The reach of this bill goes far beyond our talking to each other to find peace and relief. If we don’t let the outside world know how many of us have suffered this injustice, it will never change. All those folks who turned a deaf ear to our heartache will begin to understand the impacts we suffered.
I hope other readers, like you, will do this small step that can help them find their power and make a meaningful difference. At least something can come from the nightmare we all suffered.
change.org keyword: Sexual Assault by Fraud.
The bill is in committee. They can send it on or turn it down. Make your voice heard, today!
Joyce