UPDATED FOR 2020
A Lovefraud reader who posts as “LadyA” sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath.
I’ve spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn’t understand why I don’t feel any better about it. What was I missing?
When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could get in the car and left the province to go back to my hometown. I had to quit my job over email and send a goodbye text to all my friends.
I am thankful every day for what my mom did for me. I sure wasn’t happy about it at the time but I knew I needed out and this was my chance. What I didn’t know is how much moving back to my hometown would affect me emotionally. I had originally planned on only being back for six months. Just long enough for him to move on and get me out of mind, but it has now been just over three years and I still haven’t moved back. I got settled in a new job, new friends, and a new relationship. Even after all of this I haven’t been able to figure out why I’m not happy. Until three days ago.
Pride. I was proud of myself for the life that I had built. I moved 1200 km’s away from home right after high school to a big city. I was on the fast track to a strong career in a competitive field. I had a brand new car, paid all my bills on time, and was saving to buy a house. I was independent, reliable, strong, caring, and had a really great outlook on the world. Not many people can say that at 22.
All of that was ruined by a six-month “whirlwind romance.” I’m no longer proud of myself. I feel like I have failed because I came back home with my “tail between my legs” to my mommy. I no longer have a new car because it was repossessed as soon as I got back here. I am jaded, I don’t trust people easily, and I am no longer as strong as the face I put on the outside. I’ve gained weight because deep down I just don’t care anymore. My career is now on a plateau due to the location where I live. I don’t have one reason to be proud of myself right now.
How do I get my pride back when I know what happened? I want to feel proud of myself for my life but I just have zero idea where to start. I’ve thought about moving away again, but I don’t really know if that’s the answer. How can I be proud of what has happened in my life? I’m really honestly just so ashamed.
Donna Andersen responds
Dear LadyA,
I am so sorry about your encounter with a sociopath. Although this is not a normal breakup, the good news is that you can recover from the sociopath.
Right now, however, it does not seem that way. Why? I can see two reasons.
The first is that betrayal by a sociopath is a huge emotional injury. In the beginning of your email you said that, after all your reading, you now “fully understand what spaths do and how they do it,” but you don’t feel any better.
Understanding is a critical first step to you to recover from the sociopath. But understanding is an intellectual process, something that you do with your mind. The wound you experienced is also emotional. It needs to be dealt with emotionally.
How do you do that? You allow yourself to feel the pain of the injury.
This means letting yourself cry. Letting yourself scream and wail. Letting yourself experience anger — I’m sure there is anger — perhaps by working it out on a punching bag.
This isn’t pretty, and you probably want to do it privately, because other people often have difficulty being around this. Or, you may have a good therapist who can help you.
One way or another, any bottled up emotion you have within you needs to come out.
Underestimated the injury
Next you wrote that you identified the reason that you’re not happy as “pride.” But it seems like you are regarding pride as something bad, like one of the seven deadly sins.
You had every reason to be proud, because your pride was based on your achievement. And the sociopath took this away from you.
Here is what I think has happened: You have underestimated the scale of the injury, and the severity of the betrayal.
LadyA, you were building a life for yourself. You went out on your own; you started building a career; you were moving forward.
And some manipulative, deceitful parasite, who did something bad enough to end up in jail, ruined it for you.
Not only did he cost you money and hurt your career, he corrupted your outlook on life. You’re jaded; you don’t trust; you don’t care. You are not the young person you once were all because of the sociopath.
Recognize that this was not a normal breakup after all, you had to flee your home, job and friends.
Your life was shattered. Your psyche was deflated. This is a massive shock to your system. It’s no wonder that you are still struggling.
Drain the emotion
So what do you do? In my opinion, you do exactly what I suggested earlier — allow yourself to feel the pain now, knowing that the pain is bigger than you originally thought.
So you cry. You stomp. You imagine him standing in front of you and yell at him. (Do not, however, attempt to confront him in person. This would be counterproductive.)
The idea is to drain off the negative emotion.
As you drain the emotion, a void will be created within you. It’s very important to fill that void with joy.
This may sound preposterous to you, like you have no reason to be joyful. But don’t look at the totality of your life right how.
Do any small thing that makes you happy: Go for a walk. Play with your pets. Have lunch with a friend. Listen to music.
To recover from the sociopath, it may require many rounds of draining off the negative and replacing it with positive. But with time, you’ll find that your entire outlook will change, and you’ll be able to get back on track.
Importantly, with the wisdom you gained through this experience, you’ll never fall for a sociopath again.
Lovefraud originally published this article on May 12, 2014.
High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her
Perversion is perversion is perversion, isn’t it? My ex wanted me to wear mini skirts and he would walk 10 feet behind me so that he could enjoy all the other men watching me. Eventually, just watching me walk wasn’t enough. I use to feel so dirty, just for him to be sexually excited. He use to want me to go braless so that he could parade me around. Now, in my 60s, I think about how my body could have been so negatively affected by gravity if I had done what he wanted…and would he care? All that was important was in his pants; and everything was to be used to satisfy that body part. It has been 26 years since I was in that environment, but it can still send my blood pressure soaring just to think about it. I am thankful for HM’s advice to get a counselor because it is time to finally forgive myself for all of my past mistakes and learn to find joy and happiness again. It has just been too long….
Neveragain51, no, they do not care what damage they cause to you, physically, mentally, emotionally, in any way shape or form, as long as they get what they want. And if you are no longer able to accommodate them, for whatever reason, they just move on. We didn’t know there were human beings like that then, but now we do.
I am so glad you have a loving husband now! I hope someday I will meet a good man and have a normal loving relationship, but for now, I am fine on my own.
That is funny! Thanks for sharing the laugh…
And you know what Hanalei
Our pets, like my 2 little dogs and my cat, they will love is unconditionally. They will never lie and betray us. They will never cheat and discard us. They love you no matter what. I rather wake up with my little dog next to me than having that lying and cheating husband in my bed.
And yes you are so right. The first thing in the morning I used to wonder what kind of mood is he in. How can I pleae him today ? How can I fix him? Will he make me feel ugly and worthless ?
Pets dont do that. They are happy just for us.
I think pets are one of the greatest joys in life.
Don’t beat yourself up anymore. Not for anyone’s benefit. I must walk the path that I have avoided, and I will eventually catch up with you on the path to health….
I am so grateful the pets did not become an issue in my divorce. But of course they would have been an “obstacle” for his new life full of cruises, trips and so on. So I was happy to get “custody” of my beloved pets. And they don’t even miss him. They probably knew that he was evil.
And like you Hanalei I am perfectly fine on my own. Maybe one day God will give us a better mate, someone who can truly love and cherish us. 🙂
Hanalei
Thanks for this funny comment. Yes great humor for today. 🙂
Jane doe
Wow. Lucky you did not make that tape. They love to see themselves in tapes or photos. They are so obsessed with their looks. I never realized how extreme they are until after I was discarded. Once the counsellor asked my ex “what if your wife had sent nude pics to co workers ?” His answer was “that would have totally turned me on “. See how perverted. Yuck.
Guys, I am stuck in a rut. Why is it that I know exactly what to do and I don’t do it? Why is it that when I go NC and don’t contact him and then he contacts me, I fall right back into the trap? I am so damn good at not contacting him but when he contacts me, I am dumb and think he’s different. Even though I know he isn’t!! Even though I know how this ride ends? I am so frustrated with myself. Mad at myself.
The lovebombing is at an all time high right now. This is insanity and I know it.
I have held back on posting because I know what you all are going to say. And you are all right. I know this. My brain knows this. Why am I so weak?
Hi, Jenna, and Freedom 15, since no answered my comments I will ans to yours because I am in the same situation as both of you. Just because my NP went back to his wife doesnt mean the pain should end, just bcs my NP cheated on me with another girl doesnt mean the pain goes away. I dont have an answer and just like me you come back on here to say the exact same things I say as you are going in circles. This is the hardest recovery bcs i still care about him and i too feel like maybe he will be available for me and care abt me. I know in my head thats not true but I am so hurt that just like freedom15 and another person explained that her counselor said she kept asking the same question over and over expecting a different ans bcs its hard to face the truth. Well that is where I am at too. I get hope kibbles from NP which I work with. I have changed some things but it is slow and painful. I do sit in it and with having other addictions its hard too. I have no family or friends as the friends went away when I stop doing for them, and am divorced now, that sounds terrible wow and I sit here at nite after school and work and have nothing but the memories. I try to divert and think of other things but something hits me and I am back into it. I came on here to have a place just to talk and share in your feelings Freedom15 and Jenna. To encourage one another, but some days I dont have it. I am getting counseling but my counselor cant come home with me and sometimes there isnt anyone to chat with to work this down. I would hope that everyone here continue to encourage me as well.. I left a message on 2/17 and no one responded or answered or even reached out to see if I was ok. I was nervous to post because I thought maybe I got blocked bcs I have been so upset sharing on here, or what someone said venting. what else am I supposed to do.
Middle…thank you for responding. And I am sorry for not responding to your 2/17 message. Sometimes, I don’t see all the posts for a day or so.
We care, that is the biggest thing. We have feelings and I think that we take the feelings in so deeply and that is why it hurts so much!
It was hard for me to post what I did yesterday because, here I go again. Saying the same things I have in the past. I need to share on here. It helps me get out my thoughts. I know what I should do but then deep down, I think maybe this will change.
I am also going to a therapist but you are right, they cannot come home with us and are not available 24/7. I do have great friends and family but only 2 people in my life know about this. My best friend and my mom. I don’t share all of this with my mom because she has stated what she thinks. My best friend and I talk every day but I don’t always say to her what is going on. I internalize a lot of my feelings so coming on here to vent helps.
Middle, come here and vent, yell and scream. I will try my best to answer you because I know that I will also come here to vent, yell and scream. I pray every day that I will get over this. That I can have the strength to kick him out of my life for good. I pray that he leaves me alone because I know that nothing good will come from me being with him.
Thanks Freedom15 for responding. I have my therapist and its hard bcs at nite when im tired it gets to me. I pray everyday for God to help me let go of this and get through it. I unfortunately work with my NP and when I get the hope kibbles it makes it so hard. I dont want to give up hope that he may in the end want me. Not to mention that part of my 2 year history is about him. I am the one that is speaking to him and wanting to make sense of what happened to me. being not ale to tell myself that this was nothing but a big lie. He is a narcissist psychopath and this is what they do. He lies, cheats and he is still married. No matter what the bottom line is that he is married. He has not left his wife and is not planning to leave i guess anytime soon. I wish that my history and my life experiences did not define me. I can separate the experiences with who i am and if i do then I feel like i am lost. This is the most pain that I have ever been in. I have been continuing packing but i never get a chance to deal with emotions before im in the thick of something else.
It gets to me at night as well. Lying in bed alone wondering what he is doing. I try to read before I go to bed so I just fall asleep without thoughts of him. I have over a 2 year history as well.
I will say this to you…He isn’t going to leave his wife unless his wife divorces him. I know this for a fact. Mine would have never left his wife if she hadn’t divorced him. And he was still (and probably is still) trying to get back with her.
I know that you work with yours and see him on a regular basis. I think that you are stronger than you think because I would have completely lost it if that was my case. No way on this earth could I see him every day. I would have packed up and moved away!
Thanks Freedom15 for responding. I have my therapist and its hard bcs at nite when im tired it gets to me. I pray everyday for God to help me let go of this and get through it. I unfortunately work with my NP and when I get the hope kibbles it makes it so hard. I dont want to give up hope that he may in the end want me. Not to mention that part of my 2 year history is about him. I am the one that is speaking to him and wanting to make sense of what happened to me. being not ale to tell myself that this was nothing but a big lie. He is a narcissist psychopath and this is what they do. He lies, cheats and he is still married. No matter what the bottom line is that he is married. He has not left his wife and is not planning to leave i guess anytime soon. I wish that my history and my life experiences did not define me. I can separate the experiences with who i am and if i do then I feel like i am lost. This is the most pain that I have ever been in. I have been continuing packing but i never get a chance to deal with emotions before im in the thick of something else.
Thank you for being so honest. I wish I had your phone number i would call you at night and tell you it will be ok and you could tell me it would be ok. I think about him so much bcs i work with him and I have to be here bcs of ins for my daughter. I try to look at it as if I was his wife bcs your right he left her once went back and he wont leave again. He is staying put. I have to grieve that and start separating the fibers of what was to what really is and happened to me. I miss my time with him too. since i dont have anyone but me at night i would chat with him and spend time with him. It has to get easier. I ask God all the time please show me the truth.
LOL! I have thought many times that if there was some way for all of us on here to meet and share our stories face to face, it would help a lot. But I understand that we are also all on here because it is a safe place and confidential.
I can completely feel your pain about talking to him at night. It is hard.
Freedom, I have LONG predicted that when we all get together and invite THE PERSON, there will be only ONE PERSON who joins us there.
But, we will all have a great time, the REST of us REAL people, ha ha!!
I would SO VERY MUCH ENJOY MEETING ALL OF YOU.
HONORED is the word, and PROUD.
With love from N/C
Freedom
I did the same thing. He’d contact me and I went into zombie mode and followed – why? Who knows! This guy had so much power over me that my entire identity was governed by my relationship with him…
Now that I’ve changed my number and deleted email accounts etc to block any contact from him, I’m a little bit stuck with what to do with myself. I’m not worried about what he’ll say next so I’m lost while trying to establish a new identity. My plan is to create a whole lot of good memories by having a whole lot of new experiences so I can get out of the thought patterns of the past and start to bring joy back into my life as the primary emotion.
Inthemiddle – because of my comment above, I’ve been offline for a few days here and there and when I open my email account I’ve got over 50 comments along with 100 other emails to get through. It’s not personal, it’s just that we all post so much some times that we can’t keep up. I’m sure that most have busy lives that keep us from LF on occasion – I know I don’t want to spend every waking hour of my day reminiscing about what I’ve suffered in the past, at some stage I need some time out to catch up on other things.
Under, that is such a great analysis…zombie mode! And I hate being a follower, I have never been one before. I have always been a leader whether it be on the playing field or professional field. But with him, it is like I’m this puppy. Makes me angry afterwards.
I have had my same number for over 10 years. I should change it but I think about all the people that I have to contact to say, hey my number has changed! My email is a personal email that I can change easily but will have to also go through all the process of changing it on accounts, etc. I know that is an excuse and I should just sit down and do it!
When I am around the people that I love, I don’t think about him. I focus on what is right in front of me. I enjoy what I am doing and push his out of mind. It is when I am alone that he comes creeping back in. Then when he does make contact, I fall right back.
It has been almost 72 hours of NC.
Freedom
OMG! I’m self employed and had the same number for over 20 years so it was a nightmare to change – hours spent updating EVERYTHING this week And sad that I’m still the one that gets out out by his actions!
But I have peace, my tyres were ket down but I’ve fixed that problem as well, one day at a time…
I’m off for breakfast and a beach walk with friends so I’m moving forward without the spath 😉
That should have been put out but my tgread didn’t update to allow me to edit it.
Enjoy the beach!
And again…you are an inspiration!
Freedom, I am where your at. My new counselor who btw was in a relationship with a man that habitually cheated on her. She wants to help me and help me get through this. I have to be honest i did not realize how much work this was going to be and how angry i also am at all the people that have violated me. With that being said, the only one i am not is NP. I wish i never told him abt me and what i love and how i felt. I will have 6 days that i will not see him. he is on the 6 day shift. so this is the cycle i go through. some weeks 2 days some weeks 1 or 2 some weeks 3. this pain is like reliving my childhood traumas all over again. I am having a hard time sitting in it and dealing with it. I love everyones encouraging words because i need it. i am listening i promise but the pain is there too. I hope this does get better soon. I keep telling myself and reading what everyone sent to me. I want to be strong, i want to push through this and see him and not care. The counselor said no more game messages with him. she said you need to stay away which i am trying and she said to follow up with the doc with meds. i am glad everyone is sharing there experiences too. i dont feel alone. i also read the things everyone wrote before i went to bed last nite. maybe if i condition myself with all your words before i go to sleep i may start to believe them myself.
Middle, same with me. I absolutely hate the he knows so much about me. Makes my skin crawl knowing what he knows.
You are not alone and neither am I. We are all here for each other. From all parts of the world.
inthemiddleofheartache
Because you mentioned unresolved childhood traumas, I knew how he got in your head. He’s a predator, he attached just like leeches do, by grabbing onto your vulnerable parts. And like many predators, he injected numbing onto the site where he attached himself, but getting him to Detach is painful. There’s No numbing medicine. Just a raw gaping wound where he tore open your vulnerability.
The work you do with your therapist is to finally deal with those traumas so that no one can use them to control you ever again.
We all know the pain of sociopaths. But none of us can write the script for another. The words that worked for me won’t work for anyone else. The recovery is as individual as you are.
So I’d like you to think of the words that resonate with you. Write them down. And, like many of us, the nighttime is the WORST, most weakest time for us. So write those words during the sunshine of the day, for you to use in the dark of the night.
My example of what I wrote for me to get through the night:
“I am a child of the Most High GOD. GOD did not put me, his child, on this earth to live in misery. God gives me (and I’d describe a fav spot and how it made me feel)and as I went to sleep, I’d concentrate on the feelings of that beautiful spot, the warm of the sun, the smell of the air, the sounds… AND I admit, I would hug a scrunchable stuffed animal that I gave my name so I’d be hugging myself,and I had a small microfleece blanket which is VERY soft so that in my sleep, my skin would transmit that soft pleasure to my subconscious.
Does this practice sound weird? I don’t care. It worked for me. It was nurturing and I needed nurturing. Figure out what little nurturing things give you pleasure and do them. They must have NO connection to “him”. (Lately I like the song Pharrell’s “Happy” and Lesley Gore’s “You don’t Own Me”. (see youtube)
And… when I’d miss who he pretended to be, I remind myself of the cruelest thing he ever said to me, and I say to myself, “You knew a PART of who I shared I WAS, but not who I AM INSIDE, I AM a CHILD OF GOD.”
Remember, sociopaths know incidents about us, they don’t know FEELINGS. So while YOU are able to GIVE sincerely, HE CAN NOT BECAUSE HE IS A MONSTER PREDATOR.
On youtube, Pharrell’s “Happy” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM
Feed your soul. Feed your brain good feelings. For me, that’s in songs and walks in nature. For my friend, it’s painting and flying kites.
Dear Not,
Maybe it is time you changed your poster name to
WhatIKnewIReallyWas.
I LOVE not just Happy but also the Despicable Me track itself — that is OUR GUY!!
slumping down the street spreading misery…. 🙂
Inthemiddle, I encourage you to take full advantage of this six day break without seeing him and do everything you can to gather your strength and relax your mind so you can be strong when he comes back to work. It will help!
Have multiple meetings with your counselor if you can. Write encouraging affirmations on sheets of paper and tape them up all over your house (I do this all the time). Do more reading. Take care of you. Get some exercise and do any preparation you have left for the move. Put yourself first in everything you do.
I’m excited! This may be the break for your mind I’ve been hoping would come for you!
No i was not meaning anything but if i did something wrong to please let me know it and that i was struggling. I cant see people who i am chatting with and I didnt know if i overdid it. i thought maybe i got blocked. i am so raw right now so take my apologies.
NO WAY ARE YOU GONNA POST AN APOLOGY ON THIS PAGE, MIDDLE!!
AS IF!!!
GO BACK AND READ IT AGAIN, MEANWHILE — SHAME ON YOU!!!
NOW YOU HAVE TO READ THIS THREE TIMES INSTEAD OF JUST ONE!!!
“I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG. I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG. I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG>”
TIMES THREE, MIDDLE!!!!!!!! SEE WHAT YOU DID ….
TO YOURSELF JUST NOW?????? YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG AND ANYBODY WHO IS MAD AT YOU??? WILL HAVE TO FACE M E!!!
AND TODAY ?????????????
WELL? THEY CAN MAKE MY DAY. HAVE THEM CALL ME ON THE PHONE. THEY WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN. I PROMISE IT. 🙂 AND YOU CAN HEAR!! THAT TODAY?? HOLY CRAP, THAT WOMAN MEANS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
freedom15….allow me to make a suggestion for the “rut” that you feel yourself in. You know the right thing to do, but you want to do something different. I know the feeling because I have felt the same way recently. We know the right thing, but we want to try just one more time…hope never dies with us and even though experience has taught us the same negative lesson time and time again….there’s always that hope that maybe THIS time it will be different. For the past several days, I have questioned myself over and over… that what my heart feels is so strong that it MUST be right and the world must be wrong. What’s one more try after all the previous tries?….we don’t want to quit and give up when maybe all this bad has finally come full circle and depleted itself and things are about to turn in our favor….if we just keep vigilant. Today has been a turnaround day for me. After a week of feeling like I want her back…knowing that things and feelings just MAY have been influenced by her birthday this week and the “draw” that anniversaries and special days have on our hearts….I finally again feel the freedom of NOT having her in my life. Long story short….I think we go through ups and downs…like a roller coaster. Some days we just want to remember good memories (or what we CHOOSE to see as good memories), and other days we feel stronger and want to keep running in the opposite direction. So my suggestion to you is the same one that I have given to myself….allow yourself to feel the ups and downs because that is – at least in my book – part of healing. Don’t take any action right away, just let yourself think about it. I think that in a few days, you will feel differently. What helped me was to review an old checkbook and see all the money that I gave to her to help her…and will never see again. Maybe for you the catalyst will be something other than a checkbook…only you know what is the most meaningful for you. But whatever it is, let it remind you of how things REALLY were, not how our memory wants them to be.
Thank you Never. I have been feeling all of the ups and downs. I have let myself feel but I am tired of feeling like crap. That is my own doing. Like I have stated before, I know what to do. I just can’t seem to make myself do it when he keeps contacting me and saying all the stuff he does. And then a 180 happens and it is back to the same stuff. It is confusing and sickening. I am tired of being tired. And I am the only one who can make that change. I wish that I could have packed up and moved away like you did. I have thought about it more times than you know. But my family is here and I am so close to them. It would be harder to live away from them than to stay and deal with the pain.
Hi, Jenna, and Freedom 15, since no answered my comments I will ans to yours because I am in the same situation as both of you. Just because my NP went back to his wife doesnt mean the pain should end, just bcs my NP cheated on me with another girl doesnt mean the pain goes away. I dont have an answer and just like me you come back on here to say the exact same things I say as you are going in circles. This is the hardest recovery bcs i still care about him and i too feel like maybe he will be available for me and care abt me. I know in my head thats not true but I am so hurt that just like freedom15 and another person explained that her counselor said she kept asking the same question over and over expecting a different ans bcs its hard to face the truth. Well that is where I am at too. I get hope kibbles from NP which I work with. I have changed some things but it is slow and painful. I do sit in it and with having other addictions its hard too. I have no family or friends as the friends went away when I stop doing for them, and am divorced now, that sounds terrible wow and I sit here at nite after school and work and have nothing but the memories. I try to divert and think of other things but something hits me and I am back into it. I came on here to have a place just to talk and share in your feelings Freedom15 and Jenna. To encourage one another, but some days I dont have it. I am getting counseling but my counselor cant come home with me and sometimes there isnt anyone to chat with to work this down. I would hope that everyone here continue to encourage me as well.. I left a message on 2/17 and no one responded or answered or even reached out to see if I was ok. I was nervous to post because I thought maybe I got blocked bcs I have been so upset sharing on here, or what someone said venting. what else am I supposed to do.
Yes, I know what he has done to me too cheated on me with someone and I am sure he is with someone else too. I have a hard time resisting the hope kibbles bcs I want to believe that this really didnt happen to me. He had feelings for me I meant something. I shared at a meeting bcs no one knows that went on bwtwn us its like it never happened and its only in my head. At least when I confronted my family member he admitted is wrong. NP has never admitted any of it and its under the guise of a secret that he doesnt have to own up to.
I’m so sorry, sweet Middle. Unfortunately most of your fellow posters are also fellow victims as well. On some days we are the blind leading the blind, and at other times gifted healers — maybe it’s whether we did up the Folger’s that day or went for Starbucks (personally I hate the expensive stuff, not to mention I’m not sure what my fingers are busily typing out there…like numb little clackers at the end of my arms?).
xox NEVER WORRY THAT YOU ARE OUT OF STEP HERE!!!!!!!! n/c
Jenna dear, I have wondered and worried about you, and on reading your post am SO PROUD OF YOU.
You are NOT stuck in a rut at all.
Look at it this way.
See where the sun is just now? Remember where it will be at 6 tonite? Can you see it moving, are you AWARE of the planet spinning around? (ready to throw up?)
The planet is moving, honey, and so are you. You are JUST WHERE YOU SHOULD BE!! on the Path to Healing Beyond. Just like InTheMiddle, someday you will add these healing skills to your other nursing talents and be able to calmly say, I’m sorry but it takes awhile to get over this and you will need some support while you are in recovery. Don’t push yourself. Take one little baby step at a time and don’t expect more. You don’t want to tear off the scab, before the wound is healed.
With love and admiration — great pride!! — for you, Jenna. N/C