UPDATED FOR 2020
A Lovefraud reader who posts as “LadyA” sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath.
I’ve spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn’t understand why I don’t feel any better about it. What was I missing?
When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could get in the car and left the province to go back to my hometown. I had to quit my job over email and send a goodbye text to all my friends.
I am thankful every day for what my mom did for me. I sure wasn’t happy about it at the time but I knew I needed out and this was my chance. What I didn’t know is how much moving back to my hometown would affect me emotionally. I had originally planned on only being back for six months. Just long enough for him to move on and get me out of mind, but it has now been just over three years and I still haven’t moved back. I got settled in a new job, new friends, and a new relationship. Even after all of this I haven’t been able to figure out why I’m not happy. Until three days ago.
Pride. I was proud of myself for the life that I had built. I moved 1200 km’s away from home right after high school to a big city. I was on the fast track to a strong career in a competitive field. I had a brand new car, paid all my bills on time, and was saving to buy a house. I was independent, reliable, strong, caring, and had a really great outlook on the world. Not many people can say that at 22.
All of that was ruined by a six-month “whirlwind romance.” I’m no longer proud of myself. I feel like I have failed because I came back home with my “tail between my legs” to my mommy. I no longer have a new car because it was repossessed as soon as I got back here. I am jaded, I don’t trust people easily, and I am no longer as strong as the face I put on the outside. I’ve gained weight because deep down I just don’t care anymore. My career is now on a plateau due to the location where I live. I don’t have one reason to be proud of myself right now.
How do I get my pride back when I know what happened? I want to feel proud of myself for my life but I just have zero idea where to start. I’ve thought about moving away again, but I don’t really know if that’s the answer. How can I be proud of what has happened in my life? I’m really honestly just so ashamed.
Donna Andersen responds
Dear LadyA,
I am so sorry about your encounter with a sociopath. Although this is not a normal breakup, the good news is that you can recover from the sociopath.
Right now, however, it does not seem that way. Why? I can see two reasons.
The first is that betrayal by a sociopath is a huge emotional injury. In the beginning of your email you said that, after all your reading, you now “fully understand what spaths do and how they do it,” but you don’t feel any better.
Understanding is a critical first step to you to recover from the sociopath. But understanding is an intellectual process, something that you do with your mind. The wound you experienced is also emotional. It needs to be dealt with emotionally.
How do you do that? You allow yourself to feel the pain of the injury.
This means letting yourself cry. Letting yourself scream and wail. Letting yourself experience anger — I’m sure there is anger — perhaps by working it out on a punching bag.
This isn’t pretty, and you probably want to do it privately, because other people often have difficulty being around this. Or, you may have a good therapist who can help you.
One way or another, any bottled up emotion you have within you needs to come out.
Underestimated the injury
Next you wrote that you identified the reason that you’re not happy as “pride.” But it seems like you are regarding pride as something bad, like one of the seven deadly sins.
You had every reason to be proud, because your pride was based on your achievement. And the sociopath took this away from you.
Here is what I think has happened: You have underestimated the scale of the injury, and the severity of the betrayal.
LadyA, you were building a life for yourself. You went out on your own; you started building a career; you were moving forward.
And some manipulative, deceitful parasite, who did something bad enough to end up in jail, ruined it for you.
Not only did he cost you money and hurt your career, he corrupted your outlook on life. You’re jaded; you don’t trust; you don’t care. You are not the young person you once were all because of the sociopath.
Recognize that this was not a normal breakup after all, you had to flee your home, job and friends.
Your life was shattered. Your psyche was deflated. This is a massive shock to your system. It’s no wonder that you are still struggling.
Drain the emotion
So what do you do? In my opinion, you do exactly what I suggested earlier — allow yourself to feel the pain now, knowing that the pain is bigger than you originally thought.
So you cry. You stomp. You imagine him standing in front of you and yell at him. (Do not, however, attempt to confront him in person. This would be counterproductive.)
The idea is to drain off the negative emotion.
As you drain the emotion, a void will be created within you. It’s very important to fill that void with joy.
This may sound preposterous to you, like you have no reason to be joyful. But don’t look at the totality of your life right how.
Do any small thing that makes you happy: Go for a walk. Play with your pets. Have lunch with a friend. Listen to music.
To recover from the sociopath, it may require many rounds of draining off the negative and replacing it with positive. But with time, you’ll find that your entire outlook will change, and you’ll be able to get back on track.
Importantly, with the wisdom you gained through this experience, you’ll never fall for a sociopath again.
Lovefraud originally published this article on May 12, 2014.
High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her
Jane doe
Lol. Thanks for clarifying this, a quarter if a century. No would have survey not survived an entire century with him. Also thanks for your kind words. All youf comments make me feel good that I did the best I could. And like you, I did not see the evil for s long time. But now we know. I think it makes us a better person. I think I vslue things differently now and the entire ordeal has brought me closer to the Lord . Because without God I coykd have not made it.
So many posts to respond to! But I can relate to so much of what has been said tonight. NC cleared my head and the truth began to sink in at last…… He was never who I thought he was. I don’t think even he knows who he is. I am better with him out of my life, even completely off my radar. The biggest problem for me is that he lives so close and the risk of seeing him around is too hard. We have local events in our small town, like a film club, concerts etc, which I know he and his wife are likely to be at. I don’t want to go anymore.
I have been invited to someone’s 50th birthday this Sunday. I said I woudl go then realised http she is also good friends with his wife so I am going to make my apologies. He won’t be there but I donT want to face his wife. She is likely to speak to me and I could quite easily say something inappropriate so I ma better out of the way.
But , even though part of me feels he is still “winning” I still feel so much better in myself.
Tonight I had a silent anonymous call on my phone. That is not his style. But I wondered!!! Probably not – but it just makes you paranoid!
But thanks for all your lovely comments. I am glad I stuck it out here even though I was a pain at one point!
It is awful to think back to just a short time ago when I was so devastated and sad all the time, racing mind, frantically trying to find a solution ( which involved me wanting to say sorry and put things right)
Now I am much stronger and wouldn’t ever go back there! If he ever tried to get back with me h would get a shock as to how strongly I feel and how negatively I view him now!
Elsa
I know how you feel but I had to make a choice – new life with meaning and joy or that creepy life of disaster…
Sadly my daughter in law became a casualty of the disaster that was my marriage. She was the only one on his side of the family that ever welcomed me with open arms and included me in her family circle, despite the fact that I raised my spaths 4 kids, I had to wait for her to arrive in the family to feel any part of it…
Last weekend she had a baby shower and I chose not to go because the spath could have shown up as he knew I was invited. I feel such guilt about letting her down, like I’ve become what I judged about the family… if the creepy stalker was a normal person, I would have gone but now I can’t even text or call with my apologies because I don’t want the spath to have access to my new number.
That being said, I can’t even explain why I didn’t go, even if I was to track her down another way because things have not been fully disclosed about the pending charges.
I have to live with my choice but I also know I’m important in this all this mess and my sanity comes first – so does yours x
It’s hard to explain to family and friends the extent of the betrayal and deception and manipulation that an SP inflicts. I try to explain what has happened and it feels like people think it’s another relationship that ended, no big deal, move on. To some extent that is right, but knowing how deeply someone has hurt, manipulated and lied makes trusting others and not being skeptical much, much harder. We all experience pain in relationships but I am angry with my ex for, in a way, forever changing me in that way.
I have had no contact for a few months. It’s working very well. I also feel, like others have said, that there is still something wrong with ME that he does not try to contact me. That maybe his new relationship is perfect and he is not who he was with me.
steps, it is not hard IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!! so xoxox to you today.
n/c
Steps
Time will show that his new relationship is not perfect as you suspect – spaths don’t change personality, they just change victims! Remember when you felt like you’d won the jackpot with him… how long did that last? Now remember when things started getting confusing and know that the other girl will, without a doubt get to that stage as well – she’ll probably even scream the words “WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE WARN ME!” It’s a sad fact that it can never be perfect with a sociopath.
Jenna
I got told several times during my marriage that my husband was cheating but each time he convinced me to have him back and that is was going to be different this time, although he denied the affairs… After 14 years of “him being set up by people” I decided that noone gets set up this much and there had to be an element of truth to it – end of marriage! While I was preparing to leave by paying off debt and saving some money to pay removal costs, he got accused of sexualy assaulting a 14 year old while on shift as a policeman, I knew he was guilty when he opened his mouth to give me his version, the 2nd victim only cemented it for me but I’m sure he’s still screaming setup!
Jane doe
He contacted you last week?
kaya
yes he contacted me last week…last time was xmas with the big time love bombing and then took it all back and didn’t hear from him again until last week…
this time he has left her country to go to his country and they are waiting for her visa so she can be with him
so what does he do??? exactly what i knew he was doing to me behind my back when i wasn’t around…promises and love bombing and going nuts with wanting to see me, i must have gotten a total of 75 messages last friday…
i told him simply “i don’t believe a word of what you say, so please do not bother”
Jane doe
Unbelievable. I wish you would have changed your email adress and he would have got the message “unable to deliver. You answering it , he still got a little power. I know how hard it is. Like the letters in the mail I receive. Just gibberish. We are now divorced for 8 or 9 months and he writes so stupid notes. I don’t respond at all.
The notes used to make me upset. Now I laugh about them. He won’t accept that I will never talk to him again. They are so delusional.
My lawyer advised me not to return them unopened. Keeping the notes in a safe place is a better solution. My ex is creating a nice track for himself.
Hanalei
Yes my ex would get so upset with me when I discovered his lies. Then he turned around and reflected his guilt onto me. In the end I apologized. For what I still don’t know.
kaya48
Because I spent so much of my marriage as the scapegoat, I knew I owed the apology to him. For what didn’t matter, I was to blame. That’s the world THEY live in, nothing is their fault. I remember one classic blame on me…”the reason I lied is because you ask a question.” Yep. The lie was my fault for asking. Crazy backwards logic. It’s just the way it was with him.
not, there was this wonderful SNL commercial skit starring Roseannn Barr in which she is a MasterCard “customer service” rep “assisting” a poor victim on the phone who has lost his card at the airport and has an important meeting in the AM.
After being prompted to assist him on immediate basis, she says (and it is a great line, I thought, for our circumstances here)
If I had that kind of control over time and space ..
would I be talking to an asshole like you at 2 in the morning?
So the next time you are speechless — made a little modification. 🙂 At least you will have SOMETHING to respond back besides F U. And that Other Choice: Blinking eyes and mouth open in incredulity (great retorts to be invented later).
Not
So true. “The reason I lied is because you asked “. I heard that all the time. Or “I have to lie to you, otherwise you would throw a fit “. “Why would I tell you the truth, you are crazy in the head”.
Aren’t we so lucky not to hear that crap anymore. My former life was so mentally, emotional exhausting. It was like I was running in a little wheel like a hamster does. no matter how fast I ran I never got anywhere. And I also got accustomed to apologizing for things I never was guilt of. Once I said “I am so sorry I am questioning you, you never cheated on me, it was all in my head “. Can you believe that ?
wow kaya, I consider you guys downright lucky. here is what I got instead:
I didn’t say that.
No contact
Yeh and then you start to believe “maybe he didn’t say that?”
Classic
or in my case (at the end and eventually anyway)
“how can I strangle him with just that one little cigarette butt?”
NoContact and janedoe,
If I never hear the words, “I didn’t say that” or “That never happened” I will feel blessed and be happy until the day I die.
THANK GOD for the choice of NC. Here’s to hoping I stick with it this time!!!!
@groan….
I am on the other side.
My ex would have whole conversations in his head, and then accuse me, blame me, scapegoat me because he “decided” what I would have said… so he never had to ask me!
Someone is our community once called me, telling me off for something my ex reported that I said… and I proved by asking a couple of questions that I couldn’t possibly have said it…
And yet there I was, dummy me. Instead of being angry I was hurt. I went disbelieving to my ex, crying and sobbing, pathetic and stupid, and I asked him, “WHY would you tell them I said that? I don’t even think that way??” He got that smug look on his face, a crooked smile, looking down his nose at me like I was so beneath him.
People HATED me, not for what I actually said or did, but for what my ex IMAGINED I would have said.
Whatever scenario my ex decided, became his narrative and my failure to remember it or apologize for saying it…was proof to the people in the community that I was CRRRRAAAzzzzyyyy.
“I didn’t say that! I don’t even think that way!” I’d scream… futile screams…because I didn’t exist enough for anyone to notice when I did say anything.
Nocontact
I got the same or he’d twist it to a new version And then janedoe is right, I’d question what I heard…
undertheradar, NoContact
That is why I started keeping a journal. Because he’d swear convos never happened, or that he never agreed to what decision I had discussed with him. So I started writing down the date/time/weather convo. Just to prove to my blurry brain that I did not make it up.
The irony is, at the end, he made up whole convos and blamed/punished for what he IMAGINED I would have said. He said he didn’t need to have the convo because he knew what I would say… that was his reason for why his imagined convos were okay/ethical to do.
NWHSOM
Yeah! Mine would bait me with those kind of conversations to try and get a confession – he was almost a little to intuitive sometimes and my guilty conscience would give me up. Then I started playing that game from outside the circle and that’s when I learned that most of the time he was guessing and the other times that he was right would lead me back to a disloyal friend, one that I eventually discovered was trying to land him themselves – I worked out who the players were!
Now these conversations were always about what he’d done to create confusion so ultimately I was onto him but he used them to elicit a feeling of disloyalty from me – all to avoid detection! While I was feeling guilty over discussing discrepancies he was avoiding being caught out by my friends agreeing or leading me to keep questioning his actions and discover the truth…
Kaya
Ugh poor you…
It’s payback time for them
Make that mother f***er nuts!!
One time I was discarded for a week, maybe two. Then, he materialized with the usual song, he had realized I was the one, blah, blah. He told me that he was flying up to see the new house his daughter had bought on Friday for the weekend and wanted me to go with him.
I didn’t really want to go and made an excuse that I had a big meeting at work on Friday that I couldn’t get out of, and told him he should go on his own anyway.
So I was at his house and there was an email printed out on his dresser with the directions to the house from his daughter, and his original email to her, telling her that he was bringing “his girlfriend” with him and was looking forward to them meeting.
Huh? I was his girlfriend, and his daughter had met me many times. I checked the date on the email, and you guessed it, he wrote it during the mini-discard. Evidently, he had hooked up with someone else that he wanted to take, and it had fallen through for whatever reason.
He “realized” that I was his one true love only because he didn’t have anyone else to go with him and coddle him on the trip.
And guess what? I never mentioned the email to him. I just absorbed that s**t. Can you believe THAT!? I can’t even believe it myself.
That’s chill, Hanalei. Mine told me I came between himself and his girlfriend and I still had sex with him many times thereafter.
or whatever that was — er, I think it was him having sex with me.
HanaleiMoon
At the end, I considered my NON-reaction to uncovering yet another betrayal or another woman as a victory.
In the end, I had stopped screaming. I stopped questioning the bizarre crap. I accepted that it was happening. I just wrote them down as an exercise, because I wanted to have a record of what was happening so that he couldn’t say that I was the one imagining things. I learned though, if I didn’t show agony, that my ex would up the ante to humiliating me. But, in the end, I had disconnected. I had become numb, totally depressed, seeking a reason not to die and not finding an excuse to live. I don’t minimize what a basketcase I became. I lost myself.
It took a lot to drag myself back to reality. But I’m not lost anymore. And will never be lost ever again.
Not
I can myself in your comments. What do they get out of portraying us as so crazy ? I never understood that part. My ex once called his cop friends to report that I am not taking my “psychotic medication” as prescribed. I never took any education except for hypertension. Like my lawyer asked him once in court. ” what are you ? Retired army, police officer , psychatrist , counsellor , you own attorney ?” It almost put a “smirk” on my face. My ex did not the answer to this one.
To be portrayed as a mentally ill woman bothered me a lot. I think it hurt me more than the cheating. Because he attacked me at a different level. And he told my son that I should be locked away. That was the worst. And for that I will never forgive him.
kaya48
Cheating is awful but you are right, the stuff they did to murder our souls is on a whole different level. It’s been my personal belief that the greatest attack on GOD is the murder of the soul of one of his precious children. Therefore I do not forgive my ex but I have turned over that burden to GOD. It was too much for me, but nothing is too much for GOD.
Not
You are so right . Cheating is awful. Attacking our soul, claiming we are crazy, lying, and discarding that’s a whole other level. Like you I turned over the forgiving part to God. For me it is too much to even think about forgiveness. Also like someone mentioned here. They don’t want forgiveneds because in their eyes and mind they did nothing wrong. It was all justified because we are so crazy.
I can notice such a big change in me. I feel so in control for the first time since I met my ex. I am almost 50 years old but it is a new happy chapter. He will never have a place or time in my life again.
Hi everyone! I keep reading and my heart breaks with all of the comments because I understand how and why it happened, and how hard it is to let go of the illusion that we believed. No contact is absolutely the answer! With each day that passes, more of the fog in my mind clears. I told everyone that I was reading “The Betrayal Bond,” by Patrick Carnes, that is recommended on this website. And I read something yesterday that I want to share with everyone who is struggling to pass through the mountain. I found it very helpful. It is the part of the book labeled, “The Path to Awareness.” “Sooner or later, this system (explained in the book) gathers enough momentum that a life crisis occurs. Something so bad happens that the victim can no longer simply go forward. Forgetting about the past and coping with the day is not enough. Those who have the courage decide to change, whatever the cost; it literally takes that kind of resolve to make the change….The survivors, in beginning these initial changes, also start to accept the rationalization and distortions they have used or believed were part of the problem. And they were confused by that. Remember a survivor has been asked to disbelieve the obvious and accept the improbable. Survivors (are) unsure of what reality really was. This created the window for the next stage…when survivors stop using the dysfunctional solutions they have used, they can expect that: 1) memories of previous abuse will return, 2) they will have intense reactions to what they do remember, 3) they will have an expanded understanding of what happened in the past, 4) They will see continuing aspects of those abusive patterns now, 5) THEY WILL KNOW HOW HIGH THE COST HAS BEEN…….
Ladies and gentlemen, we have all been in this place or going through it now. If you can purchase this book, I recommend it highly. It speaks to our souls and is true medicine. Hugs to all…
I’ll also support that folks should read the Betrayal Bond.
Unfortunately, Betrayal Bonds are not obvious to the people who view them from around us. Our support systems don’t recognize why we’re stuck in a toxic relationship. And when the s**t hits the fan, they’ll either blame us for having remained, or be coopted, just as we were, by the charms of the offender.
The defining moment for me was when my ex tripped me down the stairs of our apartment as I was pregnant. I’d overlooked his horrid behavior until that point. When I understood it could harm our unborn child, not just me, I knew I had to get out.
People can be caught in a Betrayal Bond for long periods of time… look at Bill Cosby’s wife. Look at Janay Rice. Poor Reeva Steenkamp, Oscar Pistorius’s victim, never lived long enough to escape.
It’s imperative that we do everything we can to prevent further victimization. That’s what rape by fraud law is all about. Please lend your support!
Joyce
Hi Jenna! I was not assaulted, but in the first few weeks after I was discarded, I felt much like you have described you are feeling. I think you have mentioned that you rarely leave your room. In my case, I rarely left the couch. I spent all my time ruminating, and talking about it incessantly to anyone who would listen.
I didn’t have the wisdom of LF, and I didn’t start seeing a therapist until around six months after the discard because of insurance issues. I did, however, halfheartedly read a few books, and they helped me to begin to cut through the fog. Here is my best advice for you, based on my own experience:
You can’t wait until you feel better to start doing things differently. You need to start doing things differently in order to start feeling better.
I had no magic insight on this – I had to find a job, and fast. I found one and started work more or less 10 weeks after the discard, and had to give up the couch and my uninterrupted rumination time to be at work and do my job. It wasn’t a challenging job, so I still had plenty of time to be in my head, but the time I had to be engaged with the work and with other people began to chip away at the fog some more.
Of course, I’d rush home and settle into my rumination right after work, or hope someone would call so I could talk about it some more. But I had a few hours a day where my mind was occupied with something else.
When I started therapy, I listened to her, did what she suggested, and it got better. I’ve written here a lot about the techniques that I used to keep myself from ruminating, doing anything physical is tried and true.
For months and months, I continued to talk about it to anyone who would listen, and yes, I wore people out. One day when a friend who had promised to call me that evening didn’t call as promised, I about had a breakdown. I paced, I fumed, I felt like I was losing my mind. When she finally did call, much later that evening, I had a meltdown on the phone with her and I blew out my nervous system so badly that it took me days to recover. It was then that I realized that it was no longer in the best interest of my recovery to continue to rehash and relive it over to myself as well as others.
I did stop almost cold turkey talking about it to others. I had to work much harder on my personal rumination habit, and even today, know it is my weakness. Not about him, or what happened, specifically, I can ruminate about anything. Only now, I know how to control it. I HATE how I feel when I’ve been ruminating, and so I make sure I don’t let myself go there.
I am not a therapist, and I know you are working with one, and that is very important, but here are some suggestions from me, friend to friend.
I think you said you are planning a move to another state with your family this spring? (Forgive me if I’ve confused you with someone else.) How is that going? Are you working on that plan and goal?
Since you stay in your room a lot, does that mean you don’t work? If you do work, please make every effort to throw yourself into that work and focus on it when you are there. If not, consider getting a part time job – preferably one that doesn’t give you a lot of time to think. It will give you a routine, a place to be, a chance to be around other people. A reason to shower, get dressed, fix your hair and feel put together.
If work is not in the picture, volunteer. Start small! Maybe reading to kids in the library one afternoon a week. I volunteer at a museum. Pick things that keep you engaged with other people and not alone”make a commitment so you will let them down if you don’t show up.
Get active. Join a gym and go to some class, any class, where you have to pay attention and hopefully see the same people every time. Smile and say hi. If you can afford it, work with a trainer once a week – that one hour of your mind focused on what they’re telling you to do and doing it will give your mind a chance to relax and the endorphins you generate will give you an increased sense of well being. (My therapist taught me a little about brain chemistry and believe me, I am vigilant about keeping mine in a healthy place. Once you get a break from the extreme arousal your brain and nervous system is in, you will feel such relief!)
All of these things are designed to take you out of your own head, for even an hour or two a week at first, to give your mind a rest. I know how hard it can be to break the cycle of rumination, and trust me, this helps. I urge you to give it a try. I know you don’t feel like doing it, but you will be surprised at what a difference it makes.
NWHSOM gave some good advice awhile back, and that is to not tell new people about it. Talk to new people with a fresh slate and not let what happened be all there is to you. Even if it seems contrived, keep things light!
Use Elsa as an inspiration to you here! A few weeks ago her mind was spinning and and she seemed unable to get a leg up. She has made so much progress! She will tell you how much better she feels!
Again, I wasn’t assaulted and I know that adds another horror onto the pile to you and I can’t even begin to comment on that, but I know you are working with your therapist. I am sharing what worked for me with the rest of it, and I know it is easier said than done, but worth it.
I’m going to say it again: You can’t wait until you feel better to start doing things differently. You need to start doing things differently in order to start feeling better. I know it seems almost impossible, but it is well worth the effort it takes. You have to give yourself a chance to give yourself a break.
Hope this helps. I’m rooting for you.
It is true that giving your self a break is a first step.
Last Sunday I went to visit my niece who ha had a new baby. I was with her about three hours. When I left I got in my car and realised that the spath had not even crossed my mind in all that time.
Throughout these last weeks I have continued to do things for myself, go to the gym, spend time with friends etc ( even if I did drive them mad talking about him)
Once I began to see that “he” had a problem, rather than me, it made it easier to deal with.
He has lost a good friend in me….. He didn’t have any other friends that I can think of, at least not locally. So…. Poor him….. He is all alone again!!, I am HIS loss, not the other way round!
Yes I am sad. Still hurt and I definiteky don’t want to see him. The longer I don’t see him the better and the stronger I will feel.
I felt, for a short time, that I would be damaged forever. I know I am changed but it is surprising how informed I feel and how I think I could spot those spath traits now!!,
Jenna, I hope that you working closely with your therapist and telling her everything, it is not ok or normal that you are sleeping 17 hours a day to escape. She should be able to help you with a combination of therapy and meds to move you forward. I am not a therapist but am familiar with the signs of depression because I was worried about myself for awhile and so encourage you to talk with your therapist about this!
You are a worthy human being and valuable! We all are.
Jenna, I hope you get to go to that retreat! You made me laugh!! Every once in awhile, I’d say to my therapist, oh, I’ve got to stop and she’d say, no you don’t, that’s what you pay me for, keep going! Exactly!!! 🙂
Jenna23, I love you and you are so valuable. More valuable than you can possibly think. I understand exactly where you are and I have felt the same pain as well. I keep telling myself that I deserve better and that what happened to you was done to you. None of us asked for this mentally deficient person to harm us. We were duped you and I and all of us on here. I wish I was where you are and I would come over and hold you and let you talk and talk and cry. I so relate to that pain. I work with my NP and its hard. I sit and talk to myself all day and tell myself I am lucky. He may have had sex with me back then, and had some of me emotionally but what I am going to become through all this will be the best I have ever been and none of it will be his to use. I wish I could call you and encourage you too. I also stayed in bed. Then, i would get up and do one thing and then another. It does suck and these men suck. But we are not theirs anymore. I am praying that the karma train does meet him down the road. I dont want you to give up, please keep talking on here as I need you too. XO
Jenna23, I love you and you are so valuable. More valuable than you can possibly think. I understand exactly where you are and I have felt the same pain as well. I keep telling myself that I deserve better and that what happened to you was done to you. None of us asked for this mentally deficient person to harm us. We were duped you and I and all of us on here. I wish I was where you are and I would come over and hold you and let you talk and talk and cry. I so relate to that pain. I work with my NP and its hard. I sit and talk to myself all day and tell myself I am lucky. He may have had sex with me back then, and had some of me emotionally but what I am going to become through all this will be the best I have ever been and none of it will be his to use. I wish I could call you and encourage you too. I also stayed in bed. Then, i would get up and do one thing and then another. It does suck and these men suck. But we are not theirs anymore. I am praying that the karma train does meet him down the road. I dont want you to give up, please keep talking on here as I need you too. XO