UPDATED FOR 2020
A Lovefraud reader who posts as “LadyA” sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath.
I’ve spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn’t understand why I don’t feel any better about it. What was I missing?
When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could get in the car and left the province to go back to my hometown. I had to quit my job over email and send a goodbye text to all my friends.
I am thankful every day for what my mom did for me. I sure wasn’t happy about it at the time but I knew I needed out and this was my chance. What I didn’t know is how much moving back to my hometown would affect me emotionally. I had originally planned on only being back for six months. Just long enough for him to move on and get me out of mind, but it has now been just over three years and I still haven’t moved back. I got settled in a new job, new friends, and a new relationship. Even after all of this I haven’t been able to figure out why I’m not happy. Until three days ago.
Pride. I was proud of myself for the life that I had built. I moved 1200 km’s away from home right after high school to a big city. I was on the fast track to a strong career in a competitive field. I had a brand new car, paid all my bills on time, and was saving to buy a house. I was independent, reliable, strong, caring, and had a really great outlook on the world. Not many people can say that at 22.
All of that was ruined by a six-month “whirlwind romance.” I’m no longer proud of myself. I feel like I have failed because I came back home with my “tail between my legs” to my mommy. I no longer have a new car because it was repossessed as soon as I got back here. I am jaded, I don’t trust people easily, and I am no longer as strong as the face I put on the outside. I’ve gained weight because deep down I just don’t care anymore. My career is now on a plateau due to the location where I live. I don’t have one reason to be proud of myself right now.
How do I get my pride back when I know what happened? I want to feel proud of myself for my life but I just have zero idea where to start. I’ve thought about moving away again, but I don’t really know if that’s the answer. How can I be proud of what has happened in my life? I’m really honestly just so ashamed.
Donna Andersen responds
Dear LadyA,
I am so sorry about your encounter with a sociopath. Although this is not a normal breakup, the good news is that you can recover from the sociopath.
Right now, however, it does not seem that way. Why? I can see two reasons.
The first is that betrayal by a sociopath is a huge emotional injury. In the beginning of your email you said that, after all your reading, you now “fully understand what spaths do and how they do it,” but you don’t feel any better.
Understanding is a critical first step to you to recover from the sociopath. But understanding is an intellectual process, something that you do with your mind. The wound you experienced is also emotional. It needs to be dealt with emotionally.
How do you do that? You allow yourself to feel the pain of the injury.
This means letting yourself cry. Letting yourself scream and wail. Letting yourself experience anger — I’m sure there is anger — perhaps by working it out on a punching bag.
This isn’t pretty, and you probably want to do it privately, because other people often have difficulty being around this. Or, you may have a good therapist who can help you.
One way or another, any bottled up emotion you have within you needs to come out.
Underestimated the injury
Next you wrote that you identified the reason that you’re not happy as “pride.” But it seems like you are regarding pride as something bad, like one of the seven deadly sins.
You had every reason to be proud, because your pride was based on your achievement. And the sociopath took this away from you.
Here is what I think has happened: You have underestimated the scale of the injury, and the severity of the betrayal.
LadyA, you were building a life for yourself. You went out on your own; you started building a career; you were moving forward.
And some manipulative, deceitful parasite, who did something bad enough to end up in jail, ruined it for you.
Not only did he cost you money and hurt your career, he corrupted your outlook on life. You’re jaded; you don’t trust; you don’t care. You are not the young person you once were all because of the sociopath.
Recognize that this was not a normal breakup after all, you had to flee your home, job and friends.
Your life was shattered. Your psyche was deflated. This is a massive shock to your system. It’s no wonder that you are still struggling.
Drain the emotion
So what do you do? In my opinion, you do exactly what I suggested earlier — allow yourself to feel the pain now, knowing that the pain is bigger than you originally thought.
So you cry. You stomp. You imagine him standing in front of you and yell at him. (Do not, however, attempt to confront him in person. This would be counterproductive.)
The idea is to drain off the negative emotion.
As you drain the emotion, a void will be created within you. It’s very important to fill that void with joy.
This may sound preposterous to you, like you have no reason to be joyful. But don’t look at the totality of your life right how.
Do any small thing that makes you happy: Go for a walk. Play with your pets. Have lunch with a friend. Listen to music.
To recover from the sociopath, it may require many rounds of draining off the negative and replacing it with positive. But with time, you’ll find that your entire outlook will change, and you’ll be able to get back on track.
Importantly, with the wisdom you gained through this experience, you’ll never fall for a sociopath again.
Lovefraud originally published this article on May 12, 2014.
High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her
Thistoo,
It’s ok tnat by the end of the day you are still thinking about it/him/them.
You are healing. It’s alot. Eventually, tne thoughts will go away. I believe it!
Try not to think about you thinking about it. Let it be ok, so that you don’t put more emphasis on it.
I hope #1 stays gone. It’s been a little while now. I hope he is too occupied.
#2 we’ll see. He is maybe all talk. All bullshit!!!
Remember,
He maybe all talk but at least we know our exes are bullshit! Haha.
After my last post I was thinking about how far I’ve come. How I look better. For a while there I looked so stressed and haggard. People have been commenting on how good I seem and how great I look. I suppose that’s a sign I’m on the up and up. I’m taking better care of myself and feel the results!
Regardless, it still weighs on me that I maybe need to move far away. My counsler has been suggesting for a long time that I move with a hidden address out of state. She encourages me to take my time. Even if they leave me alone for the most part it’s not hard for either to keep tabs on me where I live, which is close to both of them,
I’m happy where I am though. I may not feel safe, but I have my support system here, bought my house last summer and love my job….
I agree Annette
I also focus on other things but keep in mind what my ex is capable of. Thinking back I truly believe that he “had plans” for my “disposal “. Like getting me locked away in a mental place was one partner his plan which did not work out. But it showed me how far he would go. He knew how to push my buttons to get my blood pressure to sky rocket hoping for a stroke of heart attack. Going no contact was my safest way out. The only thing that alwsys worries me is him being a cop. But I take it day by day. Now that I have my freedom and my sane and peaceful life I know that he truly thinks I do not deserve it.
I hope he will find a young , hot minion who keeps his mind and pervertness occupied 24/7. ……..
kaya48
I am one who keeps saying they are liars and fraudsters from before their first word. I hadn’t any contact since my divorce was final. But my ex had a family tragedy so I emailed condolences. This was not a minor tragedy, it was a huge lifeshift for all of them (the whole nest of vipers). I guess I had moved on and forgot how cold and disconnected they are from their humanity. It all came flooding back to me and now I truly regret sending a message at all. It’s impossible to be a normal human being TOWARDS them. My ex tried to take advantage of a situation where there were multi deaths, my ex just tried to fish for info and intel when most others would be buried in their grief.
Makes me sick to my stomach that I ever let that thing touch me. Shivers. What a snake.
And what relief that I don’t have that in my life. I mean true RELIEF, like wow, I am SO blessed to be out from under the control of that man and his nest of family/minions.
It’s so weird to realize how peaceful and joyful my life has returned to. It makes me think I gotta get back to being ON Guard! I kinda forgot how naturally evil they think and act. Predatory. Slimy. Trying to hypnotize me except he forgot that I know his M.O. so it wasn’t charming to me, it was sickening.
Your post… KEEP IN MIND WHAT HE IS CAPABLE OF… yes. I got reminded this week. Not even the death of multiple CLOSE family members matters to them.
Good morning everyone. I hope everyone had a good Mothers’ Day.
For years I have heard that God can bring blessings out of the worst of situations. I questioned Him on this one, but I now see the blessing. For years I have been that quiet, nice, people-pleasing, co-dependant person who overlooked faults in others and gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. It was not producing the best relationships, but it wasn’t bad enough to worry about. Then my first husband, the spath. Almost 20 years with him, and both my children and I were damaged. But I still believed in my own strength and resilliance. But now, after the damage of my second path, I am at a point where I can no longer depend on old and worn-out coping skills. Relationships that I have been side-stepping for 25 years, and walking on eggs, i.e. my daughter, are coming back to bite me. All I can say is “why? And why NOW?” Everything is coming crashing down all at once, and my old ways of fixing it are not working. I think about what I have read here, that people who have not experienced life with a spath will not understand….and that provides some comfort. But I have come to realize that my entire way of dealing with ALL people for 63 years was the cause of my being snared by these spaths. And because of the enormity of the pain with this last person, I am finally ready to do the hard work of looking at my own failings not only to prevent being a victim again but to improve ALL my relationships across the board. I knew this would be tough to take a cold, hard look at myself…and I have found myself to need much stronger traits to survive going forward. I find that I am lonely as I question current friendships and release the hold on my daughter. But the good news is that I am finally ready to see this through. And the pain that my spath caused is the propeller for this forward growth.
Neveragain, I identify so much with your comment that your entire way of dealing with all the people all your life was the cause of your being snared by these spaths. I agree, and my first clue to that was the eye opening I got reading “Women Who Love Psychopaths”.
Yes, it is very lonely after the housecleaning. It truly takes courage and strength to do what needs to be done and start over at this age, but it is so worth it. I thought I had learned my lesson when I let an old friend in last spring and immediately the old patterns began, her hurting me with every conversation and me taking it. It took months of feeling the disease of her spread through my soul after THREE years of recovery, carefully and painstakingly putting my life, heart and mind back together after I was discarded, and still taking baby steps in the world, before I realized she was slowly poisoning me and I was allowing it in my life. I gently told her what I was feeling, in hopes she would say, oh, wow, I’m so clueless, I never meant to hurt you (even though she had calculatedly hurt me in the past and caused a 5 year rift in our friendship). She didn’t. She immediately lashed out to turn it around on me. When I replied to this, standing up for myself (something I had never done before with her), she attacked me with enough venom to blow my hair back. I cut off all contact immediately. These people are like the wicked witch of the west who sizzle and burn when you dare to speak the truth and stand up for yourself, and they want to harm you as much as possible when you dare to reject their treatment.
I admit, the pendulum has swung far the other direction, and I am very cautious, overly cautious, but I expect that will normalize itself with time. Someone from my past, a professional contact who had been on their way to becoming a friend, contacted me recently when she heard about the new job I have and wanted to get together. At first, I felt happy and then, I let it sit a few days, since this person lives in the same town as my ex, we had socialized with her together a few times, and for all I know, she is in touch with him, or even sees him occasionally in the grocery store to say hello. I can’t take that chance, even though she may be completely sincere and good at heart. I made an excuse of scheduling and said that I will be in touch at a better time. I will not.
Keep up the good work.
Not what he said of me.
Wow , reading your comment , it is unbelievable. Not even death of family members affects them. They don’t have a heart. I always said my ex has a block of ice instead. And yes , I know what he is capable of, how far he would go. When my father passed away, that was before the discard, I was crying and very upset. Instead if comforting me his words were “go look into the mirror and see how crazy you look. ” I never forgot these words .
Not. Like you I know my ex is very evil, and I will not trust anything h does or says. His actions in the past have proved that he is not only a cheater but he is and always will be a liar. He is satans helper . And as we know satan tries to get to us when we are in our weakest moment. But fear not.
Kaya, the cruelty of his words when your father passed away takes my breath away.
I have often thought I was glad that my dad had passed away before I met my ex, since he had no compassion whatsoever when my cat died. We were out of town when my mom called me with the news and I was justifiably upset. I remember my mom had called me several times and I hadn’t taken the calls because I was occupied with taking care of him, and when I finally called her back (in a free minute in the airport) and got the news, of COURSE I cried. He was angry and pulled me out of the public area and said I was embarrassing him even before he knew what it was – he showed no concern at all, and offered NO comfort. After that, I grieved on my “own” time, when he wasn’t around.
Months later I got a new kitten and I had him less than 6 months when he died suddenly under mysterious circumstances (I believe now that my ex poisoned him), my ex’s only comment was “if you fall apart like you did with the other cat, I don’t think I can go through that with you a second time and don’t think I can stay in this relationship”. He never saw me fall apart”and I knew it, yet, I shut my mouth on the subject when I could have used some comfort, because I didn’t want to lose him.
It sickens me when I think I accepted that treatment. That someone spoke to me with such lack of simple human caring and compassion. That I stayed with him for over three more years until he discarded me and left me for dead.
These people are not human. But we survived.
Kaya48 and Hanalei
I’ve tried to simplify my understanding of my crappy marriage with a sociopath. My ex tried to turn me into someone who was without humanity or conscience.
It’s this epiphany:
WE can not be our NORMAL selves with them.
They won’t allow NORMAL selves to respond with caring decency.
To a sociopath, those indicate weakness.
But humanity did not survive when people acted as “lone wolves”. It survived and thrived when people acted to care for the well being of others, and ensured the whole group survived, not just one being.
Sociopaths start immediately with mindfarking to control our behavior by diminishing the value of our emotional connection and turn us into manics trying to please their evershifting demands to fulfill their ideal, an ideal that doesn’t exist and even they can not achieve.
That’s actually my toolkit for redflags. When someone tries to manipulate me into amending what I KNOW is NORMAL, then I KNOW something is wrong with them, that they are deficient in their humanity.
I did have to review what is NORMAL with my wonderful therapist when I finally got free of a sociopath. I HAD to in order to reclaim my humanity, my dignity, my self regard, my sanity. I have learned to NEVER let someone EVER Shame me for being a NORMAL caring empathetic nurturing appreciative affectionate emotionally available joyful sharing person.
NWHSOM, this is one of the best, if not THE best, post you have ever made. Well said.
Oh HanaleiMoon
Your words make me feel so nice. Thank you so much. I am going through a small rough patch and maybe having that small re-contact with my ex has put me back in touch with those nightmare days. But it’s also served to remind me of the lessons I learned.
Thanks for your response, HM. I am sorry to hear that a friend would hurt you in a vulnerable moment, like my daughter. We don’t expect it and, speaking only for myself, am not prepared to deal with it. Being over cautious is the right thing for us right now. My therapist even went as far as to say making new friendships is not in my best interest at present. I feel safer being over cautious, and I am willing to let go of my own daughter right now if she just adds to the problem. We have spent enough time taking care of others….right now it must be about us.
HanaM,51
And I relate to the whole toxic friend thing. My sick bff wicked witch, did sizzle up when I suddenly put up boundaries! She lashed out and did her fb version of smearing me- all when I had just broken up with the spath, and pretty much kicked me while I was down.
I literally don’t talk to Anyone anymore none of them have my # and no fb.
So yea, clean house, start over at 40. I have no desire to make friends with anyone right now.
But us here, looks like we’re all in this together!
Remembertoforget – “I literally don’t talk to anyone anymore”. Yep. I (o woman who loves psychopaths that I was) used to be an open book, and to be less than open and honest feels odd to me, but I have learned to keep my mouth shut, keep my own counsel, and not offer anything personal about myself.
Everyone from “before” (and I mean everyone) kicked me when I was down. I offered them ALL a chance to redeem themselves, and NOT ONE of them took it. I think from now on, we should call it the “sizzle test”. LOL
Hm,
Then sizzle test it is!
I did slip and spoke with his cousin on Monday, as she approached me while outside. She lives directly across from me. He kept avoiding her when he would come over my house. So here a few months later she spoke to me.
I did blab away with her. She doesn’t speak to him but who knows right, so I will just nod my head from here on out and keep walking by.
Talking to her stirred up stuff for me. Duhhh. I was too eager to see if I would find anything out.
All a learning process!!
Remembertoforget, I was friends with my ex’s sister and also close to his youngest daughter (an adult). His sister couldn’t believe what had happened, and thought it would “blow over” but as the months passed she realized what he was. She was supportive, but she couldn’t understand the depth of the pain I was going through (emotional, financial, and the unrelenting fear). His daughter contacted me less frequently, and of course, I was less open with her.
I admit, in those early months, I was eager to find things out as well as to get some support, and without exception, what I did find out only hurt me. It took me maybe 6 – 8 months to cut off contact. It was a horrible loss at first, but it didn’t take long to realize I was better off in the long run.
There was also the possibility that anything I said was getting back to him. I hit a point where if I could have vanished off the face of the earth, I would have. I still google myself every couple of months to make sure there’s nothing there he could find out about me, and my vigilance has paid off. I don’t live in fear of him, but I do not want him back in my life in any way shape or form. I am afraid that even seeing him would give me a nervous breakdown.
It’s all a BIG learning process.
I regret wasting my youth on the sociopath. I regret making my family with the sociopath and potentially giving my poor innocent children a genetic predisposition to sociopathy. I regret the friendships that died out because the sociopath did not allow room for anyone else in my life. I regret the missed family gatherings with people who have now passed on because the sociopath would only allow time for people who might have money or other things to give.
I do not regret leaving, or standing up for the person I am and refusing to become what the sociopath demanded. I am still ME and no one can beat, strangle, or cajole me into being anyone else.
So take that, sociopath. I play by my rules now, not yours and guess what? I WIN!!
The next level in winning is when we don’t even play the game with them, we don’t compete with them.
I am trying to get to the point where doing the things I like is not an internal act of defiance against the sociopath. It is so difficult to turn off that internal narrator that still constantly warns me if I do X the sociopath will most likely react with Y.
Much of their abuse is to ‘train’ the victim to do what he wants them to do and not do what he doesn’t want, without any regard for what’s in the best interest of the victim.
Annette, you are so right! I’m so glad I was discarded so that I could figure this out. I hate to think of how I might have ended up otherwise.
H Moon,
The discard was the best thing to happen to me. My ex P stayed with (continued to interact with) his first ‘wife’for almost 2 decades. I can see now that the smear campaign he did to her was brutal – her children, her church family, her own family (parents and brother). The lies he was telling me (his new victim) were probably the least of her worries. She moved across the country; I understand why now.
Hanalei
How cruel, I cannot believe it how your ex was so cold. “Don’t fall apart” was one of my ex’s favorite comment. “If you don’t shut the f*** up, I will leave you right here” another one. And he really did. Bloke I mentioned before when I did not paddle fast or good enough in the kajak I was left. On my own to find my way back. He did not care. He cussed me out and he left. Because I “embarrassed him with my weakness “. I don’t miss those times. All my tears for months and months. When I was in tears he was happy. He enjoyed every single tear of mine.
Almost 2 years now. And still going strong without him. We are in such a better place now. It was a huge relief when I finally was able to stop loving him. It was the beginning of my freedom. And I now know that I did not love him at all. I loved the person I wished he was. Not the evil monster he was behind closed doors. We are blessed in ways we could never imagine.
My ex’s greatest form of control was to freeze me out. He’d do it randomly, like in a restaurant when everything was (in my view) just fine. I remember one time in a lovely outdoor patio, eating dinner and listening to live music, having a great time (in my head at least) when I turned to him to say something and he was a shell”he didn’t respond, blink, just sat there. He kept this up for so long, I started to panic, thinking he might have had a stroke or something. I could feel the adrenaline rushing through me, finally grabbed his arm and shook him and said his name over and over again. He finally looked at me and cooly said “you don’t like when I do that, do you?”
When I had moved into the new house and he came to visit that last time before he walked out of my life with no warning or explanation, (I might have told this story before), I was so proud of everything I had done to make it nice for him. He told me that he had walked the yard (1/2 acre) and saw something that wasn’t done. I of course lept up to ask what it was, since I thought I had it perfect, and he said, no, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is, just know that I saw something that isn’t done. He said he decided not to say anything (but of course he was saying it) since it was a big yard and a lot for one person to take care of. Of course he said that to make me feel like I had failed. It worked.
He also mentioned a dead cricket or moth or something on the floor in one of the rooms where I was temporarily storing all the boxes and packing materials as I unpacked. He said I didn’t keep things clean and that he KNEW FOR SURE that when he came back the next time, that cricket or moth would still be in the same place. I didn’t even know it was there. Who would even say something like that?! He did this because he knew I cared and it would hurt me.
This was a man who lived like a complete pig. He had a “theater” room in his house that he kept very dark and at one point, we emptied it out to put in new flooring and it was the most filthy room I had ever seen. But that wasn’t a problem. Nope. Not that.
There was never anything wrong with any of us. Not. One. Thing.
HM,
I found it crqzy or stupid that my ex
1. Tried to say that his 1st ex of 7 years wasn’t counted as an ex because he had his next ex of 10 years after!
2. Said that it upset and worried him to know that if he did something I would break up with him, that he wouldn’t break up with me even if I cheated on him!!
3. Got a pissy attitude because I wouldn’t say he was the best guy I had sex with.
What a duche.
Remembertoforget, my ex told me that our relationship was for life, that he would never leave it, and if it ended, it would be because I left it. That he would keep the house but pay me all my initial investment so I would never have to worry about buying another house for myself.
As it turned out, he abandoned me, refused to pay his share of the house payment or expenses, the house had to be sold, and I lost all my money. When he was reminded of his commitment to pay me my initial investment through our attorneys, he responded that I was delusional.
My ex got a pissy attitude when I wouldn’t say he had the biggest penis I had ever seen, so I told him it was.
They all use the same play book. Never again.
Hm,
Delusional is the epitomy of what they are!
Completely delusional.
I’m so glad I deleted my old email accounts. I really really am!
What a nutjob. He was tailoring his abuse to your desire to please. It pushed your buttons. A normal person would have picked up the moth when you weren’t looking if it bothered him. The moth didn’t bother him; he just liked abusing you. Truth is that you must keep a very tidy house if all he could find wrong was a moth on the floor in a storeroom.
It wouldn’t be difficult to criticize my minimalist housekeeping style, but I don’t care and I would have just said, “oh thanks for noticing the moth, could you clean it up if it bothers you?”
So my psychopath ex husband abused me in other ways taylor made to push my buttons. They are very very skilled at abusing.
I probably would have found the moth (if it existed) and put it on a doily. I can be passive-aggresive that way sometimes.
NoMoreWool, great idea!
The moth existed because of course the minute he mentioned it I had to trot off and dispose of it to prove I was worthy of him.
Most of my passive aggressiveness was in my private thoughts, but one time when he cruelly made me cry during sex he had the nerve to tell me that “tears didn’t turn him on” (that was a complete lie) and I said then stop doing things that you know will make me cry! He got out of bed in disgust and pouted in front of the tv the rest of the day, because it was my fault he didn’t get “his”.
I understand the mechanics of why I put up with this at the time, but it still flabbergasts me. I wouldn’t put up with even a hint of this behavior for a minute today.
It would be good for a laugh for me, but that is a reaction the spath wants. It’s giving him attention and letting him know how irritating he is going on about the moth on the floor. A PA response shows the spath that he has hooked his victim.
Better to think of it, have a laugh with friends, and grey rock the spath.
Annette-
Now that I have escaped and gone grey rock, I wouldn’t have even acknowledged the remark.
Back when I was still imprisoned in the relationship, I would have reacted PA, the sociopath would have blown up and hours or days later after much abuse I would have performed humiliating sexual acts as apology and then what passed for my life would go on.
No More,
What a blessing that you’re out and what passes for your life is real.
Great that you use greyrock. I never was successful with greyrock. No matter how determined I was, the ex psychopath was always successful in pushing my buttons. NC solved that, but it took me forever to get there.
Annette, you’re exactly right. When he mentioned the moth, I said what moth? And he said – “exactly, you proved my point”. I have no end of examples of this type of behavior. If it had been me, I’d have picked up the moth (more likely wouldn’t have even noticed it), and asked what I could do to help since I had handled all the move and issues with the new house all on my own.
Instead he criticized me because I had lactose free milk in the refrigerator instead of regular and how that completely ruined his day, if not his entire life.
Gah!
Sounds like he had tormenting you down to an art, and he did just enough that you’d suffer, but not walk away from it.
About a week before our ‘marriage’ my ex psychopath did what you describe – freeze me out. He got narcissist rage or something over something I said that he didn’t like. His response made no sense (in normal reality), and he didn’t bring up his consternation as would be normal. We were at a semi formal church sponsored dinner dance, and he spent the evening staring straight ahead paying no attention to me at all. I never confirmed why; when I tried to talk to him about it a day or two later, he contradicted himself, tossed some word salad around, and made no sense with respect to normal reality.
His behavior scared me, but I felt trapped by the wedding plans just a week away.
No more wool
Love your words. I WIN. That is exactly how I fell since I make the rules, since I am in control , since I am in charge.
I do regret the same things as you. I don’t even care about my ex as the father of my son. True loving fathers would never do evil to their children’s mother. I regret giving my ex 20 plus years of my life and catering to his every need and wish. I regret losingy own self worth in trying to please him.
One thing that I don’t regret is filing for divorce. To this day it is the best decision I ever made. Back then I did not see how positive this would affect my life, the life of my son. Finally we can be us again. No more puppets on strings. Game over for my ex because I WIN.
My ex always thought he would punish me by leaving , by discarding me, by getting is “own” apartment. He never realized that he gave me the biggest present ever , my sanity and my peace. Instead of being weak I became a gladiator , I became a fighter for my legal rights , I became a warrior. I never knew I had it in me. Because he always made me feel weak, fearful and powerless. Little did he realize that instead of “punishing me ” he gave me superpowers. Not even Cpt America was able to win.
Hanalei
My ex was exactly the same. I once boiled some eggs and they were very hard to peel. He threw them on the counter and yelled at me “if you can’t boil eggs, then don’t “. And of course I prepared his lunch to take to work afterwards and apologized for the eggs. Isn’t that crazy what we did for them? And it was never enough. And at the end we were garbage to them.
I don’t compete with him anymore. I just don’t play the games. Staying no contact means exactly that. No more games. I am too exhausted for that. I was done with him 3 years ago. Thinking back the minute I found their nasty pictures was the end of my marriage. I stopped loving him when he lied into my face and lied to his son.
Kaya, unbelievable! Eggs!
I used to get knots in my stomach because if we hit traffic going somewhere it was my fault. In the end, I used to refuse to go certain places because of the possibility of traffic.
It is so nice to live life without walking on eggshells all the time.